SRS I tried, but no luck.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by msalyss85, Feb 19, 2005.

  1. msalyss85

    msalyss85 Guest

    Well there's this guy that I like here at college. He says he's just looking for someone to date here, and I say the same thing. Well I start developing a crush, obviously, and it comes to the point where it's pretty obvious that I like him. However, he's like "I don't want to get involved w/you because we have a good friendship, and I want it to stay that way." :wtc:

    We're so similar it's not even funny. What do I do? I feel as if my world has turned upside-down! I really enjoy his company, just everything about him. I wish he didn't just get out of a shitty relationship.

    Well now, I feel so lonely, like I did before I started to really like him. How can I make myself feel better, and look towards the brighter side of things?

    This sucks; I even dressed all cute and pretty for him - I was gonna ask him to go to dinner. :wtc:

    Any advice would help :)
     
  2. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    Things probably won't change for him. I'm sorry things didn't work out, he probably just doesn't want a relationship right now with you or he just doesn't want to get hurt. You can stay persistant for a little longer, but back off if he doesn't show anything; most likely, he won't. There's really not much you can do, crushes really suck when they get pretty serious.

    Always keep your options open, don't "expect" things to just work out, just take life as it comes to you. If it does, it does, but if not, then someone else will come along. Go out and have fun with your friends, don't let your world begin to revolve around him. He'll come to you if he has any interest in you. Just try to move on and not think about him so much. I know it will be hard, but you will pull through, don't worry :)
     
  3. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

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    I think you should keep him on a long leash. Be friends for now and in due time I'm sure he'll come available. I now that's not very comforting now, but patience has it's rewards.
     
  4. RyeBread

    RyeBread If you tell the truth you don't have to remember a

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    make sure you aren't at college for an MRS degree.

    You in theory should be there to learn. And not just learning towards a degree. This is a time where you are being flooded with life's lessons. Including personal networking, relationships, and yes to a higher degree than in highschool, a bit about love, crushes, and/or even one-night-stands.

    It's hard to fight our own emotions, so I wouldn't really advise you to fight them, but take a long, hard serious look at those emotions. Are you in fact really ready for him if he suddenly switches gears and comes at you full blast?

    Sometimes the allure is in what you can't have.
     
  5. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    This is like some kind of reverse friend zone. Um, my suggestion would be to kind of distance yourself from him and starting finding other people to hang out with. If anything, the space will get him to start to miss you if he has any kind of feelings towards you.
     
  6. msalyss85

    msalyss85 Guest

    Thanks, I will use your advice :)

    Everything will work out in the end.
     
  7. Loopy

    Loopy What do you think happens when you get too far fro

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    Since your description of your current relationship is quite vague, there are three possible scenarios.

    1. He wants to continue having casual sex with you, but doesn't want to give up the more attractive other women he is also having sex with.

    2. He is currently sleeping with someone more attractive.

    3. He is currently pursuing someone more attractive and doesn't want it commonly known that he is sleeping with you.

    In any case, I'm sorry he isn't interested in a real relationship. Men will pretty much sleep with anything with a pulse though, so just grab any other random guy on campus.
     
  8. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Sorry. Translation: you're a great friend. You're cool, we laugh, we talk we have so much fun together. But I'm not physically attracted to you (enough) to start a relationship. Please, let's not ruin what we have, and it is all we ever will have.
     
  9. msalyss85

    msalyss85 Guest

    Or could it be that he just got out of a shitty relationship and just doesn't want to get serious, but would rather have someone to mess around with and that someone shouldn't be a friend?

    that's what he told me :dunno:
     
  10. msalyss85

    msalyss85 Guest

    :squint: not pretty enough?
     
  11. HoodRich

    HoodRich Professional Street Nigga OT Supporter

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    basically, but dont take it personally
     
  12. Mugwump

    Mugwump Guest

    Holy crap, I didn't think guys would do the friendzone thing to girls! This totally throws the ladder theory off! :eek3:

    ...BTW, sorry you got put in the zone.
     
  13. msalyss85

    msalyss85 Guest

    you should see what HE looks like then :o

    lol i'm just bitter right now
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    How old is this guy, and what's his personality?

    I will accept that your version (what he told you) is a possibility, but a small one. Most guys will jump right into another relationship if they really dig the next girl (you) in "that" way. The instinct to pair bond is strong.

    Either way, whether he's into you, or not into you, your course of action is the same. It's what everyone's been telling you.

    Give him space, don't be overly available.

    As far as whether you're pretty "enough" -- well, enough for what? Are you a 6 and he's a 9? Are you an 8.5 and he's an 8.6? I wouldn't worry about being pretty enough or hot enough or any of that nonsense. It's all relative anyway.
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    So lest you think I'm being harsh...I revisited your original question:

    You need to get back on your feet. I'm wondering if your perception of him wasn't skewed due to the lonliness you mention.

    Try to get involved in more group activities, and focus less on 1-on-1 'sorta-dating' encounters/relationships.

    Best of all try to develop a new hobby or return to an old one. This will help you circulate and grow your circle of friends. You need friends. Filter out this group and hang onto the really good friends. Boyfriends come and go, but really good friends will see you through good times and bad.

    That's the paradox of intimate relationships. We share everything with him/her and come to rely on them. But when they end, its often times too painful to have close contact with that person.
    This is when you need your social network of good friends the most.

    So don't neglect to develop and maintain your connections to your good friends.

    Also! Having a strong corps of good friends makes you stronger. You feel able to stand up and be yourself. This helps you make better choices in your intimate partners. Because you choose based on self-knowledge and your freely given consent. Not because you otherwise feel lost without someone, and therefore desperately cling to any port in a storm.

    Get my meaning? good luck to you.
     
  16. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Obviously you need an answer, you need to push thru and have to say to him that you want more then just a relationship and if he would please take time to consider thinking about it, and that you have develloped strong feelings for him.
     

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