SRS I just came to terms with how big of a moron I am.

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Hootahz314, Apr 26, 2006.

  1. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    I posted awhile back about a friend that I had an argument with. Well, after a weird series of events we started talking again and all was ok. Recently he was injured pretty badly in an accident that required 3 reconstructive surgeries on his face. Moreso his nasal cavities and septum, along with reconstructing a few broken bones...

    Well today was his surgery. Well... all three of them anyway, and after not being allowed to call and check on him because he doesn't want his parents to know that he has a girl that is a friend around I realized I am a full blown idiot. I can't call to make sure my friend made it out of surgery ok?????? Yesterday I found this to be logical because he is going through a divorce and he doesn't want any question regarding our motives as friends. I am a HUGE stupid idiot!!! We aren't doing anything that should be questioned. We've been friends for a long time and his parents know me.... In emails I get told that I'm the only one here for him and all that other bullshit and how appreciated I am because even though we've been through alot of nonsense I am still here. Ok, someone just stick the 'SUCKER' label on my fucking head right now because THAT is what I am. I'm sitting here worried to death about him and...

    You know, since my own seperation from my husband my logic has gone down the shitter. It's like every time I have the opportunity to make a reasonable decision I end up doing something stupid. Well, stupid for me anyway. This isn't a question of 'is he ashamed of me?' because everyone knows that we've been friends for awhile, what is it then? Why can I not call him to make sure all went well? This is a big thing. I should have left well enough alone after I broke off our friendship. I wasn't even the one asking for another chance, he was. He is showing his appreciation in such a weird way. I feel like I'm being grouped with all of the 'throwaway girls' he used to associate himself with and I'm not a piece of trash here. I have respect and dignity for myself. I care about myself and I'm not normally so easily manipulated with kind words. There is a lesson to be learned here and I think I learned it in a harsh way. I don't really expect much in the way of advice, I've already figured out what I need to do. I just had to vent. Thanks.
     
  2. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    Vent away...most of it have done so at one time or another in here. I certainly have.

    Throw caution to the wind...you guys are "freinds"...show up at his bedside with some flowers and ask "How ya doin?"

    I'd do it just to get some personal satisfaction from it, his parents be damned, he's not 12 years old anymore.
     
  3. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    Well, that's the thing, I can't just show up at his bedside. He is 200 miles away from me. He's coming home (here) with his mom for post op care and lately with my irrational behavior I've let myself be talked in to caring more than I should about this so paying him a visit 'was' on my to do list. I've decided to not do it. You're right, he's not 12, he's 34 so why the game now?! I cannot foresee myself dealing with this. I've got too much other bullshit drama I am dealing with in my own life that he plays no part in. I feel like now I don't have time for his terms on our friendship these days. Sometimes I regret not marking his emails as spam and just walking away when I had the upper hand. Now, if I show any signs of being hurt I am just the stupid girl that let her feelings get in the way of his reality.

    I care too much. After all of this, I'm still sitting here worried to death about how he is and hoping his pains are minimal and that he doesn't have to deal with any stress. Of course in doing so I've completely put myself on the back burner. I didn't encounter any of this when I was happily married, now I see why people stay in loveless marriages. The latter choices really suck. I hope I made some sense, I'm tired and I still don't know anything so it's making sleep almost impossible.
     
  4. DiggityDogg

    DiggityDogg Guest

    Sounds like you know what you need to do, but it also seems like this person is a smooth talker. Beware.
     
  5. johan

    johan Active Member

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    If, normally, you don't call because he doesn't want you to call, then you might consider respecting that.

    This is a bit of an extenuating circumstance, even acquaintances normally call or send a card saying 'get well', so that would be fine.

    But if he didn't normally want too much contact, then being in an accident isn't a reason to open the floodgates.

    What I'm saying is that this accident of his may have changed your thinking about your relationship, BUT if it hasn't changed his thinking...then this isn't going anywhere.

    I would instead start thinking about whether this guy was indeed a friend of yours, and whether you wish to call him....at all. Hmmm?
     
  6. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

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    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I feel like your just being 'used' , then discarded. Don't let people make abuse of your kindness. There's a difference between being nice and being used.
     
  7. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    I haven't made any attempt to contact him. I did however for my own peace of mind call a mutual aquaintance to find out if he was ok. That's about as far as my kindness is going.

    I don't have any interest in him as anything more than a friend, I'm not ready to deal with that again, so this really isn't much of a loss... I just tend to care about my friends because they are all I have right now. I'll be fine, even if he does consider me a 'throwaway'.
     
  8. hezekiah

    hezekiah New Member

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    First quit kicking yourself-you're a caring person,you didnt do anything to feel ashamed of.If he's being a jerk,it's not your fault.everyone gets taken in by those guys at least once...
     
  9. toeshoes

    toeshoes Guest

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  10. Kirbys Autumn

    Kirbys Autumn Mrs. Kirby McSpic

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    Ditto. As someone once told me before, if they don't care about you simply, don't care about them.
     
  11. big 1

    big 1 New Member

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    If you care about him but jsut not enough to start gossip if you show up at his place, do the friendly thing and don't show up. Send a card, send flowers. LEave him your number /email, tell him you want to get together after he is feeling better. that way, you show your support, the ball is in his court, and you dont look over "friendly".
     
  12. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    He gave me a call around midnight last night on my cell phone. I did talk to him, but kept it short and sweet. I told him I hope he was feeling ok and I wished him a speedy recovery. The thing is, the call was unexpected, meaning I didn't email him or anything. Soooo... I don't know. All I know for myself is that I am NOT one for head games. I say how I feel regardless of how others view me. Apparently the surgery was an outpatient surgery due to the fact that he doesn't have health insurance. I wasn't aware of this, but I'm not using this as an excuse for his wanting to keep me some sort of weird secret of sorts. This leaves me with the feeling that maybe I am over protecting my best interests.... I don't know. I'm not expecting him to call me again, I'm not expecting anything as a matter of fact. All I want is some sort of either closure or end to this game he's trying to play with me. I am not a game player and it sucks that the people I care about and choose to associate with (bad choice of words I know, but it's all I can come up with at the moment) are still living like they are in high school. This doesn't change my decisions to not contact him, right now I don't know where exactly this leaves our friendship, if there's one to even worry about at all... but I will keep this updated as long as he continues to screw with my sanity. Or tries to anyway.
     
  13. PuppyCat

    PuppyCat O.T. Mom

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    You know what? All of us are morons at some time or another. As of late, I would like to give myself a retrospective kick in the ass for being such a moron and wasting my time and energy on something I now know just wasn't worth it. I have learned from the experience. Games are to be played with toys, not people's emotions or lives. There is dignity in not being a player--not pride, but dignity as in integrity.
    I refuse to lose my self-worth, integrity, jeopardize who I am, my values and waste time, emotion and energy on someone who just wants to screw around with my head.
     
  14. hezekiah

    hezekiah New Member

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    Dawt,
     
  15. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    Eh?
    I wouldn't read too much into his attempts to contact you. Either he's realized that he values your friendship, or he's missing the comfort of your active communication and has been reminded of it now that he's in pain/convalescence and has nothing better to do than sit and let his mind wander. My money's on the latter, given what you've posted before. I'd try to detach any emotions you have to the situation and move on with your life. If he persists in trying to contact you and actually starts acting like a real friend, fine. Otherwise, no great loss.
     
  16. Hootahz314

    Hootahz314 I have daddy issues

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    I agree Teo completely, he hasn't contacted me since and he's also in town staying with his mother. I find that amusing and sad at the same time that he would think I'm such a girl that I would care. This pains me to say but I don't consider anyone that would try to toy with my emotions like this after 6 years of friendship a big loss. I don't think that after this I'd be stupid enough for a round 3 with this guy, so should I get any more emails I'm just going to mark them as spam.
     

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