SRS I just found out my sister was pregnant, what to do

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by trek65, Sep 23, 2009.

  1. trek65

    trek65 New Member

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    Random Background information: Raised very properly and respectively of everyone. All of us have moved towards higher education. Parents divorced in 1998 but have remained close with my sister living at my moms house and I living at my dads (sister lived at my fathers with me up till 3 years ago).. my youngest sister (who the story is about) is a very hard worker and has been doing this since she moved in at my mothers place.

    I am 22 years old, am the 2nd youngest out of 5 kids.. the kids ages are 37, 32, 29, 22(me) and 20 (my sister).. The oldest 3 kids have always been relatively close and my youngest sister and I have always been close. However, my youngest sister out of all children has always been the most rebellious. She has always hung out with a bad crowd and done anything in her power to be different or be a badass. When she was 16 years old she met this black guy (race is irrelevant) and they began stealing cars, breaking in to houses and eventually dating.. This was unheard of in our family so we had the police called on her a few times to teach her a few lessons, this worked for her staying away from theft and everything but she was still with this guy.. After high school she decided that living in an all male house hold (my father, her, and me) was too much for her and she needed a change. She decided to move in with my mother which is about an hour and fifteen minutes away.
    Eventually the guy moved out in to some area around that and they continued their relationship.. I need to also add that they were off and on.. He was physically and emotionally abusive towards her and she was emotionally abusive towards him, but they would always get back together.. She ended up moving in with him and they both worked to live in this place until they started fighting again (this all happened around when she was 19.. Then she moved back in with my mother and said she would never see him again and had lived there with my mom, single, for about the last 6 months.. She told my father, about 2 weeks ago, that she would wanna try to move back in with us and become the happy trio we used to be.. (This was because she was unhappy living with my mom and new husband because supposidly he was a jerk, I am not a witness to this as I thought he was cool.. irrelevant)

    I've asked my father many times over the last 2 weeks what was going on and he would say she was thinking about it.. And then tonight I asked him how her moving in was coming along and he says that hes got some news.. She told him a few days ago that she is pregnant.

    He said everyone in the family has tried to talk her in to aborting because it would be foolish and selfish and yatta yatta but she wont listen and gets defensive after hearing so much of it.. My father also told me she thinks I know because I havent called her recently..



    my feelings towards this...
    I think my sister having a kid at this age, with this guy, is a horrible decision that will not only be an emotional burden on her and my entire family down the road, but a financial burden because she wont be able to afford it.. I have known this guy to be a liar at times and I have heard her tell me the stories of when he put his hands on her..

    What should I do?
    Should I call her? what should I say?
    Should I convince her not to have the kid, or accept whatever decision she makes so that she feels like someone is supportive?
     
  2. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    I can respect your concern for your sister, but if I were in your position, I would butt out. She's 20, and is entitled to get pregnant whether you approve, or not.:nono:

    If she wants to talk to you about it and get your input, I'm sure she'll approach you. Just be a supportive of her. I'm sure she's got enough internalized pressure on her.
     
  3. djshotglass

    djshotglass New Member

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    She'll do what she wants. I suggest not letting her move in. It will just put the problems she's creating for herself on you and your family. She's going to have to learn the hard way.

    You can't change her mind but you don't have to be supportive of her stupid decisions either.
     
  4. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Sigh....sounds just like my pain in the ass sister.

    Here's the problem, like you mentioned your other family members have already tried to talk to her about aborting and she immediately turns on the defensive and covers her ears crying like a child. Unfortunately...shell. probably be like this forever, I know my 28 year old sister is still exactly the same way.

    So, honestly if I were you I'd get in touch with her and sit down in person. Tell her you are worried for her and the baby as is the entire family. Try as hard as possible not to yell, judge too harshly, or be sarcastic because people with her personality hear that shit and that's when they shut off. They respond best to people who calmly try to relate to them more than tell them what to do.

    Once you tell her how you feel you unfortunately can't do much else other than hope she does what's best :hs:
     
  5. trek65

    trek65 New Member

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    The thing is that I want to stay away from her, I honestly dont want to hear from her what so ever. My father is the one asking me to try and contact her when I calm down.

    She has done stupid things that defy the cultural norm since she was a little kid.. she has learned her lessons, unfortunately this one shes going to have to learn as well.. I wish she wouldnt, I am too disgusted to talk to her.

    Yeah, I think a big reason she hasnt come out and talked to me or told me is she knows we connect on a different level than the rest of the family.. We arent close like the others but we have a bond where we trust eachother and can tell eachother anything.. she knows how I will feel and she probably knows its wrong inside, she just doesnt want to break it to me because she knows Ill get really emotional
     
  6. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    Yeah I figured. I'm the only person in my family who knows how to speak to my sister and I'm the only one she ever listens to if at all. I say talk to her. People like her always want to have their way, be right, prove "haters" wrong, which is probably why she hasn't spoken to you because your word means a lot and she knows you might be the only one to make her change her mind.

    Please talk to her (in person) soon though, and good luck :hs:
     
  7. 7960

    7960 New Member

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    you might think it's a horrible decision, but it's her decision. telling her "you should abort it" is akin to giving her an ultimatum..........I wouldn't do it.
     
  8. trek65

    trek65 New Member

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    problem is she lives an hour and fifteen minutes away and Id have to call her first to ask her to hang out, i think shed try and avoid for the time being.. she might not but I dont want to scare her away.. should I let her come try to talkt o me?
     
  9. BoomBoomBoy

    BoomBoomBoy Guest

    You're an adult. You don't have to accept your father's suggestion, and he should respect you for that. LOL, in a perfect world that is.

    You're in a tough position. You sound like you love your sister very much. I say just be her brother/friend and let that guide your decision.
     
  10. trek65

    trek65 New Member

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    yeah, to be honest.. now that I have had 4 hours to cool off im thinking I will just talk to her and accept her decision, even though I strongly disagree with it, and try to be there for her.. its just really tough when the family is so tight knit about everything and very proper..
     
  11. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    So basically you aren't going to speak your mind to her on this HUGE issue and possibly sway her immature, idiotic thinking....because you'd rather just sit back and not have to bother?
     
  12. trek65

    trek65 New Member

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    definitely a valid point.. I just cant find it in me to call her right now and ask her to hang out.. she doesnt know for sure that I know and I dont want to deal with the initial emotions surrounding this situation just yet.. I want to wait a few days and send her a text and ask if we can hang out this weekend for lunch or something.. That is when I will use whatever I can to sway her away from having this kid
     
  13. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    That's understandable and a great idea! I just hoped you really weren't going to lay down and die (so to speak) just out of fear of speaking your opinions/feelings to her. If you could potentially be the voice of reason for her then she needs you, whether she realizes it or not.
     
  14. trek65

    trek65 New Member

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    wow man I definitely appreciate what Iam hearing so far.. how do you deal with your sister?
     
  15. iwishyouwerebeer

    iwishyouwerebeer you shut your cunt Moderator

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    It's an every day nightmare to be honest. She makes the worst, most selfish decisions on a daily basis. Luckily, once she talks to me she at least sometimes changes her mind on some, but others she just has to make and learn from her own mistakes while the whole family :uh:

    She's very young still. I'm not saying to yell at her and make her feel like a child for her selfish decision, that's when she'll respond negatively....she deserves someone to listen to her. Maybe even ask her to explain why she wants to keep the baby and what she plans to do. I find when I act as if I'm totally on my sister's side and have her explain her thoguhts she realizes on her own how stupid she is :mamoru:
     
  16. ldaggerl

    ldaggerl New Member

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    Honestly (I know many will disagree) but I'd be the first to come out and tell her how much a fucking idiot she's being. I'd tell if she wants to do what ever see wants then that fine but I'd no longer be there to lend any kind of hand. I'd let her know how much I love her but the stress and problems she's going to cause because she's being a stuborn bitch isn't going to be my problem. I'd let her know to call me when she's ready to think responsibly and wants to work with me on it.

    Maybe I'm just a dick because I don't have a sister or in general I'm a dick but when people constantly causes problems for themselves and others.
     
  17. oakback

    oakback New Member

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    She's catching enough shit from all sides, she already knows what everyone wants her to do, just be supportive of whatever her decision is. Be there for her to talk to. If she asks for your opinion, then give it.
     
  18. ices

    ices New Member

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    ...what? Please don't take this advice.

    She's your sister. Almost everybody needs a support system, whether it's from family or friends. Your sister is lucky to have such a caring family, although personal interests will conflict. Be her support, you may be only one who's willing to listen. ASK HER if she wants your opinion. If she says yes, give it to her. If not, then she wasn't going to listen to you to begin with.
     
  19. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    I would talk to her and tell her you love her no matter what she decides to do, but also talk to her about the difficulties of raising a child at her age and yada yada. I wouldn't tell her to abort because imho it's not your place to give that advice or be part of that decision.
     
  20. trek65

    trek65 New Member

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    that is a little harsh and to be completely honest, if it were up to me this si waht I would do.. My father and I had this argument last night.. When she first started acting up around the age of 15-16 I told him that we needed to send her away some where and keep her away from her family and friends, but no, my father (who always relies on the fact that he raised 4 other kids) tried to nurture her and make her do better that way and it didnt work at all.. I do completely agree with you, but she has a different side that people rarely see.. I am going to try and be supportive but at the same time make sense of what is going on in my own opinion if she asks
     
  21. Hemps

    Hemps New Member

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    Oh wow...she's not very bright is she....
    Your family should let her know, they will NOT be supporting the kid. She needs to get an abortion, or win the lottery.
     
  22. Hemps

    Hemps New Member

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    I disagree with all the people saying don't give your opinion or butt out. This is your little SISTER who is IRRESEPONSIBLE. She CANNOT take care of a kid...she's expecting you guys, her family, to carry the burden. I gauruntee it.

    As long as it's made abundently clear that this is dumb and that she has to do this on her OWN if she wants to follow through, THEN you can butt out.
     
  23. calisteph6

    calisteph6 Active Member

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    of course you tell her something like "if you decide to have the child we in no way will support it, or you, financially, but you're my sis and I will support you emotionally, like always and I will always love you." But if his sister is headstrong telling her to have an abortion is going to do nothing imo.
     
  24. Hemps

    Hemps New Member

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    sure...but you can't say that, because then she becomes more comfortable with having the kid...there isn't much time to talk her out of this.
     
  25. trek65

    trek65 New Member

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    i think she is avoiding me, Ive tried calling her and texting her.. and messaging her on her facebook.. I guess the last case scenario is to write her a private message on facebook?
     

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