I think I get tied up in girls too fast...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by 1979TA, Jan 9, 2009.

  1. 1979TA

    1979TA OT Supporter

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    Background on me. 24, good job, stable, etc. Have had a few long term relationships, 2 very serious relationships. Dated and slept around a lot in college. Never really had a problem getting girls, but it seems to be especially difficult for me to find "quality" girls.

    Recently I find that when I meet a girl and have an interest in her, I feel like I get too wrapped up in her way too fast. Like the girl I am currently talking to. We have been on 2 really good dates and have basically said that we would like to keep seeing each other. Well I find myself thinking about her all the time, but not in a normal "oh she is so cute" kinda way, but more of a "is she seeing other people?" "Is this going to work, man I really want it to work" "When can I see her next, can I see her now?" "She's the greatest, hope this works".

    Basically I don't know if this is just normal and I am not used to it, if I am having confidence issues, or if I am just getting too dependent on a girl way too fast. It seems I have been this way with every girl I have dated for the past few months or so. I feel it has caused me to become smothering, move too fast, and not be myself. Luckily this new girl I have been seeing does not text and has a busy work schedule, so that has kept me from friggin bugging her all the time.

    What do you all think?
     
  2. Bubba Atlantis

    Bubba Atlantis New Member

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    Sorry, I could not help but read your thread initially as "I think I tied up a girl too fast". I was thinking :O no such thing! :mamoru:


    I tend to do something similar. You get really eager and happy and become overbearing. Everyone has it as what you are mostly describing is infatuation. It comes with any new relationship that you care about. I am having that right now. There has been some concern that I am becoming too wrapped up in the girl that I am interested in dating right now. However, I just have to remind myself that is to be expected because it is something new and I see all the exciting things that could come from it and therefore, I am becoming more wrapped up in the possibilities. I think the key thing to do is be aware of this and try to pace yourself. Nothing wrong with feeling that way, the key is controling it. As I mentioned, everyone has it, some are just better at dealing with it than others and I think that it what you have to work on now.
     
  3. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    Chill-ax bro...

    Like you said, if you get too hyped up over a girl you will become smothering, move too fast, not be yourself, needy, etc... Basically all unattractive qualities, and you give away any mystery when you get too excited.

    In college you hooked up with a lot of girls because you didn't care. But now it seems like you really want a relationship, which is fine, but if you continue to get overly excited you will ruin any attraction these girls have for you. And yes you are having confidence issues, and these issues are being self-inflicted. Women can sense low confidence, and we all know low confidence is not attractive. Find other ways to occupy your mind when you're not with these girls.
     
  4. 1979TA

    1979TA OT Supporter

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    I think the confidence issues may come from the type of girls I have been seeing. Ever since an ex and I broke up about 7 months ago, I really learned what I DIDN'T want in a girl and have really changed what I look for. Basically I went from girls who's idea of a good night was a part, getting hammered, and banging by the third date. Now I am seeing girls where their idea of a good night is a nice fancy dinner and a walk in the park and you are lucky to get a kiss by the third date. I really feel out of the realm of what I am used to. So with that said it seems like I wander around thinking "was I too much of a man slut in college for her to be attracted to me?" "Is it too soon to try to kiss her? I'm not sure" things of that nature
     
  5. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

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    It's never too soon to try and kiss a woman. It's the stuff after kissing that you need to take slowly. If she isn't ready to kiss you, or doesn't want to kiss you then she'll either turn her head or push you away. There are several techniques you can use to know when a girl is ready for a kiss, or to "setup" the right moment for a kiss. And never apologize or feel awkward if you go in for a kiss and she turns away or pushes you away. You tried to be the initiator which is what women want anyways. Just move on from there. If she still hangs around with you maybe you can try again later and she will be ready. But by attempting to kiss her you've demonstrated your intentions. You have to get on first base before you even get a chance to go for 2nd, 3rd, or home.

    And it doesn't matter that your past you were a man slut in college. It sounds like your priorities and morals have changed and you want something more than just meaningless sex.
     
  6. 1979TA

    1979TA OT Supporter

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    One of the things that I lack confidence in when it comes to a kiss is my feeling of skepticism from females. I am a really nice guy, a hopeless romantic if you want to put it in cliche terms. I am the kinda guy who makes sure she is happy when we go out on dates, and I really enjoy making others happy. Where I feel the skepticism comes from is that girls think that guys only want 1 thing, which is sex. I worry that if I try to kiss a girl too soon, then she is going to think that all I want from her is sex, and the whole nice guy thing is a facade in order to get that.
     
  7. epracmetcon

    epracmetcon New Member

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    I found myself doing this a lot.

    What I found helped me was having interest in multiple girls at the same time.

    I ended up with a WONDERFUL girl who I really wasn't that interested in to begin with.
     
  8. 1979TA

    1979TA OT Supporter

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    Tried it, doesn't really work. I still find myself getting wrapped up in one. I also feel like I am doing something wrong if I am seeing a few girls at once. Even if it is known that we are all seeing other people.
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    thread title is one of the biggest mistakes men make in their relationships
     
  10. 1979TA

    1979TA OT Supporter

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    My buddy had this to say a little bit ago..

    "When you first start seeing someone, the less you care about what ends up happening 3 weeks from now and the more you focus on having fun and showing her what kind of guy you are, the more luck you will have in it turning into something between the 2 of you"
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    this is called being indifferent to the outcome
     
  12. giz

    giz Active Member

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    "let go of the outcome" and "live in your own reality" are two phrases that changed my life
     
  13. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Brother, I'm in the exactly the same shoes. I can date tons of women, but when I'm truly interested in a woman who is intelligent, warm, worth it like my girlfriend it all seems to hit the fucking fan lol, but im learning to chill out.
     
  14. 1979TA

    1979TA OT Supporter

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    Yeah I really need to learn to chill. Like at this moment I am kinda buggin out because the girl I described above is on her way to her parents' house for the weekend, so I called and left her a voicemail telling her to be careful, have a good time and look forward to seeing her Monday night. I haven't heard back from her, so obviously going through my mind are 1 million questions. I know I need to chill out, but for some reason I just can't stop thinking the worst outcomes, rather than just let it be.

    Maybe I just need another hobby or something :rofl:
     
  15. sorryforya

    sorryforya New Member

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    I guess a lot of people are like this. Me included. I realized though that the girls take that as a turn off.
     
  16. Ideotique

    Ideotique Drinking on monday nights does not make me an alco

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    I adopted this about 1.5 years ago

    The past 1.5 years have been the best of my life.
     
  17. Nev

    Nev Active Member

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    I'm working on quitting stuff like this too. I've been with my girl for 2 months and I notice myself becoming overbearing at times. I think she's so great and I become so afraid to lose her that I do stupid ass shit that will only make it happen. I used to do it a lot, but since I recognized it, ive gotten better control of it, but it still pops up from time to time and raises complete hell. We had a big blow out last night and Ive been crushed all day just thinking about it.

    And right now I'm still unsure how everything is going to turn out in the end.
     
  18. Nev

    Nev Active Member

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    But is there also not a point where being indifferent to outcomes can turn things the wrong way?

    It seems like a fine line.
     
  19. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

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    indifference to the outcome. You still try hard to do your best, but instead of stressing about how things are gonna be, just concentrate on doing what you want to do and being who you want to be right now.

    If you always do your best, the rest will take care of itself

    ie, instead of stressing yourself out on the shit you can't control like "unsure how everything is going to turn out in the end." you should be focusing all your attention on "I think she's so great and I become so afraid to lose her that I do stupid ass shit that will only make it happen"

    she might turn lesbian. nothing you can do about it. you still want to be able to be able to look back and be happy with your own actions.
     
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2009
  20. Nev

    Nev Active Member

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    makes sense.
     
  21. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    hell yeah :cool:
     
  22. chlywly

    chlywly Active Member

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    Yeah we are brainwashed to constantly think of 'outcome' and of 'making it' when we're young... careers, marriage etc. However, there is truly only the journy... What's the outcome? it never comes, the only outcome I can think of is death.

    Definitely concentrate on today, you can die tomorrow so try to be happy today and feel/do what you want.
     
  23. 1979TA

    1979TA OT Supporter

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    Yep, I really started trying hard to live by this as soon as it was mentioned and I thought about it. There is nothing more in your life you can do other than give it your best and have fun. What happens is going to happen, so why not enjoy the dance (not to quote Garth Brooks or anything :rofl:).

    So after really talking myself into relaxing, she returned my phone call yesterday and we ended up going out to dinner then watching a movie at her place. Not worry about what is going to happen between us as soon as I leave her place allowed me to really just enjoy the moment and be myself. I honestly felt like it was one of the best dates I have ever been on, and she told me her stomach hurt from laughing so much. And at the end of the night I finally kissed her :wiggle: and she said she can't wait to see me again :wiggle::wiggle:

    Thanks for all the advice everyone. I still have a lot of work to do, but I really can see a difference so far.
     
  24. zatotheck

    zatotheck New Member

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    Wow bro, I am glad that you were able to calm yourself down and keep things under control. Unfortunitely I can't say the same for myself. I recently met an awesome girl and we hit it off really well. But now I am afraid that she has started to lose interest in me because I was so persistant and needy. She had to tell me to slow down and not be so persistant and so I did however, I think it's already too late....

    I hope I can redeem myself
     
  25. jeffswain

    jeffswain OT Supporter

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    man i know how you feel lol
     

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