SRS I need a girlfriend

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kerberos, Mar 4, 2007.

  1. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Ok, I have a revelation to make. I'm a virgin. I've kissed a girl and had one short relationship with a girl. I'm 23 years old.

    I don't think that I'm "unattractive" in fact I've seen much uglier men than me have girlfriends so... I'm 6 feet, 175 lbs. Ok, that's a bit heavy but I'm working on it. I was 190 lbs at the start of january thanks to a massive burnout, but I've reduced my weight to 175 thanks to my new workout programme. I've also reduced my resting heart rate from 80 to 60 beats per minute! I'm proud of that accomplishment! In fact, I get a lot of "looks" from women when I walk on the street. Hey, I don't look like Brad Pitt, but there's got to be some market out there for an average looking guy.:)

    Next, I could say I'm shy, but that doesn't fully describe me. My personality type in INTP, if anyone knows what that is. I used to be extremely shy, as in I was unable to talk to anyone, would look down all the time and would stutter whenever forced to speak. However, I've made a lot of progress in this field. I now usually get along well with people. I don't have any close friends, ever, but I am on friendly terms with just about everyone. I always sit around by myself in class, on purpose since I like to meet new people and I also like to listen in class. People seem to think of me as having good social skills. That is due to my ability to pick up body signals and understand people easily. Also, note that I was vice-president of a student body for a while, but quit due to the politics. So, I'm not shy with day to day social interaction, and I like to constantly challenge myself with talking to random people and such, but I'm unable to have any sort of depth in relationships. Why? Because I'm shy, and scared. Scared of being rejected, scared I'll make a mistake, scared. I mean, just getting myself to this point took years of efforts and I seem to have hit a wall.

    Also, I do not look shy at all. I have a good posture, long hair, and I always have that "I'm important but I care for you" look on my face. I learned that from one of my boss. :)

    So anyways, here's a typical example of me interacting with a woman. It's an actual example that happened recently.

    It's this girl at my gym: ok she's the gym manager. I was talking to my trainer, who works at the gym, when one day she passes by and she looks at me in the eyes for a few seconds while doing so. My trainer notices and makes me a sign to tell me he noticed. I take my "of course she's looking at me, I'm hot" expression. I don't talk to her.

    Next time I get to the gym. She greets me with a giant smile and says "how are you", the sort of how are you saying she wants to start a conversation. I'm like "good" and walk away. The following same thing happens, but as I'm walking away, she repeats "how are you", I repeat "good" and walk away anyways. The next time, I'm at the counter with my trainer and chatting. She comes in the conversation, asks me what I do, I say "student in software engineering". She says "interesting". Then she asks me for my phone number pretexting that she might need me to fix her computer. She then walks away and does something else. Of course, I don't give her my phone number. At this point, I either appear completely oblivious or completely uninterested. Then the following times, she still tries to engage conversation, offering to give me various things, or to do things that would imply me going to her place. After a while, (about 2 months later), she now appears slightly mad at me.

    So, that's one example of a situation that has happened much too frequently for me. The slightly uninterested look seems to work wonders on raising the interest of girls towards me, but damnit, I need to be able to close the deal. :ugh: My behavior seems to raise the interest in girls so much, that they intimidate me.:hs: I always come out mad at myself. Either that, or it took me 3 months to work up the courage and she's already with some other guy by that time.

    Also, there are very few women in my environment, so I can't practice a lot.
     
  2. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    175 isn't heavy at 6'.... it's skinny.... but you probably are skinnyfat. Start lifting weights. It will boost your confidence and just make you feel better in general. Personally, when I'm happy and confident I do a lot better with girls, in fact, it seems like they come to me when I'm like that. Girls don't really care how you look, your face is important but a decent girl won't give a shit if you're a little flabby or if you're Buff Vanderhuge.


    I'm definitely not reading all that shit. This is my reccomendation though.
     
  3. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    Well yeah, disinterest works wonders until they actually think you're genuinely disinterested.

    So tone that shit down. If a cute girl is ballsy enough to ask for your number, you should probably go ahead and swap.

    The rule is push and pull, not push until she gives up.
     
  4. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    Yeah, I have about 15% body fat. I'm not really fat, more like I'm a perfectionist and that I'm frustrated of the fact that I have no g/f so I take it out on myself.:)

    Thanks for your reply anyways. :)
     
  5. Original

    Original OT Supporter

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    Man you're so close! You've obviously shown that you can spark interest on looks and expressions alone, now just keep talking! Talk to her like one of your good buddies.. you wouldn't pass your buddy and just tell him/her that you're "good." .. even if you just say "Great! Well how are you doing today?".. you can play a thousand lines off of her response and mood alone.

    Just keep puttin yourself in those situations, you'll be good in no time :hsd:
     
  6. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    But see, I do that unintentionally and I just get extremely intimidated until I revert back to my extremely shy state I was before, stutter etc. :ugh:

    I just need to stay cool until I have a date with her or something. Which begs the question. How do you go about asking a girl out without being blunt?
     
  7. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    disinterest is just about the stupidest shit ever. All disinterest does is force a girl to choose between:


    a) he's hot enough that I think i'll go up to him and ask him out
    or
    b) he's not that cute and/or he's not interested in me so fuck him



    and unless you're fuckin really reeling them in, they're gonna choose b.... if you're a 23 year old virgin, I'm certain this will always be the case.



    For us normal folk, who either have a lot of personality and not great looks, or good looks but no confidence, that shit doesn't work. If you see a girl you're interested in, TALK TO HER. Make it known your interested, just be really subtle about it if it's soon, but absolutely make it known from the first "hello" that you're interested, or else its friendzone.


    edit: sorry for all the cussing... I'm pissed tonight at my gf, so it is showing in my posts :mamoru:
     
  8. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    :werd: my advice was stupid seeing as how you clearly stated in your post that you go to the gym :o but yeah, eat more, lift heavy, and you will grow. Check out Fitness and Nutrition forum in the Lifestyle section, if you haven't already. Lots of good info there.
     
  9. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    When I show interest in girl, I usually scare them away by coming on too strong. :hs:
     
  10. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    I don't want to be huge, I want to be cut.:)
     
  11. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    Yeah I see. I dunno, practice makes perfect. At this stage, your body/mind will instinctually keep responding like this, though.
     
  12. Skeletor

    Skeletor Guest

    me too dude... But if I really think I like a girl I can't just act uninterested.... It's unnatural. While on one hand I can be good at manipulation, I also believe that honesty is really important... I can't really say it works for me cause I've been with a girl for the past few years, but I can definitely say that coming on strong has gotten chicks to hit on me and even get physical with me despite my ugliness (this happened during times I was on the outs with the gf, but I never really let it get anywhere).
     
  13. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    I've gotta find the right balance, and have a clear plan of how to get a girl to go out with me.
     
  14. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    No, I mean "I start acting like a woman" kind of coming on too strong. Too emotional, basically. :)
     
  15. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

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    For me, acting uninterested is like my flight or fight mechanism in case I feel uncomfortable.
     
  16. eljefedetonto

    eljefedetonto OT Supporter

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    lol, I used to do that pretty bad. for me, fixing it boiled down to confidence and occupying myself with other things.
     
  17. robb817

    robb817 New Member

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    hmm. sounds like your just a little shy around the ladies...
     
  18. AlcoLOLic

    AlcoLOLic New Member

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    Hahaha...sounds all too familiar. INTJ here...but I wasn't gifted with good looks so I haven't had the luck with women trying to play me up like you have :)

    The only advice I have is to just talk to her like you would talk to your computer buddies...not about the same things, but just be "normal", normal meaning how you would be if you were most comfortable which is how you would be if you were around your buddies. Normal is not what you would be if you compared yourself to another person you would consider "normal", but normal is how you feel when you're in your zone...completely relaxed and happy.

    It's really funny...when I go out of my comfort zone of shyness and actually try to talk to women and get to know them, it frequently turns into an attraction thing. So, I was there all along even though I thought something was wrong with me...it's just getting over the initial shyness part.
     
  19. Xtreme2k2

    Xtreme2k2 GTI Crew ಠ_ಠ OT Supporter

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    6' 175lbs? you're fine.

    I'm 6' 270lbs, now I have problems :mamoru:
     
  20. AlcoLOLic

    AlcoLOLic New Member

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    Hahaha...yeah I forgot about that part...

    I am 6' 195, and I have to work on my pudge a bit. I have a belly but my SO thinks "it's cute" but I don't :)

    6' and 175, I was a skeleton...but I was 6' and 155 in high school. I had a 30 inch waist. At 175 you're just fine...
     
    Last edited: Mar 7, 2007
  21. Lateralus

    Lateralus New Member

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    This girl is obviously really interested in you, you need to go and talk to her and ask her out on a date.
     

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