SRS I think I'm going crazy..

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Se7en, Dec 9, 2007.

  1. Se7en

    Se7en Active Member

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    I need some advice, I don't know what to do. I'm sorry if what I write is illogical, I need a brain dump right now.

    I dated a girl, let's call her Jen, for 2 years in high school. I loved her more than I've loved any other girl in my life (beside my mother, of course). I broke up with her my junior year of high school because I felt trapped. Things were going downhill because I was doubting our relationship. I thought that if I wanted to, I could marry this girl.. and that scared me. I needed to try new things. I had only been with a few other girls before her, and I didn't think it was right to just commit.

    When I tried to break up with her she threw a fit and I was afraid she was going to hurt herself, so I called it off. A few months later we took a "break" which was just an excuse for me to see some other girl. I was really fucked in the head at this point, because my parents were going through a bad divorce, and I had to be the man of the house. i couldn't handle all of this pressure, so I just stopped responding to phone calls and just hung out with close friends.

    Fast forward a few years. I continued to see Jen even after we broke up. She saw me throughout my relationships for the next couple of years. Into college I continued to talk with her. About a year after we broke up, she lived at my house for 6 or 8 months to get away from her parents and to work for a while. She effectively ruined any chance at having a relationship with anyone else, as she was still jealous.

    That's a short version of the story, but here's the thing: I still love this girl. I still see her, we still have sex. I'm the only one who she's been with. She has a life separate from mine, though we share many many mutual acquaintances (she befriended my friends after we broke up). She also hangs out with my mom, and they are close because she lived with us and we dated for so long.

    She is a different person with my mom and with her friends than she is with me.. and I don't like the person she is. I feel like I can't trust the things she says about people. I'm still this stupid jealous high school pussy and it fucking kills me, but i CAN'T get over it. I try so damn hard, but every time I get over something, this new detail comes up and it pisses me off. It's always little shit that I nitpick. I'm NOT this same person with current girlfriends. I just care too much about Jen's life.

    I want to keep Jen in my life because I love her, but I still can't bring myself to date her again. She wants a relationship and I just keep dragging her along. Every so often we get in fights and I tell her to move on. I BEG her to move on and leave me behind, because I can't do it myself. It makes me sick how weak I am with this girl. She's too involved with my life for there to be a clean break, and if I ever saw her with another guy before I completely lost my feelings for her, I would tear him to shreds.

    I guess my question is should I try to work this out or should we try and part ways? She's such a big part of my life (because of our mutual acquaintances) that I don't feel like I can cut her out at least until I'm out of college (I'm a junior). When she gets pissed off she encourages me to leave, and when I get pissed off I do the same. When things are great they are truly great. I guess I just can't stand her having a life so separate from mine.. or I just hate finding out annoying details later on.

    Sometimes I feel like we're hopelessly mismatched and just not compatible, but I don't know how to get rid of her without dying inside.


    I'm sorry, I'm sure none of that made sense...
     
  2. halflife78

    halflife78 OT Supporter

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    This should probably be in The Asylum just so you know, they answer these types of questions and issues better there.
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    So explain to me why SHE should have to do what you can't?

    I've got news for you: You say you want her to move on, but you can't make yourself end it. Why? Because part of you still wants her!

    You know that you two aren't going to work out. So just end it, cut off contact with her.

    Otherwise, you're just going to keep hurting yourself and her.

    Just reread your post: You're both doing this passive aggressive shit. Just stop fucking seeing each other! It's that damn easy! You both are waiting for the other to end things, and guess what it's not happening.

    Take charge of your damn life already!
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    What is she like with them and what is she like with you? What kind of things is she saying about people that you can't trust?
     
  5. TRN

    TRN Well-Known Member

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    Sounds like you would be better off just moving on completely.

    Sometimes its better to just cut it off.
     
  6. Srdjan

    Srdjan Guest

    I understand what you mean about seeing her in a different light from other girls. I have a very special girl friend that I started dating back in junior high... we're in college now and we're still close, but because we started off so young its difficult to look at her the way I look at the girls I meet now.

    Just wanted to throw that in to let you know it's not abnormal.
     
  7. Emfuser

    Emfuser Nuclear Moderator Super Moderator

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    On Topic --> Asylum

    Good luck :hugot:
     
  8. ItsStockOfficer

    ItsStockOfficer Active Member

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    Yeah, umm, you don´t need HER to move on. You can end the relationship right now without her permission.
     
  9. superloserus

    superloserus New Member

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    get rid of her, sounds like shes nothing but grief.
     
  10. Se7en

    Se7en Active Member

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    I understand that, and I've tried with varying success.. I usually just end up feeling bad or something.

    She's also been really sick lately. She gets these debilitating migraines so bad that they make her throw up and just break her down. She has been to ten or so different doctors, neurologists, endocrinologists, etc. No one can really figure out what the problem is. She gets them a couple times a week. She has every migraine medicine under the sun, too. She's had MRIs, CT scans, EMGs; if there's a relevant test, she has had it performed. She just recently moved out of her apartment because she thought that might be the problem (it had mold). It seems like when we get in a fight she usually gets one :hs: It also seems like I can help her keep from getting them often if I'm with her.

    Last week I went over there to talk to her about all of this stuff and her head was already hurting, and she got a bad one once we got into the more emotional stuff. She had to use one of her injections to make it better. While she was in the bathroom throwing up I was looking around her room and just thinking about all of the stuff I could've done for her that I haven't.. I play a lot of tennis, for instance, and when we dated in high school I was #1 on the team and played with her for a few hours a day in the summer. The past year or two she has suggested playing a lot of times, but I always refused. I noticed that she had bought like a tennis trainer thing for one person to use in the absence of another player. It broke my heart. I felt like such a piece of shit. She's one of the best people I know. She works 2 jobs (one as a Vet technician, and one is 90% volunteer work at an animal shelter) and goes to school full time.

    Her having those issues makes me feel terrible about leaving her too, because I think it aggravates her problems. When I went over there last week and she got that headache, I was laying on her bed with her just watching her in pain and I started to cry for the first time in a long time. I cried harder than I have since I was a kid, cause I'm just so torn and frustrated.

    Thanks for your responses.
     
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    oh look, more excuses.

    Guess what? Breaking up with someone always sucks. Someone's feelings will always be hurt.

    But go ahead...stay in a relationship that you're not happy with so you don't feel bad for breaking up.

    Seems to me like you would feel bad either way...one path gives you freedom, the other keeps you trapped.

    oh well, your life, you dictate how it goes.
     

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