SRS I over Analyze every situation; Long Distance opinions needed!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by QueenOfHearts, Sep 11, 2007.

  1. QueenOfHearts

    QueenOfHearts New Member

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    Cliffs: Still in love with Ex BF in California. Live in Missouri with Terminally Ill mother and depressed father. Went to see him. He asked to be engaged if even for a long term. Long distance relationship, still don't have an answer for him. Staying with my mother until she passes away. Moving back is not an option

    Full Story
    When I was 17 I just took off out of the blue and lived in California for a year. I was on and off with an amazing guy from my very first day in California. It was by chance that he was related to my room-mate that I met him the very first day I was there. We always had unstoppable love and lust for each other, just never enough trust. Neither of us were ready to settle down but we relied on each other for emotional support no matter what.
    Exactly a year to the day, I got a call from my family telling me that things have really turned worse for my mother. (Suffering the end stages of Hepatitis C, Full liver failure, Maybe another 2 years if shes lucky.) Her and my father really needed help back home with everyone else having moved out. (Im the baby of the family) I felt obligated to go back and stay with my mother and father who have always been the most amazing. It was never their fault I left.
    Instantly I knew I had to pick up and go. My ex bf and I were in an off stage, but I knew instantly when I told him I was leaving it crushed him, he was unable to speak to me, and I ended up having to leave without seeing him one last time.

    Now that I've come back to Missouri, 1600 miles away, he returned my phone calls and insists that he realizes now since I've been away for so long that he, "can't live without me" and that he loves me, and I know that I love him. We talk every night and we have no secrets between us.

    I went to go see him a week ago and it was possibly the best time in my entire life, which has still been incredibly short. The night I was to leave he took me on the most romantic date he knew how and asked me to marry him. He did of course know I was leaving, but he wanted me to wear the ring no matter what and know who I was coming home to.

    It makes my heart race. I possibly wont see him for another year, and I feel like I need him now more than ever in an upsetting time in my life.
    I don't want to set my hopes so high on a situation and then go back in 2 years and find that everything has changed.
    I'm over analyzing the situation way too much possibly, but I care strongly about my path ahead and this will greatly influence my life from here out based upon my decision.
     
  2. Socrates

    Socrates New Member

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    Long distance relationships almost never work.

    But, if you love someone so much and have such a great time together, then I think it would be worth it to wait.

    I think if you decide to stay in the relationship knowing you won't be together for a couple of years, you are setting yourself up for two years of depression and heartache. If you guys stay together, awesome, and it was worth it. If not, then you've wasted a lot of time.

    It's okay to over analyze this situation! There are plenty of times in life where you shouldn't do it, but in this situation, it can't hurt. Just make sure you come to a decision and go through with it one hundred percent!
     
  3. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    How old are you?
     
  4. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Ask him to come to missouri? And just say when things have cleared you will marry him. In the meanwhile i would get you and your father theraphy. Remember that a bf cannot give you the professional support that a theraphist can give, but i think you would be happier if he would be with you. In terms of marrying i would definitly say yes, because this guy is your pathway to happyness. You have to string him to you before he moves on with his life. You know, when my grandpa suffered from terminal cancer we got a helper in my grandma's house who did important caretaking for my grandpa. That would take off a load of stress for your dad and you. Basically its all about creating more liveable space for the three of you, while reducing the stress via talking sessions in theraphy. It would also give you more time to be able to be with your bf. In the case that the bf doesn't want to move to your place, i would definitly give him the promise to marry him, and as understanding for his decision to stay, because he also has his own life where he lives. Give your mom all the support and care that she needs, whilst not disregarding yourself, come here to vent your feelings, take care of yourself and do a few things that you know will cheer up your dad. Try to divide the physical and mental load you are carrying on your shoulders.
     
  5. Airclair

    Airclair New Member

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    I agree completely with Darketernal. That's great advice.
     
  6. QueenOfHearts

    QueenOfHearts New Member

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    As much as I've thought about this countless times, he's starting College in December in California. I do want to keep him in my life, and I am afraid that he'll move on, but theres not much I can do I don't think.

    As for a caretaker, My father won't do it. They've been married happily for 40 something years and he feels its his sole purpose to stay by her side at the end of her life.

    I really appreciate your advice. Still not sure what im going to say.
     
  7. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    You're too young to be thinking about marry this guy, especially since you've had such a rocky past. I know people can be mature for their age and sometimes relationship among people in their late teens work out, but not often and those are the cases where the relationship has been solid.

    He's about to start college and is living in another state. You've got a lot of family issues to be dealing with. Sounds to me like you both have too much going on to be thinking about getting married. Also, you may just be looking for stability by marrying him since your life sounds rather hectic at the moment. I should know, I went through that.

    Tell him you care about him and want him in your life but neither of you are ready to get married.
     
  8. eu4ia

    eu4ia Active Member

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    if you both love eachother and want to make it work then you will stay together and be ok even if youre not engaged during your long distance time. i would think that if the engagement is whats holding your relationship together then it probably wouldnt make it in the end.

    i understand you love him but honestly, what is the rush? yall are both very young and there is absolutely no benefit to rushing this decision along. if youre meant to be together then you will be regardless on if you get engaged now or later after youre able to move back to california.

    i think you should wait until you both have stable lives where you can be together before you undertake such a big commitment.
     
  9. verdiocchi

    verdiocchi Oh snap!

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    :werd: Getting married will only make your life more stressful.
     

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