SRS I Need Relationship Advice

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cooldragon, Sep 29, 2006.

  1. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    I am really confused about this chick that i have been going out with for almost a year. we have broken up two times once it was me second it was her. we had an okay relationship till i went on vacation for a month and everything went pretty bad. i came back and i didnt hear from her for almost a month.

    she started calling me again after almost a month and she basically acted like nothing happened for the last two months. now its been a month and we havent seen each other too much but talked much and she calls all the time. her explanation for not contacting me in that month was she was in trouble cause of her parents and she was busy which to me is total bullshit. her friend said she was mad at me cause i didnt email her or try to contact her during my vacation . i told her that i couldnt contact her when i was on vacation. also that is no excuse to not contact me for a month after my vacation.i mean i have acquantinces that i barely talk to nowdays contact me how was my vacation but it seemed like she didnt even care i was gone.

    but suddenly she cares now and if i dont pick up the phone one day and talk to her she gets pissed off. Now she says she still loves me but she is going to be going on vacation for 2-3 months pretty soon. she says it was hard to live without me for a month when i was gone and how its gonna be hard for her to go for 3 months.

    I just think this whole relationship is a mess and she seems to be really flakey. she is only 17 and it could be the maturaity level but this is also my first and her first relationship so i am not completly sure about this either .
    i am seriously thinking about losing all contact with her and starting fresh which i made a thread about. what do u all think
     
  2. cvgwpg

    cvgwpg Guest

    Your best bet is to probably start fresh. It sounds like you both are unsure of what the other wants and the expectations dont seem to be there. The maturity level may be a factor but I would say start fresh.

    The one key in ANY relationship is communication, communication, communication. Sometimes we can get busy and share some stuff with the bd, gf, spouse, and if there's any key information that the other needs to know, bring it up and make sure they acknowledge what you told them. The one example of her "not knowing" that you can contact her when you were on vacation... may be should have been mentioned a couple times beforehand and be aware that she is aware. Sometimes if its said in passing, details get overlooked.

    The one key thing... communication... and never assume anything. In relationships, sometimes we get it in our head that the other person should know or do something or whatever but its never the case.
     
  3. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    communication is a two way street...it seems you guys are not communicating well in your relationship, and it seems that you both don't really know what each wants in the relationship. my advice is to take a break..better yet...just break it off and start anew. as korny as it may sound..there are many other fishes in the sea. she's still young..let her explore what's out there..and as for you...trying dating people your own age (i'm assuming you are a lot older) lol best wishes :)
     
  4. ZeeMox

    ZeeMox Opinions are like assholes. Fuck em. OT Supporter

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    It's both maturity and experience. First relationships and long distance are an awful combination. In first relationships, both people almost always get way too deeply intertwined for it to be healthy (ie, getting pissed over a missed call one day). This leads to major consequences when you have to spend some time apart, and by the time it's all said and done, the relationship is upside-down.

    The solution, if you two are able, would be a fresh start, as others have said before me. If you can't manage it, don't keep trying - you'll just witness a relationship's slow death.
     
  5. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    yeah there is a three year difference between us and that could be the problem. I havent had a chance to talk to her in 3-4 days though she has called me alot but i will let her know exactly how i feel when i talked to her.

    the thing is i dont see the connection. i cant get into any meaningful conversations and i dont really enjoy what she talks about either. i think i am just in it cause i just want to have somebody and also maybe cause i feel i cant find someone else which is pretty pathetic in itself. so basically i think shes not what i am looking for.
     
  6. lost04

    lost04 justme

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    i totally know where you're coming from. that fear of not wanting to be alone is not foreign to me either. but i really really try to not settle..i admit...sometimes i think about how nice it would be to have someone to call your own, but in the end...i think it just takes too much energy to be with someone to just be with someone. we shouldn't be with someone to make us feel complete..so i think you should totally just let it go..you know..and spend your energy looking for miss right...she's out there somewhere...and i'm sure when you meet her you'll know and look back upon this relationship and say to yourself.."wow, i'm sure happy i listened to that stanger on offtopic" lol.. be patient in your search. no matter what...don't ever settle. and always have faith. got it?? lol best wishes ;)
     
  7. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    You're both young. I'd recommend backing off a bit, and while not breaking up with her, certainly not maintaining a holding pattern. Continue to live your life, and if you meet someone else interesting, feel free to get to know them.

    Of course, if you come to the decision you'd rather move on, let her know.
     
  8. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    Ameter the one reason i want to let go is cause i start thinking too much about the relationship like why she didnt call or today wasnt a good day with her, or wondering what she is upto today. its like a burden and i get distracted from other things like studying and enjoying other things in my life. I also think its a crutch cause i know i have someone so i dont need to do anything else to make myself happy and try to be more out there.

    basically i am not too happy with this relationship and i am in it for the wrong reason and that is holding me back from finding someone else.
     
  9. Ameter

    Ameter Active Member

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    well then you have your answer
     
  10. cvgwpg

    cvgwpg Guest

    I agree with Ameter in the previous post, you do have your answer. Its time to get focused and move on.

    It is so easy to have stuff run rampant in your head. It can be crazy sometimes. But a time comes that you make a decision, take action and move on.
     
  11. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    Well i got a chance to talk to her two days ago about this whole situation and i said i didnt want to be with her because of the reasons i gave earlier. She argued that i am wrong and that our relationship is pretty good.

    she said after we talked that if we should just be friends. i said i would only want two things. one to be with her or have no contact with her at all. this confused me because she says she loves me but she was willing to become friends so fast without much of a fight.

    we then talked the next day for a few hours and we got into the topic of sex. she says she wants to sleep with me and just to let u know we havent had sex yet and we are both virgins. the only thing holding her back is getting pregnant.

    well she asked agin if i wanted to be back together with her and i said i dont know. she says i am lost and i dont know what i want.

    To be honest i know i am confused, lost, and just dont know what to do. i want to sleep with her but i dont know. i mean she doesnt mind being just friends, but she loves me, and wants to sleep with me.
     
  12. Vixxen

    Vixxen New Member

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    it's complicated now without sex. don't you think it'll make it wose?
     

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