SRS i let the depression get the best of me...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by DesignerAddic71, Apr 12, 2005.

  1. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    i was diagnosed as depressed a few months ago, though i have been feeling like this for years off and on. i've tried counseling, but it doesnt seem to be working for me. i wake up in the mornings and dont want to leave the bed. i somehow muster up the energy to go to work. 1. because i truly enjoy my job and 2. because i need the money too.

    but my problem is that i cant seem to make it to class. i work around 6 hours a day, and after work i just dont have the energy to do it. most days i just end up coming home after work and going to sleep. i seriously havent been to any classes in over a week. some classes i havent been to in over a month (i currently take 5 classes). i know this is going to bite me in the ass to have 5 F's, which at this point is almost inevitable. Even if i were to get my drive and focus back, its way too late in the semester to catch up. is there any way to withdraw from school this late in the semester? i know i will be transferring to USF next semester anyway (im going to lose my scholarship to my current school and i hate the place anyway), but i dont want to have 5 F's factored into my already meager 2.7 gpa.
     
  2. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    Consider medication. It can really help.
     
  3. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    thats what ive been told, but im a bit weary of taking anything because i dont want to feel like a drug is making me happy instead of me making me happy. not sure if that makes sense, but i hope u know what i mean
     
  4. johan

    johan Active Member

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    If you're actually clinically depressed you have a chemical imbalance that will keep you unhappy even if you won the lottery and supermodels start ravishing you on sight, and that girl you always liked in high school tells you she always liked you too, and surprise she's holding the keys to your new Porsche.

    Well, there'll be temporary euphoria, but then that listless ennui will settle back in.

    If you've actually been diagnosed as depressed and have been to counselling, what was your counselor's reaction when you mentioned that you feel the process is not going well, that you still feel depressed or moreso even, and that you would like to know what lies ahead. Those are very fair questions to ask of your therapist.
     
  5. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I think your suffer from fatigueness too, i suggest you devide your day by 2 ,after work i suggest you goto sleep for a few hours, then wake up and do some homework.
     
  6. BoypussY

    BoypussY game over.

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    can you have class first then work?
     
  7. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    I agree with the one who suggested medication.

    You can't overcome this yourself believe it or not. It'll take medication to help you become more focused and not so depressed.

    They won't make you feel like a zombie when you're on them, to the contrary, you'll probably feel a lot better.
     
  8. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    i tried that last semester, and my problem ended up being that i would sleep through class and only go to work
     
  9. Virgil

    Virgil Guest

    I have been diagnosed " clinically depressed" which simply means there I have a chemical imbalance, there are ALOT of medications you can take to try and even things out, but then you always need more meds to control the side effects, just a downward spiral of substance controlled euphoria, not for me.
    try lighting a candle sit in a dark room and meditate, let your mind go blank, loose yourself in the candle
     
  10. I think you're going to find depression continues to be a symptom you face on and off with the types of things you're facing in your personal life. You've discussed a number of important issues going on in your life which would certainly contribute and create stresses that can lead to depression. While you're not the cause of these things, you do suffer, and anyone of us can see that.

    Medication may be useful, as well as ongoing one on one therapy. I know that neither of these will provide you with the significant relief you're hoping for immediately, but I do believe they will likely provide you with a measurable amount of relief to help you continue to work on the real important issues, while also getting some more functionality in your daily life. The fact that these are such hard things for you to take advantage of is a good indicator that they're exactly what needs to be considered at this time. Counseling, and medication.

    Over time, I think you have a good opportunity at improving your quality of life if you can come to terms with considering these options and discussing them with your medical and psychological specialists.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 18, 2005
  11. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    so i just came back from talking to admissions over at USF, and they said the odds are pretty good of me getting in. i'm filing for an academic appeal wiht UT to withdraw from my classes for this semester. i told the guy at USF that (he was absolutely wonderful and more helpful than i could have hoped for) and he said that in the case it is approved and i have less than 60 hours, then they would have to look at my high school transcripts/test scores-which is cool with me cause i had a 4.4 gpa and 1250 on the SATs. if it isnt approved, then i will have 5 f's factored into my GPA which would create a bit of a problem, so lets just pray that its approved. i kinda explained the situation to him, and honestly, he gave me better words of wisdom that my own counselor has...but that's a whole other thread. i'm working on my academic appeal now, so lets hope this all works!!
     
  12. beanolo

    beanolo It does a body good!!!1

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    good work man. good luck to you :)
     
  13. Bleed

    Bleed New Member

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    i can't believe all of you rely so heavily on medication.

    exercise = endorphins = happy.
     
  14. johan

    johan Active Member

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    And to top it off, exercise produces a healthy body, which improves self-esteem and those two hand in hand = natural attractant for girls.

    But when you have serious problems, you won't be able to jog it off.
    That's why you need to be evaluated by a medical professional. Believe it or not, not all doctors and therapists fling pills down your throat when you don't need them.
     
  15. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    the idea is, to try meds at first and see if that fixes the problem initally, then you start working with therapists/psychaitrists who see if medication is really necessary.
     
  16. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    update:

    so i just got a letter from UT that my request for academic appeal was denied. i dont know what to do. then to top it all off, they send me another the letter the very same day that i have been academically dismissed from the university. im so screwed.

    and to top it all off, i just got an email that my insurance premium has jumped an additional $600 that has to be paid on sunday. $600 that i do not have.

    im sitting here damn near tears cause i dont know what im going to do. everything has been going fine for a few weeks (which is a long time for me) and now these two huge things all in the same day. its too mcuh for me to handle right now.
     
  17. Try to keep it in today. These are big things, but right now you just have to try to calm down.
     
  18. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    i know gettin worked up bout it wont solve anything, so im tryin not to. but i really dont know what to do. i cant even talk to my friends and family here about it because none of them knew that i was even trying to withdraw from any my classes at all. everyone thinks that everything is just perfect with me right now. that i am passing all my classes with flying colors.
     
  19. Sometimes getting worked up is what you need to do especially if you can't stop. No use in repressing it if it's coming full speed. Talk about it with people you trust, and keep working on it as best you can. That's all you'll ever be able to do.

    Everything isn't perfect, so why pretend it is or lead them to believe it is by not talking about what's going on?
     
  20. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    because they will be extremely disappointed if they knew the truth. all my life i have done well to make my parents proud. i wanted to succeed to show them that everything they have done for me and our family has not been in vain. that all the struggles have been worth it. that i can overcome all the adversities that have been thrown my way. and i have failed miserably. i graduated in the top 5 of my high school (my senior class had around 400 students) and now ive failed out of college? there is no way i can tell my family this. all of their hopes and dreams rest on me and my success. and while that isnt the best way to live, it is the only way i know how.

    i grew up without much. my family never had any money when i was younger. i never had friends over because you never knew if the power or water would be shut off while they were there. we were on food stamps and welfare. my mother worked two jobs and my older brother took on some of the financial responsibilities of the household. things were definitely very rough. but the one thing my parents always stressed was the importance of education. and now that i have tangible assets, i seem to have lost sight of that. my parents busted their ass and sacrificed so much to make sure that i had at least what i needed, and sometimes what i wanted. and for what? for thier daughter to fail out of college? i really think the disappointment will kill them.

    i just dont know what to do
     
  21. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    Sounds like they raised a good daughter, I'm sure you'll be ok.

    You know what... I felt similar pressures going into college trying to go into med school too. I had imposed on myself the pressure of not only my parents but some of my extended family as well who had assumed I had aspirations to reach that end.

    And it got me pretty good one year where I just broke down. In the end, it took a bit of a talk with my mother to realize all that pressure was self-imposed... they were proud of me no matter what I did.

    I don't know your parents, but to have raised a daughter that is so conscientious means that they're good parents. They still got your back.
     
  22. I think you need to talk to someone about this. It sounds to me like you bare an overwhelming sense of responsibility for things you can't possibly carry, not to mention you can't exactly lead a lie by pretending things worked out when they haven't as of this moment with college. With all the things you've been going through health wise it's not surprising you did poorly. It's really not your fault, even though you feel it is.

    You need more support which you don't have. I'd find someone if you can.
     
  23. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    you are absolutely right. i cant deny that. but i cant seem to get past it. my family and friends think so highly of me and i dont want to lose that. ive shared the depression issues with some of them and i can tell that they are already disappointed (although they wont let it show and they wont say it, but i know they are). i cant possibly tell them that i have failed out of college. and now i dont know if i can even go back. i mean what school will accept me as a transfer with less than a 2.0? none that i know of.

    on the outside im still smiling and acting like everything is ok, but on the inside im just breaking down.
     
  24. You may have to experience a break-down before you'll be able to see how destructive it is to separate yourself from your support system. If you fall short and they don't support you, then they really don't understand and are expecting more from you than you're physically or mentally capable. I've followed what you've been going through and you tend to subject yourself to unbearable and unyielding odds. Have you ever considered that it's ok to fall short and take a break? That it's ok to focus on yourself and work on your recovery and health.

    If others are disappointed, then maybe that's their fault. If they didn't expect so much from you then they might not be let down. After all who do you really have anything to prove anything to other than yourself? It's you waking up and doing the hard school work everyday, not them, and it's your future on the line, and your hopes and dreams. It's your hardwork being invested inspite of all your emotional problems and depression, not theirs. None of them are affected by it unless they irrationally put themselves into a position to be.

    And your mentally ill, and people are disappointed? That's insane. You have to see that, right? When someone is ill with depression, that's when they need compassion, and strength and support from both their family, friends, and medical doctors. If family can't be there, then the doctors and friends who support you can, and should. If friends and family can't be there, then doctors and support groups can be a huge resource. However these resources can't help if you don't go.

    You need to remember that while Iron is a very strong substance, it can still be broken. You're no different, so you might want to stop acting like your immortal. One day you'll be dead. Is it worth trying to live up to everyone elses expectations inbetween? I sure don't think so since some people are unreasonable that even perfection can't be perfected in their eyes.

    And why smile? It's nothing more than a facade. Like a stage prop on a movie set it may fool some, but if you move behind it, it's just some flimsy wood beams holding up "nothing." It's empty. Is that who you really are? Someone who lies to people with half baked smiles in order to prove a point?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 23, 2005
  25. DesignerAddic71

    DesignerAddic71 RIP Luther Vandross 1951-2005

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    i am truly amazed how it is that u do what u do. u have given me better advice and words of wisdom than the counselor i used to see (i dont see her anymore as i no longer have health insurance).

    i've spent the last few minutes absorbing everything that u have said, and you are completely right. im not immortal. and no matter how hard i try not to, i can break just like everyone else. i need to start living for myself and my needs, not the ones of those around me.

    my brother just asked me to move in with him (purely coincidental as he has no idea of what is going on with me mentally, physically, or emotionally right now). the move would take me about 200 something miles away (he is in boynton beach and i am in tampa). im tempted to take this coming semester off from school and just go down there. he will be paying the rent and all those living expenses, i just have to maintain the bills that i pay now (car, insurance, cell, credit cards, etc.)

    i cant thank you enough for showing me the reality that i knew was there, but never wanted to see. i always look forward to ur posts and it means a lot to me that u have been following my situation.
     

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