SRS I need advice

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Lilkhmerkid4u, Jun 10, 2006.

  1. Lilkhmerkid4u

    Lilkhmerkid4u Active Member OT Supporter

    Jan 24, 2005
    Likes Received:
    Chattanooga, TN
    Been with my girl for about 3 years. I don't know what to do now. Its kinda hard for me since after highschool, i absolutely have no friends to talk to so i've come on to OT. Well, its been 3 years and it started off great and its slowly turned to everything i didn't wish for. I don't know if i'm just hold on for the sake of holding on. It seems like she cares but at the same time.....she just isn't. She always expects the whole world from me and i try my best to do so. Whenever she wants to spend time..i'm always there..and i never miss her phone calls. Alot of the times when i drop her off and such....i'll always tell her to call me and she says "ok" but recently she hasn't. Its always the same excuse; I fell asleep. I mean, i know she is at home at and all that ...its just that i just want her to show that she cares. And no...this isn't the only reason why i feel like this. There is more to it..i'm just telling you guys how i'm feeling now. I mean last nite, after i get off work, we went out to eat with her older sis and as we are leaving i tell her to call me; she doesn't. So i send her a text saying "goodnight" and like at 3 am she finally decides to wake up and call me; only reason she did was that her older sis woke her up..well after we talked for like 2 minutes..she was talking to her sis again and again..i'm just like "just call me later." she says ok and guess what? she totaly forgets about me agian...i mean OT , its not only this that is bother me...i feel like almost giving up...she expects everythying from me and if i don't do it...i have no chance..but she never do the little things..that bothers me
  2. Xenogenesis

    Xenogenesis What if the hokey pokey IS what it's all about?!

    May 21, 2006
    Likes Received:
    Cairns, Australia
    pussy whipped *cracks wip* sometimes a new relationship can do the world of good, but im guessing if its been 3 years then she'll always have a place in your heart, go to counciling?
  3. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Based upon the story you just told, I am not surprised in the least that your girlfriend has been acting the way that she has been acting. In fact, I would have found it surprising if she hadn't been acting this way. Here's why:

    Her interest level in you has dropped... significantly. She no longer feels the same level of attraction towards you that she once had, and the reason for this is not her fault. It's yours. I see this same situation all of the time, and the problem here is your actions. I do not say this to be mean to you, but to try to help you because I once didn't understand this either and committed many if not all of the same mistakes you have been making. The bottom line is... you're clueless about how to maintain attraction from your partner, and you have a low level of self respect as well as self confidence. Even if you don't think you do, you do. You might not be like that in all aspects of your life, but when it comes to your partner, you are weak, you are a pushover, a doormat, etc. This is what ended up sapping the attraction your woman felt for you.

    You said earlier that your girlfriend expects the whole world from you. That's hogwash. The only reason she is like that is because YOU tried to give her the whole world this entire time. You're a pushover. You give in. She asks for something, you go get it. If she wants to leave, you will hold on. She wants to spend time with you, you are there, no matter what. She calls you, you answer. This is not how you create a strong mature adult relationship. Why? Because in order for someone to remain attracted to you, they must respect you. How was she supposed to respect you when all she saw was you sucking up to her, ignoring your own life to cater to her every whim? She's not a goddess, she doesn't rule you, she's just a girl that you are dating and should be your equal. But the way you have been treating her is as if she is better than you.

    Think about it. To be appealing and maintain a challenge you should have your own life, your own goals, your own needs, etc. Having all of those things, respecting them, pursuing them, and making sure she respected them as well makes you very interesting. Not giving a crap about your own time and feelings and making yourself completely available to her anytime she comes calling lacks challenge, lacks independence. How long do you think you could maintain her attraction in this manner? You basically make it look like your job is to serve her. That's what you are doing wrong.

    Like most of us, you've been raised by a generation of women. Everything from romance novels, movies, from the very mouths of most women make us guys think that women want some guy who will do anything for them at the drop of a hat. This could not be further from reality. Guys who do this tend to get friendzoned by women, and when they do land women they are the ones that cry when she leaves or cheats saying, "I don't understand, I gave her everything!" They don't know that this is the reason she lost interest-even if she didn't know that herself.

    How attractive do you think it is to be a "yes man"? How about if your girlfriend tried to please you constantly by doing anything you wanted? How long would you continue to respect her if anytime you called she was ready to throw whatever it was that she was doing out of the window to come running to your side? What if anytime she had her own opinion but heard that yours was different, and then changed it to agree with you? Do you think that this is what you want? You would lose respect for her for being a doormat, a pushover. The same goes the other way, in fact, even more so.

    Most women want (pretty much all of the sane ones) the alpha male. This is not a "jerk" so don't even get started on that. The alpha male is the father figure, the provider. This is the man that a woman can trust, can respect, can lean on during hard times. She knows he will always remain strong and respects him. She knows this because he remains strong with her as well. It is not mean to stand up for yourself. It is not mean to not always be there for your significant other. You must have your own life as well and you must be able to say no. You must be able to fight with her as well. Relationships that are true will get stronger and stronger with each battle. In fact, they are essentual to a strong relationship. Avoiding conflict with your significant other is the bane of a good relationship. I am not talking about physical conflict, but two different people with a healthy level of self respect will butt heads, but if they are in a good relationship butting heads will make them stronger, where avoiding conflicts causes one side to lose respect for the other. I see that with your relationship.

    I think your relationship is done. It's inevitable. You've spent 3 years building the relationship on a weak foundation of being a doormat, pushover, being clingy, needy, etc. By now she knows exactly who you are. Any change by you where you try to finally stand up for yourself and by getting a life, it will be transparent and she won't buy it. She already sees you as this pushover and the respect is gone. She does care for you because you've spent so much time together, but in the end, she will leave or cheat. She needs a healthy mature relationship and she doesn't have that. That's why she is distant and unresponsive.

    I suggest you finally take the initiative, finally make a stand, and call the relationship off. I don't think you will, but it would be the correct decision. It would also shock her that you have the ability to do this. She will wonder where that strength came from-which is a good thing. The only way to maintain that surprise of course would be to stick to your decision like a grown man would. If you take her back it will be right back to where you were because once again you showed that you buckle.

    I suggest you arm yourself with knowledge. Go to
    It's not only for dating, but for relationships as well. Also, look up my Dating Guide on there or in this Asylum. It should have some things for yout there as well.

    Good luck brother.

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