SRS I seriously have no social skills

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kamisama, May 6, 2007.

  1. Kamisama

    Kamisama Guest

    It surprises me that I have any social life at all the way I was raised. My parents have always been very anti-social, they don't have any friends, and don't seem to have any desire to, but they seem really happy in life. Ever since I was little, my parents have always told me that friends are useless, that they will always stab you in the back, screw you over, and that you can't depend on anyone. We also lived 2000 miles away from any family, so my parents never had people coming over and I never really developed any social skills that way. They were always mean to any friends I had made, they shoo'ed them away from our house, and never let me invite friends inside our house. I remember in high school our house got broken into, they immediately blamed my hispanic friend, endlessly going on about how "those people do this kind of thing" only to find out weeks later that it was a white guy that broke into our house, I bet they felt stupid as shit.

    I don't think I have ever befriended anyone, people always befriend me :hs: I always assume that people don't want to hang out with me, so I never ask, but it feels so good when someone invites you to do something :hsd:

    Basically I don't live anywhere near my childhood/highschool friends. They're all over the globe. You fantasize that you all can like live near eachother and party and have fun after you graduate highschool, but it never works like that. Your group of friends all end up doing different things, joining the military, getting scholarships to schools across the map, and everybody inevitably disbands. It sucks... but it's part of life, and I've accepted that. But I've become really lonely and am having difficulty finding a new circle of friends in the locale.

    Basically friends right now are a couple coworkers and old roommates. Coworkers are about 4-5 years older than me, and they are great, we tons of fun when we do hang out, we have a lot in common, but unfortunely that have kids and family, which kind of makes it difficult to hang out and have fun. And old roommates have either moved after graduating college, or our schedules kind of conflict too much[they're in there final year of school, while working full time, and only free on weekends, where as I work on weekends] so it just doesn't workout.

    Well, I have been running into people, but I just don't get signs, and never know what to say or do.

    There's this girl, an ex-coworker, and I guess I consider her a friend, but I haven't even really had a long conversation with her ever, so even though I see her as a friend I wonder if she's just an aquintance and also see's me as an aquintance[I have a feeling I'm spelling this word wrong lol] But a while back when I lost my living situation [roommates moving] she invited me to come live with her and her bf, but I had already signed the lease for an apartment. And whenever I run into her, she gives me a hug. The other day, she asked me when I'll be old enough to drink, and even if we can't go to bars yet, we should swap numbers and hang out. I kind of just looked down at the ground and said ".... yeah" and then she said she would send me her number on myspace. I have yet to receive the number. I then got in my car and drove off. I just kept thinking in my head, does she really want to hang out, and I kept telling myself, no that can't be, you're boring, no one wants to hang out with you :hs:

    Then at a restaurant, I ran into a chick who works there, she knew my name and everything and said we went to high school together, but I don't remember her at all. The next time I went to the restaurant she asked if I remember her yet, and I said no, then she mentioned the name of her highschool, which I never attended. But she was like 3 feet away from me and says she's 100% positive it's me, and she knew my name. Everytime I go there she asks how I'm doing and gives me this beautiful smile and offers to give me a free drink since I never order one[since they only have soda and I don't drink soda] And, I want to get her phone number and take her out on a date, but I don't know, I just haven't. My mind just keeps going "Ask her for her number? There's something you're missing here, don't do it, you will make yourself look like a fool" but I have been thinking about her a lot lately, I don't know why. In highschool I never asked a girl for her number, they always just gave it to me even though I never asked, so I keep hoping that whenever I go there she would do the same, but it never happens. I always hope that on my receipt there will be her number and a note going something along the lines of "take me out sometime!" or something. But no. I have no self-esteem.

    I don't want to say I'm introverted, but I'm not extroverted either, kinda in the middle. There are times where I want to hang out by myself, and times where I really really want to hang out with other people. When it's those periods of time where I want someone to hang out with, there is nobody, and I get really lonely and depressed. Well I'm starting to fall asleep so I'll edit this or finish it tomorrow.
     
  2. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Check this out:

    Inviting a Woman on a Date is 100% Normal and Natural
     
  3. Limited Edition

    Limited Edition New Member

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    I have to give you props just making this thread you're taking ACTION of your life and success. :h5: It's easier to play the victim and blame everyone else for your failures but it takes a MAN to take action.


    I don't have any straight forward advice however here are two books that have helped me to take action of my life.



    Feel fear...and do it anyway

    http://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-Anyway/dp/0345487427/ref=sr_1_1/104-0038040-0746314?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1178464059&sr=8-1

    How to win friends and influence people
    http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/104-0038040-0746314?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1178464228&sr=1-1



    A great researcher, having "failed" two hundred times before he found the answer to one of his buring questions was asked "Doesn't it bother you that you failed all those times?" His answer was, "I never failed! I discovered two hundred ways not to do something!"
     
  4. Kamisama

    Kamisama Guest

    Thanks for the links for the books, I didn't even think about books :eek3: I bought them, hopefully they come in the mail in a couple days.

    And that is a really good quote. I don't know why I can't just try. I just think of a million different things that could go wrong and become to afraid to try.
     
  5. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Another interesting book you may want to check out is No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover (amazon). It's a pretty hard core "reality check" kind of book that has really made me rethink things recently. It's very high rated as you'll see and it's an easy read, too.
     
  6. Kamisama

    Kamisama Guest

    Well I asked her for her number and she was more than glad to give it to me :)

    Now I just need to call and ask her out, should I just take her to dinner and a movie?

    And I'm back on meds, Lexapro and the doctor gave me clonazepam, but I haven't used any of the clonazepam.
     
  7. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    Dinner and a movie is perhaps the worst first date possible.

    It lacks imagination, and its cliched.

    Also, so many other men use dinner and a movie for a first date, that you are automatically putting yourself in the same category as them. You want to differentiate yourself from the other men she dates.

    Sitting around and talking is fucking boring. And what is the point of sitting next to someone in the dark that you can't talk to for 2 hours?
     
  8. Kamisama

    Kamisama Guest

    Well, I asked the first girl for her number, and she seemed more than happy to give her number to me. She even texted me first, saying good morning hun. Well we chatted for a while by text. Then we made plans on Wednesday to go out on Friday. Well on Friday I call her up and she says she was going with her brother to celebrate her brother and brothers wife anniversary, and that she'd let me know what was up. Well she never called back, and I never called her back. How could you not realize that you had something going on already 2 days prior, and why couldn't you have told me about cancelling the plans if it was after wednesday?

    Then she started sending me flirty text messages again, and I'm thinking is she interested in me? Then I invite her out again, and she says she's going out to a concert with her friends. Then I invite her out to celebrate my 21st birthday and she says she might, and it just seems like she loses interest.

    I think she's just a flirt and a cock tease.

    Well the second chick, I asked for her number and she was more than excited to give it to me. But then I didn't call for 2 weeks, stupid stupid me. Then when I did finally call her 2 weeks later, I was piss fucking drunk. I guess she was at work, and couldn't talk, but I was retarded and beligerent and kept calling back over and over again, her boss even got on the phone and told me to fuck off, and then I was drunk to the point of a slight black out, then the conversation returning to her being at home, and for some reason I guess we never converse cause I think I kept calling her over and over again, then her roommate got on the phone and was like "Are you some kind of stalker or something?" Then I kept yelling to put her back on the phone, or I would "cut your fucking head off then fuck your skull" then she hangs up. Then I get a call back from her roommate saying how they've called the sherriff and they have my number and name, but I'm guessing I will be having a letter in the mail soon about a court proceding because nothings happened to me yet a week later. Yeah I was retarded drunk and I'm not sure if I should stop by her work, I write an apology letter to her work, or just delete her out of my phone and leave it alone forever.

    Well I'm fucking high as shit right now :420: so sorry if this post was shitty
     
  9. bowrofl

    bowrofl New Member

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    :ugh: well that was a really fucking stupid idea... maybe next time you drink you should leave your phone at home

    drunk and stoned eh? i cant talk as i am an abuser of cannabis as well but maybe all the substance abuse isn't helping develop social skills? i realize that during periods of heavy smoking, i don't feel as social. of course, drugs effect everyone in different ways so it may not be the same for you, but its an idea.
     
  10. Lantis745

    Lantis745 Member

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    If the girl ditched you the first time or just could not make it out because of the little thing with her brother i would not of called back. And if she texted me back anytime later then i would of made myself not available.

    As for the second girl :rofl: :eek4: You might want to not go to her work... You sure do know how to woo the ladies
     

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