SRS I love her but she's pushing me away....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Guz200sx, Jul 3, 2006.

  1. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Just like the Green Bastard's thread earlier, I have the same thing goin on now

    God Damn....Me and you both TGB.
    But I did a mistake by asking her to come join me in a housing program I am gettin into. I asked her to file papers with me so we could get a place together and this freaked her out. She didn't show it but I guess it did. I realized this afterwards....and I mean, literally, like 15 minutes afterwards of asking her. I was like 'why did i do that?' But I just went with the emotion that I had at the time. I woke up with in her bed, knowing that I was going to have to leave her later that day and I didn't want too, with her next to me and her daughter and a sudden emotion of love came over me that I just started to ask her all of that.

    I just had a long weekend with my girlfriend. Friday nite/Saturday/Sunday Mornin. I left her Sunday, I thought everything was peachy. I came home and she calls me up after she went to a baseball game with her dad/sister, first she tells me she called me because she missed me and then she tells me she is not ready for a serious relationship. Basically the first phone call was her telling me that she wanted to break up with me. I literally lost it because it was so left field I didn't believe it. I started to cry and I just wanted to know why. She gave me the "its not you, its me line." Then she had to end the call because her daughter was crying so she hung up as I was left wondering WTF. How can she call me up and say she misses me then tells me she wants to break up with me?

    Then I texted her a couple of mins later and then I called her 15mins later. She said she still needs to figure so many things about herself and she has serious angry issues with her past and she is young and she wants to "explore" life in general. She said she still hasn't done so much stuff. She said she needs space.

    She also said she misses me but then she says that me spending Friday nite/Saturday/Sunday might be too much for her???? I thought that since we spent so much time apart from each other, that spending those days with her would be good for the relationship.
    I never got the slightest inklings from her that it was too much....I dunno where that came from.....

    She also said that her daughter is growin very fond of me and when she sees me gets very happy and that she doesn't even get like that when her own father comes to pick her up. She said her father just carries her around like a trophy whereas I don't.

    Then I started to figure out that maybe its just the stress she has in her life is takin a toll on her. First she has a job where she is working 12hr shifts, Monday - Thursday for the most part. Then she has a 1yr old daughter, then she has her family (two sisters, mom & dad). And then she has me and I said maybe juggling all these things is just too much for her and she said it is. and I said so maybe you were wondering which of these things is just more of which you could do less of and its obvious its me because she can't see less of her kid or her family and she's not going to do less of her job because she needs it.

    All in all, I told her I will be their for her. I told her I was fine with being in 4th place behind her daughter, family and job. I told her I just wanted to be their for her and help her through whatever she needs help with. If a serious relationship is not what she wants then we can take it slow, I told her. I told her that breakin up is not the solution to the problems. If we love each other, then throwing that away is not the solution. I asked maybe we need a break or just some more time apart and she said that a break would not help because if she is having problems with the time apart that we have now and a break or more time apart would not help. I asked her since time apart is not what we need and we can't be closer because my job is here and I live here, and she lives where she lives, then what is the solution and she said you tell me. I told her the other option that you said earlier would be breakin up and breaking up would be like not seeing each other which is not fixing anything but she said no that would be like wiping the slate clean and just not see each other anymore at all. And then I asked her to ask herself deep in her heart if breaking up with me is really what she wants to do??? And she replied with "I don't know."

    I don't get it....She says "I love you" and I say it back......I don't know whats going on with her.

    We talked so much stuff that this is just the basis of it, right now I don't even remember half of it anymore, I am just so tired and I feel like I aged 5yrs after that first and second conversation.....

    I got off the phone with her bout 30mins ago and she said we are ok. :( but i'm still really sad because I just don't get how she could tell me she wanted to break up with me.........the only conclusion I can come too is that by me askin her to join the program with me scared/freaked her out and thats how she reacted to it.

    I dunno......I'm still confused on what to do and how to react and what to think and just everything.........overall.....

    I went and talked to my friend at starbucks and he helped me which was good. I just had to get more stuff out and after reading TGB's post, its just weird that we are in the same boat.

     
  2. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Except for your gf having a daughter that sounds exactly like my situation. wtf mate?

    How can girls tell you how crazy they are about you one minute and then say they need space the next minute?
     
  3. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Well I was helpin my friend move monday nite and she texted me all happy and perky and was like telling me she wanted to see. So I was like wtf. SO I went with whatever she was saying and eventually she said she would like it very much if I came up and spent the nite and she would be very happy about it. her parents werent goin be home and her sister took her daughter for the nite. SO I finished helping my friend move and drove up to her house. I know CrAzY! I thought about that driving up their. Like What a stranglehold girls have us guys in when they even dangle that in front of us.
    But Before I got their she had some crazy ass drama
    with her daughters father who tried to chill in her place and he got pissed at her cause she told him he needed to leave and he called her a bitch and left. then her sisters BF started arguing with her and they almost got into a fight. SO when I got their she was all bummed and shit so I just listened to everything she said about that situation. Anyway, we eventually stopped talkin about that and started talkin about us. She told me the reason she got scared is because she is opening up and lettin me in a lot more into her heart and that is what is scaring her because everytime she has done something like that she has gotten hurt and she said it seems like I am almost too good to be true because I am good to her and i am good to her daughter and her daughter loves me and that I put up with a lot of her stuff and she is just wondering when the other shoe is gonna drop because that is usually how its happened. SOmething always happens when she lets the other person in a little and she is afraid about that because she doesn't want that to happen. SO i told her just to trust me because I won't do anything to hurt her, i wont cheat on her or do anything to lose her trust. I also told her I want her to love me the way she wants to love me and I will love her the way I will love her. I told her we are two different people and our love can grow in different ways at different speeds. I told her I don't want her to love me like I love her already because I understand she has issues with that. I just want her to love me like she can and just let that love grow. After we talked and stuff, we went out to eat then went back to her house and I stayed the nite.

    I've slept at her parents house with her in her room and her daughter a bunch of times now. I don't know if thats disrespectful or what but I've been told by her that her parents say its fine and stuff. SO I don't know. I've only slept once out in their camper. Every other time I've slept in the house in her room with her and her daughter's in the crib.

    But I am beginning to think that I'm just not gonna push her or pressure her anymore on things of the future. I'm also thinking I am going to chill on letting my feelings out to her as much as I was. By feelings I mean telling her I love her and all that. I think I may have been saying it too much so I am goin to chill on that and just let her say it on her own and if she says it too me, I'll think on sayin it back. it'll depend on the moment.

    But I stayed the whole day of the 4th with her and we went to see a movie and stuff. So it was cool. And it was just us because her daughter was with her father for the day.

    But like I have said before, thats the only real thing that bothers me. Having that guy around just sucks. I dunno if he'll stick around or what cause it seems like thats all that guy has. he prolly has hope that maybe they'll hook up again or whatever. I dunno. they have that connection though of their daughter that will be their forever. But she told me just recently that she doesn't have feelings for him like that anymore and I believe her.

    I dunno.......I guess I'll just have to see what the future holds...
     
  4. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    You pushed for a commitment... she wasn't ready. You lose. You can keep these things going longer if you don't push, and thats probably something to learn and apply in the future. But then again maybe its better you learn how she feels now?
     
  5. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    I bet those mushy overbearing letters one (or both) of you guys were wanting to send isn't looking like such a great idea now is it?

    As far as her excuses, dude, those are the exact same excuse any "nice guy" gets when the girl breaks it off with him. I've seen those same excuses 100 times at least, all from different guys-myself included. You must remember, you were so nice to her that she likes you as a person, but her interest in you romantically has dropped. She doesn't want you to be hurt because you are a good guy, so if her interest drops then she will end it by placing the "blame" on anything but you in order to make it easier. The bottom line is that the reason her interest dropped IS because of you. Trust me. I've been there myself.

    I told both of you guys before that you were coming on way too strong for this early and both of you guys said "No way, she loves me as much as I love her and she likes it!". I tried to tell you that stuff like that is a turnoff with women. It may be all cutesy at first but with women it will get old quick.

    The reason they are distancing theirselves from you and Green is because their interest level has dropped. If their interest level was still 90% or better there is no way either of them would be pulling back at all. The fact is that their interest levels have dropped to under 60%. Why? Who knows exactly but I pointed out some things that you guys were doing a long time ago that tends to cause women's interest levels to drop, only you guys rebuffed me when I tried to advise you to slow it down.

    The best thing you guys can do now is keep yourself under control and do NOT CLING to them. That drives them away quicker. If they are already thinking, "I don't know if I want to be with him" then you crying on their shoulder and trying anything to keep them around is going to be hugely unattractive.
     
  6. Peyomp

    Peyomp New Member

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    If you guys focused on having fun as much as you worry about commitments... you'd be more succesful in your relationships. Fun is key. Commitments just happen. They're not a goal.
     
  7. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Well said.
     
  8. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    UPDATE on GF situation

    UPDATE FOR ALL WHO R INTERESTED:)

    Well I was helpin my friend move monday nite and she texted me all happy and perky and was like telling me she wanted to see. So I was like wtf. SO I went with whatever she was saying and eventually she said she would like it very much if I came up and spent the nite and she would be very happy about it. her parents werent goin be home and her sister took her daughter for the nite. SO I finished helping my friend move and drove up to her house. I know CrAzY! I thought about that driving up their. Like What a stranglehold girls have us guys in when they even dangle that in front of us.

    But Before I got their she had some crazy ass drama
    with her daughters father who tried to chill in her place and he got pissed at her cause she told him he needed to leave and he called her a bitch and left. then her sisters BF started arguing with her and they almost got into a fight. SO when I got their she was all bummed and shit so I just listened to everything she said about that situation.
    Anyway, we eventually stopped talkin about that and started talkin about us. She told me the reason she got scared is because she is opening up and lettin me in a lot more into her heart and that is what is scaring her because everytime she has done something like that she has gotten hurt and she said it seems like I am almost too good to be true because I am good to her and i am good to her daughter and her daughter loves me and that I put up with a lot of her stuff and she is just wondering when the other shoe is gonna drop because that is usually how its happened. SOmething always happens when she lets the other person in a little and she is afraid about that because she doesn't want that to happen. SO i told her just to trust me because I won't do anything to hurt her, i wont cheat on her or do anything to lose her trust. I also told her I want her to love me the way she wants to love me and I will love her the way I will love her. I told her we are two different people and our love can grow in different ways at different speeds. I told her I don't want her to love me like I love her already because I understand she has issues with that. I just want her to love me like she can and just let that love grow. After we talked and stuff, we went out to eat then went back to her house and I stayed the nite. It was fun being with her.

    But I am beginning to think that I'm just not gonna push her or pressure her anymore on things of the future. I'm also thinking I am going to chill on letting my feelings out to her as much as I was. By feelings I mean telling her I love her and all that. I think I may have been saying it too much so I am goin to chill on that and just let her say it on her own and if she says it too me, I'll think on sayin it back. it'll depend on the moment.

    But I stayed the whole day of the 4th with her and we went to see a movie and stuff. So it was cool. And it was just us because her daughter was with her father for the day.

    But like I have said before, thats the only real thing that bothers me. Having that guy around just sucks. I dunno if he'll stick around or what cause it seems like thats all that guy has. he prolly has hope that maybe they'll hook up again or whatever. I dunno. they have that connection though of their daughter that will be their forever. But she told me just recently that she doesn't have feelings for him like that anymore.

    I dunno.......I guess I'll just have to see what the future holds...
     
  9. Guz200sx

    Guz200sx The man who does more than he is paid for will soo

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    Thanks for these KEY words!!

    Its all about having fun with that person and letting the love grow naturally. I won't push or pressure it and just chill and relax.

     

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