I said something that hurt him. Now he wants to end it.

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Fallout Girl, Mar 14, 2006.

  1. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

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    I'm brand new to Offtopic, but I have been on a forum before. I need some advice.
    I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. I am very much in love with him. He is in the Airforce and is in Iraq right now and has been for the last two months and won't be coming home for another two. We have gotten to a point in our relationship where we are very open about everything with eachother. I tell him everything. He is my best friend and I am his.
    He is insecure about the size of his penis and really shouldn't be. I have told him this but he doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm saying it just to get him to shut up about it. Erect he is about seven inches long.
    He has only brought this up a few times, just asking me if I feel like he is big enough for me. Every time I re-assure him that he is.
    Here is where I screwed up:
    The day before yesterday we were chatting over email and we were talking about what sex toys we would want to try, neither of us have tried any before. And he asked me again if I was satisfied with him. I told him that he was, and that is is bigger than most of them I have seen.
    Then it snow-balled into; "most? What do you mean 'most you have seen'?"
    And I told him that there were guys that I have seen that were bigger and that one of my ex-boyfriends might have been bigger.
    -Biggest mistake I have ever made.-
    But the kicker is, the guy that I was talking about was the guy that I lost my virginity to and it was eight years ago. I don't remember how big he was, all I remember is that it hurt like hell. But I was a virgin, of course it's going to hurt.
    I tried to explain that to him and he doesn't believe me. He said that his ego has been destroyed and he doesn't think he ever wants to have sex with me again. That he is completely crushed and that it can't be fixed. He is breaking up with me and says that he still loves me but that it would be unhealthy if we stayed together because he would always be insecure about his size because of what I said.
    The only reason I had any thought that it would be ok to say that was that he has told me before about his past birlfriends, that some were tighter than me and some were looser. Bigger boobs, smaller boobs, whatever. So I thought I could be honest and just blurted it out.
    What can I do? How do I fix this? He's my world and I can't believe I said what I did, I wasn't thinking before I said it and now I can't just take it back.
     
  2. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

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    How old are you?
     
  3. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

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    does it matter how old I am?
     
  4. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Why can't he handle the truth? Would he have preffered you to lie to him?
     
  5. low20

    low20 Member

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    this guy seems REALLY insecure about himslf. i mean come on. 7" is a good size, id guess bigger thanaverage. what is his deal about asking like 100 times...i think he is just insecure or wants you to tell him every 5 minutes how big he is and how great he is. id dump him jus for the sole reason that he seems like a douchbag..

    tell him to get over himself, get a life, and be happy with what he has.
     
  6. EmiB

    EmiB New Member

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    Yeah cuz both of you need to grow up
     
  7. Guardfather

    Guardfather The Paradox

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    You were perfectly okay to say that. In fact, in the long run, it's probably going to help him. He needs to get over his insecurity.

    My last relationship was with a beautiful woman who, like you, lost her virginity to a very well-endowed guy. I felt a little insecure about it, though I'm not lacking in size. I too am about 7" (6.5 when i'm not in shape as much as i used to be and have a little extra pubic pudge.. lol).

    What mattered to me is that I could please her. That I did. She made sure I knew it, without overdoing it, and that helped me realize it was foolish to feel insecure about her having had bigger before.

    It's a part of maturation. Do NOT lie to him, whatever you do. But if he is the best you've had, tell him so. Not in the heat of argument about it, though. If he doesn't please you as much as you think he could, then you two should discuss ways to increase your love-making pleasure, for both of you. Be sure to be considerate of what he wants from you, if you're gonig to ask him to do something new for you. He has to know that he can make you feel incredible pleasure, because that is where the insecurity stems from. He feels like he can't measure up. If he does, let him know. If he doesn't, help him to measure up. But either way, you need to remain strong in your loyalty to him. If he does say it's over, tell him you aren't giving up and that you want to be with him. He may just need some time to get over it. That may also help him feel confident, because if you'd stay loyal to him after he tells you it's over, he's going to feel like he's something special, most likely.

    Be sure to bring up any insecurities you may have had, even if they were insignificant. As you said, he's had tighter women and women with bigger boobs. Those are often sources of insecurity in women. What is important is that you enjoy each other very much. It sounds like you can see that. Help him to see it too.
     
  8. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    I'm pretty sure average is only 6 inches erect.
     
  9. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

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    I asked him if he expected me to lie to him. The example I gave him is the "do these pants make my butt look fat."
    I told him the truth. The dead honest truth and there was absolutly nothing bad about him in it. Just that yes there are guys out there that are longer. Big deal. Then I told him that if he were to be any bigger it would be painful for me to have sex with him. He said he wants to get a phaloplasty. It's an operation that lenthens your penis by an inch or two.
    I really do love him and I realize that he is being extreme about this. But I also realize that men and their penis' are a very touchy subject and I should have been more sensitive. I shouldn't have offered up the information about my ex' size or lack thereof.
     
  10. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    This guy sounds like he has problems, and maybe you would be better off without him. Not trying to be mean, but if you are serious about everything in that post, he is ABOVE average in size and quite frankly shouldn't be getting all pussyhurt over that fact that SOMEONE SOMEWHERE TIMETIME MAY HAVE BEEN bigger. My GF says I'm the second biggest she's been with and I'm only 6". Her biggest was some half-black dude I've come to refer to as Kong Dong. I admit I'm not crazy about imagining something like that being anywhere near her, but whatever.

    A guy has to have serious ego problems to actually need to be convinced that he is the biggest and baddest wang to walk the earth. Aside from a few rare exceptions, most guys should just accept that there are bound to be some out there that are bigger, and maybe our girls have sampled some of them. As long as we can still take care of business in our own way, it doesn't matter that we're not all Kong Dongs.

    :hs:
     
  11. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

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    Is this something that he would be able to get over or is it a "the damage has been done" kind of thing?
    Should I just leave him be to digest things and figure it out or what?
     
  12. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

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    I've told him that he is the best that I have been with. He knows what he is doing and we actually care about eachother which makes it that much better. He is the best overall package I could ever hope for, aside from this insecurity.
     
  13. Cerridwen

    Cerridwen Guest

    Have you read the thread yet? (no offense)

    Do you honestly want to be with somebody so insecure that you can't even tell the truth to?
     
  14. Guardfather

    Guardfather The Paradox

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    Statistics vary. Some studies put it around 5". Others are closer to 6". Between 5 and 6 seems to be the average when looking at multiple studies.

    The butt comparison is horrible. Because having a "fat butt" is generally regarded as a negative thing. Being 7" is perfect, IMO. Bigger than that, and you can't comfortably (her comfort) be completely inside of a woman (in most cases) with your body pressed firmly against hers. That's something very sensual and special to experience. At least that's how I feel about it.

    As far as having an operation goes... Fuck that. A) If it's the procedure I'm thinking of, his dick will hang down even when he has a full erection, and he'll always have to use his hand to aim it. B) Like you said, any longer is probably too long.

    You just need to help him get over it if you really do love him and want to be with him.
     
  15. Guardfather

    Guardfather The Paradox

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    You and he decide if that damage is permanent. You don't have to let it get in the way. Like I said, if you two really love each other, get through this together.
     
  16. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

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    No I don't want to be with someone that is that extremely insecure. But I know I have my own insecurities. What I don't know if this is something that is just being blown up right now because his feelings got hurt. I do want to be with him, more than anything. And I want to be the one to make him secure about himself. He treats me incredibly well and has always made me feel incredible about myself.
     
  17. Guardfather

    Guardfather The Paradox

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    Consider the fact that he's on the other side of the world right now, with you back home, probably surrounded by guys and feeling lonely and wanting some loving. He's in a position that amplifies the hell out of any insecurity he has.

    It's not JUST about his feelings. You probably miss each other a lot and it's probably straining things.
     
  18. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    Maybe you should have a talk with him, have him read this thread, and get some perspective.
     
  19. skitcy

    skitcy uhm title! ok

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    he's got a bigger one than me and I'm really happy where I stand at...
     
  20. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

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    Yeah, I definitely agree. I tried to tell him that now is not the time to try and make this kind of decision. We are in a long distance relationship right now and it's probably the most important part of our relationship, when things are really starting to get serious. He left when we had only been together for six months and won't be getting back until it's almost been a year. It's so hard and we have no control over it and all be have is the communication and it's just not going well right now.
     
  21. Guardfather

    Guardfather The Paradox

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    It's just something you two need to get over. He has an insecurity that he WILL get over as long as you two are open about it and you do a good job of showing him that you appreciate him and are more than satisfied with him.
     
  22. ghost

    ghost New Member

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    It sounds like your guy is very insecure about his size. The size of penis does not matter as long as he knows how to please a lady. The average size of penis is 6 inches, which is very common for men in general.

    It is not your fault for telling him the truth. He needs to understand how much you love him.
     
  23. Fallout Girl

    Fallout Girl New Member

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    ok, I guess I'll just wait him out. Keep re-assuring him. Thanks for the replies and the honest opinions. I really really appreciate it.
     
  24. Richard Manuel

    Richard Manuel OT Supporter

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    He needs to grow up and learn to laugh at himself. First, like everyone here has said, 7" is nothing to be ashamed of. But even if it was 2" he needs to grow up (12 year olds worry about dick size, not grown men in the military) and quit being so insecure. If he thinks its small, fine, laugh and make some small dick jokes about yourself.
     
  25. JustaMeThang

    JustaMeThang New Member

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    If he was willin to tell you all about his ex's and their huge boobs, tight pussys, etc, then sayin what you said is fair game. Good for the goose.....that was the premise you were goin on. Let him now play by his own rules. Tell him you didnt enjoy hearin about his ex's but he brought them into the conversation. You were mature enough not to throw a hissy fit and swear to get a breast enlargement and your slit stitched tighter, therefore you expected him to handle your comment with the same maturity and respect. He didnt say those things to put you down, make you feel bad...and you werent out to accomplish that either with your comment.
     

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