I think that I get attached to easily

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Nev, Nov 1, 2006.

  1. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    I think I have a serious problem of getting attached to girls farrr too easily. What the fuck could be the cause for this...I hate it so fucking bad.

    Bad fucking night, and I hate myself for it. :hs:
     
  2. mrs0323

    mrs0323 New Member

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    Lack of self esteem. No feeling of "hey I'm great" with or without someone. You can't function unless someone validates you as a human by being involved with you. Not good but fixable. You need to get it in your head that NO ONE can make you a whole person-that is up to you. If you continue down this road you are going to get your heart bitch slapped regularly. Deal with your own issues first before trying to get in a relationship. YOU are a good person, whether you are along or with another person.

    Maybe also some issues from childhood that have been repressed that are rearing their ugly heads.
     
  3. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    Self esteem would be my first guess. The need to fulfill some emptiness in your life may be my second guess. Freud would ask you about your relationship with your mom, but he was a quack, so I dont know about that route.

    I dont know how old you are, but if you are getting attached too easily, then maybe your best bet is to stay away from relationships completely for a while. You never NEED someone there, so focus on your own life and your own productivity for a while. Then, after a while, slowly work your way back into the dating game...SLOWLY being key, dont jump into relationships. Only you can stop yourself from getting attached.
     
  4. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Do you think it's related to the same "addictive personality type" that helps people get addicted to drugs/alcohol/videogames/chocolate/etc.?
     
  5. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    An addictive personality, is an addictive personality. I would think there is a connection there. Some people just need something to fill a void in their lives :dunno:
     
  6. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    I kind of think that's it, along with self-esteem issues that come and go in a weird fashion. At times I honestly feel like king of the world, and sometimes I feel fucking worthless/lonely.

    My actual dating life kind of sucks. I basically never go on any 'real' dates, but I'm know that i'm an attractive guy. I don't have too much of a problem meeting girls, getting their number...but then it pretty much ends there...nothing ever comes of it even if I call them sometime. I think that part of my problem could be an absolute fear of failure. I think that I might believe that every girl that I start talking to and she shows me positive signs, I assume that she'll end up liking me and that will be that. And when this doesn't happen, it fucks with my head. I think low self-esteem when it comes to dating may be causing me to be seeking some attention.

    I haven't been in a relationship for like 3 years, and that one ended fucking terribly. I'm not sure it's still playing a role in everything, but I can't really rule it out either, because at the time .. it fucked with me bad.

    I'm just coming here for some advice...I really do miss having that someone there. I have tons of friends, but I lack any very close female friends anymore, and that sucks too. It's pretty pathetic to go to school with 45,000 students and somehow not a get a girlfriend/very close female friends.

    I'm not trying to make this an asylum-type thread, because I feel that you people can help me more in this aspect....

    Sooo.....got anything? :hs:
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2006
  7. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

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    build up a social network of guy friends
     
  8. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    I have enough guy friends :rofl:
     
  9. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    The only thing pathetic (not meaning to attack, just using your wording) is that you believe that is true. You do not need a g/f, and you do not NEED close female friends. All this NEED for a female in your life, especially in college, is unnecessary. Worry about your life, live your life, and if a female comes into it welcome her. But to think you NEED a female right now may be part of the root of your attachment.
     
  10. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    Not so much 'need', as 'miss having'.
     
  11. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    dont let it cross your mind. There is so much more to deal with then worrying about or thinking about or dealing with making friends with females. If they come into your life, then make a friend, but you need to let other things occupy your mind.
     
  12. xinster

    xinster New Member

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    what happened in your last relationship? was it really THAT bad or are you just making too big a deal out of it
     
  13. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    just had me depressed for a while..i don't think it's too much of a factor at this point to be honest, I just mentioned it for the sake of it.
     
  14. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    I've honestly been told by quite a few girls that they're a bitch to me when I approach them at bars or parties because I'm an attractive guy and they automatically assume i'm talking to them just for ass.

    That kinda shit ftl.

    So maybe the fact that as soon as one shows actual interest, I feel that I have to jump on the opportunity. And when it doesn't work, my hatred for failure kicks in and my mind refuses to give up and then gets pissed.:dunno:

    In fact, I posted a picture on here before, and I got this response from one of our females:

    "The first guy is pretty hot, but if I met him in a bar I'd probably think he was a total pig who just takes girls home to fuck from the bar. I know, judgemental, but that's the truth of what I would think. If you tried to talk to me I'd probably pretend to be "with" a guy friend and then give you a dirty look."

    :down:
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2006
  15. lauren

    lauren Active Member

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    perhaps youre not seeing them for who they really are, and are over romanticizing them and the situation?
     
  16. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    As far as your dates go, I think you may be showing too much interest if she is showing interest in you. Don't be suprised when she shows interest... it sounds like you're getting too excited when that happens. You probably start thinking in "relationship mode", come on too strong, and it scares the girl away. Next time you're on a date, go in with the mindset that you're there to find out if YOU LIKE HER.
     
  17. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    I think you hit the nail on the head. I can actually see that now that I look back on things.

    A possible reason for this is that until this dryspell I had always had long-term girlfriends, and I never had to do any work myself. They always just came to me. Literally, from 5th grade until the beginning of sophomore year of college, I had always had a steady girlfriend. So now, i guess that I have no idea what the fuck to do except for what I already know and am use to. :hsd:
     
  18. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    What happens to you probably happens to a ton of guys. Just slow down, be patient. When she starts showing interest, you are probably sending off signals that you're not even aware of, but she is. Think before you speak and stay in control. If she's showing interest, advance physically. I already said it, but don't forget that you're seeing if you like this girl or not. DON'T think to yourself "she likes me, I might have a girlfriend here". Get out of relationship mode and get into dating mode.
     
  19. Nev

    Nev OT Supporter

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    That's the thing, I never really had to date, so I have to figure the shit out. :eek3:
     
  20. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

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    Couldn't put it more succinctly than that. Everyone needs people in their life, but being alone for a while shouldn't be a tragic thing in your life. The other piece of advice that I often see here (and is good for me to see often) is to find a variety of things that enrich your life, not as a distraction, but to be fulfilling. Plus, as others have pointed out, would a woman rather be with a guy who has several interests that he is involved in or a guy who grovels at her feet?

    This quote, combined with the several references you made to being afraid to fail, makes me think that in your mind if the next girl that pays attention to you doesn't work out, you're screwed. I wonder if you put too much pressure on yourself and think that "if this one doesn't work out, I'll always be alone/my life will never be good."

    Why don't you start talking with women with the intention (not expressed to them) of not hooking up. Flirt and then cut off the interaction and walk away. Or intentionally say something dumb or rude (don't go overboard). Serious. Have some fun with it. Take off some of the pressure. Maybe have a contest with a buddy to see who can flop with the most women at the bar.
     
  21. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    Good advice. Don't worry about the outcome and I promise it will go much more smooth. You shouldn't feel any pressure, you should be having a good time. When you're coming off as needy women can pick it up so easily.
     
  22. DSAzeppelin

    DSAzeppelin New Member

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    I've gotten the same thing.

    I always used to have really low self esteem, so I've alwasy been a very shy guy....never did anything with girls, never dated in high school.

    But I get into a relationship in college and it turns out that my GF along with all of her friends think I'm pretty darn cute...etc. So I actually gained a bit of confidence from that to where I will actually approach girls.

    But sofar every girl instantly paints me with that persona, and treat me like I'm some shallow asshole. Little do they know, that I'm the COMPLETE opposite of that...I'm anice guy and I actually don't sleep around with random girls.

    I don't even get how they can put that stereotype on me in the first place, because I'm still pretty shy and akward. So even though I'm approaching them...I'm not putting on some show trying to impress anyone, just being friendly. I may not even be approaching the girl to be looking for something, just to hang out and talk.

    But that makes me an asshole who is just looking for ass.

    So that blows :hs:
     
  23. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

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    You guys are doing something wrong in your approach if that many girls are shutting you down. I get approached pretty often by women, and probably 75% of them compliment me on my looks. When I approach, I rarely get the bitch act. And If I do, I remind myself that some women are just bitches.
     
  24. Two toys

    Two toys New Member

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    i am in the same boat as well, atleast with the sense of needing a relationship. It's probably because i've never had a real relationship. i mean i have had relationships that lasted a few months but nothing where we really connected. so maybe im putting it on this pedistle that i think it will solve all my problems. the advice in this thread really helped me out.
     
  25. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Not everyone is as much of a stud as you.
     

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