I've never really had the need for this forum, but it's now I look at it like a spare car key; you're glad it's there when you need it. That being said, my post is going to be rather long so I apologize beforehand. I'm also using aliases for names. The advice I seek has to do with my family. It's a situation that started ~2 years ago (Christmas 2003). Some things that you should know before I start though. My uncle and his partner (both are gay) became official about 6 months ago after being together for 10 years. They live in MA. I will come back to this later in the post. Over the past 2 years my uncle has been alienating himself from my mom's side of the family. This side is comprised of my mom and her 2 younger brothers. One is named Joe, the other Jim. Joe is married and has 2 kids, one is 20 the other is 16. Jim is gay and recently became wed to his partner of 10 years. At first my uncle's wrath was directed at me, seemingly over a minor incident regarding his dogs, which he viewed as his children. Despite my efforts to rectify the situation, my efforts were rebuffed and I have not spoken to him in almost 2 years. My mother and him have had issues for many years, occaisionally there is a peace, but it seldom lasts. Now it involved me. This past spring my Uncle Jim started alienating himself from his brother and his family as well. He made outrageous accusations against my Uncle Joe, turned up his nose at a goodwill gesture, and has seemingly turned up his nose at my cousin attending Boston University as well. Slowly, but surely he found reasons to shut himself out from the rest of his family. The reasons are trivial and when he is pressed for an answer as to why he is acting like this, he cannot come up with an answer. The people caught in the middle of this are my grandmother and grandfather, who are 75 and 81 respectively. They have essentially "lost" one of their children and it is breaking my grandmother's heart. Today is my grandfather's 81st birthday and it was celebrated with a call from my Uncle Jim, who beat my grandfather's ear with false stories of my mom and Uncle Joe kicking him out of the family. This festering feud was mostly kept from my grandfather for reasons I do not know. He doesn't know what to make of it and I have a feeling doesn't care to get involved. My grandmother, on the other hand, is a very sharp minded person and knows the background and knows that my Uncle Jim's stories are false and he is acting like a selfish brat. My Uncle Jim responded by calling his own mother "a liar" and stated "I'm not going to bother calling anymore." Upon hearing this my grandmother hung up the phone and broke down in tears. It took all of my will power not to call my uncle and reeem him out for treating her that way. It's one thing for him to hold a grudge against myself and his siblings families, but to alienate his own mother and father is crossing the line. My grandmother does not want to celebrate any holidays this year, decorate for Christmas, or do any of her traditional holiday baking this year. My Uncle Jim is single handedly dismantling my mom's side of the family. I have a theory or two on why he is acting this way. Upon declaring he was gay to my family, I suspect he did not feel he was accepted, which is not the case at all. There is not one person who has ever made disparaging remarks towards him. Some family members may not agree with his choice of lifestyle, but they do NOT think any less of him as a human being. I believe he feels that we are not accepting of him and he using trying to found reasons, outlandish as they are, to basically kick his family out of his life. In the process, he is absolutely destroying his own mother and in turn, destroying everyone else's lives as well. The other possibility is he is being directed by his partner to "cut ties" and rid himself of his alleged homophobic family. However since my Uncle Jim essentially refuses to shed light on why he is acting this way, I cannot confirm either of my 2 theories. So now I ask everyone, what can I do? It killed me to see my grandmother in such a sad state this weekend. I haven't seen her since May and this weekend was ruined by my uncle's selfishness. I don't know what to do right now. I plan on discussing what happened this weekend with my mom and Uncle Joe and going from there. I truly believe my uncle needs therapy to sort his life out, but I don't know how to tell someone that. I don't know if I should bypass my uncle and go straight to his partner, who is actually a very nice person. I just want to gain some sense of direction and closure to this situation. I simply cannot bear to see my grandmother so distraught over this, she has done nothing to deserve this treatment. I appreciate any advice and if I need to explain anything further, please let me know. I purposely shortened things, becasue I honestly believe I would have been here for hours typing every detail out. Thanks.