SRS I need help. I can't get over a recent breakup.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by guru, Jul 10, 2009.

  1. guru

    guru Active Member

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    A few weeks back my relationship ended with someone I loved so much. I loved this girl even though she had her faults and I knew she wasn't the perfect one for me. We fought a lot and she's a selfish girl and can be immature at times. She broke it off and I've been begging her to come back and she asked me to give her 3 months. I just can't stay away without missing her and keep breaking my promise to leave her alone for 3 months. So much shit runs through my mind and I start thinking about her seeing someone new. She said she would start trying to put herself out there since she feels old (30) and that she can't guarantee we'll be back together after 3 months.

    I want her back so bad but I know my odds are so low. It's just I don't know how to move on. I've been having anxiety attacks or something because of all this emotional drain. :wtc:

    oh and i also know she does think about me even though she's hurt and tells me she hates me. I found out she was trying look me up on facebook when she accidently put my email address to search for me but instead ended up doing the invite a friend.
     
    Last edited: Jul 10, 2009
  2. Crawling Dead

    Crawling Dead Gz-TeRRoR

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    She doesnt want to be with you. Plain and simple. Dont put yourself through misery of having faulse hope. Moce on. Find a hobby. Hang out with friends. Focus on work. Just dont dwell on her anymore. You two arent going to be together again, I suggest deleting her number from your phone, and just never thinking about her again. I am curious though, how long did you two date?
     
  3. guru

    guru Active Member

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    over 2 yrs
     
  4. Jester

    Jester OT Supporter

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    this

    whenever I want to get over a woman, I usually do this:

    1. go out every night and party my ass off for a week
    2. go into detox and focus on "escape" activities that are familiar like re-reading my favorite books or re-playing old favorite video games for a week or so
    3. focus on improving myself by working out, fixing my diet, and setting financial goals

    A month or so later, and I'm feeling fantastic. Sure, you won't stop thinking about her, but you'll think about her less and less and it is a whole lot easier when you've got your shit together and are going forward in life :cool:
     
  5. summer1547

    summer1547 New Member

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    What were her reasons for breaking it off? What needs were you not meeting for her and what was she not meeting for you?
     
  6. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    This is why I tell all my platonic girlfriends that when they break up with a guy, don't give him any hope that things will get better; just be a bitch, cut him off completely, and get on with your lives. They always feel bad about doing it, but the few times they've listened to me, it was soon obvious that I was right.

    She's gone dude. She doesn't want you back and she isn't going to want you back, she just said "give me three months" because she didn't want to be a bitch about it and she's hoping in three months you'll be over it. So get over it. Don't waste your time trying to figure out how to win her over, because nothing you can do (legally, anyway) can overpower her free will.

    EDIT: Optionally, give me her phone number so I can tell her myself not to string you along. I'm not even joking about trying to hook up with her either. I hate that "well, maybe, we'll see how it goes" bullshit.
     
  7. guru

    guru Active Member

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    We broke up end of last year and she came back to me after about 3 months. Just don't think it'll happen again. :(
     
  8. m3 bavaria

    m3 bavaria Come again?

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    It may seem impossible, and maybe even counter intuitive, but you have to get out there, do things you enjoy, and actively engage other women.

    If anything, she'll see that and realise what she's missing. Trust me.


    When my ex was crying at home, I wanted nothing to do with her. Now that she's with someone else, I'm magically depressed and want her back. Go figure.
     
  9. gkremian

    gkremian New Member

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    Well, the best thing for you to do at this point is move on. You need to engage yourself in things that you used to do before you dated her, or things that you did by yourself. Are you exercising? The endorphines released during exercise will help improve your mood. Hang out with your friends as much as possible and chase girls.

    If you want her back, you need to man up. Stop begging her to come back, stop talking to her, and if she tries to talk to you tell her that you don't want to talk to her at all. By behaving like you have, you haven't made yourself desirable. You've done yourself more harm than good. However, all that being said it may be over and you'll have to accept that.
     
  10. jim1234664

    jim1234664 New Member

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    :bowdown:
     
  11. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    It shouldn't have happened the first time.
     
  12. OniMinion

    OniMinion ...recalls when this forum was actually about cars OT Supporter

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    Right, I'm a firm believer that if a girl even suggests the idea that we should consider getting space, or have a break or whatever you need to leave. I learned this lesson the hard way though.

    Here, I posted this here because I felt it was something of a coming-of-age story. Not in terms of actual age, but coming-of-age in relationships. Everyone develops this at different points in their life, but eventually we all experience similar heart ache. This is the story of the girl that strung me along for far too long. Good luck bud.
    :hug:

    http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?t=4222334
     
  13. Nite_Lilly

    Nite_Lilly Member

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    It's sad that people run to other relationships thinking the problems won't follow them, instead of committing to really figuring things out in the relationship they are in currently. It's easy to point to the other person and blame them for what is wrong. It's a lot harder to look at oneself to see how one contributed to the problems. Running away avoids the pain of self reflection and promises the excitement of something new. The truth is you can't force someone to commit to a relationship if they are not ready.
     
  14. guru

    guru Active Member

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    Everytime we had problems, she would start to "make new friends" as she calls it. Basically she would go out with her girlfriends or meet new guy friends and give them attention by hanging out with them with another female friend. She does this and claims it's not a date because there's a 3rd person there. :ugh:

    She believes and tells me, "if u love someone you should be able to let them go find happiness". I did that the first time around and letting her go back then was the toughest thing in the world.
     
  15. Nite_Lilly

    Nite_Lilly Member

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    Did you ask her what makes her happy? And, what makes you happy?
     
  16. Dodger Blue

    Dodger Blue OT Supporter

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    Stop giving her attention. Let her think you've moved on. Anytime somebody knows that somebody likes them or wants to be with them it feels like you can have them at the snap of your fingers.
     
  17. deusexaethera

    deusexaethera OT Supporter

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    ...and, to continue that thought, if someone feels like they can have someone else at the snap of their fingers, it becomes far less important to try to get them. After all, when you've got multiple lines in the water, the one you pay attention to is the one with the fish who's fighting back.
     
  18. johan

    johan Active Member

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    You know, I have to believe that if YOU were the objective 3rd person listening to someone tell your story, you'd shake your head and slap them silly because their need for this girl is making them believe the patently absurd.

    There's only the thinnest veil of credulity behind her story. I can barely believe she says this with a straight face.

    And yet, I do, because I know she's driven by emotions. Not to be harmful or malicious to you, but she clearly doesn't have that deep faithful bond to you.



    She's making choices, friend, choices that lead away from you. She's been doing this for a long time now.

    Despite the length of time that you're chalking up as "we're together".
    Choices that lead away from you. Remember that.

    It's time you realized this and made a choice to believe in yourself. I don't believe she should figure prominently in your future. For your sake, anyways.
     
  19. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

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    Why? Do you lack self-respect? If someone tells you they don't want to be with you then accept their decision and move on with your life. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?
     
  20. Spiritus

    Spiritus Active Member

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    The very best advice I can offer after 2 two year break ups is to work very hard on yourself. Meditate, meditate on your heart, meditate on classical music, work out, listen to classical music, meditate, meditate some more. Look at "The School of Athens" painting, read some works of Plato...

    We can try our very best however if we are just "some guy" that can be replaced by "some guy" then we are going to get trampled on forever.

    You are not as old as you think and you have time to change. The worse thing about the advice given after these events is that they tell you to focus on other matters, or even worse, drink alcohol.

    In reality anyone that tells you to focus on anything other then yourself is missing the bullseye. If SHE (whom you desire) is breaking up with YOU (something we have little interest in) then all you can change is the YOU. You can't change her.

    There is a gravity and an invisible law that perpetuates you back into your normal daily activities that you need to learn to go beyond and "build a cottage there". Make sure the "foundation" of that "cottage" is strong... gnosticteachings.org
     

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