SRS I really fucked up v. girlfriend

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by poo_noodles, Jul 28, 2006.

  1. poo_noodles

    poo_noodles New Member

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    Girlfriend, ex now, and I have been dating for a year. Rocky start at first and lots of issues. Basically I felt second place to her drinking and hanging out with her friends. Broke up twice, and lately we had worked things out. She quit drinking and cut off contact with friends who weren't helping her. She has a done a lot of positive things to change her life, and I haven't done any really. I'm wanting to quit smoking, it makes me second guess myself, makes me anti-social, etc.

    We're both 20, and have a psuedo-marriage and we are each others companion / best friend. We've always had the problem of different interests and different friends. We go out with different people on the weekends and do different things; meeting up when we have free time, which is plenty during the summer.

    I'm going to start a campaign for my political career, and my band will start to play out within the next month. Right now, I am going through a lot of changes. Most of my friends are moving and I have to find a new group of friends. I go through phases in my life where i burn bridges with all my old friends and start a new transition in my life. I can tell I am doing that now, but don't want her to fall victim to it. I am also trying to change my personality, mainly being less cynical and jugemental.

    I don't know what to do. I love her and think we would be great together in a month or two. I don't expect her to wait around while I fix my shit. I don't know why I can't do these positive changes with her around, but I feel that I really need to develop my personality and point of view on an individual level. I want to be with her for a long time and there are core things that would make it great. But right now, my immediate interests are taking priority over her and I know that I can't put into what needs to be. I would be putting her on the backburner until I figure out how to balance school, work, girlfriend, band, political career, family, etc. I have a lot of shit on my plate and need to focus on the band and political career before I can develop stronger relationships with any of my other things.

    Anyone have any advice? I'm so lost, and I am miserable. I am a complete dick for her doing all these positive things I more or less demanded, then left her hanging because I am scared of not knowing whether I can handle everything in the future. I guess it really comes down to not being able to commit how much I should, especially since this point in the relationship would be the defining one of whether we are meant to be together for awhile or whether we (mainly I) can't handle it. :(
     
  2. BlazinBlazer Guy

    BlazinBlazer Guy Witness to The De-Evolution of Mankind.

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    You're absolutely right, you have too much on your plate, and you're young -- going through lots of changes to become an adult. To me, it seems obvious that you THINK you're ready for a long-term relationship, but you really aren't.

    That said, I think you should just let her go, fix yourself up, and find another girl who you may be even more compatible with. I mean, what's to say the two of you will still be compatible after you "change your ways" and try to become a different person? And if you're already seeing signs that you're growing apart from her, you'd be doing both of you a favor by ending it now before the relationship gets much farther.
     
  3. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You sound more selfish then scared.

    You do realize that you are causing a lot of this unhappyness in your life don't you??
     
  4. poo_noodles

    poo_noodles New Member

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    Selfish, hmm. I am selfish for asking her to do these things then pushing her away, and especially pushing her away and believing that I can't better myself with her around. I would describe myself as generally happy though.
     
  5. Blackthorn

    Blackthorn New Member

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    Pain is temporary, pride is forever
    Breaking up because of this stuff is kinda normal unfortunately. If you end things on good terms there is no reason you can't revisit this. You have to put yourself first coz nobody else ever will.
     
  6. poo_noodles

    poo_noodles New Member

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    Other opinions please :sadwavey:
     

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