SRS I honestly have no clue what i want to do with my life, and its depressing

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Roddy, Feb 2, 2007.

  1. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    UPDATE - Read bottom of page

    Hey guys,

    I sometimes post in here but have never made any threads. I've just come to a point where I need input from people other than my friends and family.

    I'm 23 years old, going on 24 in July - currently finished my University degree in Business Major in Marketing.

    At the moment i'm still working at the same job i started 9 years ago, yes that's right.. 9 years ago. The thing that is really annoying me is that i have little to no motivation to do anything as I have no direction in what i really want to do.

    Whenever anyone asks me "what is it that you like doing?" I always respond with "i honestly dont' know". And the fact of the matter is, is that i dont. Someone said to me its the fact i haven't done anything with my life - apart from work in the same shitty retail store for 9 years. I haven't done anything else, so i dont know any different!!! :(

    A few weeks ago i bought a heap of books off Amazon.com like "think and grow rich by Napolean Hill", and various Donald trump books to try and stimulate my brain into a way of directing me into what i want to do with my life.

    At the moment i'm only on 3 - 4 days a week and really not making enough money. I still live at home with the parents so i'm only paying $50/week board.

    Another thing is that my parents have this notion of always telling me to get a job in this town i live in, and not bother looking anywhere else. Whenever I mention about wanting to live in a particular city, they come out with "there's lots of stabbings down there" , "that's a shit of a place to live" and every other excuse of why i shouldn't move away. I think it's a problem with them "cutting the umbilical cord" and realising that i have to live my life.

    My parents say that i'm unmotivated and a slack piece of shit who quits everything, but i think its' really their attitude that does it.

    What i'm asking OT is any advice/suggestions you could make to me in order for me to get my life together and start building a career - or somehow finding what i love to do. That's another thing, my dad reckons 95% of people out there hate the job they do. But i dont want to be a part of that so called 95%. I want to love the work i do, and make money. Only problem is, is that i dont know what i like to do :hs:

    It's getting to the stage where at the moment i have no clue what i want to do, my mind is an absolute shitfight in heaps of random thoughts, and worst of all i'm getting depressed at the fact that my life is slowly rotting away while other people i know (who i know aren't anything special - i mean that in a nice way) are doing way better than me. I KNOW i have the potential and intelligence to be smart and be a success, but i'm not sure what's holding me back.

    Worst thing i hate myself for is the fact that sometimes i wish i was in a car accident to just end it all, and i hate myself for even thinking about stupid shit like that, but its fucking hard not to :wtc:

    I always seem to undersell myself too. I look at a potential job offer and think "I'm not good enough for that". I think it stems back to the fact that i've always cared about what people thought about me. I dunno..

    Sorry for the outpour of emotions OT... its just that I needed to get it off my chest, and i hope you guys can help me out a bit - anything at all


    Thanks :sadwavey:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 14, 2007
  2. Well Read

    Well Read New Member

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    As the cliche goes, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Don't be afraid to be successful. One is more apt to have more failures in life than successes, but by comparison the successes far outweigh our stumbles. You are your own man, the controller of your destiny. Envision your dream job...you know, the one where you feel happy to go to work everyday with a smile on your face and a jump in our step and focus on steps toward it by setting goals for yourself. You're at the prime of your life. Don't waste your life, your abilities, your drive to reach your potential by sitting around thinking of what could have been or what should be happening. It's all about your mindset. You will get there.

    p.s. congrats on your degree...and don't undercut yourself....you're educated, so now go further your degree in 'life' and find what you were put on this earth to do

    cliffs: take chances, find your inspiration, set goals, and succeed
     
  3. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    :)

    Thanks heaps for posting this, it hit all the right places :bigthumb:

    I guess the thing that is my problem is that i think too much. As you say, its all about the mindset
     
  4. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    Keep the suggestions and advice/kick me up the ass comments coming! :)
     
  5. teo

    teo . => ? => !

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    I think you need to live on your own. Cheap rent is good, but there's usually a catch. In my case it's low ceilings, and this isn't much of a problem at all because I'm quite short. In your case, its that you're paying an emotional and physical price as well as your nominal room&board fees. You're bound to your parents' household rules and you haven't had a chance to be left to your own devices and experience failure. Failure isn't a bad thing in and of itself; it's whether you react or respond to failure that will determine whether it's good or bad for you personally.

    Cliffs: Move out, even if you have to pay more in rent.
     
  6. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    :werd: I think you make a valid point there. If i live by myself i'm bound by nobody's rules and also gives me that extra independence

    Thanks :)
     
  7. PocoDiablo

    PocoDiablo New Member

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    I agree with this. In addition, I would point out that you are being treated like a child by your parents, which I would say is the core of your problems. You're an adult! Get away from your parents and go start learning how lo live! The first thing I would do is get a job in a new city and rent a room from someone.

    A lot of stabbings? Look, that's almost a test on their part. You're supposed to say "I'm an adult, I'm not afraid of anything. I'm going to move THERE." Okay, so don't go get yourself killed, but you know what I mean. Stand up for yourself and be an adult. I think it will help you a lot.

    PS, those books like Think and Grow rich really CAN help you think differently. Since I started reading books like that I started a small side company (web and computer stuff) and it's brought me in an additional $1k - $2k per month doing part time work at home. :)
     
  8. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    Man you sound like me when I was your age. For some people, it's really hard growing up and leaving the nest. There's all sorts of fears associated with it....some real...most imagined.

    I used to say I didn't have the slightest idea what I wanted to do when I grew up. My dad said, "If you go to college and I'm paying for it, you're going to study Accounting." I thought ok....dun matter to me cuz I dunno what I want to do anyways. But actually this is a lie. I really did know what I wanted to do but I just didn't have the guts to pursue it.

    Something clicked for me in my lifes journey and that was that if I never made any decisions for myself, other people would make them for me. That's what my dad did and soo many other people in my life. I used to hang around people that would just tell me what I "should" or "should not" do. I was just repeating the patterns from my childhood. This was easy because if something went wrong, I could blame them...it wasn't my fault at that point. I could be the victim.

    However, it really was my fault because I followed their advice....something I had a choice about. So I started to realize that if I started making decisions then I could actually move my life in any direction I wanted to. I'd get all the glory, I'd get all the praise for a job well done and yes....no more victim mentality!

    I made a decision that I was going to make all the decisions for where my life goes. No more relying on other people to make them for me!!

    Now, I always had a love of computers and learning new stuff about them comes really easily for me. However, there was nobody in my life telling me to pursue computers so I didn't and I found myself trapped in a job I hated. I say trapped because by that time I had a huge carpayment and mortgage so I couldn't simply walk away from it.

    So after deciding to follow my own path, I started looking into different computer related jobs and trying to figure out which one was most appealing to me. Hardware was the first area that appealed to me so I started devoting time to leaning about computer hardware. I started spending many, many hours at the bookstore/library. I even stopped caring what people thought about it.

    After a few years, programming started really interesting me but I didn't know anything about it. However, an opportunity to return to University presented itself and I jumped on it. That was about 3 years ago and I'll graduate in May with a BS in CS and at times I'm really excited about getting back into the workforce.

    I would like to say that everything is perfect in my life and I'm completly happy all the time with no problems. But that's not reality. Life is difficult and there are many challenges. There's simply no reason to compound those challenges with working in a job you hate or living a life you hate.

    Sometimes you say that you wish you'd just die to get it over with. IMO this is because you are still refusing to take a stand and make decisions for yourself. I used to feel the same way....but now, I know it's because I was just tooo chicken to take control of my life.

    Ok...so that's a long post but I hope it helps. I can assure you that there is something incrediblly liberating about making your own decisions and living with the consequences of those decisions. You really start to grow up at that point.

    Good luck and God Bless.
     
  9. Roddy

    Roddy Guest


    I'd have to agree with everything you said. It is true that i am being treated like a child, and i think that that is why my mental state has become that of a child - because it has been hammered into my day after day into my life. It's as if its actually shaped the way i think.

    I am currently looking for a job in another city, as i think that it will be liberating to know that i can live on my own AWAY from my parents, and still succeed.

    Congrats on the side business :bigthumb: At the moment I only make about $1500 - 2k a month, so for a side business I think your doing pretty well. :)

    The reason why i purchased those books is because i wanted to change my mindset on how i think about everything. I always believe that an accumulation of knowledge can trigger myself into thinking another way, rather than continuously using the same methodology of thinking i have done for the past 23 years.

    Thanks again for your post :)
     
  10. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    Nice post! :)

    I am in the exact same position as you - always having people direct my life, and make decisions for me. As you said, if something goes wrong the blame is directed onto them, rather than yourself.

    Thanks for your post man, helps out a lot :)
     
  11. dj_madness

    dj_madness New Member

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    wow damm I enjoyed that post Coodie!

    Thanks for posting, Ive never been in this Subsection of Offtopic but damm it feels good to read these threads. Gives me hope :)

    Woa I have shivers right now... fuck life is funny sometimes
     
  12. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    UPDATE

    For some reason i posted this in a thread on the main forum:

    Thread: http://forums.offtopic.com/showthread.php?p=73545202#post73545202



    I have just started my own business.. its slowly picking up.. but i dunno, there still seems to be somethin missing :dunno:
     
  13. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    It could be that the only thing missing is the fantasy of what your life would be like. It's been replaced by the reality of life....whether you are living your dreams or nightmares.

    This is why I said that I'd love to sit here and tell you my life is incredible. That I have no problems and what not....but that's not reality.

    Eventhough I know in my soul I'm on the right path (with my education), there are many times that I'm unhappy, stressed, struggling and seriously question my decisions. When life presents challenges that threaten to take away my dreams, I become afraid...sometimes it has been quite acute. Thankfully tho....those times are few and far between.

    Like I said before, when I decided to change the course of my life I didn't just up and quit my job. I made a plan and started working towards a goal. I kept focusing on this plan as my escape from my previous life. This was my ticket to the good life.....or at least a life where I was in charge. In doing this, I didn't destroy my previous progress but used it as a lever to help me change directions. When you start seeing dreams come true, it can sometimes feel very strange because it's often not what I expected.

    What I believe is missing from your life is all those fantastic feelings of completness and wholeness that you attributed to following your dreams. I used to think that this ment that I was on the "wrong" path or that I had made a mistake somewhere along the way. What I know now is that it's simply fantasy being replaced by reality....and that's a great place to be.

    It may not be as glamorous a life as some people live but I don't feel like a fake anymore. I know I've "earned my stripes" and I feel more empowered by the whole process.
     
  14. MudRacer4x4

    MudRacer4x4 New Member

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    Well unlike me you actually have stuck with something and got a degree so your parents can't really say you haven't done anything. Also about moving your parents kind of sound like the type that you should try to move a distance away from. I'm not positive but I think that they might be holding you back somewhat
     
  15. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    It took me a couple of times to read what you said just to reinforce what you were saying before it really hit me - and you're exactly right. I can see where you're coming from and what you mean by living the fantasy life and reality.

    I'm using the end of the day before i go to bed as a time where i can lay there and think/meditate to try to clear all the thoughts from my mind (usually of the fantasy life i should be living) just to bring me back down to Earth, and to have a proper perspective on all things.

    Thanks for your post, much appreciated :)
     
  16. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    Yeah, I think you're right in what you say.

    I understand what Coottie said before you, in regards to living a life as an escape from a previous one. ie: I'm going to succeed well in this business as a means to get enough capital and savings behind me in order to MOVE OUT from my parents.

    I guess it's like a catalyst/stepping stone and I need to keep in mind the objective of what path i want my life to take... otherwise i'll end up back at square one.

    Thanks for your post man! :)
     
  17. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    You're welcome....glad my posts are helping.
     
  18. BradUF

    BradUF Guest

    You have an education, I am just starting mine and I am almost 22. I am so far from being able to move out on my own.
     
  19. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    I find one of my main problems is underselling myself, when i know i'm smarter than heaps of people out there.. like i KNOW myself I am

    Also I think i care too much about what other people think about me... and i've had this problem since i was i dont know.. 13. So 10 years i've had this problem of caring what other people think. Lack of self confidence??? who knows..
     
  20. Akumasun

    Akumasun Follow the Light.

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    I think your coming to the right conclusion and having self esteem will help you a lot in life.

    I am was am in a rut because I cant seem to value myself when it matters.

    I guess practice makes perfect.
     
  21. Aradia

    Aradia New Member

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    Someone once said this to me
    "Pain is the touchtone to growth"
    It's true. Once we get through the initial shock of growth, the change is usually worth it. Just keep that in mind. It's worth it.

    It's hard to do what you want when someone in your life is trying to control you. Your parents sound like they feel guilty for "keeping" you there, but they arent willing to support your going.

    I pray that you find the strength to do it, even though they will rebuttle and balk.
     
  22. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    ^^To the above replies.. I think you're right.

    A central theme which i picked up on was only caught when i read this quote in another recent thread.

    This was posted by Jadix:

    I think that all my problems stem from not "knowing myself". However, just before when i start thinking about who i am, and what i really want to do - in a sense "knowing myself"... things start to become clear and my mind seems to be rolling onto the "happiness" stage again.

    Again, this relates back to caring what "others think" .. probably because i dont' truly know myself. I think that was excellent advice :) Along with all the other advice in the thread :)
     
  23. Roddy

    Roddy Guest

    I just read through this post again, and I picked up on something which i didn't before.

    I am in the exact same position as whats highlighted here. I have my dad/mum make decisions for me.. and thats where my problem is.

    A good example:

    This new business i'm doin is sort of my dad's idea.

    I dont mind doing it.. its basically installing/setting up tv's, dvd players etc.. mainly targeted towards the older generation.

    As of late, my dad has been coming up with ideas and shit for little fliers. Now i made up my own flier, yet he's writes up this flier and basically says " DO THIS".

    I somehow feel obliged to do it, and he's always checking to see how its going. It's like being back at fucking school again :hsd:

    Another thing, is that when I have the inclination to see one of the few friends i have.. I feel like I can't because my dad will expect me to be working on my business etc. It's literally like I have no life at all.. well i'm not in control of it anyway - he is.

    I dont want to tell him to get fucked, cuz i know he'll get teh shits etc..

    I dont know.. i feel like i'm in a prison.. in fact i'd rather be in prison then at least i'd have some independence.

    Thoughts of suicide/ending it all have been entering my mind as I see i have no control over my destiny so whats teh point? But then i think about all the hurt it would give my family..

    :sadwavey:
     
  24. Coottie

    Coottie BOOMER......SOONER OT Supporter

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    I hear ya....I felt the same way and that's why I keep posting in this thread. No reason to kill yourself, especially when the truth is you do have control over your destiny, you just haven't been exercising that control.

    You've now identified the issue you would like to change. Ok....so take steps to change your life. I mean killing yourself is too easy and IMO the chicken shit way.

    You don't have to tell your dad to fuck off, then quit your job and walk away from everything. You can however, start to direct your life. That means figuring out what you want to do and making a decision to pursue it.

    Perhaps you are too scared to tell anyone what you really want to do for fear they will make fun of you. Ok...so don't tell them....learn about your chosen profession in your own time and keep it a secret.

    Took me a long time to accept my path, computers. I have always enjoyed working with them but I didn't want to be some uncool nerd...lol...it was as if I was worried my hair would get greasy just by learning more about computers.

    The trick, IMO, is to change the direction of your life based on a plan. Your free time is yours. You may have to have a talk with your dad about boundaries and say look, when I'm at work, my time is yours but when I'm off work, it's my time. Then go do what you want....learn about what interests you and what your dream job would be.

    One of the hard things to sort out is what do you really want to do. There are many books to help with this. That's where I started.....in the library, Barnes and Nobel and Borders.

    Realize this, you are free. It is your life and you are free to do with it as you please. If you still live with your 'rents then you'll may have to endure in their place till your plan comes together. However, if you have a plan, it's much easier to endure.

    What ever you do, don't kill yourself tho. You'll just be giving up before you experience the miracle of taking back your life.
     

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