i need a man's perspective...

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by radfad88, Mar 14, 2007.

  1. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    I know this is long, but I really need some advice...

    About 6 months ago (octoberish) I went on what I consider the best date of my life. I went out to dinner with a guy I've been aquainted with for about a year. I met him through his younger brother (who I had been on several dates with) and one of my coworkers. We sat in the resteraunt for three hours talking until we finally realized that the place was shutting down for the night (we were the last ones in there).

    I'm only 18 but I can honestly say that I've run pretty rampant through the dating world for a while and this guy is definitely an exception to everything I've seen so far. Knowing/observing him for a while I can tell that he's not preoccupied with getting laid, and he seems to have a good amount of respect for others and even more importantly, respect for himself. I was so comfortable with him and for once everything just seemed to really click and I felt like I might have found someone on my wavelength. I can be my totally weird, nerdy self and he laughs and comes back with something that I find even funnier. He's also completely on target with where I picture my S.O. to be in life (graduated from a good college, has a steady job/career that he loves). I thought his age/position in life being so different than mine might have some sort of effect on things but that never really seemed to bother either of us (I joked with him about it a few times to try and test his view on it).

    After that date, we continued to see each other at group events (trivia nights, etc.) and we talked on the phone pretty often but there were never any plans made for another individual date. The only logical reason I could come up with to explain us never going anywhere was that I was about to move (in about 3 months, january) 4 hours from home to go to college.

    After racking my brain and going a little nuts about it, I decided it was probably best to just leave it alone and go on with my plans of moving to VSU. I figured that if anything was meant to happen, it eventually would come back into play, but that I shouldn't worry about it now.

    A week ago our mutual friend and I were talking and I found out that he got a promotion and was moving to a town about an hour away from VSU. I called him later that night to congratulate him and we wound up setting right back into the groove of easy, enjoyable conversation that we had before. I talked to him three times this week and we even had plans to see a movie (with some of our other friends) last saturday (again, a group thing). Things came up and I couldn't make the movie. He hasn't called me since.

    Here is where I need some help: I don't know why or how but this guy really did a number on me, obviously. I've always been the kind of girl that could get another guy in a heartbeat and if it didn't work out with one it was no biggy because another would come along soon enough, but this one is different. The signs to me are unclear and i'm getting nowhere just trying to figure it out.

    I need to know what to do now. You really only get one shot at telling someone you have feelings for them. And my thoughts are if you come off too strong you'll sound creepy, if you say it at an awkward moment or the wrong time or the wrong way, that's it... you're done, you've ruined you're only oppertunity.

    Should I try to talk to him about this? Or should I forget about it again and wait for him to bring it up?
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2007
  2. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2006
    Messages:
    32,407
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    OKC
    Why don't you ask him out?
     
  3. 98formyws6

    98formyws6 New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2003
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    0
    yeah i would talk to him about this...some guys feel your guys subject is something the females should bring up

    also since he has a professional occupation, you have to consider he's a lot busier than you might think

    also its not creepy at all, unless you say something along the lines of 'i stand outside your window and watch you sleep'

    if anything he'll probably respect your maturity since most girls your age tend to play games
     
  4. FurryFriend

    FurryFriend New Member

    Joined:
    Jun 19, 2006
    Messages:
    365
    Likes Received:
    0
    Easy. You want this guy because he doesn't seem to want you (i.e., he doesn't make aggressive moves or ask you on another one-on-one date or "hasn't called you since", etc). It's very common female mentality.
     
  5. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    :werd: You don't need to tell him all your feelings, just go out alone and have a good time and see where things go from there. Why do you keep doing all these group things instead of hanging out alone? Are you just waiting for him to initiate another date?
     
  6. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    The words you are looking for would be rampant and exception. Sorry, I'm anal :mamoru:
     
  7. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    Sorry about the errors, it's late... I usually re-read everything I post about a thousand times to be sure.


    The advice on just asking him out again sounds like a very simple idea that I may have overlooked in all this over-thinking things. I may call him and just ask him to meet me for coffee or something on my way back to VSU this weekend...
     
  8. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    And yea I guess I was sort of just waiting for him to ask me on another date. I felt like if he wanted to take me out again, he'd ask, right?
     
  9. vipergts24

    vipergts24 New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2005
    Messages:
    223
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Zomgland
    No, thats not necessarily the case. If i asked a girl to the movies and she "couldn't make it" for whatever reason I would take it as either the sign that she wasn't interested or she needed to make the effort and show me she is interested by setting up an alternative date. He could be interested and think she blew him off or is not taking the initiative to date him. IMO I highly suggest she try to plan another date and see how that works out before getting into the whole, I think i really like you despite it being too soon. When you cancel on a date it is your responsibility to get another date, not his just because you are a girl.
     
  10. ArthurPewty

    ArthurPewty New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 13, 2006
    Messages:
    916
    Likes Received:
    0
    There appear to be several factors that may have led him to not ask you out (e.g. age difference, your moving, perception on his part about where the two of you are in life, etc.). But instead of wracking your brain about that...

    Yes, just ask him out, you really don't have anything to lose. You could even take him out as a way to welcome him to the area or show him around. If he doesn't bite or doesn't ask you out after that, let it go and move on.
     
  11. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2002
    Messages:
    2,431
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    N.Y.
    Go out with him and make a move(kiss him). Thats the only way to be sure if hes interested or not.
     
  12. MP525i

    MP525i New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2005
    Messages:
    740
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    nj
    agreed. you're going to have to contact him, shoot a quick, "hey, sorry i couldn't make it. i had to...... can i make it up to you with some coffee or something?"

    take a pro-active position and let us know how it works out.
     
  13. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    1,101
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ,,,_(õ_Ô)_,,,
    You've been friendzoned.

    I was also going to say there are several factors at play here, most notably the age differene and at different points in life, he a carrere, you, just starting college.

    No one can say for sure why he may have not called, only he can answer that.

    Instead of going for the gusto and asking him, whihc isn't overall a bad thing, because hey, you will most likely get another date or at least a good time, what about just asking him what is going next time you two are into a good convo, where you lose track of time. I mean don't hit him over the head with nessisarily, but a bit more direct than trying to figure it out on your own would probably be a good start.
     
  14. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,241
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC

    NEVER ask someone you arnt in a relationship with about thier romantic feeling towards you. Its just not a good idea. It makes people uncomfortable and its just plain unnatractive.
     
  15. GTLifter

    GTLifter Banned

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2005
    Messages:
    62,453
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Durty Durty ATL Niggah
    you're first mistake is going to Valdooka State.
     
  16. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    I don't see why you need a guys perspective on this....everyone is going to tell you the same thing:

    ask him out

    You're waiting for him to make all the moves and technically you shut him down (whether you realize it or not) by not going to that movie date.
     
  17. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    All of this is really good feedback... I think you guys are right, it's too soon to go into feelings or anything like that. My next step I guess is to call him up sometime and see if he wants to hang out now that he lives closer. I'll just see if he goes for it and just see where it goes from there. :big grin:
     
  18. Toda Party

    Toda Party .....

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2002
    Messages:
    2,431
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    N.Y.
    Kiss him. It sounds like you've been hanging out as friends, so make a move next time.
     
  19. t0mt0m

    t0mt0m Indeed...

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2007
    Messages:
    166
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Down the street from the cia
    okay hes a bit older than you, in the "real world" your a college girl
    im sorry no matter how much you think you are so much more mature than everyone else your not, your in college and your mentality is way different when you are out. If you believe you did not play games with him ask him out and flirt with him, lean up against hiim etc. If you showed no signs of interst in him when you went out with him a few times back, he proably thinks you friend zoned him like someone else said up top. Older guys have experienced girls who want to only toy with them because they can, we learn and play the game only for a short period b4 moving on. You are not the world and the world does not revolve around you hun, sorry
     
  20. sirrach

    sirrach New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2004
    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    0
    exactly, maybe call him in a few years when you get out of college. You're in the insane girl phase right now. Not sure if it ever ends though... j/k ;)
     
  21. radfad88

    radfad88 The Batman-O-Lantern

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2007
    Messages:
    1,531
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Atlanta, Ga
    You're and your are not the same word... I'm just saying.

    However, your* opinions on this are noted. I agree that the mentality of someone in the workforce is very different than that of most college freshman. That was definitely one of the major issues I considered in this whole thing, and it's part of the reason I haven't been more pro-active in trying to get something to happen... I just know something great when I see it and I'm not sure if I can let this opportunity pass by again without seeing where things might lead.
     
  22. Carpet Liquor

    Carpet Liquor New Member

    Joined:
    Nov 26, 2004
    Messages:
    1,101
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ,,,_(õ_Ô)_,,,
    Why not? It's worked for me the past, under the right circumstances, and asking in the right way.
     
  23. razi

    razi New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 6, 2007
    Messages:
    1,061
    Likes Received:
    0
    call him, tell him why you couldn't make it, and that you'd like to make it up to him. don't bring your friends out with you. you don't have to be too aggressive about it, but don't be entirely passive about it either.

    if he wants you he'll take the steps necessary to get you. you, however, have to give him that opportunity.
     
  24. ostavime

    ostavime New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2005
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    I think... maybe he's gay.
    Think about that. You never know.
    Good guys are always... smth. ;)
     
  25. antihero

    antihero OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2002
    Messages:
    14,241
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    NYC
    yeah, maybe it didnt blow the whole thing for you, but that doesnt mean it was the best way to go. Ive gone into it a million times here... short end of it is that you are just always better off having these 'conversations' in a physical way early in a relationships. kiss > blabbering about feelings.
     

Share This Page