I think my marriage has come to an end

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by StellaNera, Nov 18, 2008.

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  1. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest

    I'll try to keep this as short as I can. So ask for more details if I leave key info out.

    Been with my now wife for 6 yrs. 2 we dated, 2 engaged, 2 married.

    Early in the RS we had issues that revolved around sex. Started it off with her wanting it all the time and died off after 6 months when we moved in.

    Not only that but she is not a very affectioanate person. Normally that has never bothered me but combine that with the lack of sex and it had always led to thinking I was not pleasing her for one reason or another.
    No matter how much I asked what I could do to change things nothing came up (she was attracted to me, sex was good, blah blah... she just does not like sex as much). I basically ended up dealing with it although every so often I could not take it and brought it up leading to arguments.
    She also spends a lot of time of the internet on a forum and AIMs people she meets from there, including one specific guy.


    FFW to 5 yrs and 8 months later ... no need to mention I was an idiot for keeping this going, I already know.....

    and then this happened.

    Valentines day. I buy her flowers, a present, we go to a romantic dinner.
    We come home and what is the first thing she does? You guessed it... she goes on line to talk to him.

    I decided that was it. I give her an altimatum that either she puts more effort towards us romantically or I'm out. This was the first time I ever threaten her with this. Before we always tried to work it out and even went to couseling.

    I regret giving her an altimatum. Not bc I dont think I was right but bc I knew it would do nothing. If anything she may focus on it to not lose me but not actually change bc she wanted to.

    So its now 9 months after the altimatum and no changes. I turn 28 in Feb and I think it's time for me to move on.

    Other then me being a dumb ass for waiting so long what are your thoughts?

    Especially on the altimatum. I guess I feel like an ass for wanting to end my marriage over sex but that combined w. her wanting to talk to this dude over being w. me on valentines day ended it for me.


    Im not happy at all and do not want to waste anymore time on this RL when I could be out having fun.
     
  2. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    Let me find the thread I made and link you to it.

    In fact, it's been too long, I need to update it anyway.
     
  3. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest

    with the same situation? or is this some divorce guide? lol
     
  4. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=3966326

    And because I know what you are going through: :hug:

    Sorry man. It's tough, but you'll come out stronger than you thought you could be at the end of this. You've got a long road ahead of you though. So spend some time, figure out what you are going to do, and make the commitment to DO IT without looking back.
     
  5. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest

    im telling her tonight when she gets off work that it's time to move on.

    I just have to stick to it regardless of her reaction.
     
  6. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    My situation parallels yours in a some similar ways:

    I was also with her for 6 years.
    Lack of sex was also a major issue in our relationship
    I also caught her talking to some guy on IM (and caught her at his house)

    That thread above is how I handled it all.
     
  7. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest

    Ill read your thread when i get some time for sure. Thanks for sharing.

    I could be wrong but I doubt she is physically cheating on me.
    However Im almost sure that she talks to him about our issues, although she always ignores me when I want to talk about them, and that he is playing the "You could do so much better card".

    I actually dont blame the guy at all. I dont know him and he doesnt owe me anything.... but although she has not done anything physically I still feel cheated on.

    The more I type this the more I get pissed at myself for ending it today and not on Valentines day.
     
  8. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    You feel cheated on, because she IS cheating on you.

    Just because she's not getting dick from him doesn't mean it's not cheating.

    At best, she's disrespecting you in the worst way.

    Don't feel guilty for your ultimatum. Feel guilty because it's been almost a year and you still haven't stepped up and stood up for your ultimatum.
     
  9. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest

    i glanced at your thread. looks like a good read. some of those things i wont have to deal with thank god.

    finances will be fine. i come from a wealthy family and help run my parents businesses. bc of this my father installed the prenup mentality in me.
    the only way she gets anything from me is if i cheated on her or abused which i did not.
    she basically will have to pack up and find a place to live.

    we have no kids as well which is another blessing.

    w. all the positives it still saddens me that this cannot work bc i really do love her. i just cant be happy with her and ive decided im more important than she is after she pushed me to the side to talk to this dude online.
     
  10. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest


    you are 100% right.
     
  11. SquallRm

    SquallRm New Member

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    Any signs of this type of attitude with sex when you were engaged/dating?
     
  12. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest

    Its go time
     
  13. Torzilla

    Torzilla New Member

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    I feel for you man. About a year ago I was in a mildly similar situation.. sort of.
    I was a stay at home mom and spent a lot of time online while my kids were at school. Some of the people I talked with I really considered friends since it was a big majority of who I did speak with. In particular was one guy that I ended up spending too much time with. In my mind it was all harmless, just a way to socialize with people. I never felt that I was cheating since my husband also socialized online with people.
    However, it did begin to cut in on our sex life to the point where my husband was unable to perform. We argued and fought over everything. I feared our marriage may be near the breaking point. I wanted to get to the bottom of what our problem was. Finally he confessed that he felt like I was cheating on him with the person I talked with most online.
    The only real difference I see though is this. When he told me how he felt it opened my eyes. Even though I didnt feel like what I had been doing was wrong or that I was unfaithful I stopped. I stopped talking to him completely.. I didn't cut back time or only do it on occasion.
    I STOPPED.
    Because nobody that I think is a "friend" over the internet is worth hurting my bestfriend. Its not worth ruining my marriage. Because I do respect his feelings and he respects mine.
    It breaks my heart thinking about the way he looked when he told me he felt I was unfaithful. Maybe part of it was that he didnt come at me with an ultimatum..he simply layed out his feelings and let me decide. I really dont know. For what its worth I hope you two can work it out.
    Best of luck.
     
  14. chica&buddies

    chica&buddies Active Member

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    :dunno: i'm not sure if you're willing to put forth one last bit of effort. if you are, i suggest you read the following:

    "the five love languages" by gary chapman

    it's written for married people, but i've read over half of it, and it's :bowdown:.

    there are quizzes in the back. there's one for the females [wives] and one for the husbands [men]. i clarified only because singles as well as couples can get a lot of information from this book.

    i seriously recommend reading it! it's an easy read, and it may lead you to the solutions to your problems. i hope your wife is willing to put forth the effort as well. :noes:

    good luck! :(
     
  15. Ded Guy Walkin

    Ded Guy Walkin New Member

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    hope it went well, as well as it can go. Best of luck man
     
  16. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    No, you probably will.
     
  17. rebs

    rebs shares AIDS OT Supporter

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    fucking leave her, she takes you for granted.. Kick her to the curb.
     
  18. FloppyCock

    FloppyCock New Member

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    Ouch.
     
  19. MissKitty

    MissKitty If squats were easy they'd be called 'Your Mum' OT Supporter

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    Sounds like she has little respect for you and even less respect for your relationship. Doesn't sound like she is being half of a partnership at all :(

    I hope it works out for the best
     
  20. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest

    ok its done.

    i told her i wanted out and she asked me if i wanted a break. did i want to stay w. a friend until we sorted things out.
    i laughed at the thought of me being the one that would move out.... but none the less explained to her that there will be no break. this is it.

    we had our chnaces to work things out over 6 yrs including seeking the professional help we seeked.

    she called me a pig for leaving her due to sex. i reminded her that its not just that. i reminded her that the altimatum came on valentines day when she went on line w. her friend... part bc of sex but its more deep rooted then that.

    we both cried over it. held each other. and then came the thing that really schoked me...

    she looks up at me and says "lets pull up our bank accounts so i can see what half of your money is that you have to give me".

    i pulled back to see if she was trying to make a joke as we both have a dark sense of humor. she wasnt.

    i asked if she was serious and she said yes. she reminded me that the prenup gave her nothing unless i left her.

    in that one second i wanted to slap the shit out of her for bringing something like that up. but refrained. i then just started laughing at her and reminded her what the prenup really says (she only gets money if i cheat or abuse her... which made me even more glad that i didnt slap her).

    she started calling me names. i simply asked her to please start making some calls to figure out where she will be staying bc she has until this sat to stay at the house and then she needs to be out.

    i placed a call to my lawyer this morning and he has the whole thing rolling.

    i tell you i felt like shit the entire time, up until the brought she money in to it.... now im 100% sure i made the right move. god the look on her face when i reminded her of the prenup was priceless.

    ill keep you guys updated on how the week goes as im sure it will be interesting at the least.
     
  21. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    :rofl:

    Good for you man, good for you. (and kudos on that fucking prenup!)

    BTW, you haven't been married long enough for her to be entitled to any alimony ANYWAY (prenup or no prenup), so that just makes what she said even MORE ridiculous.

    But yeah, you can expect this to get ugly. But it looks like you are covered.

    Some advice:

    CLOSE ALL JOINT ACCOUNTS. Do that RIGHT NOW. Immediately. As in get off the computer and call your joint credit card accounts (if you have them) and cancel them.

    Get all your money that is in JOINT accounts out now.
     
  22. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest

    s

    thanks. no worries on the accounts we never had a joint. i had my account w. my bank and she had hers. i paid for everything except for her car, car ins, and cell so there was no need for a joint account as she had a lot of money left over from her paychecks bc she only had those 3 bills.
     
  23. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    wow. im sorry that you are having to deal with this, but her reaction tells us all that you made the right choice. what a bitch
     
  24. StellaNera

    StellaNera Guest

    ok god.... my phone has been blowing up. i had only shared this w. my best friend and i guess you guys lol

    she must've staid up late last night and called all of our mutual friends. telling them that i left her bc she was not havin sex w. enough. i have texts and voicemails w. either "how could you do that to her" to "is this true? call me bc it does not sound like something you would do".

    i wanted to keep this semi private, at least the reason but i guess that wont happen.

    ive simply been replying back with:

    "if you really know me you already know that there is more to it then not getting enough sex. if you believe that's what happened then there is no need for me to even explain things to you".
     
  25. Viper

    Viper OT Supporter

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    You should tell all these people that this cunt cheated on you. She opened the can of worms, make her fucking eat them.
     
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