SRS I suffer from massive paranoia.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by SyKrash, Aug 18, 2007.

  1. SyKrash

    SyKrash New Member

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    Backstory: I was diagnosed with OCD when I was really young. I wont really go into details of it, but I always had to be constantly doing something with my hands. Rubiks Cube, Draw, Write, you name it. I was raised Catholic, was told from an early age "Idle hands are the Devil's hands" and next thing I know, at age 8, I was so fearful of God striking me down, that I was afraid to sleep unless I my hands were clean, and I was doing something consistently.

    Eventually, I was recommended to start playing a musical instrument. I showed some interest in trumpet (and later on guitar) and started playing in band. Before I knew it, the compulsive urges lessened, and by the time I got to middle school, I was leading a relatively normal life.

    Fast forward to now:

    I moved out about 2 years ago to go to school, I am a senior, getting my bachelor's degree in music and have successfully channeled the bulk of my OCD leanings into playing/practicing music. I still have random "flare-ups" of compulsiveness, especially if I am exhausted, have had a shitty day etc. Mostly, I tend to just clean my apt till it's spotless and I feel much better.

    However, in probably the past year, paranoia has really started to take a hold of my life.

    At first I found myself becoming a total hypochondriac. Obsessively washing my hands. Making sure that I washed my cat's paws after he does his business in the litter box. And making sure that I washed EVERYTHING in my kitchen after handling raw meat.

    Then, the paranoia got worse and worse. I discontinued pirating movies and music because I feared the MPAA and RIAA was going to sue me into bankruptcy. I would avoid having sex with my girlfriend because of fear of getting her pregnant (even though she is on the pill).

    I could list a million other things, but it's gotten bad enough on certain days that if someone posts a jailbait photo in a thread that isn't a specifically designated jailbait thread (Like inspirational pictures threads) I nearly have a panic attack and fear that the cops will throw me in prison for 10 years.

    I don't smoke weed, I have led a terribly uninteresting life. I feel like I've done the most normal shit any 24 year old has done in his/her lifetime. I follow the rules, pay my taxes and don't break the law. But, I constantly live in fear that something will happen that will completely destroy my life.

    Thanks for listening :hsd: Any suggestions are welcome to how I can get myself out of this.
     
  2. FredricaBimmel

    FredricaBimmel Great big fat person

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    Go talk to a psychologist about how you feel. That's where I'd start.
     
  3. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    These are not at all unreasonable fears. In fact, I would say that because you are concerned about these things, you are intelligent and don't want to expose yourself to potential problems.

    Good for you!!!!! There's a lot of people who don't listen to their inner voices and just charge forward into a trainwreck then come into the Asylum and bitch about how fucked up their life is.
    Ok now that's more paranoid but you know...if you are at work and click on a thread with underage nudity....you not only may be fired, you may go to prison. Even if you aren't into that sort of thing. If you are at home and make a mistake....it's really no big deal. Just don't hang out there...ya know?!?

    But dude...you really need to learn that YOU control your fears....your fears don't control you. You seem to have forgotten this....if you ever knew it at all. It's ok tho....it took me a long time to figure this out but now that I have, I can choose to take action in spite of fears presence.....then my fears magically dissipate and I wonder what I was so afraid of in the first place.
    Ok so make sure you have good insurance then go live your life.

    My accountant gave me a great piece of advice. He said, "Don't live your life in fear of an audit...just live your life. Certainly be honest but don't obsess about getting audited. If it happens, it happens and we'll deal with it then. For now, just live cuz life is too short to be consumed by fear."

    Now that's just good advice whether we're talking about the IRS or the girl next door. You have to power to control your fears, you've simply forgotten how to use this power. I encourage you to do whatever it takes to rediscover it!!
     
  4. SyKrash

    SyKrash New Member

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    Thanks for the advice.

    But to clarify. The jailbait threads I was referring to are the "oh check out this random jaibait i spotted on myspace" etc. threads. As far as I know, underage nudity hasn't turned up on offtopic ever. And usually results in a permaban anyway.

    I generally steer clear of threads with Jailbait in the title, just because of the irrational fears I have. It's when they are posted in threads that I'm in that I start to worry. Like the OT standard picture that says "Jailbait: the best things in life are illegal" with a picture of 2 girls, completely Worksafe and legal still make mes uncomfortable.

    Still workin on it :hsd:
     
    Last edited: Aug 18, 2007
  5. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    :werd: you obviously have some kind of disorder and OT probably can't really help you much
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Indeed all your actions speak of irrational and absurd fear, what is needed in life is not fear, nothing can grow from that. What is the worst possible thing that could happen if you would push thru with all of these things, jail,regret, getting diseased, or even death? So lets start with where it all begins.

    "Idle hands are the Devil's hands" , And the thought that God would punish you if you would be a lazy person.

    Because you where so young and when you are around 8 years old you children start giving themselves a shape of how the world works around them, saying that idle hands are the devils hands was a devestating blow to your mind because you were too young to understand the proper meaning, thus the saying was ripped out of context completely and totally misunderstood by you, which is not to be blamed on you, you see the right context it is to be used in is different. The first note that should be made is that '"Idle hands are the Devil's hands"' is a phrase that doesn't even exist in the bible , it originates from Monestarys in the middle ages, and was used as a punishing remark against lazy monks. There are more of them. "lazyness is the devils pillow" , or " laughter is the devils pillow' , the only reference it has is that its build on from the remark that Paul made in the bible that Christians should be hard workers, for God and for society, and these devil remarks are just derivations from that context.

    So the remark of "idle hands are the devils hands" wasn't made for you to constantly move your hands in irrational ways to do rubic cubes' but was made in order to stimulate adult people to be productive members of society.Or in other words, you have been moving your hands in the wrong way for no good reason for YEARS!!!

    And about the God punishing remark. God doesn't punish, people punish themselves with the consequenses of their wrongfull actions. You are your own judge,jury and executor.

    Now mind you, i do think its wise to stay within the legal system and do whats right in life, but you don't have to be a victim of the paranoid in order to live your life in a normal fashion. You have to take my words and use them to erase and overwrite the brainwashed part of your life, and replace that wrongfull thought, with thoughts that bring peace to your life.
     

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