SRS i think im depressed

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by CYTOCYLER, Jun 1, 2005.

  1. CYTOCYLER

    CYTOCYLER Guest

    to start, i dont think i have a drinking problem, im sure no one has heard that before, i drank fine and never did stupid shit or got out of control until recently. I drank a bit but i was always a nice guy and respected

    about 3 months or so ago my dad started going out with a girl that i dont like, then all of a sudden he decides he is going to marry her. she has 2 kids and they want to build a new house. i dotn want to fucking move, i dont like her at all, i hate her kdis, i feel like im losing my father, hes been there for me my entire life pushing me to be better and going out of his way spending tons of money to get me the best of everything, and ive wasted it the whole time, ive been a shitty student, a mediocre athlete, and an asshole, i am ashamed of what i have done with what i have been given, but he has always been there believing in me and having faith and always willing to help me improve

    ever since she came he has been an ass to me. always yelling at me about nothing, not being kind at all and since then he has made it ok to have alcohol and drink at our house. my life has totally been turned upside down, he used to scream at my sister and i b/c of alcohol, while it seems cool that he knowingly looks the other way, i dont like it. He has completely changed and i hate it. i miss my dad the way i remember him, loving caring and always trying to help me improve. now he doesnt care, and doesnt believe in me, ive never felt so sad and depressed inside, i feel lost and dont care either, and ive realized that the hard drinking, getting out of control/passing out/yelling/breaking shit, is not only b/c i weigh 150lbs or i start too early or someone elese did somthing, its my fault, i need to fix how i feel and move on before i can correct myself and my actions. i am unbeleiveably ashamed of my actions and what ive done in the past, i have gotten a reputation amongst my friends as an out of control person and i dont like it, and i am not i cry not only about my family and how my life is changing, but also thinking about every thing ive ever done while drunk

    :sadwavey:
     
  2. CYTOCYLER

    CYTOCYLER Guest

    i plan on doing that, i just feel so very alone right now, it feels like im losing my family, im going to college in august, and i just keep making an ass out of myself and being a shitty person
     
  3. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    1,532
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Well that sucks about your dad. Maybe relations with him will change when you go away to college, I know my relationship with my parents improved dramatically after I moved away.

    As far as your drinking issues are concerned, they might not get much better in college. I ruined a lot of the friendships/relationships I could've had freshman year because I drank like an alcoholic. Instead of getting sober, I pissed away 3 1/2 years of college doing shitty academically and burning more bridges in my relationships. I suggest you attend an AA meeting and see if you can relate to anyone. This is not because I think you're an alcoholic, it's for you to decide if it's possible you could be headed down that road. If you are, stopping now could dramatically improve your college experience, and your life experience. If you aren't, then at least you can sleep good knowing that you have investigated potential problems.
     
  4. CYTOCYLER

    CYTOCYLER Guest

    ive talked to a good friend about this and i just need to stop drinking away my probs, i have burned so many bridges, ruined relationships, and just destroyed property in general thanks to my inability to solve my problems thorugh some other means than alcohol, girls i liked have seen my do things that i am so vastly ashamed of that it pains me to think about it, i have peed on some girls couch, said things that shouldnt be said, not only mean things but told some girl that really liked me that i really liked her friend and now neither talks to me, etc.

    its just painful to think that jsut now im deciding that maybe its a good idea to tell someone and vent and get this shit off of my chest, ive felt anger towards my father, sadness, and a whole range of emotions that just arent good to keep inside
     
  5. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    1,532
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    Dude I have done those same things. The fact is, for someone like me, the only way I was able to solve my problems, and essentially to grow up was and is to stay sober and go to AA. I was able to deal with a lot of my problems there, not just alcohol.

    Attending one meeting doesn't brand you an alcoholic, and you don't have to say anything. I suggest you begin reading in the Road To Recovery forum as well, and attend one meeting if you can, it could prove to be a very important choice.

    That's cool that you talked with a good friend about this. But, unless you're good friend is a recovering alcoholic, he/she really wouldn't understand if you had a problem or how to help, regardless of how smart/compassionate he/she is.
     
  6. CYTOCYLER

    CYTOCYLER Guest

    i know, but hes a nice guy and i was jsut looking to tell someone my feelings, and he knew all of it had been happening and he tried to stop me and tell me etc. but i jsut recently realized this, i have made an appt with a psychiatrist and want to get over this pain i feel and the anger, i just want to tell someone how i feel

    my anger, pain, and lonliness cause me to drink and then in turn that fucks me up more, while im not scared of AA branding me an alcoholic, i dont think thats best for me, im going to go to this psychiatrist and talk to him/her and really get to the bottom of things, i need to slow my life down and start being a better person, i need to improve myself and get out of this downward self destructing cycle
     
  7. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2004
    Messages:
    267
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Odessa
    AA is not a bad thing. It has helped me so mush and continues to help me. You must realize that alcoholics, must interacted with recovered alcoholics to get the full effect of the program. I mean, I can talk to my B/F about being an alcoholic, but he doesnot understand the full and metal effects it does to us. So he basically goes blank when I explain it. In other words, like it has been said before, if you think you are not a alcoholic try some moderate drinking, as in try to drink some then stop yourself, if you can't then you know.

    Drinking because you are depressed,is a clear sign of an alcoholic. I am not saying you are one tho, because only you can decide weather or not you need help with that. But, if you were to quit drinking you would feel a whole lot better.

    (24 days sober, and going strong)
     
  8. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    1,532
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    AA may not be whats best for you, but attending one meeting takes like an hour, I'd say it'd be worth it to know what happens there. Anyway, talking to a psychiatrist is good, be sure and be completely honest about your drinking history/antics. See what he/she says about the suggestion you receieved to attend an AA meeting.

    How long has this "downward self-destructing cycle" been going on?

    BTW: Good job BBQ Monster
     
  9. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,047
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Land of Provincialism
    I don't drink much...except when I do I drink Scotch (single malt) no ice...just straight.

    I can drink a lot of it and not get hammered...but, if I drink 5 cans of beer, I am smashed...go figure.

    The whole point of this reply is "Hey, I'm Depressed too"
     
  10. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2003
    Messages:
    15,474
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Socal
    stop drinking and talk to your dad. this is how alcoholism starts, when you don't have anything to turn to except alcohol.

    do you have any close friends? now would be a good time to tell them whats going on, how its affecting you, and if they can give you some support.
     
  11. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    1,532
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    So you're talking about drinking and getting smashed and you're depressed? I'm very confused, maybe you should not drink too.
     
  12. CYTOCYLER

    CYTOCYLER Guest

    i really appreciate all the help

    i might attend an AA meeting, but prolly not, im gonna try and discuss my feelings and try and get over these feelings of sadness, emptiness, and lonliness, i have tons of great friends, one i havte talked to about this and he says hes seen it happening

    i dont think im addicted to alcohol, im 18 and its whats going on at parties, i usually dont drink all that much and i have a good time, like i said i have done nights wehre ill only have a drink, but its tough playing beirut and shit like that, but w/e i feel like on the whole i am in now ay dependent on alcohol, just every so often i get depressed about a girl or shit like that and lose control for a night

    but you are all right, this is clearly the path to alcoholism and i am gonna try my hardest to get off of it and i think i can, i believe that once i discuss these feelings and am open about them i will be happier and able to be a mroe responsible drinker and a better person that people dont hate
     
  13. eligh

    eligh Go To A Meeting

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2004
    Messages:
    1,532
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    California
    good luck, update us on the situation after you see your psych. or get some alternative help
     
  14. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2005
    Messages:
    1,047
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Land of Provincialism
    :nono: No, no. I only drink every once in awhile...it makes me too depressed.
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite
    God damn Heather you have come a long way in a very short time.
    It wasn't that long ago when you were denying being an alcoholic and we were all sure you were just going to blow us off.
     
  16. BBQ Monster

    BBQ Monster New Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2004
    Messages:
    267
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Odessa
    Yes I know it seemed I was not taking in the advice that was being giving to me, but you guys here pushed me, along with a very close friend. So now I go too AA meetings regular. I have been reading the "Big Book" and as long as the person has the will to quit, and never give up there is always hope. I am also going through the 12 step program, this part is hard, but when it comes to this situation it is not going to be easy. As it is said in the meetings, "day by day" is the only way to achieve full sobriety, and always keep going back to the AA meetings. The AA meetings are what give the person the desire, and it is helping me to gain my sanity back, a long with my life.:)
     

Share This Page