I posted awhile back about a friend that I had an argument with. Well, after a weird series of events we started talking again and all was ok. Recently he was injured pretty badly in an accident that required 3 reconstructive surgeries on his face. Moreso his nasal cavities and septum, along with reconstructing a few broken bones... Well today was his surgery. Well... all three of them anyway, and after not being allowed to call and check on him because he doesn't want his parents to know that he has a girl that is a friend around I realized I am a full blown idiot. I can't call to make sure my friend made it out of surgery ok?????? Yesterday I found this to be logical because he is going through a divorce and he doesn't want any question regarding our motives as friends. I am a HUGE stupid idiot!!! We aren't doing anything that should be questioned. We've been friends for a long time and his parents know me.... In emails I get told that I'm the only one here for him and all that other bullshit and how appreciated I am because even though we've been through alot of nonsense I am still here. Ok, someone just stick the 'SUCKER' label on my fucking head right now because THAT is what I am. I'm sitting here worried to death about him and... You know, since my own seperation from my husband my logic has gone down the shitter. It's like every time I have the opportunity to make a reasonable decision I end up doing something stupid. Well, stupid for me anyway. This isn't a question of 'is he ashamed of me?' because everyone knows that we've been friends for awhile, what is it then? Why can I not call him to make sure all went well? This is a big thing. I should have left well enough alone after I broke off our friendship. I wasn't even the one asking for another chance, he was. He is showing his appreciation in such a weird way. I feel like I'm being grouped with all of the 'throwaway girls' he used to associate himself with and I'm not a piece of trash here. I have respect and dignity for myself. I care about myself and I'm not normally so easily manipulated with kind words. There is a lesson to be learned here and I think I learned it in a harsh way. I don't really expect much in the way of advice, I've already figured out what I need to do. I just had to vent. Thanks.