SRS I think im depressed

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by smokeater270, Oct 5, 2005.

  1. smokeater270

    smokeater270 New Member

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    Im not looking for the simpathy card here, but the last two weeks have been the hardest of my life. Ive been a firefighter for the last 3-4 years now and I've seen shit that i wouldnt wish my worst enemy to see. None of that bothers me though, which makes me wonder if something is wrong with me.

    Then on thursday night, the Chief's son, who was 10yo, passed away after a 20 month battle with brain cancer. I have never met the boy yet feel emotionally attached to him. Over the course of the last 20 months, he was given many FD titles and made an honorary member of many departments around our county. People had always said there was something special about this child, because despite his illness, he always brought warmth and happyness to the room. I had many opportunities to meet him but never did, why i dont know. i wanst busy or anything like that, but i avoided the whole situation. As time rolled on and as i was away at college, i grew this emotional bond to him, even though i had never met him, and it kept growing and growing.

    We all knew his death was coming soon. His cancer had spread and his parents made the decision to stop all treatment because nothing was working. I had decided that i was going to fly home for the funeral and wake and Fire Department Services that were going to be "preformed." Told everyone i was going to come home no matter what, ect. ect. Thursday rolled around and i immediatly tried to buy a plane ticket home. i tried all the cheap websites but the cheapest ticket i could get was $500, and there no way i can afford that right now. So i sat down here in FL while this little boy was given a Firemans funeral and Honors where over 300 firemen from around our county attended. I had to witness this funeral over the 2 min news clip i get from the local news website.

    So right now, i just feel like shit because i made a promise to make it home for this funeral, and i didnt follow through, which never happens with me. I had to sit at home in FL 1,100 miles away and watch a small clip of a news program to "satisfy" me. So now on top of all that, my grades in college are slipping down fast and far, and i just feel alone down here because my roomates cant understand the feeling of losing a "brother," even if he is honorary and 10yo. I dont know what to do. please help
     
  2. smokeater270

    smokeater270 New Member

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    how long ago was he lost (sry whats a signal 99? my10-codes are different)
     
  3. smokeater270

    smokeater270 New Member

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    i can only imagine, i am sorry for your losses as well :(
     
  4. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    I am sorry that a life was taken so young and that you were not able to attend the funeral. Dealing with loss is always difficult and one always feels so lost. I have been thinking about what you could do as a memorial to this person, who obviously was a very brave little boy.
    Whynot plant a tree in his memory? Or perhaps donate some money in his name to a worthy cause? Adopt an animal through the WWF in his name...there are so many things you can do as a trbute and to let the world know you cared about this little tyke even though you had not met him. I think his parents would be very honored if you would take the time to do something on behalf of, and in the name of, their little boy.

    Be careful out there.
     

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