SRS I see no hope for my future... due to parents mostly

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Roddy, Apr 24, 2007.

  1. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    Hey guys/girls,

    I'm going on 24 years of age in July, and have a fair bit of shit on my mind I want to vent out in the hope that some of you can give some advice on.

    I feel as if kids that are 17 or so have had more "life experience" and done more with their lives than what I have. ie: For a 24 year old I feel as if had nowhere near the experience of "life" as other people my age have. This experience i refer to is stuff like travelling, sport etc.

    Now what does this all have to do with my parents?

    - They have always given reasons why stuff that I want to do shouldn't be done (could be dangerous) etc etc.

    - Yet they expect me to do the things that they suggest.

    A classic example is that I completed my university degree last year in September. Up until 2 months ago I had been working at an Electrical retail store for 9 years.

    My dad then says that I should consider starting a business whereby I can set up TV's etc, and show people how to use stuff etc. Mind you, there is a LOT of old people in my city. It's the city that most oldies travel to in order to retire and die. So technology can get the best of them...

    Basically its as if he's trying to live his life through mine.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I've always wanted to go work for a big company, and then maybe see about creating my own business venture. I like the social aspect of working in a team etc.. and i find that working by myself has caused me to be in isolation, as i'm always "working" on what my dad wants me to.

    I'd like to move out but dont have enough finances

    I've considered getting into Cycling as a new hobby, but get told that "that's dangerous.. u get hit by cars etc on the road"..

    I honestly dont know what to do with my life... as i feel as if i have no "freedom".

    The sad thing is, is that i find that the only time i will have true freedom is when they pass away.. and I shouldn't be thinkin that sort of shit.

    I'm thinking that i'm truely a spineless being and can't stand up for myself.

    I care about what they think about me, and i think that is my downfall.

    It's like whatever I do i have to get "pre approved"

    My younger brother is lookin at going into the police force.. and again, gets told about how dangerous it is etc.

    About one month ago was the closest i've ever been to committing suicide (driving my car into a pole at 120km/hr , except i chickened out and the end and hit a guidepost.. still did damage to the car)

    Lately I wish there was a button i could press and it would just end my existence.. yet i feel as tho i have so much fucking potential.

    Lately i've been thinking of more ways to end myself in the least painful way. eg. electrocute myself, take a shitload of pills..

    Seriuosly, how do i get myself out of this mindset

    And what steps can i take to achieve a positive mindset/get my life on track

    Thanks heaps OT :sadwavey:
     
  2. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    It is time to flap your wings and fly away from the birds nest. :hug:

    Don't think about ending it, it's a false door that leads to hell.

    Start doing anything you feel in your heart is RIGHT for you, despite their warnings. Don't do anything stupid. But taking up cycling, etc, follow your intuition!
     
  3. Gonrad

    Gonrad OT Supporter

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    I'm sort of in the same boat as you are but I don't know how much I can put the blame on my parents.

    Although they aren't the traveling type and never did take the family on traveling trips and such.

    You need to realize you're old enough to make your own decisions and let them know that you want to take risks in your life.

    They are probablly the nagging type right? THat always bring up things you should do in certain ways, etc. without being all forceful like.

    Trust me, just need to put your foot down. Don't be intimidated by their subtle threats (i.e. "Oh it's too dangerous"). Don't let them instill fear into you.

    As Russel Peters best said it, "Be a man, do the right thing!" :rofl:

    Remember, Failing is part of suceeding. Just gotta try :hs:
     
  4. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    First of all, please don't end your life. You've got a bright future ahead of you if you just work hard at it.

    Secondly, go find a job in a big company. If you don't have the finances or resources to move out just yet, find one in a location that is a reasonable commute. After this, take it one step at a time from there. Bottom line, live your life for you and your dreams/goals. Sure, it's nice to "please" your parents, but there's times when you have to do your own thing. In the end, your success will make them just as proud, if not more.
     
  5. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    :werd:

    I think there's only so much i can care about their opinion, before it actually starts to inhibit my growth as a human being
     
  6. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    You are right about the nagging part... its so true

    As much as i love my parents.. it really is ME that matters. I say that in a non selfish way, but its true.. because it is my life
     
  7. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    You speak the truth :o

    I do need to start doing my own thing.. i'm sure they'd be happy for me in that respect, rather than offing myself.

    To be honest, I dont think i could ever end myself.... it would only cause more problems if anything
     
  8. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Do whatever you can to move out of your parents house. Get roommates, move somewhere cheaper, get a 2nd job, anything. Your parents will not change while you are still living there. My parents used to be overly controlling too and would act like every idea I had was stupid. Moving out was the best thing I ever did. After about a year or so of living on my own they finally started to realize that I wasn't a complete idiot and could function on my own. Living with them was hell and we fought all the time but now we get along fine. It doesn't matter if you will be somewhat poor when you move out, freedom is well worth it. Once you have your own place then you won't mind if you can't go out much because no one will be bugging you or telling you how to live your life.
     
  9. Roddy

    Roddy Guest


    This actually sounds like a really good idea! :)

    Like you said, i'd rather be workin more and earnin a bit less and HAVE MY FREEDOM, rather than earning a fair bit while at home.. and hating life at the same time.

    Money doesn't always mean happiness it seems
     
  10. SixSecrets

    SixSecrets New Member

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    It's time you became you.
    Move out.
    Explore.
    Take some chances.
    Live.
     
  11. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    :werd: You can't put a price on freedom. I hated life too when I lived at home. I worked 2nd shift and went out every night after work just so I didn't have to go home and deal with my parents. It was so nice to have my own place and be able to enjoy being at home.
     
  12. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Wow...to the OP, you sound totally like I did when I was your age...only I was a raging alcoholic to boot. I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb this kind of pain and many times I wanted to kill myself....but my bro actually did kill himself when I was 18 and it was awful. I could never do that to my loved ones....no matter how much I'm hurting.

    So it's difficult but at some point in your life you have to stop accepting advice and make your own decisions....and live with the consequences. I found that people dominated me and told me what to do with my life BECAUSE I ALLOWED IT! I never would stand up for myself cuz honestly, I didn't have the first fucking clue what I wanted to do....well actually I did know but I sure as shit didn't have guts enough to follow my dream....especially when everyone around me would attack my ideas.

    My mom was the best tho....she would try to help and she's always tried to just love me through my growing pains. Dad was a different story tho. He was the same way about getting hurt and what not. He passed away 2 years after my brother and I remember distinctly thinking....I"M FREE!! It was a VERY powerful feeling.

    Guess what happened.....I found other people to take his place because I still did not have guts enough to follow my own path, nor did I have any help in this regard.

    I was sort of like a prisoner that is suddenly released but doesn't really know how to live in society. I totally found other people that were as domineering as my dad and I let them influence me.

    It wasn't until my early 30s where it finally reached a head. I was determined to follow my heart but I was also determined to be smart about it. No sense burning any bridges. So I started looking for help to my issues for myself....and I didn't tell anyone what I was doing. Fuck that...it was far too personal. This was my secret and I was going to enjoy it. You know what it was.....fixing computers. I started studying A+ certification...something I had always been fascinated by. Simply typing these words doesn't adequately convey the depth of my curiosity nor the determination with which I pursued this knowledge.

    You know what....knowledge truly is power.

    Don't kill yourself...that's taking the easy way out and you'll hurt many more people than you can possibly imagine. However, find your passion. NO MATTER WHAT or WHO gets in your way...FIND IT. Go to bookstores, search the internet do whatever it takes to find what truly lights your fire....then pursue that.

    You will not believe the growth you will experience by solving these issues.
     
  13. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    What you need to do is to give a swing to your life into the right direction.

    Basically you have to become the dictator of your own life. And decide for yourself what course you want to go in life. You direct and carve your own path in life , but before that.

    You need to put what your parents did into context. You know you have great parents , it definitly shows that they love you a LOT, and are very conserned for your safety, and when your dad says: go invest into T.V's ,then by educating you ,yes he indeed is projecting his idea's on you, not as a form of punishment but simply wanting the best possible future for his son.

    The problem starts to arise because they are 'overprotective' , that way you don't get any life experience of your own.

    This summer its time to go backpacking across the united states or in europe. Experience the world and go , even despite your parents protesting, just say its a vacation trip. But for you it will be an important orientation period of finding your own position in this world.

    Don't think about it, Just grab your bags and go!
     
  14. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    It's real easy to pass the blame to someone else, Roddy. First, please don't kill yourself over something so stupid. Second, you're only 24 and can change things very easily, and I'm sure if you really wanted to you could change things tomorrow when you get out of bed.

    Also, are you sure you're reading your parents correctly? You could feel they are disappointed in your choices, but in reality they could just have a differing opinion and you mistake that as being disappointed and you give yourself a guilt trip over nothing. Ya know what I mean?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 24, 2007
  15. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    I don't think he needs to do anything that drastic to change his life around... he just needs to get out of his comfort zone, which could be as small as NOT ASKING PERMISSION TO RIDE A DAMN BICYCLE AT 24 YEARS OLD!


    Tomorrow could be the first day of the rest of your life Roddy, balls in your court now.
     
  16. illmaceyougood

    illmaceyougood New Member

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  17. Roddy

    Roddy Guest


    I almost thought that was a hai-ku (sp) :o

    Either way, straight and direct to the point :)
     
  18. Roddy

    Roddy Guest


    Holy shit.. i'm speechless.

    What you have described there is so eerily identical to how my life is, that i've got hairs on the back of my neck standing up :eek3:

    I know exactly where you are coming from, and i appreciate everything you have just said.

    I honestly thought i was the only one that had ever been in this situation

    Thanks again man :h5:
     
  19. Roddy

    Roddy Guest


    YES! Exactly


    I'm a firm believer that when i have kids that I will bring them up right, but i WANT them to experience life and experience failure etc.. because I believe that all those characteristics and events are what makes a person stronger
     
  20. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    This is true... there is nothing stopping me from changing things tomorrow when i get out of bed.


    Yeah, i know what you mean - but I am reading my parents correctly.

    Its even got to the point whereby if I want to go out and go for a drink at a bar with mates etc, i get told not to get home too late :ugh: Seriously :ugh:

    I get told what to spend money on, and what not to spend money on. eg. "Why waste your money buying a cellphone?" is just one example.

    Its gotten to the point whereby friends dont even bother ringing me up anymore to ask me go out as they know "mummy" wont let me :eek4:

    To be honest, i've been so used to knocking back friends for social outings due to parents influence that when I have the decision to stay with friends and chat, I instinctively leave from force of habit.

    True story..
     
  21. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I think you're reading your parents wrong man. There are times where I've seen parents offer suggestions to their adult "children" simply because they haven't demonstrated that they can be independant.

    Like you mentioned, you're 24...yet you can't move out on your own, you have no direction in your life, you can't make your own decisions about cycling, etc. Of course your parents will feel like they have to toss ideas at you to get you motivated. What you see as nagging, could be nothing more then your parent's attempt at trying to get you moving forward in your life.

    You're still young & you just graduated. I wouldn't get all depressed about your situation just yet. But start making good choices that will demonstrate your adulthood to your parents and then you'll see less of the nagging. As others have suggested, this could mean moving out on your own, getting a higher paid job, or simply just getting another job so you're closer to finding an actual career... the important thing is that you can begin making positive decisions & actions.
     
  22. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    It comes down to you need to move out, find a friend or two and get a place together who cares if its not the nicest place its so nice living on your own no one to answer to and you can make your own identity. My mother was the same way when I was younger very overprotective, couldn't go here, had to know all my friends who I was going out with, etc. The best thing I did was moving out. Take risks sometimes if people making minimum wage can live on their own you can too.
     
  23. mrchina

    mrchina Guest

    First of all, what do your parents actually do if you don't listen to them... I don't know say if you went and bought a bicycle?? Do they kick you out of the house? Hit you? What is the "punnishment" at 24 years old for not listening to your parents?


    What do you mean told? Like "You better come home before 11pm or else you are going to be beaten?" or like "Okay, don't come home too late"

    Maybe they don't want you to waste your money on something that's optional, especially when you say you don't have enough money. If someone says "why waste your money on a cellphone" to me, I'd take that as a question and not somebody telling me how to spend my money.

    No comment. You're 24. Why do you have to ask permission to leave the house?! Again, are they going to beat you if you don't ask?

    Your loss. Completely your fault.
     
  24. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    :werd:

    Somehow the way that you wrote that really hit me hard in a good way :o
     
  25. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    My mom is the same way but I always did what ever the hell I wanted anyways. Once she saw that I could do really stupid things and be all right she eased up a ton. Just go out a do stupid stuff.
     

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