SRS I promised my GF of 2 1/2 years that I would move in with her this summer but

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by mack1o, Mar 14, 2007.

  1. mack1o

    mack1o Guest

    I don't want to. Basically, the only reason I promised her that I would move in with her was so that she could stop nagging about it. Well anyways she keeps bringing it up about how she can't wait til this summer and i'm just like :hsugh:. The only reason she wants me to move in with her is so that I can help her with her bills by splitting the rent and utilities in half. She also has a car payment and insurance on a brand new car which sucks for her. I only make around 185 a week working part time(I'm still in school). I don't see the reason in me moving in with her when i'm content with staying with my parents and trying to save my money. I don't want to move in with her and I know she's having a hard time with her bills and all that shit and I don't know what to do.
     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Sounds like a situation my friend was in a few months ago.

    If she's having financial difficulties she shouldn't be relying on you.

    If you move in it should be cuz you both want to, not cuz she needs help paying bills and you happen to be her bf.
     
  3. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    If you don't want to, tell her you're not ready, and tell her now rather than later so that she's not looking forward to something she can't have. She should also be told that nagging you about it doesn't help.

    Now step back and look at things from her perspective. She's probably nagging because she wants to take your relationship to the next level. If you're not ready for that, you need to discuss it for what it is, not masked by something else. Maybe the relationship is stagnating. :dunno: Either way, it sounds like you need sit down and talk.
     
  4. Mel

    Mel RIP James :(

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    Well first of all you need to be honest and tell her that you're not ready to move in with her. The sooner the better. And be honest about your reasons. Financially, it's better for you to stay at home. Obviously. For her, it's better for you to move in. If it's about the relationship... are you not ready in the relationship? Again, you need to talk to her about it. Be honest with her.

    I have a question though... Do you spend a LOT of time at her place, and not at your own? My ex stayed at my apartment nearly 100% of the time, but still "lived" at home... so it got to the point where I had to say, move in, or don't come over as often. I was basically supporting him, and financially, that wasn't feasible for me at the time.
     
  5. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

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    Don't lead her on.

    If you feel like you don't want to live with her, just say so. If you drag it out until the last minute playing along like you were going to go with her, it would hurt her. Just communicate your wants/needs to her and let her express her needs and come to a compromise. Ultimately you are not responsible for her debts unless you are married to her, so of course care for her/listen/offer advice but do what is best for you financially. :hsd:
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    as long as you're in school and happy living with your parents STAY AT HOME!!!

    stop putting it off.... tell her NOW you're sorry but you can't take on a rent payment while you're in school. Man up, you gotta tell her sometime.

    and she's gonna be PISSED!
     
  7. illmatix

    illmatix Diamond Studded Member OT Supporter

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    That's a good question
     
  8. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    That was one of the main reasons my gf left me and it was not even 2 years. My gf was having problems at home and wanted me to get an appartment so she could move in. She would pay rent and everything but I just didn't want to be around her 24/7. Then some dude at work gave her a place to live for a retarded amount of money, like 150.00 a month and she left me for him. Seriously, moving in is a deal breaker for some girls.
     
  9. mack1o

    mack1o Guest

    i'm at her place a lot, but i help her out with the grocieries when i'm over there. The only reason I go to her place a lot is because she begs me to come over since she hates being alone. I really don't like going over so much. Usually I spend the night at her place 3 times per week and that's usually on the weekends. She BEGS me to spend the night even though I don't want to and I tell her no.
     
  10. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    Sounds like you have more then one problem.
     
  11. mack1o

    mack1o Guest

    how so?
     
  12. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    That she feels like she needs you all the time and more then likely lacks a social life of her own also.
     
  13. Lateralus

    Lateralus New Member

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    Do not move in with her until you feel ready, don't let her try to guilt you into moving in with her any sooner than that. She may care for you and like the idea of you two living together, but it also sounds like she just wants someone to pick up the other half of the bills. You sound like you're in a good, logical situation right now just living at home, take that time to put some money away and if she's not willing to live with that then move on.
     
  14. JemmaX

    JemmaX New Member

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    the decision to live together (which is such a BIG one!) should never ever be financially based. EVER.


    Its like saying, lets get married for the tax breaks. Would you do that too??
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    That's an enormously bad reason to move in together. Do yourself a favour and don't handcuff yourself like this.

    If she needs financial help, that's one thing. Putting your own head in a noose to help her out does you no service.

    You already have the right impulse in that you "know" on some level this is a very bad thing to consider.

    Trust yourself. Do NOT move in with her. Not now, and not for this reason.
    She needs to concentrate on getting up on her own two feet.

    You might help out in this, but you must not simply start carrying her on your back. That is wrong for her, and wrong for you.

    You might want to consider if this is a true relationship of equals, and whether you should continue pursuing this. It sounds like to me that she's something of an anchor, and you instead have your sights set on MAKING a good life for yourself.

    A good life is something you MAKE for yourself (as you're doing by focusing on school) it isn't something you can whine and bitch your way into, or nag someone into handing you. (That doesn't last)

    Stay true to your own course.
     
  16. mack1o

    mack1o Guest

    goddamn you're good jogan
     
  17. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Completely different situation. It's a lot harder to get out of a marriage than it is to get out of an apartment. Living together isn't really that huge of a deal, if things don't work out then one person keeps the place and signs the other off the lease. Assuming both people are mature enough to handle it, that is. Money is a good reason for people to live together but only if it's what they BOTH want. This guy doesn't want to so there's no point in considering it because it's only helping her out with money and not him.
     
  18. blackgrrl23

    blackgrrl23 If the game ain't money, then I ain't playing.

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    :bowdown:
     

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