i think the SO is ignoring me

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by radfad88, Apr 4, 2008.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    I asked my SO to go with me to give blood last night, and he agreed, but the whole time he just complained about how he didn't want to be there and he would rather be hanging out with his friends... this pissed me off bc i was already scared and stressed about giving blood for the first time so i sort of yelled at him at the blood drive and said "well just go then i dont want you here if you're going to just bitch"

    so after the bloodrive the fight basically continued at his house, i said a few things that i didn't really mean and he just took me back to my apartment. we didn't leave on good terms. I apologized several times for being grumpy, but i could tell that he was still upset about some things I said.

    Today we were supposed to meet for lunch at the dining hall on campus at 1:20 but when I got there he and his friend were already leaving. I asked him why he didn't wait for me and his excuse was his class got out early so he just went ahead to eat. He seemed like he really didn't want to hang out so I had to go in and eat by myself. When I got out of class I called him, no answer. I came home for a couple of hours and just called him again, no answer again.


    my question is... what do i do now? i've already apologized and tried to put it behind us, but he's obviously still sore about the whole thing. should i try and go over to his house and talk to him or just leave him alone until he decides to get over it?
     
  2. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2004
    Messages:
    5,325
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Paradise
    you know...people that ignore you are worse than screamers....just sucks
     
  3. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,002
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raleigh, NC
    What were the things you said that you "really didnt mean"?
    How long have you been together?
    Did you "apologize for being grumpy" or tell him you were sorry for the specific things you did and try to communicate with him why you did those things (ie; did you tell him you were scared about the blood drive)?
     
  4. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2008
    Messages:
    1,816
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    CdM, CA
    i would let him be for a little bit. you said you were sorry and you tried to call a couple times. if he is still mad, you showing up at his place unexpectedly isnt going to make him happy, its just going to piss him off

    i know its annoying to sit and wait, but i dont think there is much else you can do.
     
  5. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    i know, and it just makes me feel worse :wtc:

    i already apologized and i'm not sure what else to do... we are supposed to be having a dinner date tonight but he hasn't really talked to me all day so now I dont know what's going on.
     
  6. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    and the thing is... i can tell that he's not "mad". I don't think he's ever been "mad" at me... i think he's just hurt because i said some things last night that made him feel like he's not a good enough boyfriend.

    i just feel like shit now and i wish he could just forget about everything that happened and move on.
     
  7. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    I'm not trying to sound rude, but I don't blame him for ignoring you :dunno: Men deal with fights and their gf yelling at them in different ways. Most I would assume don't like it, don't like being yelled at :mamoru:. Seeing as how you said the night didn't end on happy terms (i.e. no one apologized and sorted out feelings) he is most likely annoyed and grumpy still and doesn't want to see you yet and act as if things are fine. It's the same way most girls hold grudges.

    Cut him some slack though, he's dealing with his anger by not talking to you just yet. Give him space, don't call or text him uncontrollably begging him to talk to you and resolve this or especially show up at his house. At this point he needs to cool off about whatever it was that you said.

    I know you apologized (which is good) but for now he just needs some space, so give it to him. If it will really bother you you can try to call him once. If he answers or you have to leave a message just say you are sorry and you understand that he's upset...and that you'll give him whatever space he needs and to contact you once he's had his time. Also for the future, when you do talk to him explain very calmly that in your future he needs to tell you the truth if he doesn't want to go somewhere and you will do the same for him.

    I've had this talk with my bf before. We'll be very open about wanting to or not wanting to go somewhere and no one gets hurt this way. Sure, you might get upset he doesn't want to be at the blood drive but I certainly wouldn't want to accompany my bf to a blood drive. It's boring, I hate needles and blood, and he'll be fine on his own.
     
  8. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2004
    Messages:
    14,518
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Chi-Town
    Stop calling him and give him space. You already said you were sorry, so he knows you feel bad. Just him give him time and space and when he's ready to talk to you he'll let you know.
     
  9. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga

    well i said that i thought he was being really selfish for wanting to leave the whole time when i really needed him there to distract me from the needle and blood. and i basically made a bigger deal out of it afterward than i really had to. i basically told him that i needed a boyfriend that was going to grin and bear it from time to time when i really needed him, instead of "whine like a bitch" (i was really not feeling well and being very grumpy)

    we've been together for about 4 months, dated for about 3 months before then.

    while i was apologizing, i explained why i was so upset, and that it wasn't just that he was pissing me off... i was already scared about giving blood/potentially passing out. i also explained that i really just needed someone to come with me and be a good sport, that's why i asked him last week if he would go with me. I told him i would have rathered he said no in the first place and i would have just asked one of my friends to go with me if he wasn't going to be in a good mood about it.
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    That was the other thing I wanted to cover...he went with you to the blood drive last night...then you were supposed to have a lunch date...then you were supposed to have a dinner date....Maybe you two are hanging out way too much and he's getting annoyed.
     
  11. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2004
    Messages:
    5,325
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Paradise
    tell him he must cut his hair....
     
  12. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Saying you are sorry are just words. Hell if apologizing actually worked I would be a much larger asshole then I am already.

    If you said shit to make me feel like a shitty bf because you were grumpy I wouldn't want to deal with you either.

    Sure other posters are disagreeing and calling him a whiner etc, but if you were out of line last night why are words suddenly going to make it better? I hate when people fuck up then think that the other person has no right to be upset anymore because you said 3 words... "I am sorry".

    Actions speak louder then words, show him you are sorry.
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Ouch...yeah, no offense again but that just makes you sound beyond needy. Not everyone wants to "grin and bear it" to do what you want to do. You shouldnt have to "grin and bear it" for him either and do things you don't want to do. It's not mature to think your SO should do everything you say and want because you want it to be that way. The world of relationships don't work that way.

    I hate giving blood too, in fact I had a panic attack the last time I had to and almost blacked out. However, I am 23 years old. I stopped asking for someone to be there with me for support years and years ago.

    But yes, make sure to discuss from now on you both have to be 100% truthful on admitting if a certain something is not something you want to do.
     
  14. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2004
    Messages:
    5,325
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Paradise
    and i can't give blood because of recent tattoos.....but i used to have to do it every month because i was producing TOO much blood and i was getting dizzy spells at work
     
  15. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga

    it's kind of a weird situation with our schedules because i work 30+ hrs a week and go to school... so most days we only see each other for 30ish minutes except on my days off from work (today). we try to plan dates ahead of time on the days i have off so that we can each have time set aside for "us" and the rest of the day is to spend with our respective friends or whatever.

    last weekend his brother was in town and the whole time i tried to give them space, but he kept trying to get me to tag along with them. they wanted to go see a movie, but because i didnt want to go see it with them, he cancelled the whole thing. usually it's him that complains that i work too much or we don't have enough time together, so if he's feeling smothered it would be really conflicting with the way he usually acts.
     
  16. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    also this was my very first time giving blood, don't know if i mentioned that. i just wish he'd told me straight fwd that he didn't want to go... it might have resolved this whole issue before it even began.
     
  17. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 15, 2000
    Messages:
    18,745
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Toronto
    Give him space, he'll call you
     
  18. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Well what you told him then is conflicting. You are now saying you wish he had been honest and admitted to not wanting to go...yet last night you yelled at him saying he should want to be there for you...

    But I hope you realize that now and correct it by talking it out with him next time you both speak.

    One of the most annoying things I notice about women is they always want their SO to care about everything they care about...but it just won't always happen and they have to accept it. I love art and plays. My boyfriends loathes both...it doesn't hurt my feelings that he doesn't want to go to a show with me, I just go anyhow and enjoy myself because I certainly don't want to go see Rambo with him :hsdunno:
     
  19. mavfan1

    mavfan1 Active Member

    Joined:
    Aug 16, 2004
    Messages:
    5,325
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Paradise
    just send him a pic of your boobs on his phone and tell him you will see him later tonight....all will be solved
     
  20. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga

    i know that "i am sorry" doesn't just fix things... but when you have a pretty stable relationship, you have to be willing to put some things aside when they come up like this. there are times when i've had to overlook things just for the sake of keeping the peace. we rarely ever argue, in fact the last time we had an argument was right around valentine's day and it was over something silly. i wish i could go back and not act like such a brat, but in my defense it's not something i do often.

    i wish he'd just cut me some slack on this because it's not helping to punish me for something that just sort of crept up on us. if i started acting like this all the time, then we'd have a problem... but the same can be said for the attitude he had last night. If those sides of our personalities were out all the time, we would have broken up a long time ago.
     
  21. Elphaba

    Elphaba New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2006
    Messages:
    1,002
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Raleigh, NC
    I agree that she was telling him conflicting things, and should remedy that. I also agree that her bf doesnt have to care about everything she does and vice virsa.
    HOWEVER, there are some times I do request that my SO do something with me, even though he doesnt want to. I'm always straight w/ him about it, "I know you dont want to do this, but it would make me really happy/comforted/etc if you did". I dont think this is a bad thing if only done in moderation and for important things (I dunno if giving blood counts..).
     
  22. XaPU!M

    XaPU!M Active Member

    Joined:
    Jun 14, 2003
    Messages:
    18,807
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ontario
    Though I'm not defending his current actions. Actions speak louder then words. He isn't talking to you, which is his action. Give him some time, and call him an hour or so before you want to go out for dinner and then see what's up. If he still doesn't want to talk then... well then he's just being a dick

    You have to understand that our gender isn't a big fan of words, where yours is nothing but. He probably isn't even that upset about it, just doesn't want to think about it and is going about his day
     
  23. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    you guys are right, i'm just going to give him some space for a while, and if/when he decides to talk to me i'll apologize again and clear up any confusions about why i was upset. it just sucks being on this end because i just wish i could go back and take it all back... i never wanted it to become such a big deal
     
  24. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,238
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    the world does not revolve around you. :run: this drives me bananas with women. He has needs too. right now he needs some time to cool off. Do you ever stop to think sensibly instead of just thinking about how you feel? (punished)
     
  25. KindlyCuddly

    KindlyCuddly Irina Lazareanu

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2007
    Messages:
    1,057
    Likes Received:
    0
    :rolleyes: As if men don't do the exact same thing.

    Don't contact your boyfriend and stop apologizing. He knows you're sorry and saying it again won't change anything. He should work on his communication skills (agreeing to go along with someone and then bitching the entire time is ANNOYING and does provoke responses like the one you had...you shouldn't expect him to want to go, but he should also have the sense to say no.)
     

Share This Page