SRS I think I'm done with people

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Ameter, Jul 28, 2007.

  1. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    It's kinda frustrating. I've always been a person who likes hanging around with people, having friends, etc. I've always wanted to find a good woman, get married, and raise a family, and for the longest time, that was the thing I wanted more than anything else in life.

    My greatest obstacle to this was not really knowing how to engage with people socially, and hence, making friends was difficult, and getting dates was nearly impossible.

    Over the past few years, I've worked on and developed my social skills, to the point where I'm fully functional now and don't have difficulty dealing with people, and making friends comes (relatively) easy to me.

    Getting dates isn't hard at all now, getting laid is even easier, but every time I find a woman who I like enough to even consider seeing seriously, it all goes to hell.

    Invariably, with women, they eventually start wanting to change me. They tell me that they'd like me better if I was this way, instead of that way, and every woman has a different set, contradictions abound when you compare women, so it's obviously a matter of personal taste more than any real flaws in my personality. Back before, when I was desperate for female attention, I would have tried to change to get them to like me, now, I couldn't care less, if they want me to change something which I like about myself, I tell them it's not going to happen, and, invariably, the relationship eventually sours and we split up.

    Ironically, they like to keep me around as a fuck buddy, so at least I'm always getting laid.

    When it comes to people I'm not romantically involved with, this isn't as much of a problem, but I find I don't really care for people. Now that I'm involved in the 'in' crowds (relatively speaking anyways,) I couldn't care less. Oftentimes I avoid them, just because I'd rather be alone.

    Most people, when they're friends with you, just want you to feed their ego or solve their problems, or listen to their shit, none of them really care to do anything I like to do. I mean, I get that a part of friendship is support, but it's supposed to just be a part, not the entire thing.

    So, as time goes by, I find myself less and less interested in people, and more and more interested in my work. I realized a few days ago, that I'm not even sure I really want kids anymore, largely because, at this point in my life, I've yet to meet a woman who was fun, attractive and loyal, all in one, let alone one who didn't want to change me, and I don't see myself marrying and having children with anyone who doesn't meet those standards.

    I mean, what's the point of marrying someone if you don't find them fun, attractive, or they're not loyal or they want to change you?

    :dunno: Thoughts? I like my work, and I'm excelling at it. Professionally speaking, I'm in high demand, even though I just finished first year. I'm one of the few first-year students to get a research position, and, on top of that, the department also hired me to work at the observatory, learning all the telescopes so I can in turn teach others.

    I've already been told by one of the grad students who works in the lab with me (on a different project) that I'm a better research assistant than the third and fourth years he's seen, and he's already offered me a position on the space telescope team, when it comes time for calibration, since he knows I learn quickly and will work well.

    Meanwhile, another prof sent me an email telling me he wants me to be his research assistant for the next summer.

    I guess I have everything I've wanted in my life, except that I can't find anyone, male or female, who I genuinely enjoy spending my time with who also doesn't want to change me (read: accepts me).

    As time goes on, I care less and less about that. I think I'm on the road to becoming one of those scientists who only cares about his work.

    And, I'm both fine with that, and worried about the fact that I'm fine with that.

    Thoughts? :dunno:
     
  2. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Same here man.. As just a student I have only started to care about my work and changed majors to things more challenging every year. First I was History, then engineering and now I am a Physics major.
     
  3. johan

    johan Active Member

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    Sounds fine to me.
     
  4. tidalxwave

    tidalxwave WWKD? OT Supporter

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    Maybe you're at a point where you want to excel individually right now. When people usually start their careers (first real job), friends and g/f's usually don't have a such a high priority (because they're excited about their new jobs).

    Time will come, just be patient and its always good to have a give and take mentality.

    Sometimes its not about finding the perfect person, but seeing the imperfections perfectly.
     
  5. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I can totally relate. After I graduated I experienced more success in business than almost every single one of my friends. I threw myself into my work and didn't date much. It was awesome and I had a blast.

    I don't see anything wrong with it at all. It is not perfect tho....but what is?? There are times when I experienced sadness that I couldn't share my latest achievements with a S/O but then again....I got to spend all my money in the ways I wanted to.

    So there's trade offs for everything in life. Is one path better than another?? Nope...it's just different. In fact, I'm certain that my path wouldn't have been a good one for any of my brothers....but it's a good one for me. I wouldn't want their paths either.

    Find your own way....when the time is right for you to marry, you'll meet someone. Many people are getting married for the first time much later in life so there will be plenty of people in the same boat as you.
     
  6. Marmitha

    Marmitha Milk ftw

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    i feel the same way, I've stopped talking to all my friends. I have one person who I really communicates with. She is my cousin. Once in a blue moon I will talk to my brother. I hate the fake friendships that just turn me into a doormat. I've tried to put it all behind me and just prefer being alone now. I don't see anything wrong with it, other than feeling lonely once in a while.
     
  7. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    yeah, thats the only problem I see with it

    plus, I'd still like to find a good woman and settle down with her, but, i just dont believe that there really are any good women out there
     

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