SRS i need some help ot

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by babiedollgirl, Apr 5, 2007.

  1. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    Ok heres the deal for a long time now (about 5 yr's or so) ive been really wanting to go see a physictrist and more now than ever. There is a situation i went through in my life that ive never discussed with any one but i feel the backlash from it is affecting my ability to be all that i can at work as a wife and as a general human being. The problem is i dont know how to tell my husband i need this type of treatment. I feel like if i tell him i want to see a shrink then he will think i cannot confide in him. I would tell him but like i said i have never told anyone and the thing that i went through is rather complicated. How can i tell him without hurting his feelings?:hs:
     
  2. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    No reason to be scared or worried off, if he really is your husband he will support you in order to get the treatment you need, if he doesn't then you have all the more reason to go.

    Just break the news to him that you are going to see a specialist, and when he asks about what. Tell him what has been bothering you, your partner has the right to know, but just say to him that you absolutely need professional help on this issue, stand ground if you have to on it and say firmly that you absolutely need to go and will not let yourself be stopped by anyone because this situation has being going on too long.
     
  3. deviant critter

    deviant critter New Member

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    do you have to tell him? i'm not saying like go behind his back or anything, but maybe it would just be easier if you didn't have to explain anything and he didn't have to worry until it was all said and done.
    you're most likely doing him a favor talking to a shrink instead of him, keep that in mind...i've seen people try to use sharing they pschosis as a way of becoming closer, and proving their trust in each other...it ended really, really freakin messy and left both people with gaping wounds
     
  4. lycorisdew

    lycorisdew New Member

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    i think u should tell him. as ur husband, he'll most likely support u through your complicated problem and your decision to see a professional. I think ultimately, u'll hav both ur husband to support u as well as professional help.
     
  5. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    Ok what if i told him i needed to get this type of help but told him it was for stress management?I mean the problem is causing me stress so its not really lying. I know it sounds horrible not wanting to tell him but when i say the situation is complicated you cant even imagine.
     
  6. TheManLouisianaFace

    TheManLouisianaFace and decide!

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    Jesus. Just tell him. Lying about it is worse than not telling. It will probably make you feel so much better.
     
  7. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    Is possibly runing my marriage worth not trying to fix my problem myself though
     
  8. melda2m

    melda2m New Member

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    Go get fixed. You don't need to tell your husband anything. You have a right to your own mind, so to speak. It's called being a responsible adult, don't go out of your way to hide it, and if he finds out or asks just tell him it is something private. And that you wanted to handle it on your own. That is why you are going to a shrink. No big deal.
     
  9. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    He's your husband. The first thing the therapist is going to tell you is eventually you're going to have to tell him.

    Also, how would you feel if he told you "I want to talk to a therapist about stuff I can't tell you about"? Would you immediately think "Sweet! He's trying to improve his relationship with me by talking about stuff that's personal and secret with someone other than me!" or would you have a nagging feeling in the back of your head that he's going to leave you?

    And, he's your husband. Why not just give him a heads-up on the issue and tell him you need to talk to someone? Give him the 30,000 foot view, tell him you really want to talk to a therapist, and once you get it all worked out you'll confide more details to him.

    And I'm not sure what you mean by "ruining your marriage." Do you mean this problem is ruining your marriage? Or that going to see a therapist is going to ruin your marriage? Or that talking about this problem with your husband would ruin your marriage? Or something else? Becuase if you're lying to your husband the marriage is done already and you're just prolonging the inevitable.
     
  10. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    The situation happened years before i met my husband so it dosn't have anything to techinically do with him. The reason i dont really dont want to dicuss it with him is it involves 2 people we are friends with and i am just a little affraid he will be upset that i have not told him this( using runing my marriage was a little to strong). Also i dont want to ruin any friendships with the people that it involves and i have a feeling it would. I know he would not want to speak to the person who directly hurt me even though i still would like to be friends with them as i have "forgiven" them for what happened and i also dont think the person who hurt me knows or intened to even to do so. Its just my issues i have with either a mistake or somthing i was manipulated into. I guess i dont even know which of thoes 2 it is.
     
  11. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    You married your husband and now this is affecting your marriage so it does have something to do with him.

    If you were my wife and wanted to remain friends with someone who hurt you so bad that it's affecting our marriage I'd have a few very direct questions for you.
     
  12. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    thats the problem i dont know if i should be hurt or not. I made a choice but am regretting it now but feel as though when the situation happened i may have been manipulated into it not knowing any better because i was very young.
     
  13. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    This is classic "I got raped and it's my fault" guilt.

    Yes, you should be hurt. Yes, you should be pissed at the guy who took advantage of you when you were young.

    And yes, you should get help but you should include your husband when you're ready.
     
  14. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    your right im going to try and talk to him. I trust my husband more than anyone in the world and i should have realized that from the start. My health and my marriage's heath is more important than possibly making someone else angry who hurt me in the 1st place.
     
  15. johan

    johan Active Member

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    attagirl.
     

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