I know you have all thought about this at least once (Discussion)

Discussion in 'Vaginarium' started by Sexican, Jul 6, 2005.

  1. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    So, I don't know if this has been brought up before, but I need this to be discussed and get everyone's thoughts. I don't really know how to explain it, but I'll do my best and be blunt as possible.

    Before I start, I'd like to say that cheating IS completely wrong and never acceptable, but I have always had this thought in the back of my head.

    I think that guys fall more victim than girls to cheating. Is it just me, or do all/most guys have no self-control when an attractive girl gives you the "cute look" like "Yeah, I want you" I know girls have the same urges, but let's put it into an example to further my point.

    So, you're at a party, with let's say nobody you know, so word can't get back to your girlfriend about anything that's going to happen. A very attractive girl keeps looking at you and giving you the look like "Let's go do the damn dirty" Can most guys just turn their head and pretend it didn't happen? Or even better, say to himself "Wow, I know my girlfriend won't find out, but I'm in love...I can't do this because it is absolutely immoral."?
    Now let's switch it around. A girl is at a party, and a guy is doing the same thing...giving her the look like "Let's go" Wouldn't you say a guy is more subject to fall victim to this kind of thing than a girl? Or do girls just do it in a better fashion to where they get away with it?

    Basically, in a nutshell...I think guys have a harder time dealing with these kind of situations, and that they should be given slack when they screw up. Like I said though, I'm not trying to say it's right for a guy to cheat...I just think that when guys decide to cheat, it's not like they want to wake up to that girl that they cheated WITH every morning...they're just trying to get their "fuck on" However, I think that when girls do it, they want more than just sex...like when a girl has sex with another guy, their body and minds SUBCONSCIOUSLY "fall in love" with the guy? This is just what I've heard, and somewhat experienced. I've had sex with a few girls JUST TO HAVE SEX, thinking that they are also thinking the same thing. I didn't want a commitment, or to make a promise to this girl in any such way...yet it seems like after, the girl wants more, not more sex, but to spend time with me, to get to know me, to "go out to coffee". Ack. Guys just wanna fuck sometimes, and let it be over. Girls want a commitment.

    Now this isn't in every single case, I know there are some guys out there with the thoughts I just described as the girls having, and vice versa...I'm just saying the majority.

    I hope this was easy to understand =(
    Any arguments?
     
  2. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    Another thing I'd like to add, that actually made me think of this entire thread.


    I have cheated on my girlfriends before, and I'm not proud of it, in fact I feel like complete shit after, but I must be absolutely honest if I'm going to argue for my side, so there it is. When I cheated, and the next morning after, or even the next 15 minutes after, I wasn't thinking "Ok, now the girl that I just fucked, I wanna be with her now." I still liked, and even loved the girl that I was with at the time. Some people have harder times, and maybe it's just something that you learn and maybe it's about maturing, but I have a hard time saying "No." when an attractive girl wants to mess around, whether I'm in a relationship or not. And everytime, the girlfriend that I'm currently with, I still want to be with her! I still love her, and love being with her. But when it's actually crunch time and I have to make that decision, I have a very, very hard time saying no. Hopefully it comes with maturing, or growing older, or something, because I defenitely don't wanna be like this forever.
     
  3. incubimmer

    incubimmer New Member

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    i think its equal, cuz girls tend to have more options cuz guys are hornier but then again guy are lookin 4 a lay all the time. not to mention lots of chicks marry for money, and those tend to cheat on their husbands frequently.
     
  4. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    Thank you for changing the subject completely. Please read what I said, and think about the different aspects I pointed out before blindly replying. I'm not trying to be mean, but that isn't anything close to what I was talking about.
     
  5. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    I don't think it is any easier for men or women to say no when tempted. I am a female, I have cheated as well. I think it is very difficult to say no, no matter what sex you are. The majority of men though, IMO, will jump at the chance for sex with anyone and anything so women have more opportunities which might be why we are better at turning down the temptation. Men on the other hand don't have women falling all over them all the time, like.. you wanna do it? How bout now? How bout now? How bout now? So when there is some temptation it is probably more of a rarity. Again this is all just speculation, since I have fallen victim before as well ;)
     
  6. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    I'd also like personal experiences along with arguments...and how it either led to disaster, lies and deceit, or bliss =)
     
  7. cavgurl99

    cavgurl99 Guest

    i disagree-that is not okay in any way. for one you said that after you cheat the girl who you cheated with wants more of a relationship type thing-so right there-look at what you are doing to that girl who thought she had a chance at a relationship with you. also that is not okay to do to your girlfriend as well. cheating is cheating and there is no reason for it-REGARDLESS.... you need to start thinking with the head on your shoulders-not the one in your pants-also try to put some heart into a relationship too. i am 23 and i have been married since i was 21-i want nothing to do with any other man than my husband. my husband will not even LOOk at a girl let alone think of being with one and vica versa. cheating is not okay under no circumstances-once you find true love hopefully you will figure this out for your own. i think you have a lot of growing up to do and i hope you do grow up some day because you are the kind of guy that gives guys a bad name. :nono:
     
  8. D

    D A guiltless state of self awareness.. The process

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    So, just an observation...
    To me, this reads like you want someone to verbally hand you a justification to cheat...Because to you, it's just a fuck.
    It's only a lay, your heart and emotions have nothing to do with it. It's just animalistic rutting, right?

    Who do you need to convince?

    That would be my question.
     
  9. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    Good replies, very good thinking material...now with that, I'd like to add something else.

    My most recent girlfriend, who was actually quite a bit younger than me (I'm 20, she's 17) went alot differently. I am the kind of person to, from what I understand about myself so far, THINK that I am in love with someone, before I truly am. I didn't realize this until these recent things happened. In the last 3 years, I've had 4 girlfriends. Each one of these, we have exchanged "I Love You's" within probably the first couple months of being with each other...I thought I meant it, maybe I did, but I haven't found myself and don't understand myself yet. I cheated on all 3 of these girls. All 3 of the girls found out, would say Fuck you to me, I'd say I'm sorry and that it would never happen again (At the time, I truly, truly meant it, or so I thought! I know this is getting confusing, but believe me, I'm confused too...and it's my own self I'm talking about) Anyway, I met Allison. I felt a stronger feeling about this girl than any other girl I had ever been with...it was such a good feeling...to the point where I was terrified to death to say "I love you" because of what had happened with the other girls I had said that to. Well, eventually I did. I said it to her, and she didn't say it back. I was more hurt than I have ever been I think - I cried right there on the spot in front of her. I never cheated on her. I KNOW I loved her, and she didn't love me back...which doesn't have anything to do with it. I don't even know why I am sharing all of this, and I have steered way off track of the original topic. I just wanted to point out to you people that think I'm a ridiculous asshole to these girls. My main question that I don't know how to answer is, why did I cheat on all these girls, then all of a sudden have the power to self-control myself with this one? I haven't had a girlfriend since, so I don't know if I have managed to mature and grow up and be a man and deny all these urges, or if she was the ONE girl that I didn't want to do that to.

    Sorry for steering off topic, I just needed to share the story, because a couple of your guys' replies made these thoughts come to my head.

    **Edit** This thread wasn't supposed to turn into my personal experiences. Take the story for what it's worth, but reply to the main topic.
     
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2005
  10. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Stories...cheating stories? Well try this one on for size.

    I was 17 turning 18, wet to HI for a vacation... met the man of my dreams (lol, or thought I had at 17... you know how that goes.) So since I am "madly in love" I drop out of school in CA (college) move to HI and get married at about 19 out there. By this time I had been liviing with this guy for 1 1/2 years. So... he goes away for 4 months, he was a marine, and while he is gone I meet... well we'll call her trixie. Trixie and I become great friends while both of our husbands are away, her hubby was in OK for 6 months. Then my hubby comes home for 2 months, and I figure well... this girl is really cool and I like her. My hubby will be leaving again in 2 months and her hubby will be back by then. So I treated her how I would wish to be treated when my hubby wpu;d be leaving and continued to hang out with her everyday. My hubby would just come along too. Well after a while my hubby and trixie began to develop a great friendship. I thought nothing of this being the good faithfil wife that I was. I thought nothing of it when I would come home and they would be hanging out at her house with the door locked. I thought nothing of it when we would have parties and they would dissapear for hours. I thought nothing of it when he did leave to OK and he would call her more often then he would call me. I did however think something of it when he called and said he wanted a divorce so he could be with trixie, then trixie told her hubby she wanted a divorce as well.

    So, what did I do you say?? I fucked her husband out of spite and left that train wreck of a place. Mwahahahaha...
     
  11. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    Nice read. But what does that have to do with the topic at hand? I was hoping to turn this into a good discussion, for fun and for further references.
     
  12. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Ummm... well it is about CHEATING is it not? :ugh:

    I am not sure you even know what your subject is...
     
  13. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    The subject is, more or less, not necassarily if it's RIGHT, but that guys have a tendency to cheat more, and why? What are the thoughts that run through your head as your faced to make the decision in 30 seconds whether you're going to do it or not? What exactly is so WRONG about cheating? These are questions that I should be condemned for, but I can't help but think about them. What is different about cheating on a girl, rather than saying "I don't like you, we're not working out, it's over." Both ways point all this out, do they not? Point me out the details. Like I said earlier, these are just random questions that have been running through my head, that don't need to be necassarily answered for my own experiences, but just to have them down in front of me, in different aspects from different people.
     
  14. AmCo

    AmCo Haters goin' Hate

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    Umm ok. Really showing your age there.
     
  15. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Cheating is betrayal. While you are saying one thing to the person you "love" you are acting another way. Betraying their trust, and in turn making them question their own self worth. Very different from a simple break up, cheating means that not only are you not good enough, someone else was better.

    It is not different for men vs. women. I think I stated that earlier. It is a difference in the quanity of times you are tempted with it. Therefore biulding the will power to say no.

    I think men are weaker in charachter, which is just my fem side talking. But I think that men also have more of the capability to have "emotionless sex." Women do too, but only a select few.

    Then again I am guilty, I have cheated as well.
     
  16. AstroGirl

    AstroGirl If I don't respond it's because I have severe ADD

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    Her mosa? ITS MY MOSA!!!
    Okay, you try being the bigger person in a situation like that.
     
  17. Apothis

    Apothis New Member

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    Betrayal, that's what. Callously betraying the love and trust of someone who thought you were worthy of it, thus proving that you are worthless scum. I especially like how you illustrated the "once a cheater, always a cheater" philosophy.

    If you break up with someone to their face, that's at least fair. It may not be pleasant, but if you're at least honest up front and let her know the relationship is over before screwing around behind her back, that can still be respectable. But outright betrayal? There is NO justifying that.
    :squint:
     
  18. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    Ah, good words. I am left speechless. Just wanted to discuss these types of things, and maybe argue them, but there is nothing left to say.
     
  19. Bruticus

    Bruticus half dead OT Supporter

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    Yeh as above cheating is betrayal, there is no need for it at all. Really only happens when you are weak. I don't believe men or women would be more or less likely to do it, it comes down to the individual.

    My 'cheating' story happened earlier this year, I was with a gf for maybe 10 months at the time, and was at a party one night while she was at home. Anyways, met a girl and just clicked, you know how it is. Awesome conversation, sparks flying all over the place, just wanted to jump her. But, I wouldn't do that to someone who put their trust in me. No doubt the temptation was there (as we really did click), but I vowed I'd never do it and I never have nor will.

    I just think its the weakest thing someone could do.
     
  20. RedVsBlue

    RedVsBlue Penguins > *

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    I just really dont understand? In a good relationship there really isnt that urge to cheat. If a girl bats her eyes at me and tried to look all sexy, I doubt I would even notice. If I didnt notice I wouldnt persue it, wether I could get away with it or not, I would know. Then the first time my SO looked at me, she would know. She always knows whats going on in my head, and she would notice when I would look at her different (and I would, there is a whole mindset change once you have cheated).

    There is no justification for cheating, I dont see why its so hard not too unless you arent really happy in your relationship. Sex with someone other than my girl wouldnt even be a turn on for me, no one can compare to what she does anyways :big grin:
     
  21. BTA

    BTA New Member

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    Basically, you're wrong.

    Women cheat much more often, they just hide it better.

    And I agree with RedVsBlue, if yer in a good relationship you really dont notice whores doing the "fuck me" dance.

    But really, you dont want to hear anyone's arguements, but a justification of your own opinion. You really wont get that around here.
     
  22. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    You sir, are either a very good liar, or inhuman.
     
  23. TXLBS

    TXLBS New Member

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    No, he just cares about another as much as he cares about himself.
     
  24. Sexican

    Sexican New Member

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    Ccaring about the other person has absolutely nothing to do with NATURAL URGES. That is my whole point on this discussion! When I cheated, it wasn't that I didn't care about the other person - because I did...more than you know probably. The PROBLEM is self control, maturity, and being able to ignore the "momentary gratification" urges =)


    Most of you had some good answers, the ones I was looking for...but a couple of you missed it at the end.
     
  25. darkphetus

    darkphetus OT Supporter

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    Part of being an adult is realizing what your baser instincts are and learning to control them. People who lash out when angry, whether verbally or physically, aren't adults. People who "can't keep it in their pants" haven't grown up and learned to accept the responsibility of their actions. People who "can't say no" haven't learned to control themselves, and therefore are essentially really big children.

    To summarize: Grow up.

    Just my 2c.
     

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