LGBT I think my friend is gay

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by Creator, Jul 19, 2004.

  1. Creator

    Creator The Creator Has a Master Plan

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    Ive been kind of wondering about this for a while now. He was my best friend during highschool, we still hang out a lot when we are home and shit but im 8 hours away during the year. But we hang out pretty much all summer. Anyway ever since last xmas break Ive been wondering. I dont really care either way, im not onhere to have yuo all go on some wild hunt into my past stories to see if he is... if heis fine whatever. The problem is that i feel a little weird around him now sometimes. Its almost always when its just he and I hanging out, the most common time when we are smoking weed. I know, i know, hes high, bla bla bla maybe its not true, but I feel ackward as shit and it seems like hes coming onto me (In a "well ill try it when hes high because if he rejects me then it wont be so weird" sort of way). I really dont like that. I make it really, raelly obvious. If he was gay and came out he would still be a great friend of mine and i could tell him never to even try to cross that boundry. But at this point its jsut freaking me out. What the heck do i do about this?
     
  2. Konowl

    Konowl New Member

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    I'm not too sure if there is much you CAN do, really... I suppose you could just come out and ask him, that's what a buddy of mine did a couple of weeks ago... but I don't recommend it. If it doesn't bother you one way or the other, why the hell do you care so much?
     
  3. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    If you still like being around him, then stick with him regardless.

    If he does or says something that makes you uncomfortable, let him know.

    Communication is key to any relationship, be it a friendship or a marriage.
     
  4. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Bingo. This is exactly what I was going to say. :o
     
  5. Creator

    Creator The Creator Has a Master Plan

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    I like hanging out with him but I get so damn uncomfortable when he does these things. What am i supposed to say? I try to make it known im not comfortable without actually saying it, but that clearly isnt working. I really dont think he is ready to confront the issue. He has a girlfriend of over a year, but i definitly get a strong vibe from him. Im pretty good at reading into things. But I just dont know what i would say because that would insinuate that i think hes gay and that would just make things weird as hell
     
  6. Creator

    Creator The Creator Has a Master Plan

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    What happened with that? And i do care when he comes onto me and shit, it freaks me out. Im to the point now where I try and make sure its not just us two hanging out to avoid these situation
     
  7. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    Sometimes direct communication is the only way to get your point across. Just simply tell him, "hey, what you're doing seems gay, and I'm not gay. If you're gay, fine, that doesn't bother me, but you're really making me feel uncomfortable when you do that."
     
  8. Konowl

    Konowl New Member

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    Well, you need to talk to him... communication is key here, that's why my ex and I broke up in the end.

    What happened with that? I told him that I liked the company of men in my bed... but I still don't think it's right to come out and ask someone, unless you are like best friends or something. It's hard to give an opinion when we don't KNOW you two, what you're like, the kinds of personalities you have etc.
     
  9. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    Well, I'd just say something like: "Dude, are you coming on to me? Cuz, I don't care if you're gay... it's really no big deal with me. But, I'm not gay and I'm not interested in anything other than being your friend"

    That way, if he is gay, he knows you'd be ok with him telling you. And he knows that it's not cool to keep coming on to you
    And if he's not gay, that gives him the opportunity to say "Dude, I'm not gay either"

    Although, even if he is gay, he might say "I'm not gay, dude". And then you say something like "OK. I just thought that I was getting a vibe from you. No big deal." Then, he'll get all quiet and embarrased.

    But, you're going to have to address it if he really is coming on to you. When most gay men are struggling to come out of the closet, they have crushes on their straight best friend. So, it's up to you to nip that in the bud.
     
  10. Creator

    Creator The Creator Has a Master Plan

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    Thats interesting we were better friends when we were in high school because we saw eachother everyday (he was my best friend all through high school, still sorta is i guess, but as i said we dont hang out as often). So i guess that would explain it but damn it would be weird saying something to him. I would feel bad if he never came out because he was scared or something you know? If hes gay, as his friend, id want him to come out and be happy. maybe there is a way i can get it across that i wouldnt care if i had a gay friend and makeit clear im straight. I guess i could invent a friend at school whos gay or something and tell him about it?
     
  11. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    that's an option. Then tell him how that friend came out to you and you were cool with it. "Having a gay friend is not a big deal" etc... The thing with that is that your friend may ask 100 questions, and you'll have to do a lot of lying on the fly. I'd be more generic, like "Man, you wouldn't believe how many gay people I've met at school. It's not my thing at all, but gay people make pretty cool friends." Then, you don't have to make a backstory up about a particular person.

    Also... I've found the line: "You know, if there's anything you need to share with me, I'm here to talk about it with you. No judgement." works. Also, I've found the line: "Life's too short to be someone you're not. We should all strive to be the person we were meant to be..." works really well. Then, let him mull that over for a while.

    Then, if he does come out to you, make sure you tell him "Man, I love you anyway. You're still my friend, no matter what".

    That's critical to him understanding that it's not a big deal.
     
  12. DatacomGuy

    DatacomGuy is moving to Canada

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    :werd: It'll be awkward either way it goes. I've been that straight best friend a few times.. It's rather uncomfortable at first, but it all typically works out.
     
  13. Karencita

    Karencita Dickless member

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    don't push him, he will tell you when he feels ready for it
     
  14. coma

    coma New Member

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    Well if he has a girlfriend then he's bi. Or is she a cover girlfriend?
     
  15. DatacomGuy

    DatacomGuy is moving to Canada

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    Just because he has a girlfriend does not mean he's bi...
     
  16. coma

    coma New Member

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    If he has a girlfriend, he's bi but if he has a "girlfriend" that he's using to cover up his homosexuality and hence deflect questions than yeah that would make him a closet case.
     
  17. DatacomGuy

    DatacomGuy is moving to Canada

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    Kind of ignorant to assume looking in from the outside, isn't it? To automatically label him 'bi' because he has a girlfriend really isn't the the answer.

    I agree with Karencita really.. Let him be and let him do what he needs to do.. He'll come out when he's ready; in the meantime enjoy your friendship and just make sure he keeps his space..
     
  18. Creator

    Creator The Creator Has a Master Plan

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    I mostly agree except i really would rather avoid an ackword situation, i dunno, i guess ill just let him be and be there if he needs me.
     
  19. coma

    coma New Member

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    Wrong. I do have inside information. I know the guy he's talking about (from Nick Robinson's site).
     
  20. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    Seems like this topic comes up fairly often in here. Apparently our collective gaydar is quite strong. :rofl: We need to start a sticky thread "10 ways to tell if your friend is gay," so people can just check that out before they post. Of course it'll get whored 5 minutes after it's creative; digression must come with the territory or something. :dunno:
     
  21. BlondieAMC

    BlondieAMC New Member

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    Well i just want to say if you do end up talking to him do it privately..that way he doesn't feel so much pressure of having to "lie" about who he is!!
     
  22. Creator

    Creator The Creator Has a Master Plan

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    um. what?
     
  23. Creator

    Creator The Creator Has a Master Plan

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    Can i see that ten resons list?
     
  24. cedric

    cedric I don't have a contract

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    We keep that a VERY closely-guarded secret within the community...just like this year's fall line :squint:. Joking of course ;). Anyway there really isn't a set of rules by which you can tell if somebody's gay, that would mean there's a way to classify gays, and no good can come of that. It's classification which starts the rumors that makes life more difficult than it needs to be for many of us. If we did make a list, it'd be almost entirely for entertainment purposes.
     
  25. Creator

    Creator The Creator Has a Master Plan

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    Ugg. Just got back from hanging out with him its getting to the point where I dont like hanging out with him one on one. I would have a lot more fun and be more comfortable if he just came out and then i could just tell him then and there im cool with it just dont hit me on and shit. He was playing all this gay ass (sorry) music and love songs and shit which was weird enough, then he plays a song and goes "People are going to think we're gay listening to this" and he did this thing where he stares at me. Then he was like "look at my lips" and i just acted uninterested and shit. But i just dont feel comoftable around him anymore and it sucks.
     

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