I think I lost a few points last night...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Jagrmaister, Nov 3, 2005.

  1. Jagrmaister

    Jagrmaister New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2003
    Messages:
    432
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    IL
    So I've been seeing this girl 1-3x a week for the past month. We have a friggin' blast and are all over each other but no sex. So I asked her the other night if she wanted to be exclusive. Her response was, "I don't know, relationships freak me out and I'm just coming off a 1 1/2 yr long relationship so it's kind of weird seeing new people."

    This translates to me: "I'm waiting for the next best thing and/or I still have feelings for my ex-bf." Am I right or wrong?

    Anyways, so then she ends up staying over at my house all night, then the next day I don't even bring her home until 10:30pm and she's entirely fine with that as I asked her a few times if she wanted to go home and she's like no rush. So then I ask if she's going to this bar we all go up to with her friend cuz I'm going with a few guy and gal pals of mine. I first invited her to the bar we were at about 30 mins from that place, but she said no...So I show up about at the bar she's at about an hour and a half after she's got there...but by this time I'm kind of drunk and pissed about what she said the nights before...so my mouth gets big and I tell her it's kind of points off for her (I give her my translation of what she said).

    Then she dances with her friend, so I dance with some of my g/fs I'm not even interested in...She takes off about an hour after I get there and is completely cold to me...What's the damn deal?
     
  2. Jagrmaister

    Jagrmaister New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2003
    Messages:
    432
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    IL
    Oh, I already called this morning and apologized for being an ass but just said I was confused by her hot/cold act and haven't heard back yet. Am I pretty much doomed?
     
  3. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2005
    Messages:
    3,843
    Likes Received:
    0
    She likes you but just got out of a long relationship, so she is nervous to commit right away.
    Which is essentially what she told you, and it sounds like you didn't hear her.

    Least that's my interpretation.
     
  4. Jagrmaister

    Jagrmaister New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2003
    Messages:
    432
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    IL
    So is there a way to fix the problem I've created now? Or do I pretty much have to sit and wait?
     
  5. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2005
    Messages:
    3,843
    Likes Received:
    0
    Be honest and say you got confused and probably freaked out a bit ontop of that?
     
  6. Epiphany

    Epiphany 78% of all statistics are made up on the spot

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2005
    Messages:
    661
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fort Fun
    :werd:
     
  7. Bush77

    Bush77 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2004
    Messages:
    4,814
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toronto, Canada
    i figure if she really did like you then you two would be exclusive, that's the bottom line. it's up to you what to do.
     
  8. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

    Joined:
    May 5, 2002
    Messages:
    57,467
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    the streets
    In general, I recommend NOT discussing excluvisity until she brings it up. She should like you enough that she wants you all for herself.

    Then at that point you can decide if thats for you or not.

    I use it as a barometer for how interested she is in me. If she isn't pushing for an exclusive relationship soon after we start dating, I know she's just not that into me.

    In my experience, things work the best when men escalate the relationship physically and women escalate it emotionally.
     
  9. noola

    noola New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2003
    Messages:
    2,226
    Likes Received:
    0
    Well you acted like an asshole, so you should be fine.
     
  10. Asses Maximus

    Asses Maximus Guns don't kill people. People kill people. Guns d

    Joined:
    Aug 21, 2005
    Messages:
    15,148
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Between laziness and impatience
    I am going to remember that and try to apply it.
     
  11. 72SSAbody

    72SSAbody New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2004
    Messages:
    1,087
    Likes Received:
    0
    he speaks the truth.

    You ALWAYS let the girl bring up the "exclusive" convo.
     
  12. Big Ol' Balls

    Big Ol' Balls New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2001
    Messages:
    2,691
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta
    just take her for her word on not being down for 'exclusive' right now and dont feel bad for going out and banging other girls on the side.
     
  13. armond

    armond New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2003
    Messages:
    2,389
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texas
    .
     
  14. Jagrmaister

    Jagrmaister New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2003
    Messages:
    432
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    IL
    Heh...It's true. All is well again. She went out with me again yesterday. As far as the exclusivity, I gave her the option since we'd been seeing each other for a month and I was kind of perplexed as to whether or not to hit on other girls and wanted to gauge her reaction. I'm not that concerned about it, and while I've pretty much slowed down on the hitting of other girls I'm fine having my options open currently.
     
  15. islanderman7

    islanderman7 New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2004
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Santa Barbara, CA
  16. Jagrmaister

    Jagrmaister New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2003
    Messages:
    432
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    IL
    Welp...she was hot again on Monday so I guess I proved your theories wrong, islanderman7 and slowlx.
     
  17. MoP

    MoP New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2003
    Messages:
    25,043
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Toon Town, Canada
    What if you feel like the girl is too timid to ever bring up a conversation about being exclusive?
     
  18. OoOlAlA

    OoOlAlA New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    596
    Likes Received:
    0
    Shouldnt have called her and apologized with the whole thing about the hot/cold thing. You should have just let it play out. If a guy was a drunken ass to me last night and i got a pathetic message this morning I would think he is lame. You wait awhile and then apologize.
     
  19. Placebo

    Placebo New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2005
    Messages:
    4,166
    Likes Received:
    0
    Words of wisdom right here.
     
  20. Abomb

    Abomb New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2005
    Messages:
    20,480
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston, TX
    my buddy always says... if you arent fucking her, shes definitely not your girlfriend
     
  21. donpisto

    donpisto New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 7, 2006
    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Arcadia, CA
    I got problems off and on with my gf...one key thing i realized is that her and every other girl and person in the world has their own healing time. she may be still upset and bothered by what happened...dont be dumb like me and try to get her to say somethin and whatnot, just makes her get more frustrated.

    I agree with the person who said be honest and tell her how you feel.

    Also, don't expect sex within a month of being together. As she said she just got out of 1.5 year relationship...even if she hadnt, not all girls are wanting to get that intimate with a guy so soon. Don't push on the topic either. Take it step by step...instead of going for the big hail mary and tryin to score a touchdown, go for a few first downs and when you're in scoring range then go for the TD....thus, take steps towards having sex...some intimate moments are a good way to go, like hot n' heavy kisses...but if she's not up for it, then lay off a bit...you dont want her to go thinkin that all you want to do is ride the poonani
     
  22. Kinks

    Kinks Sup. OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2003
    Messages:
    8,692
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sydney, Australia
    spot on, and thanks for the reminder :)
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    She means exactly what she says dude. She just got out of a long relationship. The idea of seriousness (even if your truly just like her and want to date exclusively) is terrifying to her.

    My current SO was literally the same way, but I realized it, didn't push anything serious and we just had a blast together! 6 months later we are together and doing amazing.

    She didn't invite you to the bar because contrary to popular belief, not all girls want to suffocate and cling to the guy they like, in fact, sometimes they want to test them and see if they get jealous (I'm 99% sure that's why she was dancing with some guys at that bar, to bug you)

    Just hang out man, say you're sorry for being a dick that night but that you like her a lot and would like to keep dating her. If she never shows signs of committing then move on.
     
  24. bandwagon

    bandwagon Copy/Paste

    Joined:
    May 27, 2005
    Messages:
    1,501
    Likes Received:
    0
    Yail nailed it.

    On top of that, you are coming across WAY too needy. Asking for exclusivity before even getting physical? WTF.

    Showing up at a bar when she is out with her friends? WTF.

    I'd say you've lost your chance with this girl. Go find some other women and MAKE THEM CHASE YOU.
     
  25. PostingWorld

    PostingWorld Da Man with da plan

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2006
    Messages:
    145
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Same thing happened to me over the summer this year. I was interested in a girl, but she was just getting out of a year and a half long relationship. What happened? She told me she didnt want to date because of this, so I just kind of stop talking to her. Well, I met this new girl who im currently dating and now the first girl that I met early summer wants me.

    Just play hard to get man. Be available, but dont be available all the time anymore. If she doesnt want to be exclusive then thats fine, just move on. Dont hate her for it, but dont keep acting like you still want to date her either.
     

Share This Page