SRS i just need someone to talk to.....

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Radiohead, Feb 14, 2005.

  1. Radiohead

    Radiohead Everything in its right place...

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2004
    Messages:
    9,298
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texississippi
    one of the biggest events of my life is about to take place. i'm about to move to another state and i want to take my 4 year old son with me. when i told my ex b/f, his father, he fliped out and told me he was going to take this to court. i'm so scared....we split up a year ago and since then have had a verbal agreement to have him every other week. i have spoken with 2 lawyers in the past week. they have both told me because his father has been in his life all this time that we both have the same rights. but we were never married and never went to court for custody. :dunno: i also have a past. not with the law but with drugs. but i have been clean for a year.:bigthumb: even though i have been told that the judge won't look at the past, i'm still scared. i won't leave without my son. i can't sleep at night :hs: the thing is, Andrew (my son) doesn't even like to go his dad's house. he says that he hates his daddy. of course i tell him thats not nice to say and tell him that his daddy loves him....he cries when he goes over there. his father dosen't play with him. i'm pretty sure thats why he doesn't like to go over there. that and he's hard on him. don't get me wrong, his father's not a bad guy. i just don't want him being raised by him and his fucked up family...i just need some nice words said. anybody who reads this with kids will understand :wtc: i'm just so scared.......
     
  2. Radiohead

    Radiohead Everything in its right place...

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2004
    Messages:
    9,298
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texississippi
    i guess this was the wrong place to post this :wtc:
     
  3. LiQuiD_FuSioN

    LiQuiD_FuSioN New Member

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2004
    Messages:
    320
    Likes Received:
    0
    no, don't lose your disbelief in this wonderful place if you didn't get a reply in your desired amount of time. I certainly want to tell you that you are def not alone, and all I can really say is good luck my friend. We have many people here just waiting to contribute, just be patient :bigthumb:
     
  4. Original

    Original OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2004
    Messages:
    33,811
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    God's Country
    No no this is not the wrong place. I feel so very sorry that you have to go through this. Your son obviously means the world to you and it's so sad that your ex will take you to court over this. I don't have any experience with this issue but I'll pray that you get custody. You two both have equal chances, but if anyone in the court room has a heart, I'd say you have a very good chance. :hs: And since you've been a year without drugs, that increases your chances even more! I think we all know you would put more love and care into raising Andrew, so let everyone else know! There are lots of people out there that care, take advantage of everyone one of them. You still have your family and friends by your side don't you? Always allow people to comfort you. Keep faith, and never lose hope, I really think you have a good chance! Please stay with us and we'll help you along the journey.
    :sadwavey:
     
  5. Radiohead

    Radiohead Everything in its right place...

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2004
    Messages:
    9,298
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texississippi
    i started to sob when i read what you had to say. that is the nicest thing anyone has said to me so far :hug: thank you.....you have no idea how upset i am over this. i know i should be optomistic but i can't help but think of what will happen if this all goes wrong. the other night i couldn't sleep and i got up to go sleep with him (Andrew). and just cried. it just seems that nobody else realizes what this is doing to me. thank you thank you thank you......it's not like i'm just moving to move. i'm getting a job that pays double what i am making right now. and i will be closer to family. i have none here.

    thank you :hs:
     
  6. Radiohead

    Radiohead Everything in its right place...

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2004
    Messages:
    9,298
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texississippi
    thanks :hug:
     
  7. dave steel

    dave steel My Kung Fu is the best.

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2002
    Messages:
    1,941
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iron City
    Radiohead, you are in the right place, at the right time. When I hear a story like this I have to ask the question, is the father upset because he loves his son, or does he just want to punish you. It's inevitable that your son will spend time with his father. Talk with the boys father and tell him that he's not happy with the time he spends with him. Give him concrete suggestions on how to have quality time with his son. If you don't seek to improve his relationship with his father, then you're being divisive and your son will suffer the most.
     
  8. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    My advice is , Tell no one where you are leaving to, don't even leave your adress or phone number at your mothers(you call her,not other way around). Leave the state and him before he can take legal actions, if he ever responds you can always tell him he never looked after the kid, and tell him to get out of your life. I am sure many institutions can help provide you shelter, and safe guidance out of the state without mentioning the court case. Just leave, and when you are in another state, the boundry will protect you. And when your not in his vicinity for thousands of miles, you are less likely to get a visit from him.
     
  9. Radiohead

    Radiohead Everything in its right place...

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2004
    Messages:
    9,298
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texississippi
    he's bitter because of the break-up between us...i know that. he also has a daughter. her mom stayed here because she didn't want her to not see her dad. she has put her life on hold for him. i however am not willing to put my life on hold. i have a chance to make more money. and in doing that will provide more for my child. i can see his side. i really can. i just can't see how he can be this way when he doesn't spend as much time with him as i do. i just wish he could understand.....
     
  10. tat was blue

    tat was blue New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2005
    Messages:
    353
    Likes Received:
    0
    as a product of one of these battles, i was the child, courts usually favour the mother while the child is young. and andrew is 4? you have a better chance, and youre trying to provide him with a better lifestyle. that's something that speeks volumes for you. i wouldn't ditch state as darketernal suggests. after all he probably knows where you intend to go. and that's where your job is. have you tried talking with your ex? just sitting down over coffee to work something out. maybe visitations, less frequent surely, but he can still see his son. and i understand he cant' really follow you, as his other child lives there, but he has to respect you're attempt to make a better life for your child.
     
  11. Radiohead

    Radiohead Everything in its right place...

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2004
    Messages:
    9,298
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Texississippi
    i've tried to talk to his father. i tried tonight. i can understand his anger. he's the kind of guy who won't forgive people. no matter what you have done to apologize.....i was also a product of one of these battles. thats why i understand. i have promised him the whole summer and holidays for visitation. he won't take it. he says..." so why don't you leave and you can have the whole summer and holidays?" i couldn't do that. i'm the one who comforts him when he's sick, when he has a booboo on his knee...:wtc:.....he favors me. not by me bad mouthing his father but by his own judgement. he see's that i pay more attention to him. it's soooooo hard to see him cry when he doesn't want to go over to his daddys house.....
     
  12. katt_85

    katt_85 OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2004
    Messages:
    3,556
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Edmonton
    That really is crazy.
    :hug:
    We're here for you.

    I think the only thing you really can do is push through with your plans to move regardless of what he says. He may be you're childs biological father, and yes, he should get to see him sometime, but not at the expense of your own wellbeing and that of your son! You already offered to let him see his son for special occasions. He doesn't value the time he spends with your son, anyway (Which is reflected in the childs behaviour when he had to go see daddy).You broke up so you could both go your separate ways. He has to stop trying to control you through your son.

    In court, they will most likely favor you over the father. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it will be easy. However, considering you've completly changed your life around AND you're moving to get a new job will look great in court. He may just end up making himself look petty.

    It's a shame you're son has to be caught up in all this drama. I hope you are able to move with little consequence and start a new life with you and your son closer to family.
     
  13. Malkav

    Malkav New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2005
    Messages:
    1,063
    Likes Received:
    0
    I actually have a friend who had a similar problem, the only difference really is that it stemmed from a divorce and her ex did it about a year after she moved. If it does go to court, since you were not married, you will likely have a better chance of keeping your son. A lot of the courts now a day will also take the child into the judges chambers (with only the judge, the baliff and occassionally the lawyers) and will ask the child who they would prefer to be with. With how it sounds, if the judge does this, then I have a good feeling that you have an even better chance. As for worrying about the drugs, it may or may not come into play. If you sought out professional help for the drugs, then you will have a good chance of having that as a non-issue, especially if you have who ever treated you testify on your behalf. If you did it on your own, then they may ask you to submit to testing and periodic retests.

    Good luck to you, and don't give up.
     

Share This Page