SRS I need help with depression

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Mopar03, Aug 28, 2006.

  1. Mopar03

    Mopar03 73-9 OT Supporter

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    I honestly can't recall a time I've felt this down on myself before. a little background first...this is gonna be long so grab a beer and a snack:

    I'm 21, starting my 4th year attending a commuter college while still living at home with my parents. I didn't go away to school because my parents didn't make any financial plans for me, so I didn't want to put myself deep in debt if I could help it. also, after high school, I didn't think I was ready to be out on my own.

    my friends all moved away after high school and in the three full years I've attended this commuter school, I haven't made a single real friend. I'm pretty shy and keep to myself mostly....so that along with the fact that most commuter students just aren't as open to meeting new people like students on big campuses are has made it rough. during the school year I pretty much just go to class and work. no real social life. because the school is small, there are no real extracurricular activities that I can get involved in to meet new people.

    I've also never been in a relationship with a girl. never kissed, never had sex...absolutely nothing. although I'm asian, I know that girls have been attracted to me physically...I consider myself to be fairly attractive and I've had several females tell me the same. people are very surprised when they find out that I've never been in a relationship. I attribute it to the fact that I consider myself a very boring person with little personality. I'm nice, polite, NOT a doormat....I'm just not funny, nor can I hold a conversation very long. I'm boring. looking back, I've had a couple opportunities with females, but my shyness and insecurities have prevented me from making any sort of move.

    a while ago I posted a thread asking for advice about a first date. I met a co-worker one year ago who I thought was very physically attractive. she went away to finish her last year of college and recently came back to work this summer. she was going to take a year off before returning to start law school. we got along pretty well, so not too long ago I got the courage to ask her out. turns out she had been wanting me to ask her for quite some time. she actually gave me her number without me even having to ask. we set up a date, but unfortunately a family issue forced her to cancel (I know for a fact it was legitimate, it wasn't an excuse). right after, she left for a week to return to her old school. tonight she tells me that instead of taking a year off, she's changed plans and is going to work on becoming a teacher instead. so instead of staying here a year, she's going back to school in three weeks. I haven't got my date, and even if she asks me to take her out, I'll refuse. I'm not going to get anymore attached to someone, only to have them leave a couple weeks later.

    I shouldn't be down about this, but honestly I feel like total shit. like I said, I've never been in a relationship and for a while I began to think everything may be turning around for me. I'll get my first date, maybe my first kiss, and even my first g/f. instead I get nothing. I get my hopes up so high when an attractive female shows me even the slightest bit of attention (though I get plenty of interest from females I don't find attractive). I know this is wrong and it's pathetic and I want to change, but I can't. I don't know how to. I have a shit job, still live with my parents, have no friends nine months out of the year, am majoring in something I'm not sure I want to be in, and am lonlier than I've ever felt in my life.

    I know what some of you are going to say. "don't worry about finding the right person, work on improving yourself and things will come to you when you least expect them to." "force yourself into social situations and eventually your social skills will develop."

    I don't know where to start. I've been searching for a new job for quite some time, but there's nothing decent out there for a college student with no degree. shitty job + full time student = can't afford to move out of my parent's house. as far as the social side goes...I try to be open and conversational but I've gotten nowhere. going to a commute school doesn't help. I'm in my 4th year now, so it's almost pointless to transfer away. I finally get this opportunity with a girl and it gets torn away from me. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. why do I constantly get shafted? when am I going to catch my break?

    I need help. I'm seriously depressed and need help opening up socially. I wake up in the morning and force myself to get out of bed. it's hard to find any sort of motivation when you've got nothing in life to look forward to. do I approach my normal doctor inquiring about medication for depression and social anxiety? :(
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2006
  2. familyguy101

    familyguy101 New Member

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    I hope there are some good replies here seeing as how I'm in the same boat.
     
  3. ay0

    ay0 New Member

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    "16 just held such better days... days when i still felt alive..." to tell ya the truth, i miss the days when girls had cooties.

    but on a side note... its called growing up man... im half asian too and have no problem with girls... white/spanish/asian girls doesnt matter. although i prefer the blonde white girls because they are the craziest/widlest. im 19, and go to uni.. um all i can say is save up for 98 Supra Twin Turbo...although its a penis magnet... i got girls numbers at stoplights and a few times few tig ole bitties flashin. haha

    but yea man its life and u gotta go with the flow nobody else can help u with depression... only YOU can. so fix it.
     
  4. BrokenHalo

    BrokenHalo New Member

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    i hope things are going ok for you.

    my advice, see a doctor. even your regular doctor can help you... you don't necessarily need a specialist (unless your doc really sucks)

    i had similar problems as you, although mine stemmed around family life. i saw a doctor, got on some meds, and got the negative things in my life as far away from me as i could. i focused on doing things that made me happy and things that i enjoyed. and slowly, my life got better.

    i'm off of the meds now and i feel good. i don't like to rely on medication to get me through life, but sometimes you just need that extra boost.

    i took up knitting and yoga, found great people to hang out with, and just generally surround myself with things that make me happy.

    you'd be surprised how much even a little bit of self-gratification can help :hs:

    good luck to you.
     
  5. Mopar03

    Mopar03 73-9 OT Supporter

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    well I just got back from my doc and I start on lexapro tonight. looking forward to putting this problem behind me for good :hs:
     
  6. Mopar03

    Mopar03 73-9 OT Supporter

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    oh, and he's starting me off on the full 20mg :eek3:
     
  7. onion

    onion New Member

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    I'm not a fan of medication for depression .. it really only treats the symptoms rather than the cause. You'll feel 'better', but you'll still need to tackle the root of what's getting you down, which you could do without the meds.

    It sounds to me like you're fixating on the fact you've not been in a relationship. That's not a bad thing, everyone gets hung up on something occasionally. You need to find a way past that. Either by getting a girlfriend (yay!), or by figuring out a plan for the next bit of your life. You're only 21 after all .. still loads of time ahead of you to live life and have fun.
     
  8. Mopar03

    Mopar03 73-9 OT Supporter

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    I know it's not a permanent fix...but hopefully it'll serve as a crutch to get me up and going. that's what I need right now
     
  9. Ludwig

    Ludwig New Member

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    I'm 20, living w/parents, commute 2nd year in cc and majoring in science (not even sure if i want), most of my best friends left to go to army or dropouts, had met a very nice girl but i fucked up making a connection cause i was in depression, force myself to go to class, constantly listening music to lift my spirit, had a part time job but left and currently looking, hanging out on my balcony at night thinking about stuff. Looks like we are in the same boat. Most of the time I'm really :hs:. I want to finish cc and live in a dorm when I transfer so that i can actually make friends. I tried paxil for about 6 months, It helped somewhat but I quit because of what ssri does, it some what numbs your feelings and makes me calm like for example working out. Before taking the med I can really put up some numbers but when i'm on it i dont feel like doing shit. I went cold turkey with some neg side effects lasted about 4weeks. How am i doing now? I'm :hsd:
     
  10. RUchaps

    RUchaps Active Member

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