SRS I miss my friends and being happy- I can't get over this

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by t-t-t-today, Apr 8, 2009.

  1. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    I used to have really good friends in middle school and early high school. We always had so much fun doing cool things and I felt accepted. Around early/middle high school I had this social anxiety issue which caused me to withdrawl from everyone. I was really intimidated by all the new people and I just chose not to talk to anyone. Well I gradually began losing my friends. I've been unhappy and lonely ever since then. I am 20 years old now and I still wonder about where they are and what kind of things they do/if they keep in contact with each other/if they have all moved on and have new friends/etc...

    I KNOW that it is time to move on but I still have dreams about hanging out with them again and everything. Like the other night I had a dream that I went over to one of their houses because I forgot something there a few years ago and he gave me what was mine but then he just looked at me like I a stranger to him at this point. Sometimes I think I am just going to get a call from one of them out of the blue and we will hang out but the call will never come. It's just so hard to make new friends and I don't have the same chemistry with the new people that I meet as I had with my old friends. I feel fucking abandoned or something. It's just not fair that I got fucked with this blushing/social anxiety problem. That is the reason I am so socially retarded. I hate the 3 guys I hang out with today. One of them is an ex convict, the other is a selfish prick, and the other is a spoiled manipulative rich kid with a behavioral problem....they are such assholes and I never have fun with them.

    I just miss the old days.
     
  2. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    why dont you reach out to your old friends?
     
  3. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    Well I have no idea where some of them are right now. I know there are 2 of them on facebook, and one of them goes to school in Indiana.
     
  4. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    then hit em up on facebook. see whats up w. their lives etc.....
     
  5. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    It would feel kind of weird seeing as how I just gradually stopped talking to them and now a few years later I decide to say hi.
     
  6. JustJeff

    JustJeff www.youtube.com/thisisjustjeff

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    Well, what would it be like if you waited a few more years before saying Hi?

    Everyone loves to hear from old friends. I know college takes a lot from your life, but if you reach out to old friends, most likely they will lend a hand.
     
  7. THoC

    THoC New Member

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    just be honest with them. apologize for drifting away and explain why. if they were your real friends they will understand and you could rekindle a friendship.
     
  8. phEight

    phEight ...

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    Definitely try to reach out to them. If they were as good as freinds as you say they are they will welcome hearing back from you, in fact it might even make them happy. I've gone through social anxiety as well, it was really bad at one point and time. My schooling went down the drain, my relationships went down the drain, and I was just withdrawn in my own world for a few years. It would be hard just stepping out of my apartment and going to class. Constant anxiety when I wasn't by myself. It's a miserable feeling, I understand. It's surprising how quickly people will accept you once you just spark the conversation and reach out. The constant thoughts and worries drawn out by the mind are simply illusions. If anyone can understand how hard it is to get over anxiety it's me, I still slightly suffer from it but I have improved alot. It seems like you're not really suffering from the social anxiety any more, which is great. If you keep thinking how weird it will be to send them a message just to say hello, it's that same anxiety that you're trying to get over holding you back yet again. Just take the leap, throw them a message, say what up and how you miss old times. If you feel comfortable enough tell them what you went through, they will understand. Good luck

    By the way, I highly recommend reading some of Eckart Tolle's teachings. I somehow find myself saying this in a lot of the few posts that I do have, because these teachings can truly change your life for the better if you're ready for them.
     
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2009
  9. Saluki

    Saluki New Member

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    Don't feel weird about it that's the point of Facebook
     
  10. Swerve

    Swerve OT Supporter

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    I've contacted a lot of old lost friends on facebook and every one of them has been buzzed to hear from me.
     
  11. boosted420

    boosted420 New Member

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    Exactly! Get over it and just hit them up. They will be happy you did and you will wonder why you waited so long.
     
  12. resistor

    resistor New Member

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    I know how you feel. From ages 5 to 15, I had this really close friend. We hung out every day and then we got in a fight and I haven't talked to him since. Still 10 years later, I have at least one dream per month about us hanging out again... :hs:
     
  13. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    haha ok i'll create and account and try to go through with it. I just hope they are as accepting as you guys say so.
     
  14. Yossarian

    Yossarian OT Supporter

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    I dream of old friends all the time, and if I had the chance to find them I'd like to think I would be all over it.
     
  15. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Holy crap I have this same exact issue. I was just thinking about it the other day.

    In elementary school I was cool and awesome and had 100 friends.

    In middle school it was pretty much the same.

    Beginning of high school, number of friends dropped a bit, but they were cooler so it was ok.

    By the end of high school, I hated everyone. I even graduated early because I couldn't wait to get out. My friends either because "too cool" for me or went to the dark side and I didn't want to follow. So I was left by myself.

    :werd:

    Dude I would give anything to go back to school with the knowledge and confidence I have now. I would've been the coolest person in the whole school. Oh well.

    :werd:

    I got over it by not caring. Like, on the one hand, people change as they grow up, often for the worst. Out of every 10 people I meet, maybe 1 is worth hanging out with. I consider myself high value and hold potential "friends" to the same standards. It's lonely at the top.

    It's a choice you'll have to make. But from experience, I wouldn't sacrifice your integrity for your desire to have friends. In other words, if the only people available to hang out with are people you don't feel comfortable with (for whatever reason, maybe they're drug users, or gangbangers, felons, or people who give you shady vibes for whatever reason, etc.), then don't hang out with them. If you do, you will be the male equivalent of a woman who dates losers just for the sake of dating someone.

    I've also found that as I improved myself, cooler people found their way into my life. When you put awesome energy out into the world, it attracts awesome people.
     
  16. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    btw all your old friends are probably on facebook. I just found 70 people from elementary/middle/highschool/college in the last week.
     
  17. t-t-t-today

    t-t-t-today New Member

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    Did/will you contact them at all?
     
  18. jizzmo

    jizzmo New Member

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    don't got backwards.. go forwards. Find new people like you that you enjoy hanging out with. trial and error is the only way to do that.
     
  19. Spaceering

    Spaceering I bite.

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    i had luck with this, i am sure you will too. I went to elementary school with this girl and never saw her for about 10 years then when I got fb in college, I sent an add and she accepted and we had a few good chats too
     
  20. Maximillion

    Maximillion New Member

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    :werd: you should rather go out and try to make new friends.

    Also (from my experience) hanging out with old highschool buddies, while fun, is never really the same as it was in school anyway. Circumstances have changed too much and most likely the people'll have changed as well.
     
  21. northw3st

    northw3st New Member

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    if this is your big problem in life, then you're doing pretty good. ;)

    but seriously, a lot of people go through this out of high school. the best thing to do is get to work on your own life. you say you always wonder what they're doing, etc - well, the best way to handle that is make sure your life is worth talking about. the worst thing you want is to find out they're doing awesome things and you're not.
     
  22. Dahlia

    Dahlia Active Member

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    Based on all your other threads, you need to work on fixing yourself. You are expecting to just find happiness from all these things, but before you are happy with yourself, it won't happen.
     

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