SRS I met a really nice guy.... Kinda sad ending though

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by cascade85, May 1, 2008.

  1. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    So I met this cute guy at my campus about 3 months ago (through mutual friend) only just recently he started showing interest. We went to see forgetting Sarah Marshall (funny as hell) been to lunch, and out for sushi. Been having a great time with him, real sweet guy, funny, and cute. He always texts me good morning and always asks how my day is going and that he is thinking about me. He is more than ok about me having a child (he was with a girl who had 2 from 2 diff fathers, so I'm like a walk in the park for him) all in all I'm happy, I look forward to his texts.......... Now it gets sad.


    :squint:
    (Enter psycho ex bf, father of my child who's very existence threathens mine)

    Quick breakdown of what occured: psycho finds out about nice guy, psycho goes into fit of rage, calls me a whore and every other vulgar thing he can possibly think of, threathens my life and nice guys' life, threathens to kidnap my son etc etc. THEN after the psycho fest ends he breaksdown crying and begs me to come back.... :eek4: Yeah I know WTF. I'm thinking I'd rather stab myself in the eye.

    I'm sad now because I have brought someone into all this and I feel bad for nice guy. I called nice guy, told him about psycho and said if he wanted to back away now he could and I won't hold it against him. He said absolutely not, he really liked me thought I was beautiful and said he even felt lucky I was giving him the time of day, also has 8 years of martial arts so I shouldnt worry. Felt alot better after that talk.

    I just feel like i can't have a normal private life with psycho always being in the pic. Like I mentioned before his presence threathens my very existence, he is a big shit talker but you never know with him.

    I feel lucky to have nice guy stick around through all this bull shit, don't know very many who would. Its been a rough week.
     
  2. Intro

    Intro New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 9, 2004
    Messages:
    2,693
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    petaluma, Ca
    I would highly recommend getting a restraining order. Good luck
     
  3. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,795
    Likes Received:
    0
    Why do you even talk to the ex? Get a restraining order and that's the end of that.
     
  4. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2007
    Messages:
    14,024
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FL
    Restraining order, that's for sure.


    If he's making threats and psychologically unstable, I would seriously consider not leaving my child with him until he got psychological intervention.
     
  5. rs0252

    rs0252 New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2006
    Messages:
    649
    Likes Received:
    0
    :eek3: Ok....problem solved! By the way, what kind of martial arts?
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2006
    Messages:
    32,592
    Likes Received:
    5
    Your question has been answered.
     
  7. kristaliah

    kristaliah New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2006
    Messages:
    4,537
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cary, NC
    Get a restraining order.

    I know it sounds "extreme" and like a HUGE task/cruel thing to do, but it's not. It's something you need to do.. And if anything, it will give your ex FORCED time to cool off.
     
  8. justkristen

    justkristen New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2008
    Messages:
    96
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't have anything to add that hasn't been said, but I agree with the restraining order. Good Luck, I hope everything turns out well for you, he sounds nice.:)
     
  9. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    Restraining orders aren't that easy to get guys. It depends a lot on where you live. My best friend's ex husband threatens her all the time- threatens to kill himself, threatens to kidnap his daughter, threatens to hurt my best friend.. he shows up at places he knows she's going to be, but she can't get a restraining order because he hasn't physically hurt her.

    He physically abused her on a regular basis when they lived together, but she never reported him- they haven't lived together for almost a year, so even proving that he has hurt her in the past doesn't help her cause.

    Cascade- is there any reason you need to speak to this guy? Does he have visitation? Does he pay child support? Is there anything legal that is keeping him bound to the two of you?

    If I were you, I'd check my legal rights first. Check out the requirements for a restraining order. If you feel your child is in danger, see what your options are for changing his custody and visitation. Start documenting every time he threatens you- if he leaves you threats on your voicemail, save them. If anyone you know witnesses these threats, have them document them too. Beyond that- if you have no reason to talk to him, then don't. Don't answer the phone. Absolutely refuse to engage in any sort of communication with him unless completely necessary. If he calls to ask when he can pick up your child, tell him when and hang up. Don't communicate with him any more than you really have to.

    You're probably not going to be able to get a restraining order on this guy. You need to figure out how to deal with your ex and keep you and your child safe. As for nice guy, he sounds like an awesome catch. If he's willing to stick around then let him. Don't push him away because you think he deserves better-let that be his decision.
     
  10. Amanda Ann

    Amanda Ann New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2007
    Messages:
    14,024
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    FL
    :dunno: I guess it depends on the area, but 5 years ago I got a restraining order on an ex just on the basis that he stalked me and eventually kicked in my car window with me sitting in it.
     
  11. Vysion

    Vysion New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2003
    Messages:
    4,729
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Twin Cities, MN
    Agreed... There are lot of good guys out there that love kids and make thier own decision to date single mothers.

    With 8 years in martial arts the new guy shouldn't be worried about your psycho ex bf.

    And as others have already said, if you are afraid for you and your childs well-being, then look into a restraining order.
     
  12. royocold

    royocold OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    Messages:
    9,659
    Likes Received:
    78
    Location:
    houston
    pics of psycho?
     
  13. Lucky Penny

    Lucky Penny Mr. cut me some slack cause I don't wanna go back,

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2005
    Messages:
    13,722
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    at your mom's house. be back later.
    That's probably the difference (I have no real idea, it's just a guess). Kicking in your car window while you're sitting in it is a physical threat. Verbal threats aren't paid attention to. :dunno:
     
  14. doggystylin

    doggystylin New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2008
    Messages:
    95
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    lol, you know i kinda feel for psycho
     
  15. cascade85

    cascade85 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2006
    Messages:
    78
    Likes Received:
    0
    1. Not posting pics, sorry.
    2. Not sure what kind of martial arts it is nice guy is trained in.
    3. Everything from visitation to child support is verbal, no court orders.
    4. I have told him that I would not speak to him unless it had something to do with our child. Anything further I would consider harrasment.

    Here is the thing about restraining orders. I think it has to be more than just verbal and there needs to be witnesses otherwise its just my word against his. Not only that I fear that in retaliation and pure anger of me doing that he will in fact do something crazy. Like I mentioned before he can be a big shit talker so I never really know when to take him seriously. I don't really want my actions to push him over the edge.

    I don't plan on pushing nice guy away at any time, I told him the situation and let him make the decision as to whether or not to stick around. He said he was more worried about me than he was about himself. So I guess I just have to wait for the ex to actually do something worth reporting but let's just hope it doesn't get to that point.
     
  16. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

    Joined:
    May 4, 2007
    Messages:
    3,795
    Likes Received:
    0
    Don't talk to him at all and file harassment charges if he keeps bothering you.
     
  17. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    If you have the text in your mobile , id bring it to the police, first tell your story, then show the mobile text, and then get a restraint order. I'd be damned to risk my life for psycho rodney.
     
  18. Zee916

    Zee916 Engineering the world.......

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2007
    Messages:
    919
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    ATX
    You can have your phone calls recorded. Should not have a problem getting a restraining order with that.
     
  19. eWRXshun

    eWRXshun hai

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2003
    Messages:
    16,666
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    LSU
    8 years of martial arts is really going to pay off when your psycho ex runs him over with a pickup truck.
     
  20. mephistopholes

    mephistopholes New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2007
    Messages:
    253
    Likes Received:
    0
    I don't have any suggestions as to nice guy, other than he seems like a nice guy.

    As to the ex, and this is just my keyboard analysis, but you are allowing this guy to control you. He knows if he produces the right mix of fear and sympathy in you he will get what he wants. His threats are criminal, witnesses or not. I realize a restraining order can't guarantee your protection, but it is definitely warranted here. If nothing else, it will stand as a record of this guy's behavior which could impact things like custody hearings and the like in the future.

    My suggestions

    1. Talk to a lawyer. Make sure you know what your rights are to protect yourself and your kid.

    2. Talk to the cops about a restraining order against this guy. You have no obligation to him and his actions reinforce that.

    3. Take action to protect yourself. Change the locks. Make sure the yard is well lit. Get a dog. Talk to neighbors that you trust and ask them to keep an eye out for anything unusual (you don't have to go into detail). If the situation warrants that you protect yourself, some training into doing so would be a good idea.

    4. Keep records of any interaction you have with this guy, no matter how minor. Note the date, time and what the interaction was.

    From your description, this guy is nothing more than a manipulative and abusive asshole. Don't cut him any slack. You don't owe him anything.
     
  21. johan

    johan Active Member

    Joined:
    Nov 4, 2003
    Messages:
    5,123
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sahasrara; magnetic violet infinite

    It's your choice to have the psycho in your life.

    And before you repeat some variation of "the psycho is causing all this grief" which is basically what your post is...think really hard about who's causing all this.

    Here's a hint. Look in the mirror. The psycho only has as much power as you give him.

    It's your choice. Your control. All yours. Always has been.


    Take control. Close out the psycho. You have that power & take back your life.
     
  22. HatSee

    HatSee Active Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2005
    Messages:
    37,183
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta
    I'd go with the advice on a restraining order, if he can do a 180 like that there is no real way to know what he may do if he ever saw the two of you together etc.

    And while it's all nice and good to have been in martial arts for years, I'd bet on the crazy guy with a knife or a gun rather than the ninja. :dunno:
     
  23. aim2kill

    aim2kill New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2008
    Messages:
    631
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    deployed.

    look into it. i think you will find it to work for you. and with a restraining order, if he so much as gets withing the restraits, its enough grounds for arrest. so, him going over the edge would almost do you a favor by getting his ass a one way ticket to jail and a record.:hsd:
     
  24. aim2kill

    aim2kill New Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2008
    Messages:
    631
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    deployed.
    :werd: dont bring a knife (or fists) to a gunfight:ugh:
     
  25. kingtoad

    kingtoad OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2003
    Messages:
    55,918
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    Los Angeles
    mod edit: Show some love :hsnono: It had nothing to do with the fact that he knew martial arts. The whole point of him talking to her was to make her feel better and more secure and let her know that they'll be OK. He could have lied and said he has been training for a year in Tai Chi and it would have made a difference.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2008

Share This Page