SRS I think my gf and I are starting to have some problems...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by The Green Bastard, Aug 16, 2005.

  1. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    We're in an LDR, nearly 200 miles away, and have been like this since day 1, over a year ago.
    Everything's been great, the time together, the fun we have, the similiarities we share, the sex, everything.
    But in late may/early June, something happened. We were at a house party, and I went in to get another beer (we were all around a bonfire) and when I came out, she was gone. My friend said she just got up and went to the car. I went to check on her, and she was crying. I was :wtf: and asked her what was wrong. She said "nothing". I told her people don't cry over "nothing" but she wouldn't answer me. I chugged my beer, told the gang we were leaving, and left. I was pissed at this time. She's played these little games before and I shrugged them off, but after 10 beer, I was a little pissed.
    She wouldn't answer anything I said on the drive back to her house (when she's here...her original home is not far from me). Finally, when we were about a mile away, she said 'stop, we have to talk'.
    She said that she never gets to see me, and whenever she comes home, all I want to do is meet up with friends. BS. 90% of the time, when she comes home, we do NOTHING, or visit her friends. I've missed out on parties, dances, wedding receptions when she was home because she "didn't feel like going" or she was "too tired". These are events that we were invited to AS A COUPLE! We had a long talk, and I thought things were OK. They seemed OK at the time.
    2 weeks later, my friend's birthday was coming up, and we had plans for all the guys to get together for an evening of drinking and having a good time. It's a thing we do whenever a birthday rolls along.
    Somehow, and I know I did not say this, she got the impression that I was going to her place that weekend. Nooo.....I told her weeks before about this party, and the planning I DID to get the guys together for an evening. She got real mad and wouldn't speak to me, and basically was a complete bitch to me. I told her that I was going up the following weekend. Not good enough, apparently.
    The next morning, sick, hungover, probably still illegally drunk, I made the 3 hour drive to see what the fuck her problem was.
    We got that straightened out.....or, again, so I thought.
    Then I made a bad Freudian slip when we were camping (called her by my ex-fiancee's name when she started breaking one of my tent flex-poles....honest mistake). Apparently, I ruined our whole week with that.
    Fuck, it was only minor, IMO, but she took it way too fucking seriously and rubbed it in, and tried to make me feel guilty. Didn't work. After having the ex-fiancee stomp all over my heart and soul, I just shrug shit off, now.
    Also, last fall, after we were dating about 2-3 months, I considered moving up to her city, and getting work there, so we could be closer.

    Since the end of may when this shit started, I've changed my mind and am not going to move....but I'm using a legit excuse too. My dad's health is really deteriorating, and he doesn't have many years left, and my folks have been SO good to me, so supportive, so amazingly helpful to me through the past 3-4 years, that I feel I owe it to them to stick around and do whatever I can to help them along. Yardwork, housework, maintenance, ANYTHING. And the more the gf gets this bitchyness going on, the less I feel like moving, and the less I feel that this relationship is going to last.




    Cliffs: GF takes bitchy spells, stresses me out, and I don't know what to do.
     
  2. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    Hmm, I dont have much advice for you but I guess I can comment on a few things...If my BF called me by his Ex's name, I wouldnt take it too well either, just for the record. Granted I wouldnt ruin a vacation over it, but I wouldnt react pleasantly either and would probably give the gulty trip for teh day as well, call me a bitch but I would.

    I must say, you sound pretty devoted if you were willin to move to her and drive 3 hours half sober to see her...just to make sure things are OK even when it might not be your #1 priority at that moment. Seems to me like she doesnt appreciate you or your love. Only advice I can give is somethin that you have heard many times in teh past....if you love someone, let them go..........you know the rest.

    Maybe she thinks the grass is greener on teh otherside. Ya know what? Maybe it is. Maybe she'll find someone who is willin to tolerate her unappreciative ways. Maybe you will find someone who is more like yourself, willing to compromise and flex. Or maybe she'll realize that she had a good thing and come crawling back, and you'll realize that shes not anymore over-emotional or unappreciative then the females you met while apart. Theres only one way to find out, best of luck.
     
  3. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Thanks.

    And one thing I neglected to mention:

    When she PMS's....she PMS'S like nobody I've ever encountered.
    Moods, crying, sad, angry, bitchy, picky, ignorant, starts asking really uncomfortable questions, brings up my ex, makes mean comments about a sex-problem that I've had on 2 occasions, fucking hormonal, and I don't want to be anywheres near her, or even talk with her on the phone during this.
     
  4. RickyP

    RickyP New Member

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    that there is the best advice your gonna get.
     
  5. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I'm noticing that. I have to see how things work out. She even piles the "You work every saturday and we never get to see each other" guilt on me (did last night on the phone). I can't help it, it's my fucking job, it pays my fucking bills.
     
  6. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    So when she's shitty she fights mean (bringing up old bad things), that sucks dude. I wouldn't put up with it, after the first time I'd be gone if she did it again.
     
  7. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    sounds like it's time to dump her to the curb; you don't deserve to be treated like shit by someone like that.
     
  8. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    That's not unreasonable at all.... being bitchy for the rest of THAT DAY is fine; but to hold a grudge for a whole week is a bit much.
     
  9. IreLynx

    IreLynx New Member

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    I've said that to my fiance before, but that was because we went from 3yrs of 24/7 together time to him finally getting a job (which I was happy about), but the job was an hour away, so he's gone for 11-12hrs a day, 5 days a week; I was depressed and angry at his job (not him, even if it may have sounded like it) for causing him to be gone so long.

    In your situation, with being 200mi away, I assume you can really only get together on the weekends. I can understand why she would be upset over the job taking over your saturdays if the only time she gets to see you is on the weekends.

    In regards to the party & her going out to the car. There have been many times when something will happen or a thought will pop into my head bringing up a past issue to the front of my mind, and that will usually just fester there until it actually upsets me; sometimes it doesn't take long (and yes it has happened many times due to thinking about how little time we were able to spend together). It can get to the point where I start rethinking things and eventually my fiance gets me to fess up to what's on my mind. Alot of the time I'll only let out what's immediately bothering me, or what initially caused me to be upset...not everything that's now on my mind as a result of the initial issue. So if you're willing to stick with her, you're going to probably need to get used to not getting the truthful "I'm fine now" until she gets every issue out there & talked about, which could take more than one "session".

    As for calling her by another name; yea I would be annoyed by it to. It probably would have ruined our whole week if it was me because it would have just kept nagging at the back of my mind every so often until we had a break from each other so I could stop thinking about it & get over it. Then again, I'm a Cancer...nice and emotionally charged in all ways, and I have that nice little shell as a shield when I'm feeling like I'm under attack. :rofl:
     
  10. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    If I girl called me her ex's name it would be on like donkey kong. I would take me many, many days to be nice to her. And weeks or months ro really forgive her. Other than that, she does sound like a bitch. Maybe she is bored or tired of putting effort into aq long distance relationship.
     
  11. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    I compltely disagree.

    We all have pasts, unles we're 16, we have past GFs/BFs, that at some point or another we were serious about, in every thought, idea and plan. When something like a name gets so engrained in our thoughts like that, it is very hard to let it go. It's a learned responce and learned responces are very difficult to "un-learn".

    Yeah I may not like it if my SO called me by an exes name, but, I wouldn't hold it against her, as I would hope she wouldn't hold it against me, if I did the same, which I try very hard not to do.
     
  12. Unicron

    Unicron New Member

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    Green Bastard,

    I feel for you man.

    You know what? I just got out of a relationship that has striking resemblance to yours.

    The relationship started out fine, but i started to notice she wanted me around all the time. Even when i had something planned, or something that was a weekly occurance...she would want me to cancel. She also declined events with my pals that included both of us. Sad to say...i thought moving in with her and giving her more time would cure this. It got WORSE.

    I devoted 100% of my time with her. And I liked spending time with her, but once in a blue moon i will have something planned with the fellas...she was invited, but wouldn't want to go. On the day of my planned outing...as I would be getting ready...she would ask me not to go. I would tell her I had it planned and i'm going. She would freak and say...

    "why would you leave me here by myself?"
    "why dont' you want to stay here with me?" :noes:
    "you never break your plans for me!"

    It's like one minute things would be o.k., and next minute she would freak out about the littlest thing and bring back any instance in the past where I have screwed up.

    Halfway through the realationship...I really had it made up in my mind that she is really the type of person that requires 200% of her mate's attention/time. and...she needs to be with the same type of personality. I for sure knew I wasn't that type. I'm down with spending time with my chick, but if she has something to do...or if I have something going on...it's not a big deal.

    I'm sure you know of the type of relationship personality I'm talking about. Do you know a couple that you see...that are always together. You will NEVER see one without the other? Or do you have a pal that hangs around all the time with you, but as soon as he/she gets a boyfriend/girlfriend...you won't see him/her for months at a time?

    I don't think it will work out unless both persons in the relationship the "clingy" type. If you aren't...you better learn to be...or just get out of the relationship. you will just end up arguing all the time.

    With that said, towards the end of our relationship...she was seeing a doctor...and she was diagnosed with depression. I don't know for certain when it started...or if she had it all along.

    But...i meantion that because...maybe you can have your girl checked for depression?
     
  13. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

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    Was her name Julie? :mamoru:

    It's pretty sad when that happens, that even when you do break plans, it's never remembered.
     
  14. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    She's working two jobs, but she's quitting one in a couple weeks to go back to university to become an ASL (American Sign Language) interpreter. She's stressed with the jobs, worrying about money, worrying about us in the LDR, etc.
    I've known her for a lot longer than we've been going out. She was a good friend of my ex (the one that I made the name snafu with :o ) and a good friend of mine. She was very supportive of me 2 1/2 years ago when the ex and I split, and we kept in touch as good friends. She hates the ex something fierce for all the cheating she did on me. Last year we talked a lot, and I asked her out on a date. Been going steady since.
    She's got a determined soul. strong wit and sensibility, she's very smart, but a little bossy, and PMSs badly.
    She even told me in the spring that she was feeling depressed about our LDR, but we do love each other strongly.
    We have to make this work. She's very special to me. I just have problems with mood swings, I guess. I'm more stable.
     
  15. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    I dunno... maybe I'm just one of the lucky few who has never felt attached to anyone in life. I've come to learn that people come and go so often and so quickly that it isn't worth becomming that serious. Oh well.
     
  16. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Well, I guess everything has changed.

    She just broke up with me over the phone. She was going to do it on the weekend when I was at he place, but she didn't want me in the state I'm in now, driving for 3 hours.

    I know I said stuff in post # 1 about not knowing how long this will last, but I feel sick and lost right now.

    She said things just felt different between us and she can't pinpoint it.
     
  17. aaron33

    aaron33 New Member

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    Hey man... I hope you feel better. It will take some time, but I guess knowing the situation is better than being left in the dark as to the status of your relationship.

    Well, all the best..
     
  18. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    Thanks....I just hope we can actually work things out. Rereading post #1 made me realize that I miss her a lot.
     
  19. OXXDoCXXO

    OXXDoCXXO New Member

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    That really sucks man. Maybe she just wants time to figure stuff out or maybe it is just over. Either way I wish you the best. You did say you two were really good friends and hopefully you can at least stay friends. BTW way how old are you two. I just got out of a very serious relationship and I was a wreck for a week and I wanted her back so bad and I thought she was "The one" but i decided to go hang with my friends and try and try and have a good time. Now I relize that I really was not as happy as I thought. I am a happier and harder working person than I was before. Our Relationship sound kind of like yours except for the distance thing. My advise is go out try and have a good time and eventually you will. I hope that helps.

    Best of luck for you.:hsd:
     
  20. aaron33

    aaron33 New Member

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    Yes, I know the feeling... I too had this attitude from my ex, but will still led on for a while as if we were still fine... The uncertainty that time really did kill me. After it was officially over, I felt like a part of my life was missing. In the end, I filled it up with my friends and gym. It took a while, and now when I look back, I'm happier to be out than still in that situation.
     
  21. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    I'm going to put time into ME, and see what she eventually comes up with.
     
  22. calilynne

    calilynne New Member

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    A) You shouldnt drive after 10 beers. That, is just plain STUPID and speaks volumes here.

    B) She sounds too young to be in a relationship, as do you. Long distance relationships do not last.
     
  23. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    A) That was the furthest thing from my mind at the time.

    B) She's 26, I'm 32.
     
  24. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    That's not a fucking excuse. Say if you plowed into a car with a family in it and kill them all? Yeh that excuse would hold up well ... :rolleyes:
     
  25. The Green Bastard

    The Green Bastard Click click click bang

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    That was 2 months ago, and this isn't the topic. I was mad, the gf was acting all wierd, and I wasn't thinking.
     

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