It surprises me that I have any social life at all the way I was raised. My parents have always been very anti-social, they don't have any friends, and don't seem to have any desire to, but they seem really happy in life. Ever since I was little, my parents have always told me that friends are useless, that they will always stab you in the back, screw you over, and that you can't depend on anyone. We also lived 2000 miles away from any family, so my parents never had people coming over and I never really developed any social skills that way. They were always mean to any friends I had made, they shoo'ed them away from our house, and never let me invite friends inside our house. I remember in high school our house got broken into, they immediately blamed my hispanic friend, endlessly going on about how "those people do this kind of thing" only to find out weeks later that it was a white guy that broke into our house, I bet they felt stupid as shit. I don't think I have ever befriended anyone, people always befriend me I always assume that people don't want to hang out with me, so I never ask, but it feels so good when someone invites you to do something Basically I don't live anywhere near my childhood/highschool friends. They're all over the globe. You fantasize that you all can like live near eachother and party and have fun after you graduate highschool, but it never works like that. Your group of friends all end up doing different things, joining the military, getting scholarships to schools across the map, and everybody inevitably disbands. It sucks... but it's part of life, and I've accepted that. But I've become really lonely and am having difficulty finding a new circle of friends in the locale. Basically friends right now are a couple coworkers and old roommates. Coworkers are about 4-5 years older than me, and they are great, we tons of fun when we do hang out, we have a lot in common, but unfortunely that have kids and family, which kind of makes it difficult to hang out and have fun. And old roommates have either moved after graduating college, or our schedules kind of conflict too much[they're in there final year of school, while working full time, and only free on weekends, where as I work on weekends] so it just doesn't workout. Well, I have been running into people, but I just don't get signs, and never know what to say or do. There's this girl, an ex-coworker, and I guess I consider her a friend, but I haven't even really had a long conversation with her ever, so even though I see her as a friend I wonder if she's just an aquintance and also see's me as an aquintance[I have a feeling I'm spelling this word wrong lol] But a while back when I lost my living situation [roommates moving] she invited me to come live with her and her bf, but I had already signed the lease for an apartment. And whenever I run into her, she gives me a hug. The other day, she asked me when I'll be old enough to drink, and even if we can't go to bars yet, we should swap numbers and hang out. I kind of just looked down at the ground and said ".... yeah" and then she said she would send me her number on myspace. I have yet to receive the number. I then got in my car and drove off. I just kept thinking in my head, does she really want to hang out, and I kept telling myself, no that can't be, you're boring, no one wants to hang out with you Then at a restaurant, I ran into a chick who works there, she knew my name and everything and said we went to high school together, but I don't remember her at all. The next time I went to the restaurant she asked if I remember her yet, and I said no, then she mentioned the name of her highschool, which I never attended. But she was like 3 feet away from me and says she's 100% positive it's me, and she knew my name. Everytime I go there she asks how I'm doing and gives me this beautiful smile and offers to give me a free drink since I never order one[since they only have soda and I don't drink soda] And, I want to get her phone number and take her out on a date, but I don't know, I just haven't. My mind just keeps going "Ask her for her number? There's something you're missing here, don't do it, you will make yourself look like a fool" but I have been thinking about her a lot lately, I don't know why. In highschool I never asked a girl for her number, they always just gave it to me even though I never asked, so I keep hoping that whenever I go there she would do the same, but it never happens. I always hope that on my receipt there will be her number and a note going something along the lines of "take me out sometime!" or something. But no. I have no self-esteem. I don't want to say I'm introverted, but I'm not extroverted either, kinda in the middle. There are times where I want to hang out by myself, and times where I really really want to hang out with other people. When it's those periods of time where I want someone to hang out with, there is nobody, and I get really lonely and depressed. Well I'm starting to fall asleep so I'll edit this or finish it tomorrow.