SRS I think shes cheating... but he says "it cant be"

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Ev!L ErN!E, Jul 3, 2006.

  1. Ev!L ErN!E

    Ev!L ErN!E New Member

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    A friend of mine has been having some problems in his marriage recently and he keeps calling me about it... the problem is I think the only reason he calls me is so I'll tell him what he needs to hear. =\

    Hes been telling me about all the changes going on with his wife, that she's buying all kinds of sexy new cloths and underwear (that she never really wears around him), going to a tanner (which she never did before), working out, going into other rooms to talk on the phone or even leaving the house to talk on the cell phone and stuff like that.

    He works a full time job, working a day shift, and when he gets home thats usually the time she leaves to go "do things", because they only have one vehicle, and then shes usually gone for at least 5 hours at a time.

    He says they talk normally, that she doesn't seem to be angry with him when they speak, or sound annouyed, that other then these strange changes and wierd phone calls everything seems normal... but deep down he feels something is wrong, and when he calls me its like he wants me to tell him everythings normal and fine, but really I think shes cheating on him, because I'm friends with her to and all these new behaviors are waaaaaay out of the norm for her.

    I'm I being stupid? Should I just tell him its all cool and not to worry about it, or should I tell him what I really think?? I also think for him to find out for sure he should tap his phone and try to find out who it is shes been talking to so much and why she can never talk on the phone around him, but where not sure how.

    How do you tap your own phone?
     
    Last edited: Jul 4, 2006
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Does she email this guy? Have him put a keylogger on the computer.
     
  3. Cthalupa

    Cthalupa New Member

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    Most likely cheating on him.
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    You should let him worry about it and not stick your nose into other people's business. If he brings concerns to you then you can offer to help him. Since he is calling you though I would tell him the truth. You aren't doing him a favor by lying to him and telling hm what you think he wants to hear.

    Does she email what guy? Nowhere in the original post does it say anything about her contacting anybody else or about another guy being in the situation besides him (not the husband but the threadstarter) thinking the wife is cheating.
     
  5. Ev!L ErN!E

    Ev!L ErN!E New Member

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    I already thought of that, and mentioned it to him, he installed one about a month ago and hasn't come up with anything, but he says shes never on the computer, shes always on the phone.
     
  6. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    You're right. My mistake.
     
  7. Ev!L ErN!E

    Ev!L ErN!E New Member

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    true, I never mentioned that there WAS another guy... but it also doesn't mean there ISN'T one either.
     
  8. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    :mamoru: I agree, I was just playing devil's advocate and pointing out the obvious.
     
  9. Ev!L ErN!E

    Ev!L ErN!E New Member

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    lol, i guess i should have mentioned that he says there sex life has really gone down hill, that they haven't done it in like 3 weeks. which could also be a sign.
     
  10. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    He can pull her cell phone records and look at every number she ever dialed, or that dialed her. Hell, YOU can do this too. There's plenty of websites that will do it for $50. He can do the same thing for his home phone, for free.

    Mind your own business, and don't be so involved but... I mean if he wants to know, its not hard to find out.
     
  11. Ev!L ErN!E

    Ev!L ErN!E New Member

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    Well how can he find out who's number goes to what? Like if its a dude or a chicks number...

    as for minding my own business, I've tried, but hes my best friend and he keeps bringing it up, in a wierd way I think hes asking for my help to figure out whats going on, hes always asking what do you think.... what should I do.... does this mean.... why is she.... and so on.
     
  12. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    www.anywho.com

    reverse lookup

    Or, if its a cell and not listed... call it. Ask for John. You could of course get all this info in the history/phonebook of her cell phone while she sleeps.

    My point is that if he wants to find out, its not hard. He doesn't. Leave it alone.

    He needs to confront her about it. Or snoop and find out the truth. Or let it be. Its his decision.
     
  13. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    LMAO @ tapping a phone. your buddy needs to bring these points to her face to face and get some explanations. at the very least she will know he's onto her. my thoughts are a heated argument will follow and she will blurt out she is cheating on him. then he will call you crying, because it is a devastating thing. but more importantly the relationship wont last like that regardless, the more insecure and disrespected he feels the more he will slowly let it out and the relationship will eventually crumble from it.
     
  14. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Yep, those are HUGE Red Flags that she is cheating. I'd be about as certain of her unfaithfulness by her actions as I would be if I saw it. There is no reason for her to be going out without telling him where she is going, without inviting him along, etc. He is being a complete pushover and I bet that is part of the reason her interest in him has dropped to the point where she is willing to do what she is doing.

    In fact, she's not even hiding anything at all. This is a HUGE sign. She's not really making an effort to hide things so she must know that he will start to suspect her. That tells me she doesn't care that much if she gets caught. What do you think that implies?
     
  15. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    i have to come clean. im doing your friends wife. she cant stay off my OT appeal
     
  16. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Tell him to start talking to lawyer, just in case. If she gets really serious with this other guy she may pull the divorce on him at any time and really screw him over. He needs to make sure his assets are protected.
     
  17. Broken5hift

    Broken5hift New Member

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    unfortunitly he is 100% correct.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

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    new clothes, sudden renewed interest in getting into shape, extreme disinterest or disrespect to mate, "private" conversations, etc etc etc.

    yup, all signs point to....well not necessarily cheating, not just yet. But these ARE classic signs, that much is certain.

    she's definitely emotionally UNinvested in him, and invested in one or more other people. Whether it's advanced to actual physical cheating yet...hard to say. Probably not just yet. Give it 2 weeks.



    One more thing. The car has just about gone over the precipice at this point, it will be near impossible to get her attention, for instance if he were to suggest "counselling" which only works when both people want to be there.

    He's got a lot of pain to endure ahead of him. Whether she comes back or not, that will not be resolved for many long months from now. Only AFTER this has run its course in her.

    Might be a good idea to have that serious talk with her now instead of doing things like setting up wiretaps, keyloggers, hiring PI's etc.

    I also agree with the suggestion to talk PRIVATELY to a lawyer so he will know where he stands should things go south.

    Good luck to ya.....er, your 'friend'...
     
  19. konrad109

    konrad109 New Member

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    Ya, needs to make sure he talks to a lawyer privatley first. Not to her. If he talks to her she could get a head start.

    Soon as he talks to the lawyer he needs to clean out the joint accounts, and start canceling credit cards. Only after that can he give her any indication that hes still aware of whats going on around him and willing to act on it.

    In the tiny chance that she isn't cheating and they will work it out, he can always get more credit cards. From the sounds of it he is trying hard to avoid the truth and probably thinks his own little signs of trust will make her love him again or some shit. He needs to protect himself, because she is gonna be rutheless in the divorce. She clearly has no respect for him and probably thinks she deserves most of his stuff for wasting so much of her time.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2006
  20. RotiEatter

    RotiEatter New Member

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    I'd simply look at the phone record and call all the unknown numbers ...

    That or follow her for your buddy one day and see where she goes. She's obviously slutty around....
     
  21. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You know what I'd do?

    I'd start fucking her all the time. Why? The idea that she is cheating would make her much, much more attractive to me because in my head while we had sex I would be degrading her for being a whore and emotionally I would believe it, and that would mean that I would be fucking a 'dirty nasty whore', and that would make me cum really, really hard. Cause dirty talk turns me on, even if I can't say it out loud, and when it feels TRUE, its even hotter. So right up until things exploded, the sex would get better and better.

    I just thought I'd let you all in on the psychosexual fuckedupedness that goes with cheating on P.
     
  22. ledzep73

    ledzep73 New Member

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    You are one of my favorite OTers.
     
  23. johan

    johan Active Member

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  24. Pr0phecy

    Pr0phecy Guest

    Tell your friend to talk to lawyer and then to tell his wife what he thinks, in that order. Marriage is serious business and they're no longer in high school. If she can't even communicate to her husband, she should probably diaf.
     

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