LGBT I just found out My Dad is Gay

Discussion in 'Lifestyle' started by tropical island, May 15, 2006.

  1. tropical island

    tropical island New Member

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    Ok i just found out my Dad is gay...well not really i suspected it for a long time (after i found the gay porn on his computer) and now hes reveal that he has a partner...didnt say whether he/she was male or female, but i havent seen him with a female since my mom left him. And there is the gay porn factor, and if it was a female, i dont think he'd be so carefull to not mention the gender of his partner. And he did bring a guy home at Christmas.
    Anyways i feel weird about this, and i dont know why, like my best friend is gay, i have other friends who are gay (sorry i know you dont like when ppl say "i have friends who are gay" but i'm not trying to suggest i know ur struggle or anything) and i feel totally fine with that. But for some reason him being my dad and gay...just makes me feel akward. I dont know what to do if had to talk to him or anything...i dunno i just wanted to let it out to ppl who were more open, my moms side of the family is very religous and it wouldnt go over with the community i'm in very well...so online community...
     
  2. CoCo

    CoCo ...is a Queer Don!! OT Supporter

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    This should be easy for you, being as you lean more toward the liberal side of things. Just remember that he is your dad, first, and that you want him to be happy. If this guy brings him happiness, then great. Be supportive. I try not to think about what my parents do in the bedroom, and I think that this is rather common...so stop thinking about the particulars. He's your dad, he loves you, and nothing has really changed (other than his now trusting you, or at least, deeming you mature enough to handle this--was he wrong?).
     
  3. XPX

    XPX New Member

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    Did he actually came out to you?
    Anyways, what coco said is completely right, before any sexual preferences he is your dad and he probably loves you more than anything in this planet so the best you can do is to support him and help him through his journey. If he decides to go out and tell everyone in your family you can expect very rough moments and that's where he will need you.
    What can you tell him to be supportive? Well...you can tell him that you won't stay away when bad shit happens, you can tell him you are on his side whatever happens, you should make an effort and meet his partner and be honest with them. You can ask your gay friends for more advice as they know first hand how hard it is to come out...
     
  4. Sam Gamgee

    Sam Gamgee Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. OT Supporter

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    I have a good friend who was married and had three kids. They are now 15, 13, and 12.

    My friend recently got divorced and has come out of the closet. His ex-wife is very religious as well (Mormon). And I can see the struggle that his kids are going through. The ex-wife is, of course, very hurt and her religion makes it difficult for her to accept it. And so the kids are really struggling.

    I wish I could help the kids through it... to help them accept their dad AND their mom. I would probably tell the kids to just love their dad as they have always done, and if they are uncomfortable with things their dad is doing or saying, they need to say something about it... because that opens up the dialog about dad's new life.

    But, still, it's not going to be easy to figure out how this new dynamic will change your family.

    Good luck with it. I wish I could give you advice... But, all I can do is tell you that I know exactly how you feel and what you are going through... and you aren't alone having to deal with a gay dad and a religious mom...
     
  5. civicmon

    civicmon got all my game from the streets of california.

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    I think your shock is expected. My best friend's dad came out the closest a few years ago and they have a good relationship. His dad didn't really disclose it to him despite brining his partner around (they lived in different areas of the state).

    Later, they talked about it and 'hashed some things out' where they openly talked about how they felt. He's pretty open but was a bit suprised at first as well, understandably so.

    Basically I wouldn't use the word 'confront' in the snese where you start accusing him, but I'd suggest a very open discussion about it since you're an adult...
     
  6. tropical island

    tropical island New Member

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    Wow, thanks for all the replies. i feel a little better now.
    But he didnt atchually come out to me, he came out to my brothers, and me and my dad arent close at all. And i really dont think he loves me. So it just makes an akward situation when i talk to him... i just dont know wat to say. And i have to talk to him...for some reason. Do any of you have families or cultures where even if u dont enjoy it spending time with ur family is important and you're suppose to pretend to enjoy it?
    And my youngest brother is going to live with him soon, and i think my dads partner will be there too. I guess he (my brother) gets even more pressure from my mom.
     
  7. UCLA throwing

    UCLA throwing New Member

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    shoot him, and then ur friends
     
  8. NOVAJock

    NOVAJock Modded & Underrated

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    maybe he should shoot you first. If you don't have anything constructive to contribute to this thread, then keep your fingers off the keyboard. :squint:
     
  9. 2500

    2500 Guest

    yeah, i can see where the shock factor would come in. and, i'm pretty sure its normal because, well, its just different from what you've known all your life. and, although my dad isn't gay, i don't think, i know how it is to have a bad relationship with your dad and all that. me and my dad don't talk, and, if he ever came out, i think it would be way tougher on me not being able to talk to him about it. so, i can see how this might be a rough time for you. but, as hypocritcal as it may sound coming from me, you have to remember he is your dad, and there is a good chance that he does love you very much. even though i pretty much hate my dad, i know deep down he loves me. and, if he didn't think this was something you guys could work through, i don't think he would have said anything. so, hang in there, and once the initial shock factor is done, it will only get easier. just remember he is your dad, and, you want him to be happy just like he wants you to be.
     
  10. RedGoober4Life

    RedGoober4Life New Member

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    It's only if you were going to say a terrible gay-joke and then back it up with that. ;)

    Your father will eventually tell you on his own. I'm sure it's a weird situation.
     
  11. Yardsale

    Yardsale OT Supporter

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    must be awkward

    i have a friend her dad is trying to become a post-op woman, I dunno how that went I haven't spoken to her in a while :noes:
     
  12. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    He's still the same person he's always been. It's not like he 'just now' became gay. No need to feel weird or treat him any differently than you did before.
     
  13. your_psycho

    your_psycho New Member

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    My dad and I are also very distanced also (he moved out around when I was 9) so that always makes things more awkward in a situation like yours. So I'm guessing he is closer to your brothers and that's probably why he told them. If that did offend you don't let it because he probably just didn't want to put even more distance between you two by saying something that makes you feel awkward around him. Talking to him about it would probably be good to do, tell him what you're feeling and that you know about it. Just, be there for him because he is probably feeling like you are.
    Oh and spending time with family + acting like you enjoy it = every freaking holiday
     
  14. Untoward

    Untoward New Member

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    i dont see why it would be any different. i mean his is still your dad, just with a different sexual preference than you. it doesent define who he is. as long as he dosent act gay or anything.
     
  15. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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  16. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    I am waiting with fucking baited breath to hear exactly how "gays act". :squint:

    Please enlighten me, so I'll know if I'm 'doing it right'. :squint:
     
  17. MapleLeaf

    MapleLeaf New Member

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    Walks as if they are floating just above the ground, swings the hips widly, accentuating the wings, treats everyone with disdain. etc.

    Depends, do you do the above, and when you fart does lube fly out causing you a bit of embarassment. If not, then you are not doing it right. :nono:
     
  18. Wolf

    Wolf No one plans to take the path that brings you lowe

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    :hs: well, yeah, that's me..... I mean, everything except for the embarassment part. :hsughno:
     
  19. dinkyfats

    dinkyfats Guest

    bad news for you. this means YOU'RE gay!
     
  20. Solidarity

    Solidarity Phantom AV!

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    "And you... Well, you're just lucky to be here aren't ya!!!?
     
  21. tropical island

    tropical island New Member

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    hello im back,
    been gone for a while schools been keeping me busy. Thanks for the posts. I guess i kinda got used to the fact that my dad is gay or bisexual or has a same sex partner after a while. Things didnt really get better between us...only worse but i guess we're more open now.

    But now me and my best friend are having problems...he keeps saying that somethings bothering him and he doesnt know what. He seems to want to change his life drastically. I was just wondering could this be because he's in the closet and wants to come out did any of you feel extremely down and confused?
     
  22. ManyHamsters

    ManyHamsters There are necessary pursuits... but poetry, beauty

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    (still do) and that's an understatement dear :hs:
     

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