SRS I need help with changing my life

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cooldragon, Jan 31, 2006.

  1. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    From highschool till the present i have been a very shy and lazy person. During highschool i was able to make only a few friends and usually i would stay home because i didnt have many friends. Usually the main thing i did was play sports with the few friends i had and occasionaly go out and watch a movie.

    I am able to talk to people that i dont know but for some reason i cant ever get close enough to where i become friends with them. I have about 6 friends that i see throughout the week but i am close to only one. He is the only person i can share everything with but there is still limit to what i can talk to him about. I want to meet more people and share things and have fun and enjoy their company but for some reason i keep failing at it.

    i feel very lonely eventhough for the past two months i have been out with friends and people and i have barely been home. again most of the people i hang out with i dont feel comfortable with. I get worried about what i am going to say when we are in a conversation and it sucks that i just cant be happy.

    My self esteem is really low and i really want to work on gaining more self confidence and becoming more comfortable with myself and around people. I have gotten some books on the subject and they have helped but its a struggle everyday to keep my mind in a good and happy state.
     
  2. Digital_angel

    Digital_angel New Member

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    its happens to everyone even the people you think are the most confident. Its hard to make that first step from just being a person you say hi to, to a person who is your friend. This is what I do to kind of over come being shy and really gain more confidence.
    I set goals such as say hi to five people i dont know
    hug three people close to me
    introduce myself to someone new.
    give it time too, its not something that will come easy.
    you seem like a really nice person so im sure that you will do great.
     
  3. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    at work i am really friendly with everybody. I say hi to everyone there even if i dont know them. I work at walmart so i have learned to be friendly with strangers. I also am able to talk and have conversations with everybody but generally its small talk. However, thats where it ends. I have made i would say 2 friends that i talk to on a daily basis and two that i talk to or see once or twice a week except at work.

    At school however i am not able to do that since i never feel comfortable there. i have noticed that i am better able to talk to and feel comfortable talking to people who are alot older or younger than me. i am 19. at school i am very intimadated. I also noticed that if i feel that someone is "better" than me i get more intimadated and dont introduce myself. i am very insecure and i am working on trying to make myself better. its a really tough road.

    my plan for tommorow is to get to school early cause i have homework and go to class and introduce myself to someone. then do the same in my next class and talk to someone new though in this class i have met two people and i want to get them to know better. Then i got work and i will keep practicing talking to people.
     
  4. Digital_angel

    Digital_angel New Member

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    its really hard for me to meet people talking to strangers really freaks me out, you seem to be really good at just talking to people. I can once i get to know people can make really good friends. It gets really bad that i wont call people i dont know or im someone new, you seem like you are really trying to improve and that takes great confidence :)
     
  5. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    one thing that definitly has helped me become less shy is watching my friend at work and how she can talk to anybody. She is a good listener and also doesnt mind asking everybody at work if they want to do anything after work. many people say no and some say yes and i end up tagging along and start talking to the people she has invited. She barely knows them and a few times she just had met the person that day. i also become more outgoing when i am with her and its fun. however when i am alone i get tense and stressed out.

    its probably just gonna take time and i just have to keep working on it and try not to let it get me down if i am unsuccessful at first.
     
  6. ebbnflo

    ebbnflo REAL- LAOT Hermit

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    Being an instinctively shy person myself, I can tell you that there will seldom or never be a day when it is not a struggle or at least a high energy expending effort to come out of your comfy shell.

    I think leadership training, and being involved in theater and music helped me to "fake it" until I was more comfortable, but still, anytime that I am faced with talking to people I am not familiar with, it's rough, and I either let my shyness own me, or I forced myself to speak, and that can honestly get exhausting after a while, but it's often worth the effort.

    I think you have a good attitude about it, and if you can maintain it, you are going to do just fine. You've already got good ideas and goals lined up for yourself. which is also really great.

    Best wishes to you.
     
  7. LiQuiD_FuSioN

    LiQuiD_FuSioN New Member

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    lol, it's funny how the net can link up to anyone with common interests, problems.

    I'm also 19, working at a small time job and I've formed a tight bond with about 3 or so people. And yes, it's pretty much small-talk for me, talking to strangers is one of the main things I have to do.. but other than that it doesn't go much further.

    Btw, you mentioned you were in school? Not high school though, right? College?
     
  8. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    i am actually going to college right now. today was a pretty difficult day. i went to my first class and didnt really talk to anybody. its kind of hard since the teachers talking. the next class i just sat with the person i met the first day of class. that was pretty good had no problems.

    However i dont know how to introduce myself if i am around campus. what the hell am i gonna say to them. I gotta find activites i can join so i can meet more people. only problem is i cant stay in school since i gotta drive back and go to work.

    i have also been pretty depressed or just sad the last few months as well. i am going to class now but i dont really have a major picked. There is nothing that i do or any passion or goal i am trying to achieve.

    my plan is to work hard over the summer and have enough money to live on campus and for now i can work on my social skills, make some friends and get a gf and figure out what i wanna do with my life.
     
  9. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    well its been a few days and unfortunatley i havent met any new people. oh well. Gotta keep trying. tommorow i am gonna meet up with an old friend of mines and hes going to introduce me to some new people.

    Its hard to keep a good attitude all the time after going to class and being so bored cause i am by myself. I go to cafetreia or the lounge and everyones in a group but i am just there by myself. I stayed at school after school for 4 hours just going around campus but i got really tired of it and came home. O well.
     
  10. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    Arrr i dont know what to do anymore. Its just so hard to stay positive the whole day. i woke up today and kept reminding myself to be happy and enjoy wahtever happens. but at the end of the night i just feel horrible. i went to school which was boring to say the least. i tried to talk more with the person i met at school but he was too busy on the computer. then at work it wasnt too bad. its just that i feel that me and my friend are drifiting apart. i remmember a month ago everybody was wondering if we were going out since we would always be together. now i see her at work and we dont talk much and she has met and made friends with four other people at work while i am stuck at the same position i was before. now i just dont know what to do. this has happened to me before where someone i thought i became friends with slowly just drifts apart. i dont know what i lack in order to keep a friendship going and i hate it. o well. ill figure it in time
     
  11. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Dude, I know how you feel. I used to be the same as you, if not worst. I'm still shy although I have vastly improved. All I can tell you is that there is no easy solution. Just set yourself small goals and accomplish them. If you set yourself a huge goal then you will just discourage yourself and get your self-confidence even worst. Just know that you are not the only person like that and that you are not alone. If you wanna talk about it, just PM me.
     
  12. Scat

    Scat King of Cool

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    I suscribed to this thread because I want to see how it goes. I'm in the same situation and am hoping you find something that works, or simply start feeling better.

    I don't know if there's anything that works. For a while I worked for a telemarketing company, and the nature of the job required me to be more assertive and agressive. I became successful at it and grew somewhat of an ego. All of a sudden people were paying attention to me and wanted to be around me, but I couldn't form any lasting relationships with these people because in the end nothing really interested me.

    At the time I wanted to go into Criminology, but now my future seems uncertain. I don't have any goals or aspirations. When I'm out with people I just want to be alone, perhaps at home, where I feel more comfortable, and yet I can't help but feel lonely at the same time.

    I work with kids at a learning centre and I enjoy that, what I used to like most about the job was that my best friend worked there too. Now he only comes in once a week or so and we're also drifting apart. At first I told myself it wasn't a big deal but now I wish I had someone to talk to.
     
  13. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Friends come and go: you can't do anything about that. Just make other friends.
     
  14. cooldragon

    cooldragon New Member

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    well i have made some improvement since i last posted. at college i have introduced myself to tons of people and it has been a good and a bad experience. some have been very friendly and open while others dont really care or do their own thing. i have met one guy who seems to know alot of people and through him i have met alot of people. i still feel like i could add more to the conversation when i talk to someone new or leave a good impression but i dont know.

    also my close friend from work actually told me a few days ago that he doesnt really like to talk to me on the phone and would rather hang out with his gf or other friends than me. that was pretty hurtful but i have other people around me that other close to me.

    its just that everyday i wake up i feel tired and dont have the motivation to get up early go to school meet people and get my homework done too. i just feel like i am drifiting in life and i am just not happy/motivated or excited to do anything.
     

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