I need some advise...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by IgnitionGSR, Jan 10, 2005.

  1. IgnitionGSR

    IgnitionGSR OT Abuser

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    I need some advice...

    Alright.. kinda long, but I need advise
    Well, I dated this one girl for 2 years. Since the beginning of my sophomore year to the beginning of my senior year (current). We broke up this october, a few days after our 2 year anniversary.

    She was my first love. I loved her a lot, but towards the end things began to go south. meaning, we would fight and argue a lot mainly....

    Then i broke up with her, and dated this one girl for 2 weeks, things didnt work out.... found ANOTHER girl, dated her for 1 month up until like Thanksgiving and broke up. The reason we broke up is becuase I started to realize how much I love Jessie, the girl i dated for 2 years.

    I mean me and jessie were friends throughout the whole thing, we hang out and stuff.
    After i broke up with that 2nd girl, i came to Jessie and asked her for a 2nd chance.

    She said she would think about it, and after a few days she agreed.
    so I tried to make it work, and it kinda did since w didn't really fight or argue anymore, we just hung out a lot and had fun mainly.

    At the end of December (a month of that 2nd chance - about a week ago) I bought her a nice ring and asked her to marry me knowing I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

    Well that same night I found out some horrible things... I got home and got online and these are the things she told me..

    1. She wasnt ready for a 2nd chance but she thought she was.
    2. She slept with 2 other guys WHILE giving me that 2nd chance.
    3. she can't be commited to anything right now.
    4. She is emotionaly numb, meaning she doesnt know how she feels and need time to think.
    5. She doesnt love me the same way she used to - which is understandable, but I was hoping to build something new with her overtime.

    You see, I love her soooo much and after I heard all that i had a nervous break down. I DID NOT see it coming. She made it seem like she wants a future with me up until I asked her to marry me in a few years. ( we are both 17 - almost 18)

    So she broke up with me... wanting to stay friends, i agreed. she said that there is hope of us getting back together but as of right now she doesn't know anything either way. She even said that we could have sexual relationship while being friends and that was pretty cool until last night she kinda changed her mind and said that only if she'll feel comfortable and blah bah blah....

    Anywas... I decided to give it time, and be there for her, and maybe eventually she'll be ready to get back together, but it's too hard. just too hard, i always want to kiss her and hug her, and she doesnt. It's so strange al of the sudden.

    i don't know what to do with this. I REALY Love her and want a future with her, which is possible, but not up to me. On the other hand I can't really sit and wait for to her make up her mind, becuase that might take a really long time....

    I just dont know what do this here...
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2005
  2. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    ugh...

    allright, I hate being the bearer of bad news, but it's never going to happen man, not like you want it to. She's nowhere near ready for the kind of relationship you are. The fact that she had two different dicks inside her when she was supposed to be loyal to you should let you know this is NOT THE KIND OF WOMAN YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH.

    I know I can say it all day and give unreputable logic to support my reasoning, and you still will not listen, hey, it's ok, we've been there before. You're going to wait and wait and wait, only to be hurt. She realizes she's young and is going to have fun in life, and doesn't want to be settled down, the problem is YOU need to realize it. I mean come on, you proposed to a woman who you fought with and ended up cheating on you, your "wife radar" is kinda shitty right now.

    anyways, I'll save my fingers the strain of going into detail, believe me or not, she's not the one you want to be with, accept that, accept the relationship you had for what it was, and move on with your life.
     
  3. KERS

    KERS OT Supporter

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    For the millionth time, I agree with mkevaldz. lol.

    You're 17 dude..you shouldnt be thinking about wanting to get married. You should be more worried about finishing highschool, getting into a good college and starting a career. We know that you're in love and what-not and it's going to be very difficult to move on..but thats the best thing to do right now. There will be tons of new girls in your life so don't sweat about this one.

    Again...moving on is going to be tough but trust me you're not the only one that's had to go through it. Good luck.
     
  4. BiffHenderson

    BiffHenderson New Member

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    I'm giong to disagree with mkevaldz(sorta) ;). It will happen....but only after she's "lived life" (AKA Fooled around with a few more guys).

    Just move on. She doesn't know what she wants. Find someone who will appreciate what you have to offer.
     
  5. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    ya see, I didn't want to add that in there for a very specific reason.

    yes it's possible for young people to meet again in the future, once they've matured and grown, and at that point, it may even be possible to move on past their past indisgressions.

    the reason I left it out is because in the mental state the kid's in, hearing anything that sounds like a "chance" of something happening in the future will just stick him in the waiting cycle and make him hurt like hell for it. Best bet was to have him get over her completely, and if she did come back, it would be a welcome suprise.

    While you are right in everything you said, I hope he doesn't take it the wrong way.
     
  6. IgnitionGSR

    IgnitionGSR OT Abuser

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    Yeah... I believe I need to get over her as well, only I wish it was that easy.... I don't really want to sit around and wait, but my love towards her is stronger then me. I am healing up, slowly but surely, I hope it's just a matter of time.

    Thanks you very much guys.
     
  7. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    Everything is only a matter of time, how much, how little, and what we do in the given time are the variables to be decided.
     
  8. IgnitionGSR

    IgnitionGSR OT Abuser

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    yeah i'm sure that I'll get over it eventually, and who knows maybe in a few years she'll grow up and we'll get back together unless of course me or her will find someone else :)
     
  9. xxxgames12

    xxxgames12 Guest

    Your gonna have to get over her before that slut prolongs the pain.
     
  10. IgnitionGSR

    IgnitionGSR OT Abuser

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    shes not a slut man... She fucked other guys not for the sex, for other reasons.... shes not the type to just get laid for the heck of it, or in order to cheat on me, she had other reasons that she might even be aware of. Shes going through a horrible emotions state right now.
     
  11. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    =\ you shouldn't be defending her man...I see pain in your future...self inflicted mental damage that doesn't need to be. good luck
     
  12. IgnitionGSR

    IgnitionGSR OT Abuser

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    so basically forget about her? or can we stay friends?
     
  13. walk don't run.

    simple.

    cheating ho.
     
  14. IgnitionGSR

    IgnitionGSR OT Abuser

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    I wish it was that simple... :wtc:
     
  15. the suggestion is simple the execution is hard.

    she obviously doesn't care about you if she treated you like that, move on it'll work out for you in the end.
     
  16. Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

    Dr. Kenneth Noisewater New Member

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    No, you can't stay friends. Just forget about her. It's going to take a while, but you're just going to have to do it.
     
  17. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    no, you can not stay friends with her, and here's why.

    every time you sit next to her, you will want to hold her. every time you look into her eyes, you will fall in love with her again. every time she hugs you, you will want to kiss her.

    It will eat you up from the inside out. You will break down and confess your feelings to her and she will shut you down saying she just wanted you as a friend.

    it can and will not work.

    to get over her (picks up a bad and runs for the nearest dead horse)

    you must follow these steps.

    step 1, acceptance.
    accept your relationship with her for what it was, and accept her for what she is. Accept that YOU loved her, but you weren't in love WITH her, with implies love from the other side, which there wasn't. stop! I know what you're thinking, you're defending her, saying she does love you, but she's just emotional, cut that fucking shit out. she didn't love you. in fact, when she was supposed to be trying to make things workout with you, she was getting stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey by TWO guys. I know I know, again, you're trying to defend her, but at the end of the day, a dick in your girlfriend is still a dick in your girlfriend, accept it.

    accept that you cared more about her than she did about you, accept that she wasn't ready for the relationship that you wanted from her. accept that She will probably never be ready for that relationship. Accepthing this will make your life easier.

    to make this easier, picture this, some guy was laying a lame pickup on her, and she let it work. and (you will like this) the instant before they fucked, the very second before he plowed her like a snowmobile in colorado...she thought about you, she thought about everytyhing you two had/did the promises she made, the fact that you were trying to make it better...and how it would make you feel when you found out...and you know what? she STILL FUCKED HIM! AND! oh my god AND, she did it AGAIN with ANOTHER GUY! I don't care how the fuck much you think you love her, you can not defend that shit.

    anyways, step 2. Self improvement.
    Once you accept all that, you need to work on yourself, because frankly...you need it, bad. You got a job? become a work-a-holic...immerse yourself in your work. I don't care if you're a fry cook at the krusty krab, be the best fucking fry cook you can be, ask for a promotion, ask for a raise, become a machine, no matter what you do. If you don't have a job, get one, and follow what I just said.

    Work on your emotions. you are young, and passionate. That's not bad, but you need to realize that just because you are willing to take the marriage plunge soon, doens't mean the woman will be. You will likely date women your age, who realize (like you should) they have their whole lives ahead of them, they have goals (like you should) they want more out of life than simply to be someone's signifigant other (as you should) your signifigant other should never be your whole life, a top priority yes, but never your whole life. You need to become self sufficient before you can be with someone else.

    ok, if you do those two steps, you will have a new sense of pride in yourself for what you have accomplished, you will walk taller, talk more confident, and feel better about yourself. You also won't be worried abuot getting in a relationship...if you are, you didn't do it right.

    now, women, much like some animals, can sense fear, they can also sense confidence. they will see you, washed up, with goals in life, self sufficiency, and a plan for your own future...and you know what they will think? "hey, there's a guy with his shit together...I might like to be with a guy with his shit together." and you will be approached.

    now, when you are approached, and you will be, maybe not as soon as you want, but you will be. you need to realize that you won't hit the jackpot on the first try...well you might, but don't expect her to be the one. Take it one step at a time. work at HER pace. when she's ready to move it up a level, she'll let you know.


    allright, that's all I feel like typing right now, good luck, and please don't make me have typed this for no good reason...do it
     
  18. IgnitionGSR

    IgnitionGSR OT Abuser

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    oh I will do as you said. I can't thank you enough for this advise, its by far the best that I've gotten.

    I already started doing one thing that you suggested... i asked my boss for more hours so I can keep myself busy and stop thinking about her... lol

    But yeah, I'm getting there, and you just made it easier for me! Thank You. :):bowdown: :bigthumb:
     
  19. mkevaldz

    mkevaldz New Member

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    It makes me smile knowing you might end up ok and that I might have helped.

    the focus is to not be focused on her. work is a double bonus because it's easy to focus on and while keeping yourself busy, you are improving yourself.

    for me, when I was going through what you are, the hardest part was at night. I'd lay in bed for hours wondering what if, how come, maybe...and it would kill me. find a 24 hour gym if you have this problem, don't be alone in bed, go run on a tredmill watching adult swim. be around people. double bonus because it'll keep you occupied and in shape.

    good luck with everything man, I was unsure at first, but I now know you can do it.
     
  20. IgnitionGSR

    IgnitionGSR OT Abuser

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    Thanks man!! I appreciate your help a lot! :)
     
  21. IgnitionGSR

    IgnitionGSR OT Abuser

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    lol looks like i am a bad speller... :hsugh: :ugh:
     
  22. 94XJ-R

    94XJ-R New Member

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    Like everyone else has said, move on. Even if you did get back together, once you got to college it'd be the same shit, different story. I don't remember where i read this but "anyone who goes into college with a relationship and a positive outlook on it is a fool." I can say first hand that his is true...
     
  23. IgnitionGSR

    IgnitionGSR OT Abuser

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    whoever said i was going to a 4 year college? maybe I'm going to a community college in the area :)
     
  24. 94XJ-R

    94XJ-R New Member

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    didnt say 4 year, just said college, because it's a completely different atmosphere, and most of the times you'll mature out of the relationship, or realize its just a dumb high school thing...
     

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