I think I have a problem. I've been with my girlfriend coming on to 4 years.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by poorvirginloser, Dec 10, 2007.

  1. I really don't enjoy having sex with her anymore and when we do I usually think of someone else the whole time. The thing is though, I really do love her and I would never want to hurt her. I don't want to break up with her, well maybe I do. Who knows, I'm confused. Well anyways I don't know what i'm going through and I'm just totally confused and don't know what to do. Any advice? we're both in our early 20's btw.
     
  2. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    has she gained weight?
     
  3. maybe like 10 lbs over the 4 year span:dunno:
     
  4. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    thats not bad
     
  5. the weight might have something to do with it. She used to play sports in highschool and run a lot. She had a really tight body and firm ass, now not so much although it's not bad either.
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Break up with her. You are not doing her a favor and staying with her when you can't even get through sex with her without thinking of someone else. That is disgusting and if she knew that she wouldn't want to be with you. What do you think is a smarter idea? Staying with her for years, maybe forever just because you "love her" and feel guilty about this....or break up with her, move on and let her move on to hopefully find a guy who likes fucking her?

    Do her and yourself a favor and break it off.
     
  7. It's not as easy as you think. She loves me TO DEATH. She does everything to keep me happy. I love her too, but it seems like it's starting to fade and now i feel like one of these days i'm going to cheat on her and I don't want to do that to her. If I broke up with her it would be a break up out of no where for her.
     
  8. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    :mb: That's what everyone says, "but you don't understand, we've been through ____and ____ and been together ______ and I'm their everything!" :mb: Do you really think in a year (if you stay with her) when you still dislike sleeping with her so much that you fill your head with other women, that you'll think stayuing with her that year was a good idea? I doubt it. And I sincerely doubt if she knew you hated having sex with her so much she'd want to fight for your relationship so much. Have you even talked with her about this?

    If you are even contemplating cheating on her do her a fucking favor, save her more pain and break things off so she can move on sooner than later.
     
  9. she doesn't know any of this.:hsugh:
    She thinks our relationship is going well as it always has. Like I said, it will be a break up out of nowhere for her if i did decide to go through it. And yes it's really tough to think about breaking up with her after we've been together for 4 years.

    How do i go about telling her that i think of other people when we have sex?
     
  10. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S UNEXPECTED FOR HER. You're just feeling guilty, it still doesn't mean you are doing her a favor. What happens when in the next 6 months (since you've been together 4 years) she starts pushing getting married on you and you feel even more guilty and trapped for wanting to end it?

    Do NOT tell her you have to think of other women when fucking her. that is like a stab in the heart. Would you want to hear the opposite form her? I doubt that. You just break up with her by saying your relationship isn't the same anymore, etc.
     
  11. can someone help me out on what to tell her or what to say. Again this is going to come out of nowhere to her with no signs from me at all that i'm not into her anymore.
     
  12. another thing is that she lives with me right now until she gets her own apartment in about 2 months. What should I do about that?
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Think about it this way (we're all not going to tell you how to break up with your girlfriend of 4 years :hsugh:), how do you feel about your relationship right now. Obviously the sex isn't interesting to you, but how do you feel about it amongst your relationship in general now. Does it feel like it's going anywhere? Has a dynamic changed? Those are the reasons you give her. Not "oh well I can't stop thinking about other women while I'm inside you and I've contemplated cheating on you."

    Well it's obvious you are really considering this. I know she's living with you for another 2 months, but that's no reason for you to stay with her. My current bf lived with his ex for a few months. He was supposed to be moving into his own place but it just got easy so he stayed with her. Well within 4 months or so he was over it and her. He broke up with her even though he was technically still living with her and had nowhere else to go. She agreed it was ok for him to stay in the apartment still until he found his own place (even though she was devastated), which he did soon and moved out. This is what you two could do. It would be hard, there's no doubt, but it's still for the better.
     
  14. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    you have been together from age 16 to age 20??

    you both reeeallly need to experience different people. maybe you'll end up together, maybe not, but those are important years to be single/date around.
     
  15. ChaCha

    ChaCha Active Member

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    ultimately its up to you.

    its a hard time to do this sort of thing, especially with the holidays and all.

    I'm sure you two can come up with some kind of arrangement, but I wouldn't recommend living together...

    If I were you I'd break up with her now and get it over with before it gets anymore complicated.
     
  16. yes.
     
  17. kiri

    kiri New Member

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    then tell her that. neither of you have experienced what you've needed to. spend some time dating other people and let her do the same. maybe once you do you'll find out that you want to go back to her... but i doubt it. people want to cling to their first relationship, or relationships that have lasted a long time just because they have, but if it's not working it's not working. don't waste any more of your time or hers.
     
  18. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    don't explicitly tell her that you think about other people when you fuck her. just tell her you don't have the same passionate connection you used to and see your relationship being more and more like friends and less and less like bf/gf. at this point in your lives, that's a sign that you aren't for each other. now, if you were like 40, it would be another story.
     
  19. huntz0r

    huntz0r New Member

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    See also: COGNITIVE DISSONANCE
     
  20. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    I really hope you don't mean that, because I would hate to think that just because a couple in this situation is 40 that they should ultimately settle for what they have and are miserable with.
     
  21. yankeeschick14

    yankeeschick14 New Member

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    how long have you been feeling this way and just "putting up" with having sex with her?? Is it a recent thing, and are there stressors in your life that could have put a damper on your sex drive, or are there things that have changed for the worse in your relationship? Or have the two of you just grown out of the cute high school sweetheart stage, grown apart, and now need to experience things on your own? I do believe that two people can be in love, and be right for each other at a certain time and place, but people change and you can fall out of love. Obviously you've been together a long time, and you will always cherish what you had, but you're not being fair to her so you need to deal with your issues or get out.
     
  22. DTR rex

    DTR rex New Member

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    So are you not attracted to her, or the sex just isn't any good?

    Sex not being good can be easily fixed with some knowledge and motivation. But if you're not attracted to her and feel the love fading then it's time to break it off. ESPECIALLY since you are worried you might cheat. If you end this now, you are doing you both a favot (even though she won't see it that way at first) but if you cheat on her then you are an asshole and will hurt her A LOT more.

    You're probably better off just ending it... but I know that's easier said than done. Maybe talk with her about it and kinda get a feel for how she's feeling about it all. If she's not good in bed it might just be that she is bored now too and just not into you anymore.

    Sex with my last LTR (after years of being together) got pretty boring... she wanted it less often and just wasn't too active. I think we both just got too comfortable in the relationship. After we broke up and started having sex again after being broken up a few months our sex life was INCREDIBLE! I am sure it was because we were both not getting it as frequently and we missed each other, but everytime we had sex it was amazing on both our parts.

    Either way, good luck.
     
  23. stermy

    stermy New Member

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    have you guys taken a break? cause good relationships need some breaks.
     
  24. jmezz

    jmezz layin in bed stretchin my pumped quads for hours

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    :ugh:
     
  25. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    i do believe that. after a certain point, it's unrealistic to expect to have that same passion and fire in a relationship that you did the first 6 months you were dating.

    i'm not saying that the people in such a relationship should, at age 40, just accept this and live in misery the rest of their lives. i'm saying they should really think hard to try to figure out how to fix it. however, if you're 20 years old and this is already starting to happen, there's something wrong with the relationship and you two are probably not right for each other, so the solution is probably to break it off rather than grab at straws to fix it.
     

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