I need some perspective...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by peoplescar, Oct 19, 2009.

  1. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    I posted this in the asylum but you all are good with life problems too so here it is.

    Preface: I'm 23, just graduated college and am working full time, g/f about an hour away at school.

    A couple of years ago my grandfather passed away (spring 2007) which is what ultimately put me in the situation I am in now. I am over his death by now but after he died my entire Dad's side of the family moved 500 miles away. My aunt has lived in NC for a long time and my since my grandparents had a house down there my grandmother moved back down south to be near my aunt. my dad followed about 4 months later and my stepmom (dad was divorced again but i still consider her my stepmom) moved with my 2 sisters around the same time. my mother moved to CT after my freshman year of college which was in 2005. So I'm renting my grandmothers house right now and living with a roommate. we don't really hang out too much beyond just BS'ing.

    So right now i'm feeling pretty alone, have been since everyone moved away. I stayed in NJ because i needed to finish up school but now that i am finished i'm not very busy anymore besides just working. My girlfriend is about an hour away living at school to finish her masters degree for the next 3 years. I only see her once a week and for a few hours. sleep over friday night and leave saturday afternoon. since i'm done with school i don't really have much to do right now besides workout and work on my cars.

    I was an only child so I am used to being alone but I also value my family more than I think most people do. I signed up for a free MMA class at a local gym to get myself working towards a goal again, simply working out is getting boring.

    I need some perspective on what i'm feeling right now because a positive outcome is not in sight for me right now. before my family left i was a very confident and happy person but being alone for the past couple years has really worn me down.

    sorry for the wall of text.
     
  2. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    Why do you not see her more often? An hour? That's fucking nothing.... that's like a drive to work some days for me.

    Go see your girl more man. Shit, that drive... that's like almost a nightly trip. There are people in this world that drive longer than that to work everyday.
     
  3. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    can you move to where she is? i know you guys have been separated for years because school held you in different locations, but if nothing is holding you in your current city other than a job, why not try to look for a job near her so that you could see her more often?
     
  4. PlutoBHG

    PlutoBHG New Member

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    i met someone who thought an hour drive was a long distance relationship before.........


    youre probably batshit crazy.
     
  5. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    she was at school 2.5-3 hours away for the last 3 years. just this year she is only an hour away. i know it doesn't seem far and i really do not mind the drive but it costs me money to park my car ~10 bucks plus about ~15 in gas. It gets expensive to go there a lot. i have a full time job but i also have a lot of bills and since i just started working i'm not making a ton of money. reason i don't want to leave this job is because its a really good job and I just started about 6 months ago.
     
  6. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    Commit or leave. :dunno: Your situation is not unique. You're not the only one in a long term relationship to live far away from your family and have to drive an hour to see your gf. We all have bills and jobs and school and we all have to budget our time and resources.

    Go out. Get a hobby. Meet new people. Suck it up and go see your gf more often. You're the only one who can make yourself happy.
     
  7. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    $35 for an extra trip to see your girlfriend?
    that's a casual night at the bars, or a meals out at restaurants. you can figure out a way to fit that into your budget.
     
  8. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
  9. Reign

    Reign Banned

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    .

    Shit, these days it's a f'n night at the movies...
     
  10. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    oh yeah i know that. she is studying constantly though. the reason i don't stay longer on the weekends is because she kicks me out so she can study. seeing her during the week would be a one night once in a while thing. i can't be distracting her from her studies. we already hardly talk on the phone at night because she's studying so much.

    I know these may seem like normal issues for people but thats what i'm looking for from this thread. i want to see if what i'm experiencing is pretty normal thats all.

    the inability for me to be with her as much is making me distance myself from her. its not that i want to its just my body's reaction i think. its like i'm trying to distract myself from her by doing other things so that i don't miss her as much. i love her very much, its not a matter of love. we've been together a long time and what i'm feeling now is rather unsettling. :hs:
     
  11. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    how's the sex when you get there? is she horny when she sees you?
     
  12. peoplescar

    peoplescar Guest

    yeah we love to have sex with each other. its always great. i can say that i do want it more than her though. we try to spend time going out to dinner/ grabbing drinks to spend quality time together rather than just fucking for the entire time i'm there. usually friday night from about 7 til saturday at noon.
     
  13. vodkacollins

    vodkacollins New Member

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    then stay where you are and deal with the consequences, which is you being far away from family and your gf. life is all about choices, and if right now, its more important to have a good job, then focus on the positives of the job and the situation you are in instead of the negatives. if the negatives are too much to overcome, then forget the job and move somewhere that will make you happier in life
     
  14. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    I'm confused as to why you think this is a bad thing :confused: You aren't able to spend the time with her so why shouldn't you spend it doing other things you enjoy? You mentioned nothing about wanting to go out and meet other girls or anything that would suggest that you wanted to do something to harm your relationship so what you are going through sounds completely normal to me.

    From the sounds of your post I'm guessing you haven't made any friends where you are at. If you meet a few people and start going out and having fun then you won't feel so alone there. Your gf has her own life outside of you (even if it's just studying 24/7) and you should do the same.
     
  15. k624ash

    k624ash New Member

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    yea you need to try and make some more friends. Your girlfriend really studies that much? what is she going to school for?
     
  16. poormanq45

    poormanq45 OT Supporter

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    I'm thinking the same thing.

    She's fucking around on you...
     
  17. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    That's really unlikely. She actually is that busy with school.
     
  18. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Your life seems fine. Social connections always take work, nothing is for free my man. Find more options (Food, video games etc), and put them in your life. Eat something new everyday. Don't work out if you don't want to, but don't eat like shit either.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 19, 2009
  19. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    you know her personally? no trying to be an ass... just asking how you know.


    ive NEVER believed the whole. im too busy studying to hang out with you BS.
    she doesnt talk to him much on the phone during week days bc she is busy w. school. she kicks him out on saturday after he's been there for 17 hrs bc she needs to study.

    sounds iffy to me.
     
  20. wolfskymoon

    wolfskymoon Guest

    Sometimes I don't have time to answer phone calls because of exams. It seems legit to me.
     
  21. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    sometimes.

    we are also talking about calls from whom? your friends? family?


    this guy sees his gf once a week. she does not talk to him during week days (and/or rushes him off).
    when she does see him on friday at 7pm she asks him to leave at noon on saturday.
     
  22. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    i have a degree in physical therapy. i went to school and worked full time.

    one of my best friends went to med school and is not a doctor.

    we both had time for gfs, going out at least 3 times a week, etc...
     
  23. slugsgomoo

    slugsgomoo New Member

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    I have a four hour each direction drive, and it's a pain in the ass, but worth it.

    Honestly, when she needs to study, if you want to maximize your potential time there, just leave her to it, and read a book, or do nice things for her ;)

    I've done stuff like cleaned the kitchen or made dinner or such, mostly because it gives me something to do, I can do something nice, and she has time to study without distraction.

    The key is to be flexible enough to grab the little chunks of time that you can.

    Also, with only an hour drive, there's no real reason you couldn't go down on a weeknight and bring her dinner or something and get some time there in between study sessions- everyone needs a break from study/work now and again.
     
  24. HuskiRuski

    HuskiRuski Cardinal Fan

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    this.

    all my friends are juggling insane work/school schedules and we still get trashed at least 2 nights a week.
     
  25. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

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    at your mom's house. be back later.
    No no. I didn't take it as you being an ass. It's a fair question. I did know her. She was a very regular poster in here for a long time. We used to talk quite a bit actually. Granted, I haven't talked to her in a while, but I know how she feels about Flip and how much she's put into this relationship. I'd be really surprised if she was cheating on him.

    That's not to say that her behavior isn't strange. Amanda Ann and I are both getting Doctorates and we have plenty of time to go out and have solid social lives. I definitely think there's something strange going on, I'm just not sure that cheating is the issue.
     

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