SRS i thing my girlfriend has fallen out of love with me.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by hollywood, Aug 20, 2007.

  1. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    i think my girlfriend has fallen out of love with me.

    this could end up a giant mess of a web but im gonna try this out ... its my first time posting in here and i just dont know what else to do.


    first off we have been together 7 months today ... ironic ... just realized that. we met our senior year of college and it was basically love at first sight. we did everything together and it looked like she was developing into the one. but over time she has changed.

    let me preface this a bit more. she spend junior spring abroad in Australia where she had a life changing experience. she did nothing but party and travel and see the world...along with meet boys. one boy who she was crazy about dised her hard and she wanted to be with him so badly. i would read messages about how much she wanted to be with him and she wants to go back and live in Australia. now that shes back in the states its the other way around. he will send her emails and tell her how he would do anything to be with her and how if she was still there he would purpose to her and everything. she said its nothing and would brush it off every time i would ask. me being the jealous type would ask about how serious it was and what she really felt and how they were sexually and shes like we never did anything. and i knew that wasnt case.

    so back to the other part.

    we graduated in may and spend all of june together and we were going to try to do the distance saying no matter what. i moved out to san diego and she moved into hoboken for her job.

    we are both (although she wont admit it) are very hypocritical people. im the extremely jealous type and take things way to personally so when things are not going as planned i get worried and it sparks emotion. i like the emotional stuff, and the cute messages and emails and i thought she did as well, but as ive said...over time things change. she has gone from sending messages about how much i mean to her and how special and lovable i am to nothing at all. ill send her a note a day, and ill get no response. we fight constantly and every time it ends up with her exasperated and hanging up on me. i try to talk to her roommates to get answers and they kinda help but the first thing they do after we talk is go tell her and then it blows up in my face "why are you bothering my friends...now they are all mad at me"

    what hurts the most is how her number one thing is lying. and what kills me the most is the desire to know everything. i hurt myself by secretly having her facebook and email passwords. i go back and read old emails. and this is my problem. last night pushed me over the edge.

    this australlia kid still emails her...she ignores him for the most part but its an email every other day. and the best part is he has a girlfriend now! but he tells her how much he stills thinks about her and how he still wants to give it a chance. to make it even better, hes planned a trip to the states just to see her in january. AND I KNOW SHES GONNA SEE HIM.

    but back to last night. went back and read all her old emails and in it were messages and pictures from fall of 06 so this was a year ago ... months before she met me, saying how much she loves him and how she would do anything to be with him and how she wants to move to australlia and how they would be intimate and everything ... that ended around new years but they are still in contact. what kills me is she would write on his facebook wall and tell him how much she missed him and cuddling and all that cute shit.

    in australlia they use msn messanger ... i have her name to watch just in case and i saw she blocked me once so she could get on without me knowing .. i unblocked myself and sure enough when i got on it last night after months ... i was back to blocked when she told me she doesnt even know if its still on her computer.

    now back on my end. we start dating, she sends a couple cute messages and then it stops. i write on her facebook wall and she deletes it. i request a relationship and she wont accept it. she says shes not into that whole pda thing and how everything should be kept in private. yet i get nothing. i dont get an IM i dont get a message or anything. i dont get an i love you or an i miss you. i call her and she hangs up on me and ill call back and shes like leave me alone, yet she tells me she doesnt want to be single and when were together its perfect.

    but why wont she express any love. i have to tell my self not to call her or text her cause its not getting any better. she says she would never cheat on me but i have no idea what goes on. she goes out on the weekends and gets drunk and i have no idea what boys she meets or anything. and it makes me sick to my stomach.

    she has such a hidden past and finding all this new information out last night has not made it any better. how can you love some one so much or tell them that you love them and that you want to marry them and then it change just like that. to think she would move to australlia for this kid and has a hard time about moving to san diego.

    shes coming out in two weeks to visit. im trying to hold off to say anything til she is here to risk her not coming at all. sorry for the long post but i cant sleep and its tearing me apart. i look to her as the person i would be with for the rest of my life. im not ready to go out and meet new people. but i want the truth and all of it.


    i dont know what to do.
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2007
  2. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    i saved every email / picture that she send him or anyone else. im debating on hiding it or showing her when she is here but i dont know what its gonna do.

    FUCK im so mad right now. its the being lied to that hurts the most. think about her telling me no i never did anything with him but little stuff and then reading emails about them fucking in the ocean or drunk nights and showers and everything that you fantasize about .... FUCK
     
  3. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Hey buddy,

    Why are you still with this girl? Have some self-respect...she should have been dumped a long time ago.

    EDIT: And if it's to the point where you distrust her enough to go through her old email and invade her privacy...the trust is majorly gone. You'll likely never trust her anymore.

    Dump, the relationship is over.
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2007
  4. Sirius

    Sirius OT Supporter

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    Don't do anything drastic, as hard as it seems. Wait till you get the facts in. Don't keep being in love with someone if that person no longer exists. If she's changed for the worst, don't keep making excuses for her about why or how she hasn't changed. Let others chime in first before you decide anything. I find, usually the thing you WANT to do in these situations isnt always the best.
     
  5. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    It sounds to me like she liked having your companionship but now that you aren't there in the flesh to spend time with her, the relationship isn't as appealing. Judging by her recent actions, her weird friendship with the guy from down under, and your inability to trust her (you have your reasons, but dude, going through her old emails? Not cool), you've got to get out of this relationship. It's causing you nothing but stress and heartache. Move on to someone you can trust and you don't feel like you constantly have to go through their things to know that nothing is going on.
     
  6. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    i want to trust her but how can i when she doesnt tell me the truth ...
     
  7. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    and im coming to terms with the fact this probably is not gonna last but its comfortable and safe for the most part and im scared to let go. and if its gonna end, i want it to be in person ... not over aim or the phone
     
  8. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    That's my point. I'm not saying you should just trust her. I'm saying you should get out and find a relationship with someone you can trust. With regards to the girl you're with now, you only know that she isn't already cheating with this guy (although she seems to be having an emotional affair) because you read her emails/facebook. A real, healthy relationship is one in which both people know that the other is faithful without having to go through their things or know what the other is doing all the time.

    She probably will not be able to regain your trust, for one because she doesn't seem to even be trying and two you're a jealous person to start with, so why torture yourself? No matter what she does from now on, you're always going to have this in the back of your mind.
     
  9. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    everyone has a past ... how do i not let it get to my head and bother me to the point of getting sick
     
  10. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    all i do is sit around and think about her ... its gonna ruin my life. i cant concentrate at work and im sick to my stomach all day with no desire to eat

    i dont want to meet other girls ...
     
    Last edited: Aug 20, 2007
  11. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    have you ever had a straight up talk to her about how you feel about all these things?
     
  12. Bushum

    Bushum I'm a politician not a general!

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    I've made the mistake of trying to cling to a relationship that was obviously over. Looking back I'm embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I tossed my self pride out the window. That was five years ago and it still makes me mad the way I acted.

    If we wouldn't have broken up my life would be totally different now. I'd have a dead end job and probably kids when I was way too young. I know it's cliche but you will look back when you do find someone and realize the breakup was the best thing that could have happened to you.
     
  13. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    we were together the 4th of this month at a wedding and things went from bad to good and a week after were apart things go back to bad...like shes scared to open back up for fear of getting hurt and im trying to hold out for 12 days til shes here in person so that i dont make it worse
     
  14. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    thats the thing ... is its just the beginning of what could be an amazing life. i just graduated, have a great job with a fortune 500 company, car thats paid for ... all i need is her and its complete. the thought of her with another man makes me sick as well,.
     
  15. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    looks like she has issues when you guys are apart. How long will this be a long distance relationship?
     
  16. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    and i sit here listening but the truth of the matter is im too stubborn and scared to do anything. id rather let it eat me away then put my self out there.

    it just sucks .. i love her parents and her brother. just thinking about calling her mom or emailing her brings tears to my eyes cause i felt like a special part of their family. golf with her dad or cook with her mom. it was a relationship that i thought meant the world to the both of us
     
  17. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    it just started ... and to end the distance would mean one person would have to relocate and she doesnt want to move to cali right away and im sure as hell not gonna move to jersey. so thats a problem in itself. she was looking to work out here before we graduated and now that im here shes worried im gonna meet some skinny blonde and move on when the exact opposite is going on and i just want her here with me
     
  18. Bushum

    Bushum I'm a politician not a general!

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    Of course it does, that's only natural.

    I'd be careful that you aren't trying to complete a puzzle (the ideal life) with her as the last piece. Doing so can cause you to rationalize and try to make something work that's not meant to be. That will not make you happy in the long run.
     
  19. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    ... i think you posted that before i finished my previous. hit the nail on the head
     
  20. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    I'm not sure how you are expecting this to work out when you two dont have an actual solution to the distance. Since you guys dont seem to have a time in sight where it wont be long distance anymore, i think that the distance will slowly cause your relationship to die. There needs to be some type of change or else you are going to continue feeling this way.
     
  21. hollywood

    hollywood its the final countdown!

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    completely agree but the thing is the distance just started ... its not like its been 6 months ... why is there no emotion ... calls saying how much i miss you and i cant wait to see you in X days. or talking about how badly you miss each others company and the feeling of you next to them...

    shes letting it fall apart and im afraid doesnt want to put up a fight
     
  22. the ground folds

    the ground folds rest your trigger on my finger

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    i think you should discuss your concerns with her when she visits.
     
  23. Gibles

    Gibles the funny thing about my back is....

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    You two need to break up.....the fact that you log into her accounts show your distrust and you'll never trust her as long as you're together....quit prolonging the inevitable.
     
  24. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Dude, you're not in love with her. You're in love with this Fantasy Idea of her. This girl is banging the shit out of other guys, making a fool of you, lying to you, manipulating you, controlling you, taking advantage of you, walking on you, etc. You've done NOTHING but roll over and take it up the ass. I am not saying this to be rude to you, I'm saying it because it is TRUE.

    You will NEVER get the relationship you want from her, EVER. Not even a shadow of it. For one, "she" doesn't exist. You are in love with a fantasy and you've created your world around it. It doesn't exist. Secondly, you will NEVER change this girl into what you want, and nor should you try to. Thirdly, no girl will EVER give you the kind of relationship you want when you let them abuse you like this. Girls are attracted to Self Confidence and Self Respect. You are demonstrating the exact opposite. You are telling her that her value is extremely high and that your own value is extremely low. Why the fuck would any girl want to or be able to give a "happily ever after" to some schmuck whom has 1/10th the value as herself? This isn't a pity parade, its fucking love and happiness. How the fuck is she supposed to be in love with you or be happy with you when all you do is remind her how much better she is than you? She's going to think every day about just how much better she can do, and she's always going to be drawn to do just that.

    You need to reach down to that vacant patch where your balls used to be and find some self respect. DEMAND that life give you what you deserve, and if something or someone isn't giving that to you then ditch it and move on without ever looking back. THAT is how you find happiness. You don't find it by grovelling around throwing pity parties and letting people walk all over you. If you act like a doormat then people will wipe there feet on you without a second though. That is a fact of life. Is this what you want?

    I'm trying to help you because what you want you will never ever get by doing what you are doing. And why the fuck would any guy want to throw themselves at a girl whom treats them like this? My god... C'mon brother, snap out of this and find success (clearly with another woman) or continue to do the same thing and be unhappy and abused your whole life. It's up to you. It's time to realize that the reality is a lot different than this world you've created in your head.
     
  25. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    That's not going to change anything. She knows she can use him and no amount of whining is going to change anything. He can either start fresh and try to develope a real relationship with a deserving woman or he can stay here and try to whimper his way into keeping this girl as long as he can... and allow himself to be abused until she finally tosses him aside.
     

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