LGBT I need to help my best friend, he just discovered he's gay

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by dgo, Mar 5, 2007.

  1. dgo

    dgo New Member

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    My best friend just discovered a little while ago that he's gay. He hasn't told anyone else yet, besides me. Even then he didn't EXACTLY say he was gay, he just said that he really liked it, even better than his experiences with girls. But that a half hour after he has sex he felt very miserable, like he has to beat something.

    He had sex with a guy once, loved it at first, then felt horrible and was miserable for a week. Then he seemed to warm up again, and then a little while later he said he had sex with the same guy again. And then last week he played around with the same guy again, while ignoring him over vacation. But now he doesn't want to do it at all again ever. I know all this because who he had sex with also is one of my other friends, who is openly gay.

    And the thing is, my best friend is the one who wanted to and asked to have sex with my openly gay friend, both times. But I'm the only one who knows about this right now, they're both keeping it a secret, only telling me.

    He said that it just goes against everything he's been brought up to believe in. About how it's supposed to be guy and girl. That he can't get into a relationship with another guy. He's also raised Catholic. I want to help him, but I really don't know what to do.

    How can I help? What can I tell him, to make it seem less bad? I think he's starting to get very depressed and starting to hate himself. I don't want that to happen. He did tell me about this, after me asking him what's bothering him so much a few times, so I know he wants me to help somehow. Even though I asked him what I could do, and he said nothing.

    There has to be SOMETHING I can do?
     
  2. UpPy

    UpPy Guest

    How long have YOU had these feelings?

    :wavey:
     
  3. dgo

    dgo New Member

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    Huh? I know I'm gay, known since I was about 15 (i'm 17 now).

    But how can I help my friend? When I found out it really changed me, but not in the way it has my friend, I just accepted it really easy. I guess it's because I found out on my own, and he found out by having sex with my other friend.

    He's really hurting himself and getting really depressed, how can I convince him it's not that bad? He knows I'm gay, and I've tried to somehow explain to him it's not bad, but nothing is working, I don't know how to handle it, and doesn't want to ever be alone with my other frirend again (in case he wants to have sex with him, just to feel terrible about it again after), so I'm really the only one who can help. I can't betray his secret.

    What can I do?????
     
  4. Diesel Freak

    Diesel Freak ♂♂ Closet Crew OT Supporter

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    I wish I knew what to say. :o I found out on my own too, and it was a long time before I really accepted things.
     
  5. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

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    I don't think there's much you can do. He needs to sort his conflicting feelings (Catholic vs. Gay) out for himself. No one can really do that for him. Best I'd say you can do is just be there for him and lend him a listening ear and support.
     
  6. dgo

    dgo New Member

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    Yeah... But is there anything else I can do to help, calm him down that its not that bad or unatural. Because it looks like he is getting into a very serious depression, a few more inches and it would be nearly suicidal kind of depression. He basically said that much to me this afternoon, and that's why I'm so stressed out about this now, what convinced me to post this for some help from somebody, anybody.

    He just used to be so carefree, relaxed, confident, and comfortable about his life before. It's like a complete transformation, and I've been his best friend since we were 5, I can't just watch as this happens to him.
    I need to do something. Especially since he doesn't want to even talk about it much anymore (this has been going on for weeks).
     
  7. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    I thought of taking the easy way out before I came out. One day the thought occured to me, which would hurt my family more, knowing their son sucks cock or getting to put me six feet under. After that came to mind, it was only a short amount of time before I wasnt depressed, and was very out.

    Doesnt cure the religion hang up, but it might buy you some time.
     
  8. ExDelayed

    ExDelayed New Member

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    ...and. How religious is he? I dont know how strong your friendship is with him (my best friend and I stay away from religion) but you might try:

    I stole religious stuff from Wikipedia. Im going to Hell now. :mamoru:
     
  9. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    Is he really Catholic or was he simply raised Catholic? Those are two very different things.
     
  10. Fate13

    Fate13 New Member

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    Do you know how liberal his priest is? If he has a serious religious conflict it would be helpfull for him to be told it is ok by someone of his faith, especially in a position who's opinion would make him feel less guilty. He might be a lucky guy and have a priest who is willing to hear and tell him it is ok to feel these things, but must resist the urge to act upon them. That is the stance of some priests, but that is rare still, I think. Other than that, talk and listen to him, reminding him that God forgives and all that. (try the whole, god made him this way aproach... works for some)
     
  11. frozenhubcap

    frozenhubcap New Member

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    I'm not quite sure I followed the story, but one thing you can do is just casually assert how good of a friend he is to you, how much you appreciate him, and let him know you'll always be there for him, no matter what, through thick and thin.

    Then he knows that if worse comes to worse, he has you, and he can talk to you.
     

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