SRS I need some immediate help PLEASE!

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by j828, Nov 23, 2008.

  1. j828

    j828 New Member

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    Ya so I'm 18 now, went out with this girl when I was 14 at sleep away camp (if you can even call that going out). I haven't talked to her in a few years, occasionally a text or phone call b/w the two to catch up (very rare). She texted me about a week ago, she's back home after trying to commit suicide freshman year at college (she suffers from depression). This week she had an epileptic attack and got in a car accident but totally fine, just now has epilepsy and depression. Now she won't stop texting me, sending me pics. Of course I respond back nicely cause I don't wanna be the cause of anything terrible. I work for the day, did not check my phone, she starts texting me at 2 am! Thinking I'm mad at her and ignoring her. What the fuck do I do? This is too surreal and I thought nothing like this crazy could possibly happen to me. Anyway here's what makes it more problematic. Well first off, I just told her I wasn't ignoring her texts I was at work all day. And earlier before I thought this was a problem I said we should meet up soon. Clearly it's obvious if I immediately "lose my phone" or ignore what's going on. Thank you for responding tho.
     
  2. Anudist

    Anudist Turnin' Jesus on, one lightswitch at a time.

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    Sounds like you're handling the situation. A lot of people would tell you to run away from a situation like that, but as long as you make your intentions with her clear from the beginning and don't send any false signals, you won't be in a position to hurt her. Just be a friend, talk to her when you can and make sure that she understands that you have priorities that need to be taken care of before you can respond to text messages.
     
  3. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    there's your problem.

    stop texting back.

    problem solved.
     
  4. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    It's up to HER if he hurts her, not him. No matter how many times he says he just wants to be her friend, each text probably means more and more to her.

    I say he should reply back "you need to get help and get your head on straight and I can't help you do that" (or something like that) and stop replying.
     
  5. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    It's not worth it to start getting involved with someone while they are dealing with issues like these. It's too much of an uphill battle. Not only do you fight the normal obstacles of starting a relationship, but you have to fight against the depression too.

    I was that guy who tried to be a good friend to a girl who was depressed. It got old FAST. Same arguments, same discussions trying to tell her that her life was not worthless, refuting the claim she was undatable, etc.

    Nothing changed. After one final talk, I decided, "Hey, I can't waste my time having the same arguments all night, every night".

    She managed to deal with it in her own way, and things got better for her.

    I don't know how she is at the moment though, because she decided to drunkenly call me one night, insult me and try to pick a fight with me for hitting on one of her friends...haven't spoken to her since. It was funny, I was called "sick" for pursuing a 19 year old.
     
  6. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    I'm direct, even with younger people. This perhaps is a blessing or a curse depending who is on the end of my blade.

    If you want to stay involved in her life (I wouldn't personally, it's not my job to save people from themselves. I don't need to surround myself with sickness if it might poison me in the process."

    In a situation like yours I would tell her

    Me: "Listen, I don't appreciate you accusing me of ignoring you or assuming I'm angry with you simply because I did not respond back in the time-frame that you expected. If you don't expect so much from me or other people, then you might not be let down. If you act this way with other people, you're going to find that you end up creating the very thing you're trying to avoid -- which is losing people. If you do this, you'll drive people away." Please respect my boundary, I have a job that I'm obligated to handling before I can return phone calls." Also, please don't pour out your problems or unhappiness on me. I don't have the answers to help you, that's something you'll have to handle with your doctor or therapist.

    She'll get mad at you and tell you to go fuck yourself, or something alone those lines. She may even attack you personally. If she does, just hang up on her. It's her problem how she responds to how you feel.

    Be as kind as you can while saying this, but don't tolerate being abused if she becomes irrational or if she threatens suicide. Don't try arguing with her or convincing her to not to do that or to calm down. Just hang up on her and text message the suicide hotline to her.

    1-800-273-TALK

    This will solve your problem, and it will also give her an opportunity to get the help she needs. What keeps people sick is people not telling the truth, and sugar coating things in order to slide out of their life. Be honest, tell it like it is. It'll help you and it'll help her once she calms down. She and you may never talk again, but it would be the right thing.
     
  7. j828

    j828 New Member

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    Thanks a lot folks I'm really enjoying the advice coming from this forum. I appreciate all the advice and I'll keep y'all posted. Thinkin about a subscription now.
     
  8. j828

    j828 New Member

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    Did I mention she keeps telling me how she has no friends now....I do not want to be considered this only friend especially since I live in a whole other state. This should be easy I just don't wanna feel guilty if anything wrong happens.
     
  9. METALLlC BLUE

    METALLlC BLUE New Member

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    If anything wrong happens, it's not your fault nor responsibility. Be polite, tell the truth, and let destiny and natural selection do it's part. She should be just fine since you're giving her an alternative (See a doctor/therapist, or call the hotline).

    Take care.
     
  10. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    It's part of the guilty trap. ignore it.

    Why would you feel guilty? She is going to do what she is going to do. There's nothing you can do to stop her or cause her to do anything.
     
  11. MattThom01

    MattThom01 New Member

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    Again, I know from personal experience, you may feel a little guilty for cutting her out of your life...but you HAVE to do it. Because she has no one else to talk to, you CANNOT allow yourself to be put in the position of her only form of support. It will drain you too much, and it gets old very quickly.

    Simply send her a message saying "I cannot be your friend right now due to the demands of my life and my location. Please seek out therapy or other qualified individuals to talk to".

    Don't feel guilty...you won't be doing her any good if you talk to her, she will just use you as a crutch to avoid actually dealing with her problems. She'd be able to unload on you, but you would not be able to confront her to urge her to do anything to change...it's a win win in her situation, misery loves company.
     
  12. j828

    j828 New Member

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    Well...no texts today and I didn't even say anything to her since, good sign, hopefully :-/
     
  13. j828

    j828 New Member

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    She just told me she had a dream we were married and went to P Diddy's party and got wasted and passed out at her house...wtf, i thought this was over with, now I'm even more freaked out.
     
  14. GregFarz78

    GregFarz78 New Member

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    :wtf: :rofl:

    sorry I had to laugh but seriously now cut all contact from this girl, block her number if you have to she's fucking insane
     
  15. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    don't ask questions, don't leave any loose or open ends. straight out tell her "you really need help and I'm not the person for that. please stop contacting me and focus on you and getting yourself better."

    then never answer another message. in fact, don't even read them. when they come in just hit delete and go about your day.
     
  16. j828

    j828 New Member

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    haha this is nuts, i gotta laugh LAWLZ, it's too bad she's hot, or was, i dont know about now...what a shame
     
  17. Ricky

    Ricky █▄ █▄█ █▄ ▀█▄

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    I have been through a similar situation. This one female got very attached to me and my "advice". She began changing her whole life to revolve around me because i was making her feel better.

    One day i couldn't get on the computer. I received several emails saying how the blood is on my hands and she's going to kill herself.

    It's never easy having to be in a situation where you're no where qualified or able to help someone. My best suggestion would be referring her to someone who can help. Comfort her by knowing she's not alone and she can feel much better with professional help.
     

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