SRS I should have seen it coming ... (really really freakin' long)

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by backslide, Jun 15, 2005.

  1. backslide

    backslide This space for rent. Inquire inside.

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2000
    Messages:
    4,040
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    due west of the Atlantic Ocean
    Background:

    I met this girl about a month ago when I was about to graduate from school. First off, I'm 25-30 and she's 19. Her and her roommate were the baby class so nobody really extended a welcoming hand. I did one night when they wanted to go smoke. I offered them a ride and we went to a Sonic and just talked.

    They were both pretty cool girls. J seemed really down to earth while her roommate P was flirty and fun.

    I was going to graduate in 2 weeks when I met them so I just wanted them to feel a little bit more welcome in the schoolhouse because it's intimidating not knowing what's coming up in the curriculum and I was in the senior class and I was giving them pointers pretty much.

    My last weekend at school, I went to the local strip club to just have one last bash with my friends. I saw P come in the strip club. It surprised me a little but I didn't know her all that well so I reserved my judgement. Besides, I was drinking and just having a good time with my friends. We chatted for a couple of minutes at the club and that was the end of that.

    However, I noticed that she was playing "musical chairs" with the guys she came in with. Sitting on a different guy's lap every so often. Again, surprising, but whatever. It was my night out and I didn't know her that well.

    I graduated and went to my new job and home which is only a 2 hour drive away from the school. The weekend I graduated, I went back to the school and hung out with another friend who was graduating the following week.

    I called J and P up and we hung out for a bit. (I think the new 05 Mustang I rented had a little something to do with it ... but I digress. :o )

    We went to eat dinner with J and her boyfriend and after dropping them off in the dorms, I hung out with P for a while. We were just sitting and talking and smoking.

    Dropped her off and drove back to my place and didn't talk to them for a week. Came down again for another friend who was graduating. It happened to be Memorial Day weekend. I call up P and tell her that I'm in town and that if she wanted to hang out, just give me a call. She calls me and tells me that she's 3 hours out of town in a major city hanging out with some people. She asks me if I wanted to go down and hang out with her and to drag J down with me.

    I hang out with my friends and spend the next 3 hours trying to convince J to go down with me. At first she refused because she made plans with her bf but admitted that they probably would just be staying at the dorms the whole time.

    I finally convince J to come down with me (by using the guilt trip: it's Memorial Day weekend, we're going to go party, you'll regret this, it's night time already and I'll get lost, I need some company). Turns out her coming with me was a good idea because we got totally lost and a 3 hour drive turned into a 4 1/2 drive.

    We hung out at some guy's house and they were all drinking. I stayed sober as they needed a DD because they were planning on going to an afterparty. Well, drinking turned into a little bit of horseplay and the guy's mom came down and didn't like the fact that we were making so much noise at 4 in the morning.

    So we decided to go to a hotel and continue drinking. Went to a hotel and they were all drinking. The guy, Z, I didn't like too much. Just a real cocky, smug dirtbag. There was a guy there, M who P was flirting with all Friday and Saturday. M was getting the impression that P wanted to fuck him. But girls play that game and at one moment, when it was just me, J and P in the car, they both were tipsy and said that no matter what happened that night, they wanted me in the room with them and that I would stay with them.

    Of course, things never go according to plan because Z, J and P crawled into bed and I was just keeping an eye out. But at that point, it was nearly 6 in the morning and I had not gotten any sleep since 10 in the morning the day before.

    I didn't think straight and I left the room for a smoke. Z, the dirtbag, obviously wasn't going to let me back in. So I was just so damned tired that I went and slept in the car for about an hour. M had been kicked out earlier by P when she told him in no uncertain terms that he wasn't getting any.

    I woke up and drove around and found a Starbucks and just chilled until noon when they called me to check out.

    While Z was checking out, P was telling me that Z was trying to fuck J all night and she had to play babysitter pretty much. I don't know the whole story and I don't really care to know. What they did is their business. P and J both told me that nothing happened but hey, I wasn't there. I was up for nearly 20 hours and had driven 400 miles in a day.

    It was Sunday and we went to Denny's for brunch. To further cockblock M, I started hanging all over P. Arm around her during brunch, holding hands, the whole nine. J's bf met us at Denny's.

    We then drove another 50 miles to the middle of Bumfuck, Noplace, where there were hicks everywhere to Z's stepmom's house to crash for Sunday night. We spent the rest of the afternoon just chilling in Z's room watching TV. Again, I was hanging all over P, sitting on the bed together and all that.

    Went out to a bar (where I suffered and had to listen to blasting country music for about 3 hours). P was off sitting by herself most of the time and I was just on the phone talking to friends while J and her bf disappeared. The other guys were too busy drinking and just chilling amongst themselves.

    We went back to Z's house and the guys continued to drink. I was way damn tired as I got practically no sleep in the past two days and so me and P went to a guest room and crashed for the night. We did make out a little in bed but couldn't do much as there was no door to the room. But mostly, it was just cuddling and lots of sleeping for me.

    Monday, we all drove back up to school. P rode with her J and her bf (they had gotten a hotel for the night and didn't stay at Z's house) and M drove my car back up with Z riding along. So I had to ride with two people I didn't particularly like. Good thing I slept most of the way back.

    Drove myself back up to my place after dropping everyone off.

    They called me up the next day and told me that there was a rumor going around that P, J and Z had a threesome. Oh well. Nothing I could do about it, but I was kinda ticked off. I had spent enough time with P and J just chilling and talking to them to consider them kind of my friends. They considered me their friend as they called me up to just chat.

    We did our own things for the week. Last Friday night/Saturday morning (4 June) at 3 in the morning, P calls me up and asks me go down to the metro area to hang out again. Hey, I had nothing better to do. Hadn't really made any friends yet and I was starting to get into the "She's a friend, but she'll be a nice girl to fuck. She's hot and I'll take advantage of her rocky situation with her bf back home."

    Yes, a sleazy thing to do - pretend to be her friend only to really just try and get her to sleep with me. But the way I rationalized it: if I don't get to sleep with her, at least I still have a friend to chill with.

    I drive down 3 1/2 hours to meet her in the metro area. She's at Six Flags with a schoolmate. J and her bf are there too. As soon as I meet up with everyone, I instantly feel like a 5th wheel. J and her bf disappear as usual and then I really feel like a 3rd wheel. I try walking next to P and she walks away. Every ride we get on, she's sitting next to her friend and not me.

    After the park closes at 10 pm, we head to the hotel. I'm too tired to be driving 3 1/2 hours back up to my place and there was a storm potentially rolling through. I get a room at the hotel. J and her bf again disappear to go eat.

    I ask P's friend if he's going to hook up with P. I was straight up and told him that I had wanted to hook up also. He told me that it was most likely going to happen. He then told me that P wanted to go out to eat, but just with him ... like a "date". But he wanted to go to the club afterwards and said that when they came back from dinner, we would go to the club.

    So I'm in the hotel, by myself, feeling really pissed off. I get even more pissed off when I check my phone and see a text message from P that she had sent me around 8 o'clock. It had said that she really wanted to be with the classmate that night but he didn't seem interested.

    That just sent me over the top. Why the hell did she ask me to come down when she was going to hook up with someone else? I really didn't care that she hooked up with someone else. It was the fact that she invited me down that very day and made it sound like we were all going to hang out. I drove nearly 4 hours and had to spend money on a hotel and I was going to have to spend it alone. It rolled past midnight and the clubs all close at 2 in the morning so there was no way we were going to go clubbing. I was fuming. I called up all my friends and just ranted and raved for nearly 2 1/2 hours. I was feeling used and alienated and generally stupid.

    P and her friend got back around 1 in the morning and they came up to my room to chill. At that point, I was trying to think of ways to keep her in my room. But to no avail. He got tired and she followed him down to his room. I couldn't go to sleep so I tried watching TV. No sleep came and I whipped out the tequila that I had brought down to share with everyone. I started drinking at about 5 in the morning and didn't stop until the front desk called and asked if I wanted to check out. Went downstairs and knocked on their door and asked if they were leaving. I checked out, and tried real hard not to look drunk. I stumbled to their room and was just chilling in their room as they were getting ready to leave. While P was in the shower, I asked her friend if anything happened and he said they just went to sleep. *shrug* At that point, I was drunk and didn't care.

    They took me to Chili's and I sobered up. Had lunch and just chilled for a bit.

    After lunch, I was sober enough to drive. Drove all the way back to my place on again, very little sleep and a slight hangover.

    Called P up that night and asked if her night turned out as she expected and she sounded real disappointed and said not really.

    Oh well.

    Which brings us all the way up to this past weekend when lots of shit hit the fan. Finally.




    This weekend:

    Had been thinking all week of ways to get her alone with me. I already told P that I wanted to get a tattoo (which I really do want to) and asked her to come with me. She already asked me if I wanted to go back to a strip club and who was I to refuse? I told her I got the hookup from a co-worker for some free passes to the better strip clubs down in the metro area. She seemed interested in going.

    But this past weekend, I made up an excuse about a computer show in her area and that I was coming down with a co-worker. I wouldn't have gone down if she didn't call me up Saturday morning and asked when I was going to be in town. So I rented a car again and drove down and picked her up and we went to the mall. We just hung out for a while and I could tell that she was in a funk. But we just hung out and I didn't try and make a move or anything. After the mall, I found out that she was still having troubles with her boyfriend and that he had a grand of her money in his account. They had broken up and gotten back together numerous times and she was trying to decide if she was going to break up with him. If she broke it off, she would never see the money again. Her plan for the night was to go clubbing, drink and just let off steam.

    So, me, P, J and J's bf and a couple of J's bf's friends went to the club. P rode with me to the club. She said she hadn't really eaten anything in nearly two days. Before the club, we took a shot each. I could tell that it hit her hard as she was walking slightly funny after getting out of the car. And I was being irresponsible right then as I knew I had to drive.

    We got into the club and I don't really do the club thing. I rather be at a bar drinking. But we just chilled for a little bit. I bought her a vodka mixed with Sprite. Then someone gave her a jello shot. I got myself a gin and tonic and she downed half of it.

    She went dancing and I mellowed in the crowd for a while. I took another shot of vodka and bought her a shot. I did more mellowing but kept an eye on her. She was grinding with some people I recognized from school. I didn't care. I was there just to make sure she was safe. Although that's probably a ridiculous statement after just hearing that I downed 3 drinks in an hour. I was feeling good, but not drunk. I got myself a light beer to keep my buzz going. J and her bf wanted to leave about an hour before the club closed. They were going to go to a hotel and I said I was going to drive and follow them. J convinced me to be smart and take a taxi. P comes off the dance floor with a Smirnoff Twist in each hand. Some guy bought them for her and she was downing them. Then while she's downing them, this freaky tall 6' chick comes over and starts talking to her. She drags P onto the dance floor and they were just grinding the hell out of each other. I followed onto the floor and took P's drink away and let them do their thing. This chick drag P near the cage and P was practically riding her. J goes onto the floor and drags P away. P was adament about wanting to go home with this chick that none of us knew.

    It took a while but we convinced her to come with us. Outside the club, I had to practically hold onto P to keep her from tripping all over the place. My buzz was wearing off but I know I was still loaded with alcohol. J's bf picked us up and drove everyone to a hotel. J and her bf got a room and me and P got a room. P was drunk as a skunk.

    We got into the room, I took off her boots and we just crawled into bed. I definately didn't want to take advantage of her in her situation. As much as I would have liked it, I wasn't going to be that much of a sleazebag.

    Unfortunately, when she started kissing me, climbing on top of me and telling me to shut up as I was trying to convince her that this was a wrong thing to do, hormones and alcohol took over. I thought we were saved by the cell phone when one of our friends that we saw at the club called to check up on us. Nope, as soon as we climbed back into bed, she was all over me again.

    No need to go into all the gory details, but we wound up naked and there was oral given on my part and ... other activities ... involving fingers.

    Fortunately, years and years of Trojan condom and "No means No" commercials prevented us (ok ... namely me) from going any further as I mentioned several times that I had condoms with me. (Hey, if I wanted to hook up, I was going to be prepared.) While she was grinding the hell out of me, she never once consented so I didn't push the issue.

    Fatigue set in and we pretty much just collapsed and went to sleep and cuddling.

    Woke up around 10 in the morning and she seemed alert and thank god we were both not hung over. We talked for a little bit and she was asking what we did last night. I was honest and said that we didn't do anything ... much. We started joking around and joking about how she acted in the club. She seemed really embarrassed at the people she was dancing with. One guy who is in her class and obviously the chick that wanted to take her home. She told me that her original plan was to just hook up with some random guy.

    Joking became a pillow fight and there was more play fighting and kissing and all that. I was sober by then and it was fun. 11:30 rolled around and I knew I had to check out at noon. She kept on trying to convince me not to check out by using ... non-verbal communication.

    The flesh is definately weak. I almost caved and paid for another day/night.

    I checked out and J's bf drove us back to the club to pick up my car. Drove back to my place and they drove back to the dorms.

    Monday morning, I call her up and jokingly leave a voice message that the hickie she gave me made for an interesting morning at work. P calls me back and leaves a voicemail:

    "Hey, it's P, I just wanted to apologize for my actions this weekend. It's totally unlike me. That's when I get fucking depressed like I was. I just totally want to apologize and swear to God I'll never act like that again. My apologizes for anything if I offended you or anything like that. I'm really disappointed in myself right now but I'll get over it. But I just wanted to really really apologize."

    I know people at the schoolhouse and the dorms will be talking. She's a natural flirt and guys unfortunately take that the wrong way.

    I called her up after school and talk to her a little bit and I feel guilty. I knew she wanted to have fun but it was partially my fault for starting her off so early with so much alcohol. On top of which, I knew I was driving and yet I drank myself and had to depend on someone else for a ride afterwards. But wouldn't hear of it. She was adament that I take accept her apology for offending me and acting stupid.

    I'm under no illusion that I'm going to fall in love with this girl and that I'm going to steal her from her boyfriend and we'll have this intense relationship for the time she's at school. But at the same time, when I talked to her, I got the feeling that the reason she was so adament about me accepting her apology is that she felt that she lead me on - more so then any other guy so far.

    On some level, I'm still the nice guy and I don't like it when my friends, especially my female friends get hurt. And she seemed like she was really embarrassed about what happened.

    I said quickly that I was thinking about going down to the metro area for the 4 of July weekend. She quickly replied that her bf was coming to see her that weekend. Now, I've been in the bf's position before of not seeing my gf for a while and I know he's going to do everything in his power to get her to stay with him. Speaking from experience, any relationship that has been that rocky and with money involved is not good.

    Of course, it's partly true that I'm justifying the fact that they shouldn't be together because I still really want to sleep with P. But I've known good friends who have had the same type of relationship P is having now with her bf with the whole money thing and it never ends well. But it's none of my business really.

    The real point of this thread is this: Why the hell do girls get a plan to go out, get drunk, hook up with some random guy; and then when it happens, they feel guilty and apologetic and sorry about it the next day?

    What the hell? I personally think it was a lot safer waking up next to someone she knew who didn't take full advantage of her rather than some random fuck from the club. Or is it because I'm a friend that she feels guilty?

    I'm not going to lie and say that I'm totally detached from her because I want to still be her friend and I still want to sleep with her. But from the way our conversation ended, the chanced of that happening are slim to none and I don't think she really wants to see me anymore. She said on the phone that it's because I'm a friend that she feels the need to apologize.

    And I'm not going to lie and say that I'm going to stop trying to think of ways to get her alone with me. It's an internal battle. Be the nice guy but a sleazebag at the same time. I will say this much. I won't be calling her until after the 4th of July weekend. I got work picking up after this week. I'm going to my boss's BBQ this weekend and she has a prior engagement on Sunday delegated by the schoolhouse. Next weekend, I'm going home to see family and 4th of July weekend, I'm flying down to Austin to hang out with my cousins.

    I'm just wondering if I gave up a chance to sleep with her. It doesn't matter. It was just nice to type everyone out and get everything off my chest.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2005
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Throughout your entire life, your ego has occupied the center-stage of your life. You have lived solely for gratifying yourself. You are motivated by self-interest in everything that you did. Although you have never consciously thought about this before. The foundation of your life is yourself and all of your actions were performed to obtain some type of reward for yourself; either tangible or intangible. Either you wanted money, sex, a pat on the back, a wink, a smile, someone to think well of you, etc. Thus, all of your acts have been polluted by selfish motives in varying degrees.

    You so far have only putted yourself on the Throne of your Life, instead of performing Pure Acts of love for others as you are supposed to do.

    Not only that you have more interest in this girl then the people who's lives you put in danger by drinking and driving,which was another act of selfishnes, this girl of yours was drunk, who knows what her true intentions are but she was clearly already in a unstable relationship with another guy which means that you had best not interfere in this.
     
  3. backslide

    backslide This space for rent. Inquire inside.

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2000
    Messages:
    4,040
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    due west of the Atlantic Ocean
    Well ... that was just about the most inaccurate analysis of my life I've ever received.

    First off, I did not drink and drive. I drove to the club, yes. I had a drink in the car, yes. But then we got out of the car, went to the club and our friends - who had not been drinking at all - drove us to the hotel. We left my car at the club and went to pick it up the next day, after I had not had anything to drink in nearly 12 hours.

    Secondly, perhaps you should get out of your "BS Bulldozer" as stated in your profile and realize that this is a snapshot of a situation of a person who has lived a long life where my ego was not the center-stage of my life.

    Of course I've done things for a pat on the back or a smile or for someone to think well of myself. Everyone does it.

    But I will not list the many "pure acts of love" towards those I considered friends in which I received nothing in return other than silence and rejection and yet still continued to do these things time and time again. I don't need to justify myself to you.

    This snapshot of a month in my life is a culmination of my selflessness - I realized that I should start living for myself. I should start thinking only of myself and I should start live solely for gratifying myself. I've given enough of myself and performed enough "pure acts of love" towards everyone else.

    It's time I took something back. Unfortunately, my conscience from years and years of always being the friend and never the boyfriend is telling me not to. But if trying to fuck a girl that has a unstable relationship with another guy is a way to break my stigma of being "the friend", then so be it.

    But I would never, EVER, drink and drive. So don't you dare try and hold that over me.
     
  4. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    I wouldn't pursue this girl if I were you, unless all you want is the sex.

    1. She's more than 6 years younger than you, at an age where a 6-year gap is about a third of her life. She doesn't sound like the mature type and I think you're setting yourself up for a fall if you attempt to have a relationship with her.
    2. Even if she was mature about the whole situation, she doesn't like you enough to pursue you exclusively. She's still fucking around with other guys, which means one of two things: either she's still got residual feelings for said guys, or she doesn't care about who she fucks around with. Either way, it's not good.

    As to the point of your thread as stated by you, the answer is "because they're not in control of their life, they're metaphorically running from something they don't like in their life and they don't know what they want". This is the worst type of woman to be around. Trust me, I am one. Run like hell.
     
  5. backslide

    backslide This space for rent. Inquire inside.

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2000
    Messages:
    4,040
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    due west of the Atlantic Ocean
    I don't want a relationship as in boyfriend-girlfriend because I know it is never going to happen. The chances of me ever seeing her again after September are zero to none. I'm stuck here at my job and she's going home after graduating.

    I would like to continue being friends. However, I would like to get some ass. (It's been a while. :o )

    It's an internal struggle. I've never been the guy to just hook up randomly and just sleep around and brag about it to all my friends. But I'm in a totally different state from where I grew up, in a new job, in a new place. It's literally a whole new beginning for me.

    While I'm still "the nice guy" and "the friend" - I'll always be there for my real female friends that I've grown up with back home; I want to go out and live a little rather than be that "nice guy". I'm got tired of finishing last.

    This situation is really only the second time in my life that I've acted this way. I guess it's still a learning process. Obviously, the long post above and my need for her friendship is stemming from years and years of being that nice guy.

    So the question now becomes: lay off of her (no pun intended) and just be her friend - or just use her for sex and worry about the consequences later? I'm real good at doing the first thing (too good in fact) ... not so good at the just using people part.
     
  6. teo

    teo . => ? => !

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2004
    Messages:
    3,094
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Eh?
    I hope you find that the nice guys don't actually finish last. Being a player (I know you're not that but bear with me here) isn't going to bring you any happiness, aside from immediate sexual gratification. No-strings-attached sex is fun, but in the end it's exactly that, and there's emptiness where there could be love if you do this over the long term.

    My personal opinion is that I'd rather hold out for the nice guy than fuck a string of assoles who don't give two shits about me.

    Also, worrying about the consequences later is usually a bad thing. Like when she comes back asking for a paternity test.
     

Share This Page