SRS I haven't slept in 4 days

Discussion in 'On Topic' started by Kerberos, Feb 27, 2007.

  1. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2005
    Messages:
    166
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    Hi, I'm back to my totally insomniac state right now. I'm totally incapable of sleeping at all. I go to bed and am so stressed that even if I am extremely tired I just don't sleep at all. Then I wake up at 4 am, after having accepted the fact that I wouldn't sleep that night, and work through my day, while half dead, only to come home and still be unable to sleep at night. I've tried over the counter sleeping pills last night, it made me feel more tired at night, but still didn't make me sleep.

    So, desperate times, desperate measures. I hadn't drank anything in at least a month. I get a bottle of Whiskey at 40% alcohol and think "I'll knock myself out tonight". I drink 2 glass full, the equivalent of at least 15 beers. Well not really drink, more like down in like 1 minute. I should be knocked out right? Well I was a bit dizzy at first, then within 10 minutes, I feel fully awake. Either that shit is watered down like crazy (damn government liquore stores), or there's something totally wrong with me. Usually I also get heart palpitations when I'm totally stressed out, but I don't now, probably because I've been working my cardio a lot in the past few months.

    I'm actually in great physical shape now, feel very energetic (even though extremely tired). But I'm mentally burnt out since the past year or so. I basically burnt myself out around march 2006 at school, then went on a coop workterm where I burnt myself out even more trying to prove myself for 4 months. Then I continued that workterm for another 4 months while at the same time going to school full-time and doing a 1 year group project in engineering. All this ended in december, and I figuratively dragged myself over the finish line at that point. Over those 9 months or so, I had hit the wall like 4 times. By the end of november,

    I couldn't even sleep without getting totally drunk, I was pretty much crying myself to sleep every night, I was isolating myself from everyone, I was totally drained. I also went from 160 lbs to 190 lbs in about 3 months despite almost eating nothing. I finally decided to stop work early, which was early december. At that point, I pretty much slept 1 week straight, then I had to study for finals. Even after that 1 week of sleep, I was totally unable to study, I had huge migraines as soon as I touched a book, I couldn't concentrate for more than 1 minute.

    I mean, I've had burn-outs before but this is the lowest point I ever got to in my life. Suicide at that point seemed 100 times better than any other alternative, it seemed as though I would never get out of it. At that point I even bought myself a rope with at least 200 lb of tensile strength. Anyways, I managed to finish that semester, albeit with much lower grades than usual although I never really even cared. Now, I'm back to school this semester. I've had time to get better somewhat, and have been working out about 3 times a week for the past 2 months or so.

    In fact, my workout program seems to be the only thing I even care about nowadays. My weight has gone down from 190 to 175 now. But I've lost all interest in school and still feel really bad as soon as I really have to work hard on school work. It also doesn't help that I'm in danger of failing 2 courses now. I mean, I've never failed a course in my life and I have a 4.0 GPA over 4.30, (that is even despite the last really bad semester). I'm getting really sick of the life of being a student and I consider suicide almost every day. I'm also at a point where I really need to have a girlfriend but whenever any girl shows interest in me, which weirdly enough happens quite often, I only see the prospect of having a girlfriend

    as more trouble and show no interest in them. The only reason I keep on is that I managed to gather enough money over the past year to take the whole summer off (I live alone, and have no help at all from parents or friends). The only thing I'm looking forward to is to spend the whole summer doing nothing save going to the gym 3 times a week. That's seriously the only reason I haven't commited suicide at this point: just looking forward to those 4 months off.

    hopefully I don't fail any courses. I had an assignment due today, it was so difficult that I had no idea how to answer any of the questions. Thankfully, a friend sent me solutions to the assignment that I simply copied. I'm so failing that course. I also have a compiler to write for tomorrow night. I'll probably fail that assignment.

    Also, another thing that is affecting me, is that there is this cute girl at this gym. Ok, she's the manager of my gym.:) All of a sudden she started showing interest in me, like passing by me, smiling way too much, then whenever I'd get into the gym she would ask me how I was, then stare at me and almost like expect me to start a conversation. Then, when I was talking with my trainer, she asked me for my phone number, asked me personal questions, and stated that the fact that I was a software engineering student was "interesting". Of course, in my typical burnt out fashion, I thought that it would be too much trouble to even think of pursuing any sort of relationship at this point and I pretty much ignored her. Now she seems pissed at me.

    Anyways, if you want to look on the bright side of all this, the most fucked up thing is that everyone now seems to think that I have great social skills. Also, I've got back in touch with my former best friend. She noted that I went from a guy that was a great study partner and friend to a guy who she felt understood her and with whom she could talk about anything.

    P.S.: turns out that you need to shake a bottle of whisky or else the alcohol stays at theol bottom. Who knew? That's probably some really old alcohol right here.


    Anyways, this message was long, and more intended as a drunk stream-of-thought sort of message. Please respond, even if only to tell me how stupid I am etc. I need human contact more than anything/
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 27, 2007
  2. realest00

    realest00 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2002
    Messages:
    534
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston
    I'll keep this simple:

    Go see a therapist.
     
  3. Falconer

    Falconer OT Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2006
    Messages:
    65,506
    Likes Received:
    1
    Alcohol is not your friend.

    I know it's more serious than this, but have you tried any OTC sleep aids? Benadryl? Melatonin? Nyquil?

    Four days with no sleep will have serious repurcussions on your body.
     
  4. Midgetized

    Midgetized Don't mess with Douche Cat

    Joined:
    May 29, 2000
    Messages:
    49,189
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    I've been through the stresses as hell/can't sleep thing before. Go to your student health center and tell the doctor what has been going on. They'll give you a week or 2 worth of anxiety meds to calm you down enough so you can finally sleep normally. You may have to take a couple the first night but it will work. When you are that stressed OTC stuff doesn't do a damn thing cause it's your mind keeping you up. Then go make an appointment with a school counselor to talk about all the things that are stressing you out.
     
  5. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2005
    Messages:
    166
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    This requires way too much effort. I mean I've considered going for a while but then you have to find the place at my school, they don't want to see you for more than 2 times (or else they tell you to go to a hospital). Also, I did go a few years ago, and it is the most worthless thing ever. All they do is make you talk and waste your time. And then, they always have in the back of their mind that you don't have any problems and that you're just some lazy guy trying to get away from doing your homework. I don't need to talk, all I need is a few months away from stress.
     
  6. realest00

    realest00 New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2002
    Messages:
    534
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Houston
    Well just so you know, I've been through pretty much the same things you've been through - excessively drinking alone, weeklong blocks without sleep, depressive-like moods, insomnia due to racing thoughts at night. I never had any suicidal tendencies, but I also had a few other symptoms not readily apparent to me until I saw a psychiatrist. I devoted over two years of my life into intense lifting, and for those two summers that's all my life revolved around. Then as time progressed and school took over my lifting schedule I fell deeper and deeper. Stressors don't go away if you simply ignore them, they get pushed aside only to come flooding back. I went to the school psychologist, and felt that it was somewhat worthless, until I supplemented those visits with an MD. So give it a try.

    I currently don't see any psychs anymore, nor do I take any meds anymore for that matter. But for the time period where I was, it seemed to make me feel better.

    As far as OTC sleep aids go... I once went the herbal route with about 5mg of melatonin at night combined with valerian root. Sure, my body was relaxed, but my mind didn't stop racing. So that didn't work out for me at all.

    Finally, I'd like to point out that for someone who "doesn't need to talk" you surely wrote a long post.
     
  7. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    I think the word 'balance' is essensial here.

    A farmer can only take so much hay on his fork, before the load becomes too heavy and he would fall. Self preservation is more important then school or what not. So you in your life have definitly need to make sure that you don't eat more then you can chew. The alcohol would most definitly destablize you even more , maby it sounds crazy but walking thru nature, and some meditation to come back to yourself can do the following. Namely relax.

    You see you can't hold the arrow tense on a bow all the time, in life you need to shoot your arrows to get things done, but once a certain amount of workload has been delivered, an amount of time is needed for a recovery relaxation period.

    Don't allow life to make you go crazy, refuse to be part of a hectic stressfull lifestyle. Your only one person and you can only do so and so much. If you go into overloading yourself then a burn-out is a result,and a possible nervous break-down, you'd achieve more in your life if you'd take a step back, and be productive within your means over a longer period of time, while remaining your sanity. Then going into overdrive and breaking down in an early stage.
     
  8. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2005
    Messages:
    166
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    I've been seriously considering dropping one of my courses. I'm currently taking 4 courses, and I want to go down to 3 courses: 8 credits. If I do this, I lose about 250$ in tuition and get a discontinued on my transcript: which is much better than a fail, and I can concentrate on important courses that I am currently failing.

    If I drop this course, I have to take 5 more courses to graduate. I can do 1 over the summer, something like physics which is a subject I really enjoy (it's the group work in other courses that drain me). Then I can do the other 4 next fall. It would result in a really light summer with 1 course and a somewhat lighter workload for the rest of the semester.
     
  9. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2005
    Messages:
    166
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    I understand what you mean. You're right that I should put much higher priority to my mental health than to school. I've been in school non-stop or working full-time for the past 6 years with nothing more than about 1 week of vacation per semester. After every semester, I got more and more exhausted. It's probably time for me to take it easy.
     
  10. Kerberos

    Kerberos New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2005
    Messages:
    166
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    There, I just dropped the course. I actually have a lot of work left in my 3 other courses, but the load feels much lighter.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2007
  11. kpop

    kpop New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    14
    Likes Received:
    0
    i used to have pretty bad insomnia - if i spent say 11 hrs in bed - 3 of those would be sleep - the rest just laying there

    the following made a big change

    pillows - yup - pillows - i bought some really good pillows - and dam did i sleep well

    also - reading - reading a book knocks me out pretty quick - and if its boring - really quick

    also i swapped my mattress from the spare room that had a new mattress

    these are the only changes ive made - and ive gone from 3hrs sleep a night to at least 7

    i hope this helps you :)
     
  12. Darketernal

    Darketernal Watch: Aria The Origination =)

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2002
    Messages:
    10,498
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Care,for all is like a bonsai tree
    Well done,in putting yourself and your health as the nr.1 priority in your life, in the end its about your life happyness.Therefore also its better to get 1 thing done and completed , then starting 15 things and finishing non of them. By putting the Focus on a 'bearable life' instead of an 'impossible life' you give yourself the breathing space that you need every now in then,instead of constantly swimming underwater , not being able to breath and eventually suffocating.
     

Share This Page