i like a friend..... she has a boyfriend

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by ChillerTwist, Sep 27, 2005.

  1. ChillerTwist

    ChillerTwist New Member

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    the first part of that title is reasonable, the second.. not so reasonable. agree?

    it's funny cause i realise how wrong it is on so many levels, yet i can't seem to shake these feelings. part of me is telling me to forget about it, cause i can't be a good friend if i have feelings for her. its not fair to her, or me, or her boyfriend. but the other part, well... lets just say that i'm totally caught up on this girl. we met at work about a year and a half ago, she was real cool. i felt really comfortable around her and she made me feel great, lots of fun.. the usual.

    as we got to know each other better i had started to grow a liking for her, not quite as strong as it is right now, but just feelin real good about the whole situation. a little later i found out she had a boyfriend of a year, and that they LIVED together. when i say that last sentence out loud to myself i think how WRONG it is, that its ridiculous. there are some details i won't get into (for length sake) about her and her relationship and how she ended up living with him that keep me thinking i may eventually have a chance at some romance and living the fantasy??, but i just can't believe that its happening to me. i mean, i always thought "wow, what a bastard.. i could never do that" when i heard similar stories from other friends, or even saw in movies.

    anyways, after that i was maybe a little saddened by finding out, but i got over it. however, we became friends and started hanging out. a few months ago those feelings from when i first met her resurfaced, and now i'm stuck in a rut. i don't really know what to do with myself. i just felt i needed to get it out somewhere cause all the friends i'd talk to about things like these know her... and that could cause some awkwardness, heh. maybe tell me what you guys think about the sitation?

    maybe its something to occupy my mind with... fill the void, i don't know. i do know however, that its buggin me more and more as time goes by. when i think about calling her these days i start to feel like a jerk and stop myself.
     
  2. TomBrady

    TomBrady New Member

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  3. islanderman7

    islanderman7 New Member

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    what he said ^
     
  4. 91crxdx

    91crxdx New Member

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    You know when i was single I didnt think there was a prob doing what you want.

    Now that I have a gf I would never ever think of doing that.

    So NO stay away just be friends and find another girl, it wount be to hard. And as soon as you do find someone else you wount really think about the first one to much.
     
  5. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    Being in love with a friend, beleive me when I say I can relate.
    She knows how I felt/feel, and we are very close. Our friendship is strong enough to still be going on today. However, attempting anything on a physical level will make things worse.
     
  6. dscallaway69

    dscallaway69 New Member

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    It isn't really wrong to have the feelings it is natural. The wrong part is if you act on them. Do not make a attempt to break them up so you have your chance. Nor should you tell her. People get crushes all the time just be smart enough not to do anything stupid.
     
  7. ChillerTwist

    ChillerTwist New Member

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    ^ thank you, good advice
     
  8. Dr. Kenneth Noisewater

    Dr. Kenneth Noisewater New Member

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    :werd:

    You can't really help the feelings you have for her, but that doesn't mean you have to act on them. Just be patient. If this guy is an asshole or treats her bad like you said, then hopefully she will realize it eventually. And actually, if you're her friend, and this guy is really an asshole, then you probably should try to help her realize it. NOT for selfish reasons that you want to get with her, but nobody deserves to be treated badly, and for whatever reason, it's hard for people in relationships to realize how badly they're being treated sometimes.

    What exactly did he do to her before that you were talking about?
     
  9. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    he doesn't own her bro

    maybe she is looking to upgrade
     
  10. Improvolone

    Improvolone New Member

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    Maybe she is, but thats not his decision to make
     
  11. Yail Bloor

    Yail Bloor OT Supporter

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    exactly, its hers!
     
  12. I would say dont tell her. This will probably pass, and if you tell her, youre going to ruin the friendship that the two of you have right now.
     
  13. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    Even if thats the case. I learned a long time ago not to get involved with girls like that. They jump from BF to BF as they find something better. If you hook up with her, its only a matter of time before she does it to you.

    If she is unhappy with her BF and she breaks it up. Then by all means persue her. But I personally want nothing to do with a girl that is to weak/insecure to end a relatonship w/o having something else lined up.
     
  14. ChillerTwist

    ChillerTwist New Member

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    I agree with you all, I would never act on the feelings while she was still in a relationship, nor would I encourage a break up - I'm not the type.

    As for the guy shes with, he is cool although I judge him to be a little immature. When he drinks he becomes an asshole and that is when they fight a lot. Unfortunately last weekend I had to witness one - we had just got back from the bar, and apparently it started while we were still out. My friend mentioned they do it all the time when he drinks, and she was a little concerned. That would've been my cue to leave when I heard the shit hit the fan, but neither of us were in any shape to drive. The guy also told me the way he feels about their relationship which really bothered me, that no girl would ever want to hear, but I'd rather not discuss any more details about THEM on the board.

    Thanks all for the great advice peeps
     
  15. purplebeast

    purplebeast The depths of hell and endless torture await all h

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    Its one of those things were its best to stay away. If her BF is a drunken asshole infront of everyone, he is 10 times worst when they are by them selves. if he is talking shit about their relationship to u (which I got the impression u and her were friends but the BF was just an aquiatance to u) then TRUST ME she knows. Or at the very least she senses it. Plus I can bet u whatever u want that the abusivness u see is just the tip of the iceberg. Trust me, I have been the abusive BF at one point in the past.


    Taken all that into account it is my guess to tell u to stay the fuck away from her. There are a few possible reasons why she stays with him (im too lazy to go into detail right now). But ragardless of which on of the possible categories she falls under, they are all bad news.
     
  16. themacstallion

    themacstallion The electric sheep are dreaming up your fate

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    i use to like a girl who had a boyfriend who was my best friend...the crush lasted for about a day before i realized how fucked up it was and now 6 months after they're over i still wouldnt dream of it.
     
  17. ChillerTwist

    ChillerTwist New Member

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    what made you realize?
     
  18. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Wouldn't take much, its obviously wrong and weird. Especially, in themacstallion's case, because the guy was his best friend. That is the worst of the worst imo, you don't fuck with a mates girl.

    My advice is to move on, she could just be playing off you for self esteem issues etc. If you keep being her friend but act uninterested there is probably more chance that she wants to jump you then. So go off and do your own thing, if she wants you she'll follow, otherwise go have fun with some other girls :)
     
  19. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Oh and lastly, you said the relationship was for a year plus? That is pretty major and would make you the rebound guy. Being the rebound guy generally fucking sucks balls.
     
  20. ChillerTwist

    ChillerTwist New Member

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    ^ word
    i had to hear that, thanks man
     
  21. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    Man, lemme tell you ... been there, done that.

    Look, you are just lonely. You are fixated on her because of your proximity to her. You need to go out and make some new friends. Find a hip little club and go every week, same night, same time, for a few hours. Take a buddy and just have a good time. Don't overtly stare at women, don't pick up chicks, don't hit on the waitress. If they get your order wrong, send it back. Focus on sitting with your buddy and laughing and having a good time. Every week. After a few weeks, the regulars and staff will start to recognize you as being the guys who are always having a good time (and are not troublemakers!) Pretty soon they'll introduce themselves, you'll make more friends, get invited to parties, meet more people, and will get many chances to meet a new woman who (1) is interested in you (2) is single and (3) you will probably have a better chance with.

    Okay, go make it happen!
     
  22. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    nps :wavey:
     
  23. hawk_196

    hawk_196 Light Yourself on Water

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    no
    1. you work with her
    2. shes a friend
    3. shes not single
    no
     
  24. themacstallion

    themacstallion The electric sheep are dreaming up your fate

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    thinking about how much he loves her and how i have no right to go in and try to take that away from him.
     

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