SRS I think my GF will never get over her "ugly body"

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by crunchy_black, Jul 20, 2006.

  1. crunchy_black

    crunchy_black OT Supporter

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    Been dating 6 months?

    I want to, look at her face, eyes, spread pussy, tits etc when im fucking her.

    But since she lives in her own little world of "image is everything" We always wrestle / play fight during sex. Her pulling me closer, me trying to push her away so i can look at her.
    I am beginning to accept that she will never be comfortable around me whilst naked.

    At first i was like "yeah just give her time, she will get comfortable"
    But it hasn't.

    The sex is terrible, cause all she wants to do is kiss / be close. I get way too hot. and it's always in the dark, or only 2 posistions, half the time she leaves her clothes on.
    I had to beg / force my tounge onto her pussy cause she is too self concious about that too
    I like her and i wanna look at her / her body because it turns me on.
    Very quiet during sex / no talking from her.
    She is not fat or skinny, middle range

    She worrys so much that it ruins the sex for her and me.

    I may come across as being selfish?

    I dont love her, i enjoy her company alot and obviously im not with her for the sex.

    Ideas?


    I asked her " will you ever feel comfortable naked around me?"
    Her : no.

    fucking gay :greddy:

    Guess i have to find someone else?
     
  2. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    perhaps you do, if this isnt something you see yourself putting up with or having patience with.
     
  3. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    How old is she? I have found that a lot of times when women get older (out of high school/college) that they become a lot more accepting of their bodies.

    If you don't think this is something that you want to deal with and it's that important to you, maybe you should move on. Otherwise the only thing you can do is reassure her that you love her body and try to show her that. Good luck!
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Just insist or force her, that'll help her get over her insecure body image issue real fast. :ugh:

    That's probably what you were hoping to hear...but clearly that's not going to work.



    Insecure body image, that is a tough issue since although rooted in her body, it deals with her core self-image. Wrap that around sexual issues, and this is a tough one to "solve".

    ZX is right, many times, women learn that who they are is perfectly acceptable and perfectly alright and needs no justification...they begin to perceive their inner and outer beauty, but often this isn't until they get older (late 20's/early 30's from my experience)

    If you do want to help her, focus less on her body -- that is actually irrelevant, esp. since as you say, she has a normal body.

    She needs to feel comfortable, relaxed and especially SAFE in your presence. Understand? Absolutely 100% totally and completely SAFE. Safe from reproach, safe from judgement, safe from ridicule, even if only silently to yourself.

    Now you might think, jesus, it's not ok even if I think it privately to myself?
    No it isn't. She needs to feel acceptance, and validation and that comes from you.

    This is a pretty tall order, lots of advanced emotional concepts to put into action here. It's worth it. If you're strong enough.



    Or you can look for another gf.

    There's no shame in amicably and peacefully parting ways either. If you do so, don't make it about the sex. It isn't. The sex is just the symptom of an underlying issue.
     
  5. keleko

    keleko yes, he is

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    [​IMG]
     
  6. Arclight

    Arclight Hypercube

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    I was just about to ask for pics but then realized this is the wrong forum for that :o

    I have no idea how you could get her to overcome this :sad2: Try talking to her, be gentle, tell her you love her and don't judge her on every imperfection :dunno:
     
  7. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    :werd: Pointing out a person's insecurities only widens the gap between you.

    If you don't love her. Then you two should move on.
     
  8. bigballofyarn

    bigballofyarn OT Supporter

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    Telling her you like her body wont help because it wont ever change how she sees herself. Try to comprimise. Maybe dress up during sex? I bet sex stores sell really funky outfits. They're hot, and she'll get to stay a little covered.. I think it'll work out for both of you.
     
  9. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

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    Eh, I'm kind of the same way with my boyfriend. We'll be having sex and I can be into it if I look into his eyes and focus on everything EXCEPT how I look. I just feel gross naked.. I'm insanely self conscious and yea, therapy starts Tuesday for that.

    How to fix your situation.. ? Well, there isn't really a way. She has to fix herself. Just compliment her and tell her you think she's beautiful. If she has the least bit of pudge OH GOD DO NOT TOUCH IT! You will only make things worse. But don't force her into doing things or make a big deal about it. I know it bothers you, it bothered my boyfriend too when I was real bad about my issues, but you talk about it and get over it.

    Try to make her feel sexy.. Get her a gift card to VS for her birthday, holiday, anniversary.. Anything to get HER into a store where she can experiment with feeling and looking sexy. She needs to do stuff for herself in order to learn to accept herself.
     
  10. SpectraRedZ

    SpectraRedZ New Member

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    I was very self conscious for awhile, but around my bf I'm a lot more comfortable. I'm still self conscious about my boobs, but when he gives them attention, I actually feel a lot better. But thats not the same for everyone.

    You cant force her to do things though, thats not going to help her get over it. You either be patient with her if you think she is worth it, or you both need to move on. She could very well eventually be comfortable with you.
     
  11. SxyLambdaLady6

    SxyLambdaLady6 New Member

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    ok lol u trying to STICK ur tongue in her vagina without her feeling comfortable with herself is not gonna work :ugh: u have to be very patient, understanding, helpful, and loving. it took me almost 2 yrs for me to let my bf even go down on me, (its a lot more complicated story than that but) he waited and he was kool with it. now we do it all the time :naughty: i am very comfortable with him now it just takes time
     
  12. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    He said he doesn't love her.... why try?

    Do the both of you a favor and go separate ways. She needs someone with patience. You need a more confident partner.
     
  13. beautiful disaster

    beautiful disaster OT Supporter

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    i was insecure with myself when my SO and I started dating. we always had sex in the dark because i felt uncomfortable in the light. but he helped me to understand there was more to me that he liked other than my body and that i was beautiful inside as well as out. compliment her and try to coax her out of her funk at her own pace. explain to her that you feel the way you do and ask her if there is anything you can do to help her feel more comfortable. if you don't make any progress in the not so distant future, move on only because there is nothing you can do.

    but honestly, you can really only blame society for people being insecure with their self image. people are brain washed to think that women are beautiful only if they're tall, blonde and a size 2 with DD's. it's pathetic and it makes me sick.
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2006
  14. SxyLambdaLady6

    SxyLambdaLady6 New Member

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    mos def :rolleyes: its a shame
     
  15. xFREExDRUGx

    xFREExDRUGx Guest

    I don't think you care about her enough to help her accept her body. You're in it too much for the sex and not enough for the emotional aspect. I've had a lot of similiar issues - I was raped when I was younger by my "boyfriend," have later gone through eating disorders, self mutiliation, etc in an attempt to destroy my own body - and trust me, dating a guy who forces you to have sex with him when you feel uncomfortable with the whole situation is absolutely not going to help you. My boyfriend was patient and understanding enough to accept my own difficulties with being intimate (I started crying during sex, a lot, even when I thought I was enjoying it. Instead of getting pissed at me, he held me and told me it was okay and didn't pressure me at all. It took me months to actually be emotionally and physically comfortable enough to actually ENJOY anything sexual.) Basically, if she doens't want to do it, DON'T FUCKING DO IT. She will feel violated and emotionally and physically ravished. It will likely take her a while to feel comfortable about herself and in order to do that she'll need someone who REALLY cares about her and WANTS her to love herself enough to be loved by somebody else. Frankly, from your attitude about it, I don't think that's you, and I think you'd be better off finding someone else for yourself and giving her an opportunity to be happy with somebody who'll put her first.
     
  16. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    i agree with freedrug. the key to a woman's body is her emotions...by tapping into her emotions you;; get on a deeper physical level
     
  17. Shorty

    Shorty New Member

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    damn, thought i was reading my own thoughts for a second...

    theres a possiblity of two problems here.

    one, she is just way self concious and anything you do will barely if at all affect how she feels about her self. pretty much you loose.

    two, she is doing it to create drama. she knows its what you want, and of course when one person wants another to do something, what is the imediate response? no. try and back off from it, pretend it doesnt matter as much and you can find fun in other things.

    ORR...get her more horny. lmfao, i was in the EXACT situation as you, and i was really suprised one time when i got her really horny and she just whiped out her tits and said play with them...lol. that got a little too graphic
     
  18. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    :rofl:

    Look, its your job to make her feel beautiful. Just do a better job. And don't expect results overnight.
     

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