SRS I know we're young but...

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by PsuedoGirl, Apr 11, 2007.

  1. PsuedoGirl

    PsuedoGirl New Member

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    My boyfriend who is 20 was a virgin before me. I am 19 and lost my virginity before him. He always worries about it, because he waited for someone special and I just lost it to my boyfriend at that time.

    The porblem is that I now fear he is addicted to sex. He is constantly looking at porn and when it's just the two of us he can't keep his hands off me, and he is constantly getting aroused. If we're around people everything is perfect. We are very happy together, but I can't get over the porn. I think it's disgusting, and we have talked about it many times before, but he just doesn't feel the same way. I came up with the decision that it's porn or sex for him because I can no longer feel attracted to him if he is looking at porn all of the time.

    Am I overreacting?
     
  2. Yes you are overreacting, as long as he is having sex with you more than looking at porn, then you shouldn't worry. He's a typical 20 year old what do you expect from him? He looks at porn, he has sex, and that is the bulk of his sex life.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

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    Would you rather him jerk off to porn or sleep with other women?

    Men get horny all the time. We use porn as a tool to help us get off. He's not really thinking about the other women, he's just looking at them because men are visually aroused.

    Since he "can't keep his hands off you," you should feel flattered that he is physically attracted to you. I'm sure if his choice was sex with you or porn, he would pick sex with you, but when you're not around, he's going to masturbate, and he's going to look at porn. Both are natural and normal for men.
     
  4. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    porn is somthing it took me a long time to get used to in relationships. I wasn't comfortable with it either but over time i realized its just somthing guys are going to do. What is it in porn that bothers you? Do you feel like hes thinking of it when having sex with you? As far as the sex all the time thing hes 20 and 20yr old males like sex so i would not be worried about that particualr aspect. I think you need to find the root of what you have aginst the porn hes watching and then you will be able to discuss with your SO what the real problem is.
     
  5. PsuedoGirl

    PsuedoGirl New Member

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    Thank you guys for responding. You all have very good points. The trouble is that I am just afraid that he's thinking about the porn while we're having sex. Or that I just turn into an object to him instead of a person. I don't want to turn into a pair of soft long legs and a pair of big boobs. I want him to still see me and be attracted to who I am. I guess I just think about it too much.
     
  6. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    No you're not overreacting. If porn disgusts you then it disgusts you. There's nothing wrong with you telling him it's affecting how you feel about him, and if he cares enough then he'll change his behavior.

    Of course, don't expect him to change his behavior. Hope for it, but don't be surprised if he doesn't.
     
  7. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    I had a feeling thats what it was. Sit down and talk with him and let him know your concerns straight out tell him that you feel as though because of his excessive porn watching you think hes become desensitized to the fact that you are his partner not a sex object. Ask him for you and the relation ship you 2 have to please stop or cut back on his watching. Also as an alternative ask if he would be willing to make a porn with you or take sexy pictures of you. If he feels the need to watch porn and you are worried he is not thinking of you than this may be a good alternative that keeps the both of you sexually and mentally happy:)
     
  8. childofbean

    childofbean Green Member

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    Very good idea, babiedollgirl! :bowdown:


    OP, I think that it would definitely be something to ask him sometime. I'm sure he'd love the idea. :naughty:
     
  9. PsuedoGirl

    PsuedoGirl New Member

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    I actually just talked to him about the idea and he does love it! I'm kind of nervous. But I will be so much happier that he will be looking at me rather than random girls. He agrees. Thank you babiedollgirl!! You are very helpful.
     
  10. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    ............but have you thought of the flip side? If your boyfriend and you ever split he's going to have pictures and movies of you in positions your family and friends probably don't need to see. And he'll have them in a form that he can edit however he'd like.

    You really trust him *THAT* much that you're willing to give him this? According to you, you and he "have talked about it many times before" but he ignores you and watches porn anyway.......You're sure there's absolutely NO chance that he would post these on the sites he visits? Are you going to trust him after he's already demonstrated that he's ok with ignoring your wishes?
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    young people in relationships crack me up
     
  12. Coming from the older married woman. :p
     
  13. babiedollgirl

    babiedollgirl Active Member

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    You have a good point i guess it just depends on there trust level.
     
  14. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    You know, I hate generalizing it and saying, "It's just what guys do... " It makes it sound like we're idiots who can't control ourselves.

    But it is... this is just one of those things guys do. The older we get, the less of a hangup it is to talk about it porn & sex too. You should listen to the conversations my dad and my uncles joke around with sometimes too... my mom and my aunts just roll their eyes and laugh at it at some point.

    If your boyfriend has a strong libido...and most guys at 20 do, I think it's doing you a favor to let him do his thing with those magazines and videos rather then jumping your bones every hour of the day right?

    Unless he watches that stuff obsessively, I don't think you have cause for concern. Porn is porn...I'm pretty sure he's thinking only of you when he's having sex with you. At his age, I doubt he's got the capacity to think anything else at the time ;)

    I would avoid the home sex tape. Unless your relationship is really solid, you do NOT want that kind of thing floating around.
     
  15. I guess I'm the exception and too kind to people.
     
  16. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Trust?

    Answer this..........how many relationships between 19/20 year olds make it to the point where he absolutely wouldn't want to see her get hurt? How many make it to marriage or kids or something more than just b/f / g/f? My guess, nearly none.

    So the logical conclusion to that...the "inverse" so to speak, is that eventually they're going to break up and he's going to have a DVD of her doing a bunch of pr0n shit she did for him. Since HE already demonstrated that he doesn't really care as much about her as she'd like to believe (she asked him to stop watching pr0n and he won't) where do you think that DVD or her is going to end up when the break up?


    cliffs: don't hand ANYONE a picture or movie you wouldn't want posted in OT.
     
    Last edited: Apr 11, 2007
  17. Now you're tempting me to post all the stuff from my ex.
     
  18. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    my post should have said "picture *or* movie"

    This is exactly why Pseudogirl shouldn't hand her b/f movies of her doing pr0n. Eventually they're going to break up, he's going to find the "amateur" section of those websites he can't stay away from, and then in the near future a co-worker is going to walk up to her and give her a funny look and say "before last night wouldn't have guessed you like shoving things up there."
     
  19. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    heh heh, it just truly amazes me how kids only a few years younger than me seem soooo much younger and inexperienced and insecure about the dumbest shit is all.
     
  20. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    Yep......when I was dating my wife she told me she thinks strip joints degrade women so I stopped going (the 2x / year my friends would go, anway). She appreciated that I'd do that for her. I did it because I cared about her feelings.

    Apparently that's not the case in OP's relationship. If he's unwilling to stop looking at pr0n for her, maybe she needs to find another guy who cares a bit more for her feelings.
     
  21. Why you gotta make me look bad man, I'm just giving you a tough time here. :rofl:
     
  22. PsuedoGirl

    PsuedoGirl New Member

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    Lady Goodman, I came to this part of the site because I wanted people to listen and to give me a true answer. I don't need anything that you are saying to me.

    Thank you everyone else though. I really didn't think about what would happen if (and most likely, when) we break up. I know this is just a young relationship. My head is not in the clouds, believe me. I have never been able to hang around people my age because of it. Sometimes I'd like to just be 19 and act immature like everyone else but I can't seem to understand what is so fun about it.

    I suppose the picture thing isn't going to happen. My boyfriend is going to stop watching porn though. We have come to an understanding about it, and he is going to stop. He really is a caring and understanding guy. I like where the relationship is right now and you can call it young and stupid as much as you'd like but I'm happy.
     
  23. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Fine, I'll give you a real response. You are overreacting, but that's typical because you are 19 years old and most likely haven't really been in a ton of serious, mature relationships. He is a 20 year old guy who just lost his virginity. When guys lose their virginity for the first time they go absolutely sex crazy! Since he lost it so late (by most standards these days) he can't wait to make up for lost time by having and thinking about it 24/7. When you are not there he is still thinking about sex, so he watches porn. Asking him to stop watching porn is pretty ridiculous and makes you sound insecure as hell, especially when you say you are worried he's starting to think of you as an object.

    It's no secret that guys really like sex, but chances are he really likes you and having sex with you and is thinking of YOU when you two have sex. Telling him you don't want him to watch porn anymore isnt going to make him less horny; in fact he'll probably be even more obnoxiously horny whenever he's with you. And eventually it's going to bug the shit out of him and he'll most likely do it anyway.

    PS-Making a sex tape is a horrible idea. Because you know if you guys break up that shit is going to get passed around to everyone he knows. So unless you don't care about that then go ahead then.
     
  24. Toasty

    Toasty Naked people have little or no influence on societ

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    I agree with Lady Goodman.

    I commend you for standing up for something you don't like and bringing it up to your boyfriend. I commend him for acknowledging your issues with it and volunteering to give it up.

    But I think that just places a lid over something that will just blow up over time. No pun intended. He's just going to be looking at porn and other women behind your back, while you're pretending that he has horse-blinders focusing just on you. Yes if he cares for your feelings he will stop, but why put that kind of unnecessary strain on your relationship? Sex...even in it's most primal lustful state, is a natural thing....not meant to be disgusting.

    Sit down, talk about it openly, maybe even check out some porn with him and talk about why you might think "Back Door Sluts #101" disgusts you. You might find something you like that that will drive your sex to new levels.
     
  25. Gregsaidthat

    Gregsaidthat "Individuality is the new conformity"

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    I agree with this. Everyone is different and if she thinks that it disgusts her then it does. That's how she feels and that's the end of that.

    I wouldn't wait around for a change. I don't see it happening.
     

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